> Have you tried the simplest thing, a hug, all the praise in the world often is not as powerful as a hug and a I love you, doing that a few times a day, not just when a child has been good, but as a daily routine often sends the strongest message possible, it's a little one to one with a strong meaning.

We were really shocked when she said this, if you ask her now or at any other time when she is not in "the zone" she will tell you she knows how much we love her and she doesn't mean it when she says this, its like she can not control what comes out of her mouth at times, we do tell her we love her very often even when things are not ok. I do hug her and tell her no matter what I'm here for her.
Sending her to my mum and dads was a last resort, I can't/don't want to go into details but I needed her to go away before things got even worse. She only goes to my sisters when she wants to, no pressure from us because she can clash with my nephew he has A.D.H.D too, (gluten for punishment are we, to greedy didnt want anyone else to have a look in you see!) she loves going to her grandads I think she likes to "look after him" since her nan died, and as I said he relishes the company.
She has had a few blood tests, as her medication was thought to be responsible for her hair falling out, its a possibility to ask again about this, I am making her an appointment with the sexual health clinic so I can ask about this too.

> Also is she on medication for her ADHD, my friends sons behaviour changed miraculously after medication.

Her meds at first made a huge difference, they upped her dosage but it depends whether she takes them, she does have trouble taking them ( there quite large) and she doesn't like the side affects (does not eat much, finds it hard to sleep etc) of late though Chelsea has made more effort taking them as school said she did really well in a particular week when she took them everyday, I think this spurred her on abit.

Must admit with my friends son too, the tablets do act as an appetite depressant, he often used to eat like a bird. She used to add a slimfast as his drink in-between his food to make sure he got enough vits etc, we know that foods can also cause behaviour changes so lack of food intake will obviously cause behaviour changes too, ontop of the A.D.H.D I hope that your daughter will try her best to stay on them, but the slimfast or other protein drinks will help to keep her body well balanced. MY friends son is almost 18 and his appetite is good now, well he's always got his nose in my fridge anyway. :-D

I feel so upset for you. But, (gluten for punishment are we, to greedy didnt want anyone else to have a look in you see!) In for a penny, in for a pound. :-) Glad to see a sense of humour shinning through though :-)   It's the best defence for anything, try to hold onto that if you can.

Actually, that is good that she likes to look after her grandfather, it may give her a purpose to care for someone other than herself.

I hope that things get better.

We're all here with a big hug, if you need us or need to talk.

Didn't really want to post on here again but i'm losing the will to carry on with my daughter, she has again gone missing, been gone since Thursday about 4pm, she got in before I finished work (she gets transported home from school) and went off. I think its effecting all of us more because of the Christmas period, for us it's not just about presents (as with most) but time for family enjoying visiting and spending time with our loved ones, and of course people who have been visiting ask where she is and explaining is very difficult and upsetting. Again we believe she is safe and as callous as it sounds were trying to get on with daily life, I ask God to watch over her and prey he brings her home safe very soon. We go through these stages of anger where we don't particularly want her back as she causes nothing but anguish, for all of our families (I try not to tell them all the time as I don't want them worrying too) but of course these thoughts are just in anger and then I feel ashamed and appalled by my own thoughts, it could be because we feel so helpless and let down.
I'm sorry I am posting this again.

Diane xx

Don't apologise to us Diane, if only we could do something to help, I am sure that we all would.  I am so sorry that you are having to go through this again.  Do they ever take 'runaways' into care?  Maybe that would be an option if only to keep her safe!  Thinking of you. x

i was in care as my parents couldnt control me and i ran away from the childrens home that many times they sent me home!
i dont suppose that they can keep her locked up they would probably say it would infringe her human rights or other such rubbish..
This might sound cold and callous but it worked on me...my parents didnt contact me or make any attempt to take me back for 6 weeks! there was no contact at all..and so as i wasnt getting the attention i gave in and went home
if you feed her attention seeking behaviour she will continue to hurt you all because she can
you say you know where she is...so leave her there and concentrate on her sister and the rest of your family and do your best to get on with christmas, she will come home and then seeing that her bad behaviour isnt getting her any good or bad attention she might just might realise that its not worth it...
just a thought seeing as it worked for me..
cruel to be kind ...

Diane
Sometimes you achieve nothing when you try too hard.
Sometimes less is more
Sometimes no matter how hard you try and how much you want you can't fix their problems
Sometimes you have to think of yourself and your life

Step back

Collect your thoughts and focus on your life

Youngsters have an amazing ability to blame everybody else for what is wrong in their lives, you can't put an old head on young shoulders you have to wait till it grows there.

