That bought a tear to my eye! I am so sorry for your loss and i just hope that she is suffering no more and can walk and jump about. She wont forget you :)

Golden lady:What wise words :-)  x

Well things are getting worse for me and i am in a terrible place right now, each day has got worse and i have now completely convinced myself that my girl would of made it through the surgery and that i have made the biggest mistake of my like and i am making myself ill over it. Abbey was my world and i cant believe i just let her go so easily, why didnt i try? why do i feel so sure now that she would of made it. when we made the decision i was still not 100% sure then but abbey was in pain so a decision had to be made i could not leave her any longer while i mulled it over and i was terrified of putting her through such major surgery and it failing, that would have been so selfish, but now all i can think is 'she could and probably would of made it!)

i feel sick constantly and have lost lots of weight, it has effected me in way i didnt think it would (though i knew i would be devastated) it is the regret and wishing i could go back 2 weeks and do surgery, i miss her so much and i just cant cope with the guilt.

Any help or advise from others who have made a choice on such a young dog would be helpful maybe, i need to talk to people who REALLY understand, i have had many messages from people on here already and i thank you all for taking the time, but i am not coping and am in need of some help and support.
Thank you
Mandy x

From what you put on here, then I would say you made the right decision and Abbey wouldnt have come through surgery, or if she did then he would have been in more pain before being put to sleep.
You made the RIGHT decision.
We can all have if buts and maybes but you do what you feel right at the time.
And I know you wouldnt have wanted her to be in anymore pain than what she was in.
You made the right choice hun.You now just have to work through the grief process
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mandy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Lea.

Oh Mandy

There really is nothing anyone can say to take your pain away, I know I lost one of my girls back in July and I would say that every single day since I have cried and some days am still sobbing with the pain of losing her. I think sometimes there comes along a dog that just gets deep into your soul, my Shola was one.

You know I was at a funeral the other day (a friends mother). The vicar said that people will say that time is a healer but that he didn't agree with that. All time does is put a knot in the pain and every now and again a song, a memory, a birthday etc comes along and unravels that knot and the pain comes flooding back. I totally agree with him on that. You know it is because they are so special that we miss them so much and we hurt so much. In your initial post, you said that although surgery was an option the prognosis was not good. You did the right thing and believe me if I thought that doing surgery or treatment would make a dog of mine well again I would always opt for it. Unfortunately that wasn't the case with your girl. You did the right thing and she will be waiting for you when you time comes to greet you and make your passing easy, like you made hers. She will be well again with no pain or discomfort. You couldn't have let her go on the way she was.

You are in my thoughts.

Alison

I'm sorry you are feeling so low Mandy - what your feeling seems, although horrible and lonely co,pleltely understandable to me.  I think something takes over when we have to make a big decision like this and we have a moment of clarity that gives us or you, the strenth to see what we need to do.  It is after it has happened, that the sorrow, confusion and doubt creeps in, because we are deeply sad and lost without our beloved friends.

I like the analogy above that the pain doesn't ease with time but a knot is put in it - that really sums up me with my girl that I lost.  I don't miss her one bit less than I did a year ago but I have come to terms with it because it was the right thing to let her go.  I'm still in pain from it but I know she isn't - she's free from pain, and when I think of her pain that makes me know I did the right thing and makes it a bit easier.

It is such early days and you are grieving and you won't be able to think clearly at the moment - let your self grieve.  Thinking of you x

I really feel your pain, Mandy.  I lost my springer on Saturday and I feel it is all completely my fault.  It appears he was poisoned and I blame myself for not knowing how or when or maybe if I hadnt taken him to that field, or that one, or got him to the vet sooner.  My head is all over the place.  I walk into the house and cry because he is not there to meet me.  I cry when I leave the house and I'm not trying to coax him into his bed.  I cry last thing at night because he is not there to put to bed.  I cry at mealtimes because I'm not telling him off for begging.  I cry each time I see a springer!  The list goes on!  The trouble is my dog, like yours, was family.  Not just a pet.  Family.  Faithful and true always.  He was there to cuddle when I was low and each time I cry now I look for him to make it all better.  My thoughts are completely with you.  I believe you made the right decision.  Not an easy one to make, but the best one.   Estelle

Estelle, how could you possibly have known that there would be poison down. How could you know that you would be better off not walking him in that particular field. How many times are our dogs off colour and we wait a little bit before we seek Veterinary advice and treatment. Unfortunately for you obviously his time had come, its not fair, but it is a fact. My heart goes out to you to lose a dog so tragically, but one thing is for sure, you cannot put any blame on yourself. If it could have been avoided you wouldn't have gone there that day. So sorry for your loss.

