Why am I writing this? No idea, maybe theres no where else to turn, I don't no maybe I just need to get things off my chest a little therapy, no-one here no's me, (if you get my meaning) so it makes no difference, my/our friends don't know the full story and they probably never will, trust has allways been an issue for me with my friends.

As i sit here typing tears that freely flow wondering WHY WHY WHY. We have two daughters 15yrs and 14yrs, tonight I reported both of them missing, The eldest does this alot and in the past two months has gone missing about ten times she is allways safe and well but this doesn't stop us worrying, wondering if she is safe has something happend to her I know you can't imagine and I guess your trying to think how we must feel, its like having your heart ripped out and stamped on over and over again but a million times worse, its your worse nightmare come true, its all your worries, fears punching you in the chest, you feel anger pain and frustration and blame a whole lot of blame.
My eldest daughter has lots of problems, emotional, behavioural and social, she has A.D.H.D and thats just the tip of the iceberg, for the last two and a half years I'm amazed how well we have coped, it seems you get over one problem yet to be faced by another. Since Chelsea was five we have had difficulties and living through years of blame, some self blame (others have pointed the finger) asking where we went wrong, what we did, how we could of changed things. After many years of torturing myself, I eventually gave up I no were good parents and nothing we did or didn't do would change how our child was born, what did we do so differently that thirteen months after when our second daughter was born is so different?? Being young parents I felt was allways there reason why she behaves the way she does, infact I think weve probably been quite strict with our children. Im not trying to justify us I really don't no why Im here writing this, I just need to get it out of my system let off steam and pray that they'll come home ok and ask that if god could please make it stop or at least let me understand WHY. Lord keep giving me the strength to carry on as I am losing faith and feel alone and uncertain how I can carry on.
Please please please.
Diane xx

I don't really know anything about kids - but as I'm possibly the only one awake at this time I wanted to offer you support. I can hardly imagine how worried you must be but please try and think of the positive things. Your daughter has done this before and has always been fine, and the two girls are together. I'm sure they'll be home soon.

Your post has made me think of my own family, I was the youngest of 4 kids. I think we had wonderful parents. Times were hard sometimes but they always provided for us, done their best for us and taught us right from wrong. They loved us unconditionally which was hard for me to understand sometimes as one of my brothers was such a tearaway. My parents were very moral people, very straight laced and would never do anything wrong. We were all brought up the same way but one of my brothers caused my parents so much hassle. He skived school while the rest of us loved school and were tops of our classes. He got into trouble with the police while the rest of us wouldn't even drop litter! I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes it doesn't matter how you bring kids up- you can do your best and still they can go off the rails.

Now we're all grown up and the tearaway brother is a lovely man with a very responsible job - never give up hope ;-)

I'll be thinking of you all and hoping the girls come home safe and sound very soon. When everything has settled down I hope you let them read your post so they know how worried you were about them, and how much you love them. Hopefully that can lead into a long chat about why they did this and what you can all do to stop it happening again.

Diane, I hope by the time you read this your girls will be back home with you. If they're not back yet, try not to let your imagination run wild, although I can imagine how difficult that must be. As has already been said, they've done this before and returned safe and well, and there is no reason to think this time will be any different. As for blaming yourself, you shouldn't. I was one of four and gave my parents alot of grief as a teen, while my brother and sisters grew up relatively problem free. We all had the same parents and had been brought up in the same way. The way I behaved wasn't down to my parents, it was down to ME! I like to think I turned out pretty ok though, and I'm sure both your girls will too. Teenage years are undoubtedly a tricky time but in a few years you'll hopefully be left with two grown well-adjusted young women. Let us know what happens.

My heart is going out to you.
Keep faith, with Gods grace they will be back safe.
We do not know what hand we are being dealt when we give birth to our children,it is our job to guide them through to adulthood.
Do not blame yorself you know how you are bringing them up, so try and keep holding on in there.
I so hope that you have good news soon.
Is there a support system in place you can be in touch with about bringing up teens? Or anything similar as I do feel you need to turn somewhere to others in your situation.
Karenx

Diane

I hope by now your girls are home and safe. 

