Why is it ..

That when my beloved dog could not go on I was able to relieve his suffering.... but My family and I have to stand by our Mothers bedside seeing that look (you know the one),and I am not allowed to relieve her or offord  her the same dignity??????????????

There is no answer to that, So sorry.

I watched my Grandad turn into a different person after he had a stroke. He was incontinent, couldnt walk, couldnt move his arm, suffered speech loss (which luckily he regained) and suffered hallucinations and night terrors while on certain medication.
There were times when we wished he would slip away quietly. The only good thing was his mind and body seemed to stop working together. He would tell us he had gone for a walk when we knew full well he couldnt get out of a wheelchair - it was like his mind was protecting him from the truth that his body was failing him. The truth is we suffered more than him becuase we knew the true extent of his illness but he didnt realise how bad he'd got.

I know what you mean about relieving her, but knowing how hard it is to make the decision to have an animal PTS, how could you make that decision on a family member? If it came to it, i doubt you'd be able to.

My thoughts are with you though, i know how you feel.
xxx

I could not ever make that choice for her. But I am making it very clear to my family what I want.
It is so awful a month ago I was whinging about her as normal as us kids do. I realise now the change in her behaviour  then was the start of this. My sister and I had taken her to the doctor last week asking for some help in her care. OT's and SS were out to assess her and agreed on all sorts of things to help us all.
On Saturday night / Sunday morning she fell and shattered her hip, because she is on Warferin they have to get that out her system before operating,  The following crash into the abyss is terrifying. She wants to go you can see it. She has become double incontinent etc etc.
My OH Dad had alkzheimers but he seemed to have some really good adventures like your grand dad at the beginning. The end was hell on earth. If hell exists that is it.
Thanks for your words X

Like Fred's mum, I watched my grandfather turn into a different person after a series of strokes. Unlike her grandad, mine knew exactly what was happening to him and it was almost unbearable to watch this proud, dignified man have to be helped with the most basic function. Eventually I had to stop taking my kids to see him as he became unpredictable and that wasn't how I wanted my kids to remember him. When he died I was not at all upset as I was so pleased that he was finally free and I felt that my grandad had died a year earlier. Could I have made that decision if it were allowed? Absolutely and with no hesitation whatsoever. Human or animal, if there is pain and no quality of life, not too mention an awareness of what they've lost, then we should be able to help them find peace. At times I wish that I had been brave enough to help him, rather than live with the memories of his last few months. I can cry for who he was, but not over the death that released him. Sam.

Sounds like you're really going through it at the moment & I feel for you, it must be heart breaking for you to see your mum in the condition & feel so helpless.  All you can do is be there for each other & help your mum is whatever way she wants/you can, doesn't make it any easier though does it.  Thinking of you in these difficult times.

Bilbobaggins - it is possible to have on the medical records "make comfortable but do not resusitate" .
My friend watched her mum deteriorate in hospital and made it absolutely clear to the Doctors they didnt want to prolong the mothers illness. When it got to the later stages and morhine was being used to make her comfortable my friend is convinced they "overdosed" her on morphine to end her life

Bilbobaggins - I really feel for you, it is so very sad. I do agree with shanab, it seems so cruel not to give someone the dignity of releasing them from their suffering, although I realise this is a difficult and complicated issue. I have just come back from visiting my Grandma who is ill with advanced terminal cancer and so I know how awful it is to see someone you love suffering. 

Freds Mum, I had heard this can be the case. My Grandma says she has made it clear to her carers (she is in a home) that under no circumstances does she want to go to hospital for medical care, she wants no more treatment and no artificial feeding to prolong life. I have been told it is possible to give extra painkillers in this way.

I feel for you, oh how hard it must be for you and your family.

As told by my mom:
My mom said the hardest thing, she could do, was to say Do Not Prolong Life.  Part of her knew it was for the best, that my grandma was suffering, but part of her said "this is my mom, I dont want her to go". 
She had terminal cancer, and in her last week or so, she couldnt remember a thing.  She didnt know who we were, or where she was.  She got lost in the house several times, and would call the wrong names to the wrong people.  It was so hard.  She was living "30 years ago" so she had no idea who her grandkids were. 
It was somewhat of a relief, when she went.  Its so hard to say that, but it was.  She wasnt herself, and she was suffering so bad.  Peace is the best thing, for a person, and she had it when she left. 

My thoughts are with you, and your family.  Bless.

Kory

I know this wont make it any better for you but i know how you feel.
Its awful to watch someone you love go though this.
thinking of you.
xx

I have no idea, its so unfair and i understand its so hard and painful for you :(

All the best to you and your family and i am thinking of you. God bless :)

xx

I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid, It must be extremly hard on you and your family.

My thoughts are with you all

because the law is horrible and cruel about euthanasia.

i am terribly sorry for what you are going through {{{hug}}}

my grandad had MS and dementia and went through a very slow and less than dignified decline and eventual death (gently in his sleep thank goodness), it was agony for the whole family but worst was those rare occasions where he would briefly come back to himself and saw what he was like. it was agonising.

> it is possible to have on the medical records "make comfortable but do not resusitate" .
>

dnr only shortens things at the very very end. it does nothing for the years in between which is perhaps the worst bit :(

assuming your friends gave the doctors the idea then i say good for them.

> "overdosed" her on morphine to end her life

She is having a fair wack of morphine  now to keep the pain under control. DNR is a subject I have to bring up with my siblings.
I know what one will say. We are the practical "hard" ones.We have many discussions about things. The other two I am not so sure of their views.

Is she in hospital?  Is there a palliative care nurse you could talk about all this with?

I really feel for you.  It is 6 years this Christmas that I lost my Dad.  I went into a sideroom with his Consultant, and told her that I couldn't stand the begging look in his eyes.  I told her that I wouldn't allow a dog to suffer like that.  She told me that all she could do was put DNR on his file.  I sat with him for 10 days and can't get that pleading look out of my mind.  I don't think you are "hard" at all.  I loved my Dad, and feel that giving him dignity would have shown that love.  I can only wish you the strength to be there with her while you can.

I had and have the same problem, I watched Mum die and we had no painkillers for bone cancer, no nurse care, no doctors nothing. I went on the tv and radio ect to complain re this care at home over the weekends c--p.
It was horrific.
The one thing my Mum feared was pain and degredation which is what she got, we had a morphine pump for about 4 hours, after a fight, too little far too late.

My MIL has cancer now and honestly I do not hold up much hope for her care either.

If it were me or when I would go to Switzerland, Denmark where ever  and choose my own exit line.

Its really poor when I can care for my pets, ensure them a dignified pain free exit and I cant or didnt have the choice for a parent.