Mandy I'm sorry things have gotten worse, it's a slippery slope you're on. There are counsellors that specialise in pet bereavement counselling; maybe you could ask your GP for a referral. If it's affecting your health that much it might be worth getting some help. Making a decision to end a life is a hard thing to handle. You made that decision because frankly there wasn't much choice. Surgery was an option but one with little chance of doing anything more than causing Abbey more suffering. Now you need to find a way to see that clearly, to accept that life dealt and unfair hand and you lost Abbey too young and to stop feeling such guilt. I hope you can find your way back up the slope soon.

thank you, its good to know people out there care.  hard to explain the feeling of loss to someone who hasn't had the joy of owning a dog.  I will just battle on and take each day as it comes.  my head says I could do nothing about it but my heart is so broken and sore x

Yes, people just don't 'get it' do they. It is a massive tragedy and anyone with a dog will know just how much it hurts. I have lost a very very special dog in the last 3 months and although it was cancer and she was 11 years old I grieve every single day so for you to lose one so tragically, well the mind can hardly take that in.

Thank you for your advice Lori,

It really does feel like a slippery slope right now with each day getting worse, i thought at first i would feel that the decision was right as each day went by but the exact opposite has happened and i have gone from not knowing for sure if it was the right choice to feeling 100% that it was completely wrong for Abbey and that i stole away her one and only chance. my head is so clear on that now and i wish it had been that clear at the time as i wouldnt of thought about it at all. i feel like we focused so much on all the negatives that we overlooked the fact that if it had worked it could of given my beautiful girl a new life so surely that was worth a try?

I wish i could wake up in the morning and feel that regardless of how i am feeling it was the best thing to do for Abbey but the minute my eyes are open there is pain and anguish over my mistake and the tears just flow all day!
i dont want to see a counsellor as i went through that process when i lost my dad and it didnt help me at all, i had hoped that it is just time that will eventually change my way of thinking but the state i am in right now i feel like i will never feel it was the right choice.

I appreciate all the help you and everyone on here are giving me and sometimes just for a short while peoples words help, i would prefer to talk to people on here who love their dogs like i do as i feel they would be more comfort than a counsellor.

Thanks for your time Lori it means a lot to know people out there care and really do understand

Mandy x

These are still early days, it takes a long time to be able  to carry on after a loss of a beloved pet we all deal with it in different ways . I have learned to cope with bereavement with the thought that I will one day see my best friends again that we are only seperated for a short while , I like to picture them with my Parents running and free from pain . Otherwise I would be insane with grief.
I agree to talk it through  with like minded people is a release,  we have all been there one way or another be it from old age or sadly as in your case
being able to relieve your baby from suffering because thats what you did , a decision you didnt make lightly no matter how you see it now, it was the right decision and I applaud you for having the courage to see it through all bourne out of love.
Please dont beat yourself up remembering these terrible times , think of the fun you had while you were together and one day they will be the only times you remember.

take care..
Roni x

Mandy,

don't expect too much of yourself you are going through a grieving process, it is completely natural to look back and think "did I do the right thing" or "should I have done something differently".   You had to make a decision and that decision was the right one.

The grieving process if different for different people, if it helps to talk try and find a friend who will just listen to you and let it out.  As others have said don't beat yourself up over this, allow yourself the space to grieve you have lost a big part of your life and it is not a trivial thing.

Things will get better but it can take time don't try and rush it and don't let people try and rush you.

Your so right Alison,

i love ALL my dogs like children and would never part with any single one of them for anything in the world ... but Abbey really did get deep down into my soul and touch my heart in a place that i have never been touched before. She was soooo special and my heart just aches for one of her very loving cuddles!

Is that her in your avatar now? She's beautiful. :-) I know I've already said it but I'll say it again. I think you did what was right for her and if she could she would thank you for it.

Hi Terry,

Yes thats my gorgeous girl about 3 months ago when she was at her most happiest, after a run and a game of football.

Thanks for your kind words again, maybe in time i will begin to believe that but at the moment it just feels completely wrong and i cant see me ever feeling it was the right choice for such a young baby, thanks for all the support it really means alot.