I can't imagine what you are going through, I have no kids of my own, but I pray for their safe return.  Sometimes life takes things out of our control and leaves us feeling so helpless. 

You sound to me like fantastic parents but your daughter has existing problems which now have been joined by normal teenage hormones, she must feel overwhelmed at times.  I imagine they've just dossed down at a friends house for the night and when they turn up will wonder what all the fuss has been about.

Let us know when they turn up and in the meantime we are always hear to listen.  Take care of yourself.
Mel

Have just loged on and read this I hope with all my heart as a mother that you read this and the girls are back safe and sound.  I would not wish to imagine what you are feeling or insulte you by saying I know how you feel because I dont all I can do is wish you kind thoughts and best wishes for their return
Karin

Prehaps you have the problems with your daughter because you can cope and have coped? Its hard to have children full stop. But with ADHD it is especially hard because you cant see an end to the problem and its the weariness that gets to you.
I act as a (cant think of the word) for my friend with her 15 year old son with Asbergers and ADHD I attend all his meetings with Social Workers etc..., so i can understand, you spend half your life fighting the kids and the other the authorities and then it starts to effect other children in the family.
No 1 its never been your fault, its a recognised condition you cant catch it, its not a virus, it means they are v. hard to live with, to get to 15 is a miracle and you have my admiration.
Its not just that you daughter has ADHD that there trying, they all are, they push the boundaries and are so selfish they cant see what they are doing to their parents.
You have to take time out for yourself, she will be found, she may even come home on her own. They do stamp on your heart frequently (mine is still doing that at 23!!) because they are growing, they look adult now a days they see the tv and things they want and they have diffeculty with reality. And what they cant understand they rebell against and its "you fault" because you are the closest person's to them, they can see how you hurt.
They can also be cruel and minipulative, I think we try to give them too much sometimes, and I dont know what to do about that.

But you cant give up, I get times when I know Im loved, when I do get rewarded by a look or a laugh and you must keep going. Its very wrong of her to upset you like this maybe its intentional, maybe she just isnt thinking, its a pity she has to take daughter no 2 with her but they are safer together.

Please take care, please let us know how you and they are, and remember you are never really alone if 1 person writes you back. We care and believe me I do understand from having problems with my two and if I could stop the world let you off to gain you breath and your strength I would!! write me if you need a number to call Im a good listener even though we may never need to meet.

Viv

It's quite possible that the youngest has gone to look after her sister - she probably couldn't get her to not run away so the best thing was to stay with her and make sure she stays as safe as possible.  I will be thinking of you and your daughters today.  Don't be angry with them when they come home, just hug them and tell them you love them. 

Oh Diane, I don't know what to say. I can't begin to imagine the emotianal torure you are going through right now.......

I hope you have some good news soon,
xxx

You must be heart broken & in such a state, I feel so sorry for you.  Have they been in contact yet? Have you been out loking for them? How long have they been missing? I can't imagine what you must be going through but hope you have the strength to cope with this.  You'll get some great help, support & advice on here, there is a wealth of knowledge you will benefit from & as you have seen no matter what time of day it is there is always someone online to help. I pray for the safe return of your daughters.

As a mum i know it must be heartbreaking for you Diana

I hope your girls return to you asap

Thinking of you today.

Diane ,

I haven't got long so sorry for making this short .
She is obviously at risk so have you involved the School Nurse  and  Educational Psychologist ?

Do you know what she is doing when she is away ?  Has she been told about drugs , STD's and pregnancy ?- i appreciate that this may be difficult .
Is there an adult that she will talk and listen to ?
have you considered a long lasting contraceptive ?
Would they consider phoning to let you know where they are if they don't have to come home ?
I think there may be a mobile phone that has some sort of thing in it that tells you approximately where they are when you phone it - someone else on here  may know .

Apologies again for the shortness - i hope they are home now .   XXX

Our thoughts are with you.  We are praying for there safe return soon.

At least there are together and you know they have each other.  I know how you must be feeling but you must stay strong and really try to keep going.

I wouldn't be surprised if they are just in some ones house right around the corner totally unaware of all the upset they are causing back at home.