As long as you're there when she comes to you and without recrimination,  I feel the situation has got to the stage where you will be no good to her unless you are strong yourself and the only way you can do that is focus on your life

I wish you well and don't feel ashamed of any of your feelings, I understand I have felt them myself
xx

I think I am going to have to agree with you inthemistuk, I can't ever imagine getting to that state of mind, but poor diane is going to hell and back everytime this happens, the heart can only take so much, personally I think the more that it does happen the harder the heart does get.

I agree about not sending her to a home, as a child one of my school friends ended up in a home only for 6 months at the age of 15, whilst the mother tried to sort her out, she did a lot of attention seeking things, by today's standards she wasn't even a problem child, but to her mother then she was. That girl is in her 40's now and to this day she still has never forgiven her mother for that, everytime she misbehaved social services were called in, she was diagnosed as a paranoid schitzophrenic, (sp) she's 100% normal actually, she's still a friend of mine and lives a normal life with hubby, children and a good job, but authorities and her mothers lack of commitment gave her a childhood from hell.

I don't know what the answer is with Diane's girl, but I don't think a home would be that, even though for a parent knowing where their child is, is the most important thing.

You've tried everything else Diane, perhaps inthemistuk has the answer, I will pray that she comes to no harm, if she only knew how it felt to have a heart this broken, I hope that your child never does.

I too like the sound of inthemists advice.
It's time for 'tough love'.
Hold your head high, you cant allow yourself to be dragged to low as you have a husband and another child within your family who need you too.
I feel for you and pray you all get through this horrible time.

Karen

Diane don't ever apologise for posting, it helps to get things off your chest & you've had some really good advice in the past & as a result of posting again. It must be so difficult for you & your family, probably made even worse with the false jollies of Xmas approaching! Have you heard anything from her since Thurs? How's the rest of your family coping?

I'm with the others here, Diane - let her be for the time being.   Concentrate on the rest of your family - try to have the Christmas you all deserve.    You don't sound in the least bit terrible to me - just another mum who has reached the end of her tether!  

Keep on posting here - you won't be upsetting the rest of the family by sounding off at them, and so many of us have been aged by teenage daughters (not necessarily as much as you have, but it all seems dreadful at the time) that we do understand where you are coming from, and any support we can give is given with love.

Please take care of yourself - you need to be strong for YOU!

Much love
Margotx

> Have you heard anything from her since Thurs?

No nothing at all, one or two of her/my other daughters friends have apparently spoken to her, last was contact was Friday but thats not definate.

> How's the rest of your family coping?

My oh (dad) is pretty fed up, I think he feels much like me now just not knowing what to do for the best. Her sister bless her is hiding her worry but not well enough from me. We are trying to move on and not allow her being missing to take over things (doesn't that sound horrid?) I have asked people not to ring her anymore or send texts as she is getting attention. The police kindly told us today that they have nothing more they can do, they have done checks, I know its because she is a serial runaway and they believe she will just come home, heaven knows what happens if she doesn't. Social services aren't interested, but Chelsea's school are appauled by the response of the missing persons unit and I hope they speak to both SS and the police, we seem to get nowhere.
I take each day as it comes and I'm often in tears by just hearing a song which reminds me of her or one she particularly likes.
Our other daughter has been behaving really well and has been rewarded for it, I am trying to keep her mind off it as she still needs to work in school, but like I've said I know she is worried, as are we all. Her grandad is angry as he sat down with her last time and talked to her, she promised him (I have had these pie-crust promises from her) she wouldn't do it again if only for his sake. She just does not care about anyones elses feelings.
I will update you with any news and thanks for lending me your ears all of you.

Diane xx

Oh Diane, I do feel for you. I can't imagine what a hell this is for all of you. You have done everything humanly possible and sadly it hasn't worked - yet. I pray that soon she'll realise how wrong for everyone, including herself, her actions are and will sort herself out, and that she comes home to you for this. If she doesn't, then all we can do is pray that she stays safe. All you can do is wait, and hope, and allow your lives to move on - yes, it sounds awful, but that's what must happen for everyone's sanity. God bless you all.

Diane - I think it was from Jonathan Livingston Seagull - "If you love someone, set him free.   If he is yours, he will return."

Don't know what has brought to mind something from the 70s, but it seems appropriate to you, somehow.

Margot x

Margot...I so remember that........

Karen :)

What turmoil you and your family are going through :-( i really feel for you.

