Without going into too much detail I've had a really rough last 2 years & just when I thought I was getting back on track I've had another family bombshell.  I've been experiencing signs of anxiety (breathing problems & tightening in chest) which I discussed with a nurse yesterday who gave me some relaxation breathing tips, which I hope will work.  However I've been thinking about counselling, whilst I have friends & my OH I can talk to I can never let myself completely go (I'm sure my OH is sick of seeing me with tears in my eyes!) so I thought maybe someone impartial might help.  A quick look at local counsellers has revealed it's likely to set me back about £50 per hour & with the credit crunch I don't want to throw my money away so I was wondering if any of you had had counselling & what your opinions of it are?

I would hope that you should be able to be referred to some counselling on the NHS by your doctor.

I've had counselling through my doctor when i had a bad bout of depression. All i did was open my heart to her, tell her how i felt etc.
She didnt particulrly do alot but listened which was what i needed. GO to your Doctor and ask about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

> I would hope that you should be able to be referred to some counselling on the NHS by your doctor.

This is what i did, i didn't think i would like it, but it really helped me through a difficult time, i had about 5 sessions i think. :)

My OH is a trained bereavement counsellor and certainly thinks it is very good for you and very helpful.  One thing if you pay don't forget that this is not a one off you are looking at a number of sessions so the £50 is likely to be around £500 (10 sessions is not an unreasonable number).  Try and get referred to an NHS counsellor or see if there are any voluntary organisations in your area (make sure they are properly qualified).  For counselling to be effective you'll have to be prepared to be completely open and don't expect miracle cures after one session

Councelling is only as good as the councellor's training and experience - a bit like dog behaviourists!  Recommendation is always the way to go.  A good councellor can be a great help. :)  But a good hypnotherapist can help you get sorted in a fraction of the time - have you seen Paul McKenna's instant successes?  They are real.  Again recommendation is a must.

Yes you can be referred by your gp but you might have to wait a while. The gp's i work at used to have a counsellor that came every week but now our patients have to attend elsewhere

gembo, Im sorry youre feeling down and suffering anxiety at the moment...I hope you can get it sorted out before it gets too much of a hold on you((((BIG HUGs))))

I am having my second lot of councelling at the moment and I do find it helps.I got mine through my doctors so I would ask yours to refer you.They give you whats called a councelling pack with a questionaire you have to fill in and submit back to them for assessment...then you just wait for an appointment...usually only a couple of weeks unless they feel you could be a danger to yourself, then its straight away

My councillor is brill,she listens without interuption, asks me why i think I feel the way i do then helps me to find my own solutions by getting me to talk through possible answers to whats bothering me.

I know youve said you have family and friends there for you ,but sometimes its a lot easier and more helpful to talk to a proffessional as they are impartial and can see things from a better prospective.

Good Luck gembo,I hope you find  your doctor helpful and you get reffered.I'll keep my fingers crossed for you
Take Care
Philly x

i know various people who have found councilling very helpful so you might be good giving it a go.

Thanks Philly, that really helps.

I didn't want to burden the NHS with requesting counselling as I don't think I'm depressed or a danger to myself, I think I need a friendly, impartial ear but I'm not in a position to be able to afford private sessions. Think I need bereavement counselling more than anything else so I'll make an appoinment to see the nurse I spoke with yesterday as she was very helpful & see if she can get me a referral.  I'm very apprehensive about it all as I've got a feeling I might turn into a blubbering wreck when I start talking about the last few years but I think in the long term it will do me good & hopefully stop this spiralling out of control feeling I have at the moment. 

Thank you for all your advice, I really appreciate it.  I thought I was coping well until the last few days when it's started to affect my sleeping & health, I'm obviously not as strong as I thought I was.

If you need bereavement counselling try cruse http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/, they offer free bereavement counselling.  Don't worry about being a "blubbering wreck" they're quite used to it :)

> I didn't want to burden the NHS with requesting counselling

I felt the same way but my doctor saw the state I was in and he referred me straight away,youre not being a burden,your doctor is there to help...remember that.