Thinking of you today please let us know when they return

There's not much I can add here, but as the mother of a 14 year old daughter (and 2 older grown up kids) I do feel for you. My youngest went missing for an hour when she was 3, her older sister went missing from school when she was 5, but the school thought I'd taken her out so she wasn't looked for until school was finished and she didn't come out of the school Thankfully they were both found safe.

Fear of what might have happened is obviously at the forefront of your mind, but the police will put everything they can into finding them for you. I will keep my fingers crossed for you, and will think of you all until they are found.

Diane, I can only imagine the torture you're going the at the moment and hope it is something I never have to face.  I hope your girls come back safe and well and quickly.  It's not until we become parents ourselves that we realise what a difficult job it is.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and I really hope you get good news soon.

Simone x

Hi Diane

I'm so sorry to read this and my heart goes out to you.  I have no practical advice which is of use but wanted to add that I'm praying for the safe and speedy return of both your girls and that you have strength in emotions and spirit to get through this awful worry.

God bless,
Teri x

I've got no advice either but wanted to add my support and hope to see some god news today. I have girls aged 13 and 16 so can (perhaps) imagine the worry. Keeping everything crossed for all of you.

Firstly, I hope that your children are home safe and well. Secondly ((((hug)))) and thirdly I am going to tell you about my friend.

She has a son with ADHD, she spent half his childhood sobbing in my arms, not knowing what to do or where to turn, he was always 'naughty' always in trouble, he once ran off in the winter at 11pm with nothing on but his underpants, because she had asked him to go to bed and turned off the tv, he just ran passed her out into the cold of night, she was hysterical looking for him, and had the neighbourhood and police out looking for him, another time he wrecked her house, she was a very good mother, she loved him, but she could not control him.

I think a child with behavioural problems is so much harder to control when a teenager, I could easily say, well don't allow your 14 and 15 year olds out, be strict and tell them they stay in and don't allow them to mix with friends who will be a bad influence, I probably would have said that, and not understood why and how a parent can loose so much control, but having known my friends son, I fully understand, that you can not control some teenagers, they can just walk straight through you if they want to go out.

Teenagers rebel anyway.  I always found my friends son was as good as gold with me, he spent many nights with us and is one of my sons closest friends, he always behaved for me, but also began medication which really calmed him down, my conclusion is even with the ADHD as a catalyst for destructive and allowing no conscience for bad behaviour, all children will push the boundaries with their parents anyway yet behave around other people, why?  Because they can, because no matter what they do, how terrible they behave, we their parents will forgive them, and still love them, that happens with most children, ADHD makes that behaviour tenfold, children rebelling often parents think it is because they are poor, bad parents, it is actually usually the opposite, it's because they know you love them, we all when stroppy will take it out on those we love, because no one else would tolerate it. It is an unkind and vicious circle.

Your 14 year old probably has a lot to put up with, your older child being special needs will take over a lot of your thoughts and time, perhaps there is a little resentment there.

The best advice I can give is you can't go through this alone go to your doctor to get on a list for a councillor for your whole family, you need a mediator, because everyone listens to someone else, outsiders have the best chance of setting boundaries and rules to benefit your whole family, they give each one of you someone to confide and talk to through these difficult times, your too close and they know you love them, you need someone outside.

Please never think you are a bad parent, get the help.

I pray that God will keep your children safe, and that you are all home together right now. xxx

I hope both of your girls are home safe with you soon. I can't imagine the pain and anguish you're suffering from now.

