Dont want to go into too much detail (dont want to tempt fate) but am wondering....
Is it true "marry in haste, repent at leisure"?
Was your relationship a very quick marriage? Did you know he/she was "the one"? Did it work over the years?
or are you happily with your partner and have been for many years without feeling the need to get married?

Please tell......

:-) :-) :-)

x

Freds mum i really agree with your signature thing!!! About men and dogs haha
Can i just say, i have rushed into relationships before, its not marriage, cos i am too young, however i have found that rushing into something and taking things too fast has ended in tears, as you dont notice and dont account for the "bad" bits of men, and you dont cotton on to say "them cheating" because you are so blind having rushed in so quick... cant explain it, its difficult, but thats best i can ! lol

However i have been with my boyfriend 6 months now, its not long at all, but we took it really slowely and still are doing things step by step and i really do care for him and i have strong feelings that have come for him that i didnt think i would get... the only other person i got these from were my ex, but he cheated and was gone! Its easier to trust people in my opinion by taking things slowely and the love develops and they do say "all good things are worth waiting for"!! Which i have found to be true up to now as i had my eyes wide open!! Matchsticks are the key haha :) Bit different from your question cos this isnt marriage, but thats my opinion and it would relate to marriage too.

I don't think it is a question of how quickly a relationship developed it is a question of how mature the parties are.  The older you are the more experienced you will have become on making judgements about the character or both yourself and the other and you are relying less on chance that things will work out.

I met my husband just over 18 years ago, on the 5th July 1990.
It was a whirlwind affair! 
Within 6 months of meeting, we had moved in together and were expecting our first child (and only!).
We married (finally!) 4 years ago.
Couldn't be happier :-)

I agree with Isabel - maturity is the key factor in the success of most decision making, and getting married certainly ranks highly in important decisions ;)  Also, with that little bit extra life experience behind both parties there is a better chance IMO that they wont 'grow apart' - sadly something which can easily happen in teens and even early 20's. 

Having said that I've known of a few very happy, long lived marriages which began with two teens meeting their first and only love and they've stood the test of time so it's not impossible, just improbable (IMO).

Teri :)

"marry in haste, repent at leisure"?


Oh for me Long and Steady, :-D

And believe it or not that statement is nothing to do with love, I believe as I did myself that you can know immediately that someone is the one, within an hour of meeting my husband I knew I would marry him, hard to explain but those who have felt it will know. :-)

I guess my statement of long and steady is mainly based on the young, us older guys and gals should know better, but IMO rushing into marriage, into living together, sorry, but for me that spells desperation, to me that says that one or both partners are grabbing onto the other quickly as they fear they will disappear or move on, or someone else will grab them, in which case I think you need to ask is that really love or is it need. As true love has no time limit and does not disappear.

When you love someone you just love, two minds click together, that doesn't for me mean you need to rush into sharing bills, mortgages and rushing into a 9-5 to support living together, for me that is what has destroyed many quick marriages, love suddenly becomes a pile of bills, it takes away the romance.

If you take a relationship slowly, enjoy spending time together, jetting off on holidays, weekends away, meals out, that builds the romance and for many once married and on lifes tread mill that disappears, affairs can happen, life becomes boring.

Becoming engaged for me, is a show of love that you are joined together, have the party, have the presents and then enjoy spending time together, marriage for many women is all about the dress the do, the show of togetherness :-D For men it is about the bills and 9-5 which comes with living together permanently, IMO men have it right, which is why they are often more careful in taking time to marry, women often push for that big day, and then some are left to wonder why the marriage and romance has suddenly all gone downhill.

So, from the way I look at marriage, I would suggest no rush, take your time get the best out of the freedom of a long engagement, and don't rush into living together, build up your finances first so that when you do get married you have more than love to keep you together and don't become a statistic of another failed marriage, due to the pressure.

or are you happily with your partner and have been for many years without feeling the need to get married?


If you are going to jump into living together anyway, then I insist :-D :-D that you may as well get married then, I just think it is the living together as man and wife or partner that is an issue that needs really thinking about, for the sake of romance.

I have known friends that have met and married young still happy 20 or more years later, and with their children grown up and flown the nest they are starting again together on a new lease of life. I also have a friend who married young, raised the children, and has now left her husband of 25 yrs to re start her own life, no other man involved, just couldn't see herself in the married position any more. (Long story) I have known of many like that, it always seems sad but then they all have their reasons.
I never wanted to marry, I liked my own life, so despite some close calls, and even living with someone for a while, I never felt I had met the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was financially independant, own career, home, and although I enjoyed the company etc of boyfriends and a full social life marriage was not something that I wanted. Turn 30, and wow, up turned the one and I knew (as did he) that we would stay together. Right from the first date. I have no idea how ;) but thats just how it was. We quickly lived together, and 3 yrs later married. 20 yrs and 2 children later, we are stil daft over each other and I know I can trust him completly. he is my soul mate, and we have had hard times but just grow stronger.