> I'm very apprehensive about it all as I've got a feeling I might turn into a blubbering wreck when I start talking about the last few years but I think in the long term it will do me good & hopefully stop this spiralling out of control feeling I have at the moment. 
>

thats what councelling is meant to do,it lets you get whatever it is that bothering you out into the open  then work through it slowly to build you up again.

Its good to cry sometimes, you need to for your own sanity,its like a release so dont worry about crying if you need to,the councillor wont mind,thats what they are trained for.

try to remain as positive as you can and As a very good friend of mine once told me "remember ,the brightest sun always comes out from behind the darkest clouds"

Take Care
Philly x

>Think I need bereavement counselling more than anything else

Hi Gembo... its not a burden on the NHS.. bereavement counselling is as valid a reason as any other ... When I lost my husband, I was a strong person.. and feel I coped admirably.. and I did.. TOO well.. it took was a long time before it really hit me... I never suffered any depression etc.. but I really needed to talk.. I was referred to an NHS counsellor... and just poured my heart out.. it felt good..

good luck... ;-)

Have you thought about calling the Samaritans?  That's what they are there for.  Also, Breathing Space is another I believe.

Just wanted to echo what others have said. Counselling for you isn't a waste of resources, in fact in can help save money, as people who are healthy mentally and more likely to be healthy physically. You deserve counselling just as much as anybody else. And it certainly doesn't matter if you end up crying - allowing your feelings out is what it's all about. Sometimes just being able to say what's on your mind, get it all out on the table, shuffle it about a bit, and put it back in your head again, is all it takes to help you see things more clearly.

Take the treatment you need. x

Go see your GP and get counselling for free, it does help somepeople. Plus your GP may be able to perscripe an SSI that will help and we you feel more youself you can reduce and stop taking them. Think of it as a crutch that you need whilst you heal.
As a long time depressive & anxiety attack person thats fine now!! please take care of yourself in the short term for your long term health.

A one off £50 session would not get you anywhere as you need to work through your problems over a few sessions to see any advantage from Counselling.

Have you tried ' books on prescription' very good books your gp should be able ot advise you

Counselling didn't work for me at all - it just brought things to the surface and left them there.  My counsellor was uncomfortable about my talking about the things I needed to talk about, which just made me feel worse about them.  She was the wrong type of counsellor for me.  Having said that, other people have reported good results with other counsellors, so I think recommendation is important.
My husband is a clinical hypnotherapist, and he has helped a lot of people with issues such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, phobias, etc., etc.  Again referral is important, and look for membership of professional bodies.

I thought I was coping well until the last few days when it's started to affect my sleeping & health, I'm obviously not as strong as I thought I was.

You are strong.  You have stated you have gone through two years of termoil, and have lasted this long.  Your body is telling you what you need to do.  Its not about strength, or being able to "cope" well, its about you needing to get the support you need.  Your body is just telling you......and you need to listen.

I cant offer any advice in how to get a counsellor in the UK, but I do think that it would be worth while for you to seek out one.  There is no shame in going to a counsellor, and if it helps you, then its priceless!

I just had to reinforce your strength, because I think that people underestimate how strong they are, when something (like failing sleep and health) is getting in the way, and clouding it. 

And dont worry about being a rambler!  Counsellors are their to listen, and trying to find out the way to express the deepest part of you, is something you arent used to.  They understand that.  They will support you, and help you. 

Big Hugs

My Mum works for the NHS as a counsellor, she definately thinks it is worth doing.

I have had 2 lots of counselling. The first time I went once really didn't like the cousellor and never went back. I later found out I should have just rung the counseliing service and the would have changed my counsellor. The second time I had a different counsellor and it really really helped. I never got through a session without crying but being able to speak to someone who knew nothing about me and wouldn't judge me was so helpful.  I think it is very helpful but I do believe that you have to like your counsellor and they have to have the right manner of counselling for you. No doubt my first counsellor worked for alot of people but not for me and she was totally different to my second counsellor.