i have been through it as well, my eldest daughter left home many a time and i reported her duly to the police, she always thought her friends parents etc where so much cooler than us, she always turned back up, or got brought back home, she was abusive to both me and her dad and the others we have, to say she was a pain in the arse is an understatment, she thieved off us, joy ride in our car, let her friends come into our home and steel from us it went on for years and years, and you keep looking at yourself asking where did we go wrong what have we done, well when she was 16 she flounced in about 3am in the morning shouting and ranting and raving at us as we had locked the front door and she had to go around the back to let herself in, we had told her to be in by 11pm that night, she hated it so decided not to come in till she wanted, in the morning when we got her up and we went to work and she should of been going to school, she packed a bag and went, she was 5 days left at school, weeks went by and nothing from her, then i got a phone call from one of her friends they had seen her and told me where she was living, the police went to check her out, and because she was living with someone and had a part time job they could no longer help us, in the meantime husband got a job else where we had to move and leave her behind, we could not even get a message to her as she had moved on from where she was, for two years we heard nothing from her not even her grandparents, then one day she turned up at her grandmothers and said she needed help, and my mum got her a job and flat and things started looking up, she begged my mum not to let me know where she was, but that she was ok, so that year on her 19th birthday i sent a card, and at xmas i sent presents to my mum to give her, and that new year was the biggest present i could of got, the phone rang and i picked it up to hear mam is that you it is becci, thanks for the presents and i need to tell you something i am expecting would you let me come and see you whent he baby is born, and that is what she did, she came to see me and her dad and sisters, and now three years down the line we have two beautiful grandchildren , and my daughter said sorry to me for everything she put me through and she had no idea that we loved her so much and that the rules we set down where not to stop her being a child just to protect and love her.
we have moved closer to them now and see the grandchildren all the time so do not give up hope and i do hope that your girls are there with you now, it took my daughter a long time but i have her back now
carolann

>and my daughter said sorry to me for everything she put me through and she had no idea that we loved her so much and that the rules we set down where not to stop her being a child just to protect and love her.

I think most teenage ratbags end up saying this to their parents.I know i did....

They don't see the hurt they cause until they're adults/parents themselves.

Diane i can't imagine how you're feeling right now :(  You must be heartbroken.But at least you know that they are probably ok,and together,and that they didn't just disappear suspiciously.
I hope that came out right??

Please keep us updated,and don't ever be afraid to rant on here,there are plenty of people who are willing to listen and advise.

Hope your girls come home safe and sound very soon.  I cant offer much support, because I am not a mother, and I have no idea what you are going through.  Just another prayer being sent your way.

> She is obviously at risk so have you involved the School Nurse  and  Educational Psychologist ?
>
> Do you know what she is doing when she is away ?  Has she been told about drugs , STD's and pregnancy ?- i appreciate that this may be difficult .
> Is there an adult that she will talk and listen to ?
> have you considered a long lasting contraceptive ?
> Would they consider phoning to let you know where they are if they don't have to come home ?
> I think there may be a mobile phone that has some sort of thing in it that tells you approximately where they are when you phone it - someone else on here  may know .
>

Still no word, they are not home OH had a brief chat to youngest who said she was going to school, but she never turned up.
I'll try to answer as much as I can, We never no what happens when she is away in the past she has been exposed to alot ie drugs, alcohol sex, verbal and physical harm. She has a lot of input, she has a statement of special educational needs and goes to a special school, there is alot of support at the school and today we were meant to have a meeting with educational psych her learning support assistant/teaching assistant and a member from A.R.T adolescent resorce team this didn't happen, we were meant to disscuss ways to support us as a family aswell as Chelsea. she has a number of adults in and out of school to speak to. They both have phones but they never consider calling, the police have told me before the more she runs away the less of a priority she becomes, even though she has mental health issues.
Chelsea may act like she knows everything but she is pretty immature when it comes to relationships, she has had alot of talks r.e drugs and sex covering s.t.d's and pregnancy but it goes in one ear and out the other.
I have long given up pretending that my daughter isn't active in these areas she has been exposed to this prematurely, I guess that's because she is vunerable and is easily lead and can be manipulated as well as manipulate. I know how super you all are on here and part of the reason why I posted this is probably because of that, I have had/seen some great advice given out and excellent guidance, I am grateful for your support no matter what it is, I'll keep you posted and once again thankyou all so much.

Diane xx

Thanks for the update Diane although we're all hoping and praying that positive news of the girls is posted soon. 