Life is short, trust your feelings, fredsmum if you have met someone and it feels so right, go with it.

I think that a successful relationship needs to start with a combination of Chemistry, Timing, commitment and Compatibility, if any of these things are missing then things fail.

I really don't think the time someone has known another person really comers into it.

But what do I know, with a failed marriage (plenty of chemistry, timing fine, but commitment and compatibility missing).

I have been with my OH now for only four months, and we both believe this is it, but we knew each other 16 years ago and the timing and where we were emotionally meant it was not right then and we parted.  We met up again 15 1/2 years later and where we are with our lives is different, the chemistry and compatibility was there before, now the timing and commitment are too, so fingers crossed.

> I met my husband just over 18 years ago, on the 5th July 1990.
> It was a whirlwind affair! 
> Within 6 months of meeting, we had moved in together and were expecting our first child (and only!).
> We married (finally!) 4 years ago.
> Couldn't be happier :-)

Awww congrats Tessies Tracey!! That to me is amazing!!! I would never of thought that would be possible, especially after moving in together as what may seem to a lot of people, so quickly!! Just goes to show for different people its different, and for different people it works differently in terms of what may seem quick, or what may seem really slow!!:)

I have been with my OH now for only four months

hey, thats wonderful, hope all works out for you! :) :) :)

> Also, with that little bit extra life experience behind both parties there is a better chance IMO that they wont 'grow apart' - sadly something which can easily happen in teens and even early 20's. 

I agree with this to a point, with being 20 years old, so many of my friends have relationships and they end so quickly over stupid things! I think it is a maturity thing as people who are much younger than me skit from boyfriend to boyfriend and it never lasts that long. I dont know if its because they dont want a relationship that young, as i know i didnt as you dont want to be tied down at such a young age, however when you get to my age, maybe around 18 for more matured adults, the relationships do last a lot longer! I think you possibly test the water at early teens and just experience different things, whereas when you get older you want to find that love and that bond between two partners.

However saying that, i know people at 21 and just a bit older who still dont last very long and i personally think its because they give up to fast!! They have a few arguments and disagreements and the relationship is over. You need to fight if you really care for the other person and only by doing that will make the relationship last, whether it be long term and slow, or long term and fast. :)

ive been with my boyfriend since i was 17 (im 21 now) we both are mature for our age,when we met he was the first person i actually wanted a relationship with and the same for him. after a few months we knew that we were both right for each other.we havnt rushed anything nor have we took it slow, we have just done what feels right.we have got our own house and have been living together for about 2 1/2 yrs,i trust him completely and he trusts me the same (well i hope he does! lol!) do whatever you feel is right fredsmum, people can tell you what to and what not to do but whos life is it? follow your heart but also your head!:-)

For me it's that 'knowing' feeling. If you both know that what you have is something special and lasting, then thats the deciding factor. Whether that happens over a few years, or whether you know from the minute you meet the person is irrelevant. I have moved things along too fast in the past and it has just shown up the cracks that would have appeared eventually anyway. I am of the thinking that you go with your gut instinct and if it messes up then at least you gave it a chance. :-)

> follow your heart but also your head!:-)

That sentence says it in one!! lol :)

I was 16 when I met OH, he was 19, at a scout camp - he lived in Notts, I lived in Berks.   For about 18 months we just corresponded with each other, then when I went up to stay with an Aunt for a few days, we met again, and realised it could become serious.   We became engaged on his 21st birthday, and married 2 weeks after my 20th birthday.

That was 45 years ago!!!!   Through good times, through bad times, 4 children, illnesses, redunancies, etc etc etc.   Thoughts of divorce? No.   Thoughts of murder - yes :)

Seriously though, it is a different world today than that in which we met, grew to know each other then to respect and love each other.  We promised "for better or for worse" - and although no-body can tell you what "worse" can be - we've been fortunate enough to be able to get through it.   It's not the same for everyone I know, and you can go with great hope and love into a relationship only to find that your partner has completely divergent views and a relationship turns sour or worse, abusive.

Margot

i met my OH when i was 16 (7 years ago) and he was 20. I wasnt looking for a boyfriend, but we met, and something clicked. was weird, felt i had always known him, could tell him anything and still feel the same 7 years on.
We bought a house 2 years ago, and now have a dog and a cat, no plans for marriage or children yet, we're both still happy the way things are. we have discussed children and marriage and it is something we would like in the future, just not at the moment.

> Thoughts of murder - yes :-)
>

ha ha that made me laugh!!! :-D

HAHA i dont think you are the only one that thinks of murder!!! LOL!!! :-D (joke btw!)