Take care x

Hayley

My poor mum has had to "ride the storm" with all of us (3 kids, youngest now 20).  We are all headstrong and willfull - I have also said on another occasion that both brothers have been clinically diagnosed as dispraxic, I myself have a few "quirks".   As much as we have all broken her heart several times, and bearing in mind my dad died when we were all young so she has had to do this on her own, things are now coming right for us and mum.

You are so very brave.  I agree with inthemist, I think you are going to have to ride this out.

All the best

XXX

Keep strong Diane. And never apologise for posting on CD. You have a lot of friends here - and thats what friends do, they listen when things are bad, and are a shoulder to cry on when you need it. We're all thinking of you and your family.

Just a brief update, still no news, but the police (missing persons unit) asked us did we want to go national, ie in the press and on the news and have posters put out.

Diane xx

Thanks again for all your support

Oh gosh, well at least they are showing full interest. That's going to have to be your call Diane.

Actually perhaps yes, that way, the police can prosecute the people who are sheltering her, they can't say they did not know her age or that she is under your guardianship, if they continue to shelter her, it could well come under kidnap? Perhaps, actually I think it would wouldn't it?

I think that you should do it. That way she can not go to anyone for shelter.

I have just had a friend fax over the media consent form, so the ball should start rolling tomorrow.
I am not 100% sure if it is a crime for people to shelter her (or missing people in general) as before when she has ran away and a family hid her for four nights, I asked the police what could be done and a sarky reply from the wpc was we can't arrest them for lying!! They blatantly hid her in their loft when the police searched the house, we knew she was there a shopkeeper had my daughter with a one of the children in the family on cctv and identified both of them from a picture on my phone.
I hope we get some response, a rumour at her school is she has gone to Southend although I am not to sure how true this is, she is apparently staying with her cousins friend, I have spoke to our family who (as I already knew) know no-one living in Southend.
They will send me a copy of the poster so I can print and put up/hand out where I feel would worth while.

Diane xx

I asked the police what could be done and a sarky reply from the wpc was we can't arrest them for lying!! They blatantly hid her


What a horrible PC, a parent is legally responsible for their child until the age of 18, it is illegal not to go to school or have private schooling/home schooling until the age of 16. Your daughter is breaking the law.

Gosh even divorced parents with one as the fulltime legal guardian can be prosecuted the otherr if one takes the child without permission and that is the childs own parents.

Got this from Wiki answers as I was sure it is a criminal offence, to harbour a runaway without parental permission

Is it illegal to  help a runaway under the age of 16

Helping a Runaway Teen
It could be, unless the parents are notified and permission is given for the minor to reside at the person's home. If there is a problem with abuse or neglect the police should be notified. The police will inform the involved parties of the proper procedures for handling the issue.

More input:

Yes, unfortunately it is. But, it is not illegal to drive her to a shelter. They can provide help, guidance, counseling for her and her parents and they will let her parents know she is okay. Shelters are safe, friendly places run by people who want to help children and teens in dangerous, desperate situations. Childcare workers are working for the kids, not the parents. These people have seen it all and they know that sometimes the child is more trustworthy than the parent. You can still be supportive and helpful but if you allow her to stay in your home without the parents permission you can be found guilty of kidnapping. Really.


So the WPC was inacurate, as long as there is no abuse, they can't keep her and even so they have to take her to a shelter, make them do the paperwork and prosecute whoever is keeping her from yours or the states guardianship, she is your responsibility and only yours unless your daughter appears before a judge and is taken in hand by the state. 

Thanks for that at least I know the facts now, that family had hid her on a number of occassions and something could of been done to them the first time it may have stopped them or made them think twice about doing it again had the police took action.

> What a horrible PC

We've heard worse from the police!
A mutual friend of both of my girls spoke to Chelsea today, at least we know she is still "safe".

Diane xx

Good luck with the media coverage.

Keep your chin up!

It's time she came home.

Thinking of you!

XXX

Just to add to Carrington's post;
IT IS a criminal offence to hide a young person and/or help them run away from his/her parents (Sec. 2 Child Abduction Act 1984)
HTH
Continued best wishes xx

Stay  strong Diane, it's a tough time and you will get through it.

Karen

Hi Diane

Try to stay strong and you know she is safe from reportbacks, I can't imagine the heartache you are feeling but keep posting as we are all here for you and thinking about you.

Sandra
x

Hope its ok for me to post this, and I hope i've done it right, please could you have a look at this just incase, many many thanks xx

http://www.missingpeople.org.uk/chelseawells

Diane xx

One thing further is to make sure that she has been added to the Police National Computer as missing. Which i'm sure the officers your end have already done. This is something which always happens to missing people our end. If they are stopped by any officer and their details are checked out, providing the correct ones were given then it'll come back that she is missing and can then be taken into the care of the officers there dealing with her.