You're still in our thoughts and prayers. Teri

> Your 14 year old probably has a lot to put up with, your older child being special needs will take over a lot of your thoughts and time, perhaps there is a little resentment there

That is excatly right, Raven goes to see her own support worker and we have family meetings with her worker about once a month.
I can relate to your friend as you can imagine you have seen it first hand.
We have in the past begged for outside support, we have a little bit now but not enough, they allways ask (social services) what do you want us to do? We don't know, what can you do? What help support can you offer, and generally we get nothing we get assesed and thats where it stops. I have seen a councillor before we all have, the last two years of our lives has been the worst ever, my OH mum died very suddenly last June which was a huge shock, Chelsea's schooling had been deteriorating steadily since sept 06 she was excluded alot and constanly in trouble, hanging with the wrong crowd, then of course her nan passed away, it was very hard on all of us, I keep wondering when the storm will calm, we do have really great days and of course terrible times, I do know we are not alone, but it doesn't stop the feeling of emptiness and isolation.
I think writing on here could be an essential life line, for other support it has been, invaluable, and as your strangers (and I mean that in a good way as in being outsiders) I feel at ease and can express without predjudice.

Again thankyou for your help, words and support, I will let you know anything as and when I do.

Diane xx

Diane - I wish I could do or say something to help you - as you can see from the posts here, you aren't alone in having a teenage daughter who is - or has been - a tremendous worry to her parents.

Hang on in there, kiddo - you are obviously a strong young woman - you've had your children when you were young, and you are there for them.

We're all thinking of you - some of us are praying for you and your family, that the girls turn up safe and sound, and that you can get your family back on track again.

{{{hugs}}}

Margot

Be strong

We're all thinking of you - praying for you and your family, for when the girls turn up safe and sound, and that you can get your family back together again.

Ditto the others Diane. Fingers crossed their home soon.   I am glad you have heard from the younger one so you know they are " safe" .

One good thing they have , AND they really know it is YOU their waiting.   Their not as daft as we think at times..

Hope things straighten out very soon.

I am thinking of you and hoping and praying that they come home very soon.

Take care

Am thinking of you and your family and hoping that your girls are soon safely home with you.

Am thinking of you and hoping that they are home safe and sound very soon.x

I was evil as a teenager...
i found out by accident that i was adopted and it was a downward slope!
i ran away, i lied, i stole i was sexually active at the age of 12!(not proud at all!)
eventually my parents threatened me with care!
me being me said ok bring it on..
and into a childrens home i was put..
do you think this sorted me out?
No dont be daft i left the home at 16 and fell pregnant
was thrown out of home and never went back....
well i was allowed in the caravan in the garden while my baby slept in the house!
to be honest i only stopped rebelling when i was 30
and only in the last few years have i apologised for my behaviour,after tracing my birth mum who didnt want to know me then or now!
if you asked me why i was bad i still couldnt tell you.. i did it because i could is the only half decent answer i can come up with...
Social services are pathetic and really dont care unless you are offering them a brand new baby that earns them money to adopt out!
My kids are fine however why? because they have all had one good hiding in their lives that hurt..they know if they cross the line then it will hurt again
i have only ever smacked each of them once and it obviously worked
they can be cheeky and they can test me sometimes but all kids do dont they?
i have no suggestions for your daughters other than to say dont give up and one day they will realise i promise you that...

Diane, I wont even pretend to imagine what you are going through right now.. I have no words of wisdom ... having children myself,(grown up now) I know I would be beside myself if I had to go through this...

Praying that the girls turn up safe and well soon, and your tears are of relief not worry...

Thinking of you Diane, {{{{{hug}}}}}.. you need one of those

Just wanted to add my hugs and tell you your family is in my thoughts. My brother was the one that went missing in our family, and I know what my mum went through - but he came home, got through it and is now a policeman.

> they have all had one good hiding in their lives

I fear you comment inthemistuk is going to cause a lot of angry posts, violence is never ever the answer, nothing can be solved with it & I certainly don't think you posting that is going to help diane deal with her horrible situation in any way, shape or form. 

You clearly had a very hard upbringing & I applaud you for turning your life around, but I beg of you never ever to hit your children, no matter what they have done, it simply won't achieve anything & only teach them that violence is acceptable.  Please don't try & justify it by saying it was only the once because it only takes one action to change a child's life.

deleted....

> Gembo the trouble nowadays is all parents have had there rights and responsibilities taken away from them...