  Met OH at me 14, him 19 best mates.. at 16 realised it was love at almost 17 married.

31st Anniversary will spring be next  year..
It is the passion and friendship that counts not the time getting to know....

As lokis mums says...
Thoughts of divorce? No.   Thoughts of murder - yes

Often but not both of us on the same day LOL

I met my hubby through a blind date and we instantly clicked. We were engaged and living together with in 6 weeks. Married with baby on way with in a year. That baby is now 14yrs old lol.

Both of us went into it with our eyes open we were in our late 20s and both had had long relationships previously that didnt work out. Although I was very much in love with a previous boyfriend and he broke my heart when he ditched me I never had the comfortable safe feeling I got with my hubby. I really think we were meant to be together.

Wendy

My first marrige was made in haste and I had 10 years to repent.

He was a New Zealander I met in London but his visa was running out. If we were to stay together I had to leave too and the only way I could get into NZ was if I was his wife. So we were engaged after 3 months and married in a year.  It was a snap decision that I didn't feel I had time to think about.  I have never been popular and I think I was just overwhelmed that someone was showing me some commitment.

I gave up my job, my home, my family and the opportunity to ever see my grandmother again.

We initially stayed with his parents and I knew within 10 minutes that they didn't like me or want me there. His father insisted (in front of me) that his ex-girlfriend was the one that was really part of the family and wasn't to be pushed out because of me.

Well it turned out that he wasn't the social outgoing person I thought he was, he was just a drunk and an unfaithfull one at that. 

I won't bore you with the whole 10 years that I endured with him but I will say that I don't regret it.  If I hadn't been in NZ I wouldn't have met the most wonderful Welshman ever.

Did I take it slow and easy this time?..............well no actually.............he had visa problems.... (the story of my life LOL).... but we did get an extention for a year (thank you NZ Immigrations) which was time enough to know. I moved back to the UK with him last year.

We have been together 3 and a half years and been married a month :)

I've known my husband forever.

We first met at nursery and were best friends while we were little.

Different boarding schools at 11 and 13 meant that we didn't really see each other for a while, although we still kept in touch. Once hubby passed his driving test he used to come visit me at the weekends. We finally married when I finished uni. We have been together for 22 years, have 4 wonderful children and couldn't be happier.

Met my OH during my final year at Uni.  Moved in together 5 months later out of necessity as we both needed somewhere to live and couldn't afford to rent separately.  That was nearly 12 years ago :-)  Haven't felt the need to get married but we may get around to it one day.

GOSH!!! That sounds a nightmare with visas!!! Glad you finally found happiness though lunamoona!! :-D x

I met my husband on a night out with mutual friends. We were just friends for a while, then went out together for a while, then broke up but stayed friends, then went out together again for a while, then broke up but still stayed friends ...

After 7 years of that we thought it was a bit silly, so we got married - and it's our 24th wedding anniversary later this month!

I think that a successful relationship needs to start with a combination of Chemistry, Timing, commitment and Compatibility, if any of these things are missing then things fail.
I agree with Brainless here!

I'm now 24, my fiance is the same age.  We met when we were both 20, introduced by another 20 year old friend and it was really whirlwind.  He is my first and only boyfriend.  You know what they say though, those that avoid love are the hardest to fall :)  I've lived many lifetime's experiences in my very short life so far.  I decided long ago never to get married, never to have children, basically never to let myself be hurt or used by anyone again.  Well, when my chum introduced us I swear my eyes couldn't keep off him (not that he was a hunk or anything, more like chewbacca tbh) but it was instantly in my mind "mine".  My friend then later set us up on a date and it'll be 4 years this December.  We recently bought our first house together - I put off living with him long enough lol!  And we BOTH believe in marriage (we would never have a child outside of marriage) which is great.

I think a lot depends also on your own parents.  My parents were happily married and loved each other very much (mum was widdowed young), his parents are happily married and still ove each other very much.  It makes me feel more safe knowing HIS family background is very stable.  I would never have a short term relationship, why waste my time? We don't have a lot of it on this earth and I now know exactly what I want from life so don't need the distraction.  And for those folk that think they need the "experience" before settling down (and goodness knows I've heard that a lot!), I can tell you now it's a lot of rubbish.

ETA I also make sure people NEVER call me his "partner" or vice versa.  I'm his fiance and then I will be his wife. We do not run a business together.

I met my hubby when i was 16, got engaged at 18 and married when i was 19 he was 21, we have just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversay, our 2 boys have left home (as some of you know) and now we have lots of quality time together, he works days, i work full time nights, maybe thats why we have lasted so long,, no to ne honest and soppy now- our love for each gets stronger by the day we still tell each other every day that we love them, but i think the best ingredients are laughter, trust and retail therapy for him to carry the bags:)

Yorkies4eva you don't look 20!!