Mandy x

3 weeks today and my heart is still aching, the pain is now unbearable and i am so sorry for making the biggest mistake of my life, letting you go so soon was completely wrong and i am struggling to live with that deep regret everyday. The tears feel like they will never stop and i am empty inside. i wished i had tried surgery and am now so sure you would have come through and proved everyone wrong for a second time.

how i wished i had given you one last chance at life, you derserved to be able to give it a fight my precious baby, i am so sorry Pudding!

Guilt is a terrible thing and i can not come to terms with giving up on you - you were my world an i loved you more than i will ever love again xxx  -  All my decisions make no sense to me at all now - i got it all so very wrong and i dont know how i did that with a girl i loved so very much

Please forgive me Abbey - i thought i was doing right by you but now i am just so sorry xxx

Mandy please think hard about something my vet said to me when I had to make the decision for my beloved Penny.  It is far kinder to do this a week too early, than a week too late.  {{{{HUGS}}}   Jean

Thanks Jean, i agree completely with 'better a week too early' theory however i dont wish i had waited longer to put her to sleep i wish i had NEVER done it at all and given the option of surgery a try instead, i believe in my heart if i had she would still be here with me today and on the road to recovery... and that is something i am unable to cope with at all, i truely believe i made the wrong choice :( :( :(

Mandy please don't torture yourself like this, it is early days yet and the feelings you have are normal, it is what happens when we have to make a decision on whether to continue putting our furry friends through more surgery or letting them find their peace that they so deserve. 

It is normal for you to think that you made a mistake, it is all part of guilt and grieving.  It's someithing that I have been through and lots of people on this forum have too.  In some respects there will always be a question in my mind whether I made the right decision or not, but my guilt and grief are nothing compared with the pain my boy would have had to endure had I not made the decision to put him to sleep. 

Your pain will ease and it is then that you will realise you did the kindest thing for your girl.  No matter what you think now, you don't know that more surgery would have helped your girl, it is your guilt that is telling you this. 

Hard that it feels for you now, it is only 3 weeks and if you were not feeling like this you wouldn't have cared for her as much as you do. Please know the pain will ease in time, you will never ever stop loving your girl, but it will get easier to remember the good times, I promise you that.

Sending hugs to you xx

Mandy, I have just read through this post, and I don't think I have ever felt such anguish coming through, and my heart aches for you, it really really does.

You have completely changed your original thinking and decided that you were entirely wrong and that your girl would have recovered. I believe that this is because you she is not in front of you now and you are not seeing her suffering. Therefore you can construct a reality that might have been and which you are beginning to accept as an absolute truth, but only I think because you are not witnessing her pain. Your original decision was based on what you were seeing in front of you, and your love for her and was I feel sure, the right decision.

Perhaps you should try explore the alternate, but entirely probable reality in your minds eye. Imagine if you can that you had put her through the surgery, and imagine the pain and confusion she would have undergone for weeks/months, whilst you hoped for recovery.  You could not explain to her that this was to give her a chance, and it might make her better - eventually, and nor could you explain why you had done this to her. If we could explain this to them perhaps some of our choices may be different, but it is heartbreaking to see a dog's confusion and pain after serious surgery, even when we are almost certain that they will get better. So - imagine that recovery not happening, which it seems is the more likely outcome, and imagine that her last few weeks or months on this earth were spent enduring pain and confusion, and that your last memories of her were of that, and what you had put her through.

I echo everyone's comments on here, they have said it all. It is a tragic circumstance that this happened to you both, but you have ensured that she was loved and cared for and that any further suffering was not going to happen to her, she didn't know that she was going to sleep for the last time - this is your pain to endure, the pain of knowing and the pain of loss and regret.

Please don't do this to yourself, it is not fair on you when all you did was love her well. She would not want this for you either. Please, please don't be deceived, you did make the right choice in such sad circumstances.