Further to that the link works and there is a lovely photo of your daughter showing.

I keep reading this thread and hoping that everyday I click onto it that the news will have been posted that your daughter is home safe and well.I can only imagine what you must  going through.
Still thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed for you and send you big hugs and all my love.
Never ever apologise for posting on here.....it helps to share and as others have said we will give you all the support we can.
I hope your daughter sees the advert and gets in touch or that someone sees her and tells you where she is
Take Care
Philly x

Thanks, as far as were aware she is on the data base, I will double check that. I am not to happy with the police, they had me down as her step-mum as my surname is different so I wasn't her legal guardian! They know now. We had a very odd and confusing conversation from a woman who said my daughter had been staying at her house, don't no where, she said my daughter knows her son, she had know idea she was missing untill she saw the poster. I asked her did it not occur to you why you had a strange child living at your house for this time? Didn't you here alarm bells and contact the police or social services as a mother how would you feel if this was your child missing? Her reply oh well she said she was sixteen and couldn't go home, again I said you didn't want to contact anyone? She promised me Chelsea would come home to us last night, as Chelsea told her she would go home. To this I replied if Chelsea had any intentions of coming home she would of done that before now I urged her not to let her go on her own, but to please please ring the police or the number on the posters. Well she did not call and let her go and of course she did not come home so were back to square one. Last night I felt so angry, I truly could of killed this woman who thought saying sorry to me was enough, I no about forgiveness but hearing an adult and a mother herself saying such idiotic things just made me burn, any sensible person would of checked things out just incase, she did proceeded to tell me they (her son and Chelsea) had been walking the streets or out and about every night untill 11.00pm/midnight, which really didn't help, I was shaking when I got off the phone, I rang the police missing persons unit and our missing persons caseworker, then the police, who rang back this morning to say is Chelsea at home? We spoke to the woman who rang you and she said Chelsea came home. When I said no they went to the address (which I still don't know and don't want to because I can't trust myself, that may sound terrible and although I have calmed down alot from last night it still upsets me) and did a search she wasn't there. Hopefully someone else may see the posters as there in a local 15 mile radius, and the missing website has put them about further afield.
Thanks again for your support everyone, I'll let you know any more news as and when we do.

Diane xx

I've only just caught up with this post, didn't realise your daughter was still missing :-(
I can only imagine what you are going through and hope you get a good result from the publicity, thinking of you.

The posters did the trick and Chelsea was spotted today and her dad's quick actions meant she is now at home, although she has told us at the first chance she will go again, she is here now. Once again i'd like to express my thanks for all you have done/said any kind of support you have given us. Bless you xxx

Diane xx

> The posters did the trick and Chelsea was spotted today and her dad's quick actions meant she is now at home, although she has told us at the first chance she will go again, she is here now. Once again i'd like to express my thanks for all you have done/said any kind of support you have given us. Bless you xxx
>

Does she give you any explanation as to why she will go again Diane?  I feel for you, I really do.  It must be like living on a knife edge, and what a beautiful girl she is too!  I am so sorry!  But make the most of the time she is home and take it day by day. x

Glad she is home again, but I can't get out of my head what on earth is wrong with these parents giving her a roof, what is wrong with them??????

No-one stays at my home without speaking to the parents first, and that is even now with my oldest at almost 18.

Even if a child gave me the biggest cock and bull story of why they did not wish to go home and I believed them, I would still call the parents.

Who are all these strange adults that allow teenagers to stay at their home.  I think the world is going mad Diane really I do.

You have to blame the adults more than even your daughter, it's time you started pushing for them to be prosecuted something needs to give somewhere, this can't go on, and on, and on.

What great news, I hope you can work things out with her & have her home safe & sound for Xmas.

Has she given any reasons as to why she doesn't wanna be at home? Maybe it's something you can all work on as a family. Just a thought.

Thought i'd update you on how things are with us.
Chelsea is still at home with us i'm pleased to say. So much has been going on, we wish it was cut and dry but it's very complicated, we have learnt so much and not all good, some shocking or more so saddening, We feel so, so....... I can't think of the words right now.

I would again like to thank each and everyone of you for all your kind word's, messages of support, prayers and love thankyou all so much
Diane xxxxx

I am soo glad she is still at home with you :-) and hope you can work through things :-)

Best wishes to you and your family

Hayley xx