Counselling can be great but I hope that its easier to access in your area than mine. My gp wanted me to have counselling last year after some fairly major family disasters but there was a 6 month wait!! She then gave me the name of a local counselling service that charges based on your means but again, a 4 month wait. So, I battle on by myself, trying not to burden the OH. Hope that you have better luck and that your life settles now. Sam.

> a 4 month wait

Really? WOW I knew it wouldn't be instant but that is a huge wait just to see someone, is this quite common or does it depend on which area you live in?  Also I was just wondering will I have to get a doctors referral or will the nurse I've already seen be able to help?  I didn't go in to talk about this it was for another matter but thought I'd just quickly chat to her whilst I was there.

Once again thank you for all your advice & support, it means a lot.  I'm going back home this wknd, birthday celebration (happy!! :) )& memorial meal for OH's dad who died last year, so it's going to be an emotional rollercoaster of a weekend.  I also need to find time to see both my mum, dad & brother without them all being in the same place & the same time!  I've a feeling I'll be ready to crumble come Monday morning so I might try & make an appointment for then.

I'm not the total wreck I may be coming across as, I am trying to do things to keep my spirits up (see baking posts!), taking long walks to clear my head & I've been practising the breathing techniques the nurse gave me.  I'm not going to let all this get the better of me, I'm hoping to come through it all a stronger person but do feel the time has come to sit down with someone who can offer me professional advice on how to deal with it & offer a good listenning ear.

Thank you all so much again, it means the world & has helped me realise what I need to do, really hope there isn't a 4 month wait though!

Hi Gembo, if you are looking for some self help that you can do in the meantime while you are deciding what path to go down or while you are waiting for a counsellor there is an excellent online CBT programme that you can access free of charge.  Without knowing what your issues have been I can't say whether it would suit you but it is called living life to the full and if you google that it takes you to the online modular course.  Good luck.

Waiting lists usually tell you the worst case scenario.  I was on a wait list for counselling at one point, and was told it would take around a year to get an appointment.  In the event, it was much shorter than that.  With counselling, more people will go private or decide they don't want / need it or indeed feel better and not use the service than would be the case with physical illnesses for which you might be on a waiting list.  So even if you do get told there is a waiting list, don't assume there will be such a long wait as they say.  Unfortunately a lot of people are put on antidepressants purely because of the waiting list - to tide them over, if you like, until they can have the more effective (in the long term) treatment.  I hope you will feel better soon.

After I gave up work for the children I did some counselling training and was surprised at the different styles and huge range of approaches adopted by various counsellors.  I would certainly try and get a recommendation but it's really important to find a style of counselling that you feel comfortable with as well as a counsellor you can relax with.  Presumably you don't get so much choice if you are referred by the NHS?

If you can do a bit of reading beforehand you might be able to better explain the sort of counsellor you are looking for.  Worth a try anyway.

Some counsellors are much more prescriptive than others ie they'll give you some answers, others will offer no advice, steering, or leading and simply keep probing your responses.  This style can take some getting used to and it's natural to feel a bit frustrated for a while, that wny many counsellors will advise a minimum number of sessions.

Another option is to take a counselling course - you cannot expect to get serious personal counselling this way but, as part of the process, you may find that you gain some skills and tools to help you better understand what you are going through.  At least that way you may find yourself more able to decide how to move forward.  Good luck and I hope you can find something or someone that helps xx

google ' mood gym' its free

My OH wasb referred for consilling on the NHS  a few years ago for stess etc and did worked for him.
I was very surprised at this because he really is not the type to admit there is a problem in the first place.
Seemed it helped to talk to someone he did not know.
good luck and i really hope it helps you too.

Some companies offer councelling for employees and partners etc. Not sure of employment situations (incl OH) but this would be free and maybe worth looking into if either of you works for a large company (they seem to be the most common to offer this service). I really hope you find someone to talk to as I know from experience that bottling up this kind of emotion can really drag you down. I think it is very honorable that you don't want to be a burden on the NHS, but they are there for everyone. **HUGS**