I will be thinking of you.
Kat

Just when i thought i couldnt feel any worse!!!

i was reading through some posts on here yesterday and there was a few mentions about slipped/ruptured disc's which is what i believe caused abbey to lose her legs so suddenly and cause her so much pain, now this probably happened due to the underlying problem of the malformations in her vertabrae but.... i have read alot about it yesterday and many cases can heal without surgery, just strict rest - OMG so now instead of thinking like i have for the past 4 weeks, i should of done surgery, i am now thinking 'she could of got better with just rest', this made me physically sick yesterday as now i do feel that i killed my beloved abbey completely uneccessarily and should of been given these options by the vets that see her, how can that have not been mentioned to me to give the option of trying rest for a couple of weeks to at least see if there was any improvement.

i was hoping things would have got easier by now but now i feel 100 times worse and i didnt think that was possible, i have been up all night thinking about how she just may of needed time - how that makes me feel is indescribable and has just confirmed what i have believed for 4 weeks - that the decision to pts by baby is the biggest mistake of my life and i can never correct that, how do i cope with this now, this is sooo much worse, i just cry and cry with a sickness in my stomach. To think it was just a bad patch and she could have been up and about again with time

i dont know what to do :( :( :(

Mandy darling, you did the right thing, although it doesn't feel like it. Abbey was suffering badly, and there is no guarantee that surgery or rest or any treatment would have made her better. If you'd put her through all that and it had failed you'd be feeling even worse than you do now.

You prevented Abbey suffering any more, and that's the kindest thing you could have done for her.

I think you should consider seeing a grief counsellor, because I don't think anyone on here can give you the help you need for yourself at this awful time. {{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}

Mandy - I agree with Jeangenie.  Please think about seeing a pet berievement counsellor.  I know that you say counselling didn't help you when your father passed, which I comletely understand as it didn't help me either when my Mum passed away, but the underlying emotion in this situation is guilt which I presume may not have been a relevant emotion when your father passed.  Please just think about it.

Mandy, you did the right thing, honestly. Abbey had the malformed vertebrae as well - so it won't just have been as straightforward as a slipped disc that would have got better with rest. :-( I would make a list of your concerns about what you think could have been wrong or you feel the vets failed to tell you that you want to know more about so you can understand - and ask to discuss it with the vet who had been treating her - they are the ones best placed to know why things wouldn't have worked or been wrong in her situation as they saw her and knew her condition specifically. And please please have a look at that pet bereavement site I sent - I know you said counselling didn't help when your father died - but it really will depend who you get, and if you talk to someone that you feel is no help you can just say 'have to go now' and put the phone down. And if you haven't been to the doctor please go and see them too and explain how you are feeling - they are there to help you when you are feeling this way too. As are we all. Please please take the help - you don't deserve this pain.

I am just convinced now that she could of got better, it had only been 6 days when i had her put to sleep so if it was a disc there wouldnt  have been any improvement that early. my sisterinlaws jrt lost his legs 4 days before it happened with abbey and they have crate rested him and he is almost back to normal now, and that makes me feel worse as i advised her to give him some time and see how he goes, so why didnt i give my own dog time?

i have thought about what you said with regards to speaking to the vet but dont know if i should as dragging it all up again may make me worse and i think i am frightened he will say 'oh well if it was a disc, we could have tried rest for a few weeks' that would just finish me off i think!

The fact that she was still bright and eating and pleased to be with me still really plays on my mind that she was not ready to give up yet and had i asked about increasing her pain meds and controlled her pain better i could of tried for a lot longer, i look at her large photo on my wall and her ashes underneath and i feel physical pain at the thought that i got it wrong for her and she could still be here with me today and on the road to recovery - i think my heart really is broken
I feel now like i had many more years to come with Abbey and i cheated her and myself out of all those years, i wished i had known more about slipped disc's then as now it is just too late :(

Oh Mandy, what can we do to help you? I agree with the others on here, that you probably would benefit from talking this through with a pet bereavement counsellor.

At the moment you are feeding your guilt even more by reading about other dog's problems that have been resolved. Do you actually know what specific type of  spinal disease Abbey had? What did your vet say to you about Abbey when she lost the use of her legs? There are many varieties of spinal problems, and all can have different outcomes. For example a JRT is far more likely to recover completely than a giant breed of dog, even if they had exactly the same problem in exactly the same place (which is highly unlikely). As I said to you, I had a GSD that lost the use of her legs literally overnight. She had spondylosis and we surmise that a spur of bone had finally crushed the spinal cord. There was nothing we could do for her and after 2 DAYS we decided to let her go, and I know it was the right thing to do.

You had to make the same decision with a baby, all that much the harder, but please remember that there was something that you recognised about the situation at the time that led you to your decision, which you just wouldn't have taken lightly. Trust yourself.
Kat

> it had only been 6 days when i had her put to sleep so if it was a disc there wouldnt  have been any improvement that early.