It may be best to start this as a new topic, I know a lot of posts branch out into other conversations/debates, but this is a very serious subjct - Dianes children are missing, it would be good if all posts could stay on track to offer her support or advice. I'm sure we all have plenty to say on various methods of parenting, but I don't think this thread is the place for it.

totally agree and i want to edit my original posting but cant so please ignore it .......

Be brave Diane, don't judge yourself harshly, everybody is hoping and wishing that all will work out Ok and that the girls will return safe and sound
xxxx

Diane,

I just wanted to add my thoughts and prayers. As a mother of three sons aged 18, 17 and 12  I can only imagine the torment you must be going through and  along with everyone else I will be thinking of you and your family tonight and praying the girls come home soon safe and well. :) {{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}.

Dx

> Social services are pathetic and really dont care unless you are offering them a brand new baby that earns them money to adopt out!

That is absolute nonsense.  there are thousands of dedicated people working to sort out the lives of irresponsible and uncapable people who continue to have children with no ability or desire to look after them.  I have worked in that area for the bulk of my life and although there are many needy people who require social services through no fault of their own there are many many more who abuse the system.  If it wasn't for social services there would be many many more abused children.

> My kids are fine however why? because they have all had one good hiding in their lives that hurt..they know if they cross the line then it will hurt again

That is assault and is illegal and I wouldn't go bragging about it on a forum or you may end up with a visit from the police and social services!

Diane - my heart goes out to you.  That is such a difficult age for daughters.  Mine flounced out of the house at 14 after I had told her that she had been out enough that week and she should stay in.  She did what she liked from that point on and was such a worry.  She didn't come home some nights and I didn't really know where she was.  She says now that she just had to get away from us and confrontation.  She still doesn't like it.  We came down on her heavy because we expected so much from her.   We get on very well now that she is a Mum too.  She has a daughter - a very independant little 3 year old.  My husband laughs and says just wait until she is 14!  I don't wish that on anyone.   My thoughts are with you.  

Diane, I just wanted to add that I am thinking of you and I really hope your girls turn up soon - sending positive thoughts your way xx

Diane, I am saying prayers for all your family...let's hope and pray they are home soon xxx God Bless xxx Dawn x

> I am losing faith and feel alone

Oh Diane, Sweetheart ((((( Gert big rib bustin' HUGS )))))))
You'r never alone with the CD Angels x (we're a bit like Charlie's Angels but less lip gloss and more dog hair ;)... Jeff [Moderator] can be Bosley!! :-D)
I cant add anymore to all the wonderful words of wisdom and support that have gone before me.. but just know we're all here with waterproof shoulders and big cuppa's (Cures everything a good cuppa ;) ).. and your not alone.
Lots of love Liv x

everything croosed here for you Diane.
May they both be home safe with you soon.
chin up (((((((((((big Hug ))))))))))))))))))

Their still not home but have had a possible sighting of them around 5.30ish so me and OH went out for about two hours looking for them, no sign of them though. He has just come back in again from another look about, will have another look before we take out the dogs, then do a quick scout again after that, its quite difficult because I don't want to be away from home for too long incase we miss some news etc.
I hope their home soon, before I go do-lally, Iv'e still to tell my parents which I hate doing as they'll worry so much and I know my mum can feel helpless they don't live in this country and I feel sometimes she's sad she isn't here to give me support, but now I feel I have all your support by the truck load, we is really appreciated, Thankyou so very much. Your all really wonderful.

Diane xx

Hi again Diane - a possible sighting is better than nowt at this point :)  Frustrating on top of everything else you're going through but please God they're not far off and will get in touch or just land on the doorstep soon.

Many hugs and prayers still heading your way - broad shoulders to lean on too ;)

Teri x

Just want to echo everyone else.....thinking about you and really feel for you - it must be horrendous :-(
Hoping that they come home very soon.

Love and Hugs xx

My brother was the wayward one. After one of his escapades my mother and father took themselves, me and the dog off with out telling my brother where we were going. We stayed away for two days, boy was he in a state when we got home. He NEVER did it again !!

Your girls are probably at a friends house and they are together..... fingers crossed they will be home soon.