I don't know exactly what condition your girl was in when you made the decision to let her go, but with discs generally vets expect some sort of improvement in 72 hours and certainly by a week. That's why I think you really need to discuss it with your vet. They must have advised you regarding putting Abbey to sleep, and will be able to explain why they thought that was the right option too.

> i have thought about what you said with regards to speaking to the vet but dont know if i should as dragging it all up again may make me worse

You need to do something Mandy because you are ripping yourself apart thinking 'what if'. :-( They will be able to explain things and that will reassure you and help you on the road to realise that you acted in the best interests of your baby girl.

If the vets had thought increasing her pain meds and giving time was an option that was likely to work I am sure they would have said so. Please please try speaking to them - you need to be able to understand and get straight in your mind what was wrong with Abbey and how it was different from what was wrong with other people's dogs, and why that meant you had to make the decision you did for her, and why that was right.

> They must have advised you regarding putting Abbey to sleep, and will be able to explain why they thought that was the right option too.

i was told her problems were quite severe and that my options were surgery or pts, i wasnt ever given any other choices apart from taking her home (which i did) and if no improvement by the monday then i would need to make a decision, they told me her prognosis was not good but they would be willing to operate and that ultimately it had to be MY choice and what i thought was right for my dog, there just wasnt a right or wrong...only what i THOUGHT was right, which made the decision very tough as although they could operate there was not guarantee it would do anything and could paralyse her completely. i made the choice myself to pts as i wasnt advised either way just given the facts on which to base my choice.

once she had been pts my vet said that he thought that was the best choice for HER obviously not for ME, but then he would never of said anything else once she had gone would he.

Mandy, if your vet DIDNT think it ws the right decision then they woul have tried to talk you out of it.
Please please please go and see a pet bereavemnet councillor.
We can all see from reading your posts both on here and pm's that you are tareing yourself apart, and I am worried that you are on a complete self destruct.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mandy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Lea :)

> once she had been pts my vet said that he thought that was the best choice for HER obviously not for ME, but then he would never of said anything else once she had gone would he.

He wouldn't have said it at all unless he meant it I don't think. He didn't HAVE to say that. He couldn't force your hand even if he believed putting Abbey to sleep was the right option, only give you the choices - and the fact that he gave you options and yet rest and time wasn't mentioned suggests that it wasn't a realistic alternative for her.

Discussing this with your vets in a bit more detail, and with a pet bereavement counsellor - and I don't know if you may also find people who have been through the same as you to talk to through that site I gave you - and going to your doctor for help may start to give you some peace - and you deserve it - you were there for your girl when she needed you to give her peace, and you didn't let her down.

Mandy, I work in a vet practice, and I know how much vets hate having to put animals to sleep. They never suggest it if they don't think it's the right thing to do from a medical point of view.

> They never suggest it if they don't think it's the right thing to do from a medical point of view.

I have been going over and over in my head again that the vets never actually said to me 'pts is probably a better choice' they just gave me the facts on her surgery and her prognosis and then i decided that it wouldnt be fair to put her through all that, i was too frightened that it wouldnt work or that if it did, how long before her second malformed area of her spine caused her the same problems. No vet told me which option was better so Abbey wasnt put to sleep on the advice of my vet she was put to sleep because i didnt want to go ahead with the surgery....i made the choice that letting her go was kinder and now i have to live with the fact that she could of made it and could be here now on the road to recovery... it was all my choice and that is why i am finding it so difficult to cope as now i wished i had tried, i really do think i chose the wrong path for Abbey.

i feel like many others in the same situation would never of considered pts, they would have just listened to the vets information and then given their dog a chance, as that was her one and only chance. :(    

My head just says MY CHOICE... wrong decision...MY FAULT!

I'm sorry Mandy but to put it bluntly it isnt your head thats making the decisions at the moment.
A vet followed  instructions they didnt argue with you or suggest you leave it for a while they agreed with the decision and gave her a gentle peaceful end to pain.

have had a terrible weekend, as you can tell from my last post a couple of days ago i still not coping with my decision about abbey and have been in a really bad way this week. i chat with my mum and she is completely convinced i did the right thing and she does help me lots (along with all the lovely kind people on here too). i hope in time if i keep hearing comforting words then i will come around eventually, as i you can see from my recent post just above it is the fact that a vet never told me pts was best just told me her prognosis was poor and i decided it was too much so all my decision ... very difficult to cope with.

Anyway now my other girl has ruptured her cruciate and is going in for surgery tommorrow - i am terrified and it will sound crazy i know but i feel like i am giving 'Sky' an operation to fix her and yet i didnt give that to Abbey (i know there is no comparison but i think i am going mad!) Am worrying about my sky's op tommorrow now as well as torturing myself about my choice for Abbey. Really not coping very well at all.

i miss abbey so very much and still cry myself to sleep and cry as soon as my eyes are open again. :(

A cruciate op is utterly and completely different to what Abbey would have had to go through. And poor you - just a stress you didn't need at a time you didn't need it. :-( I hope Sky's op goes well. You need to concentrate on her just now - but maybe for whatever post op checks she is going for, ask if you can book in with the vet who saw Abbey - and that will give you a chance to discuss your worries with him and hopefully ease your mind also.

I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has offered me their support through my devastating loss of My gorgeous Abbey.

Today i have added 2 pictures of my girl on the rainbow bridge post, if you take a look at them you will see just why she stole my heart, beautiful in every way and absolutely loved life and i believe she loved me as much as i loved her too, we really had something special!

I dont think i will ever forgive myself for not trying harder - but i pray that a spared her from any more pain x

Thank you everyone you have been so very kind x

MandyC,

I've read about your loss of Abbey and the awful struggle you've had with feelings of guilt and I just wanted to say a couple of things:

Just thinking objectively and logically: had you asked your vet to put Abbey to sleep in circumstances where h/she felt an operation would be a workable and better option he would certainly have said so. It is in the vet's interests both emotionally and financially, to save the animal wherever possible. The vet did not try to dissuade you from the decision to PTS. On the contrary, he went ahead very quickly with no hesitation.

A number of years ago I had to take an elderly cat to the vet. He was very poorly. A subsequent examination under anaesthetic showed advanced throat cancer. The vet offered to operate to give him some more time but said the decision was mine. I decided to let my cat go there and then, he was never brought round. The vet said it was a decision she preferred and one she would have taken herself. But, note, she still offered me the option of extending his life by a few weeks, miserable and pointless though it would have been.

You feel that you had the power of decision and the facts, but it is the vet that really knew the score and the prognosis, and they gently prompted you to make the decision they felt to be right, whilst appearing to give you options. They didn't say let's do the operation and go from there, they talked about PTS immediately. YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.

This awful period will pass. Try to be a little kinder to yourself. You are a good person, but you are not God.

Have you had a little ceremony for Abbey? Perhpas you could plant a tree or some other permanent reminder of the joy she has given you.

thank you for your kind words.

I do have Abbey's ashes and a large photo on my wall above my fireplace.

I have also just ordered a beautiful tribute - a lovely etching on glass which lights up of Abbey when she was very happy.

Hopefully in time things will get a little easier, but for now it is still very painful.

Thank you again

Hi Mandy

> I do have Abbey's ashes and a large photo on my wall above my fireplace

every little helps :)  Day by day is all you need to work with just now - memories stay with us forever and one day all of yours will be happy ones of Abbey.

God Bless, Teri x

Hi Teri,

Thanks again...Still shedding tears daily and still feeling that it may of been a disc and she would be better now 10 weeks on.

I think i told you about my sisters JRT well he is fine now and i am looking after him for 5 weeks as they are away for xmas, i know i will burst into tears when i see him as i feel he will be a constant reminder over christmas of what a huge mistake i made and that my girl should be here for xmas too. i really still feel that i rushed my decision and yet i dont understand why i would do that with such a big decision and for a girl i loved so very much.

I truely believe i will NEVER get over what i did and that i cut her life short unneccessarily.

Thanks for your support

Mandy x

Mandy

Please stop blaming yourself with the what ifs. Your vet would not have PTS your girl, if they trully believed that they could have given her a quality of life with treatment, you will never be able to know that she could have had any quality of life & TBH most of our first thoughts are for ourselves & our loss after losing a pet.

Abbey knows you love her & you really do some grief counselling-there are pet related counsellors out there  & it will help

Last Night

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.

I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,

"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,

You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.

I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.

I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.

I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said " it's me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.

I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.

It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday.

To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...

In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning

and say "good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,

I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.

Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me.

Author Unknown