Me I can't comment as I've never found the right guy and getting a bit to old now to find him.

I had my daughter at a young age (pregnant at 17 had her at 18) was on again off again relationship for 4yrs, when she was about 2 months I had enough, he kinda stayed in her life till she was about 6months maybe.

When she was a year old I met my hubby- we started going out in 1993 had our son in 1995 and were married that same year. With in a month he already moved stuff in- he never left lol he accepted my daughter as his and well we have been together now for 15yrs married for 13 of them- We make a point of never going to bed angry or leaving angry- always try to talk things out and listen- if talking does not work then we write it out. We always leave eachother lil notes on the puter everyday. I have always had trust issues think it has to do with when I was lil - I know my hubby is very faithful to me and he has me up on a pedestal- he always tells me how pretty Iam and Iam his life. We never go to parties or the bar with out eachother- we pretty much do everything together- we enjoy doing alot of the same stuff- be it playing poker, riding, fishing, whatever and thats one reason why he fell in love with me- we enjoy alot of the same things. first of all we were friends and talked what we wanted in a relationship and what we didn't want and how happy we were at the moment being single lol who would no that we were ment for each other- Would I change it? Never iam very happy in our relationship, and very much inlove with him. He is my life :-)

I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 24, within 3 months he proposed, we got engaged but it was a long engagement, we got married after 7 years of being together (after we had had children). We will have been together 14 years this December.
We just seemed to know that we were right for each other and fitted together like we had always known one another.

Getting married never changed anything about our relationship, we were 100% commited to each other before we tied the knot & getting married was more about making it 'official', for the kids benefit (ie, so they didn't ever get confused as to why mum & dad weren't married) and having a big celebration of our love together (I know that sounds sickly - I'll look away if you want to barf!!).

> and retail therapy for him to carry the bags:)

lol, I like that :)

> I have been with my OH now for only four months, and we both believe this is it, but we knew each other 16 years ago and the timing and where we were emotionally meant it was not right then and we parted.  We met up again 15 1/2 years later and where we are with our lives is different, the chemistry and compatibility was there before, now the timing and commitment are too, so fingers crossed.

Same here but shhhhhh ;-) Don't say anything LOL I don't want to jinx it!  It is only four months for us too, but we have talked about marriage and kids already - apparently in four years time we start trying :-P Fine by me, I'm not emotionally or physically ready yet (26 but I want to be in the best shape I can be before I attempt to provide for a new life, it's a personal thing) but I think by then I will be.  And he knows I want to so I do believe he would be willing to wait a little longer if I felt it necessary.  I have also told him that I'm in love with him already - I don't think he's that deep for me yet but at the same time, I don't think he's far off.  At least, not going by the look on his face when I told him :-)

It all makes me laugh though - but feel cautious at the same time; a couple of years ago one of my friends had been with her new bf only 3 months when she told me she knew he was the man she would marry, and he felt the same; a couple of months back she rang and said that they were on the verge of splitting up, and that she had somehow put him off both kids and marriage!  Now I honestly don't think that will happen with my fella - he is dead set on both, I just hope I don't put him off me!

Margot...that is nearly my story.....we met at guide/scout camp in Wales in '71, he was an uncouth rough Guernsey boy and I was a young girl from a smaller isalnd.
We met up again several years later he was a Pc and I a student nurse.
He invited me to his wedding a month later and said...save me, stop the wedding by running up the aisle, as I always fancied you and wondered where you were.
Now I was haing none of it of course, but really enjoyed his company.
I didn't show up but we met up again and a wedding each later were both free and single. So we married very quickly but that was only 22 years ago. He still claims it was always mr he dreamed of, I was about 13 in Wales and not so taken with him then.

Karen :)

Some really romantic stories on here :)  I feel like I just went down the shops and said "yup that one please" in comparison LOL!

I met my husband while I was living in Malta and he was halfway through a fortnights holiday - he asked me to marry him after a week and I said yes - I was 25 he was 23!  He gave up his job and came to Malta to live with me we got married after 7 months.  That was in 1990 and still happy.
:)

I met my husband when i was 19, it just felt completely right, we have been together 12 years but married four years ago :) he is my best mate yes i know i am sad!! :-P he has stood by me through all my battles.

Very happily divorced here, I'm afraid ;-)

Met and married my first husband within 6 months. Took me 9 years to realise it was wrong and left. Met new guy and lived with him, split, then lived with him again before marrying him. It only took me 2 years this time to walk out and have been on my own now for 12 years.

I can't see me looking for another one, even though the saying is '3 times lucky' :-D I'm more than happy on my own with a daughter that spends time with both parents, giving us both a breather oops, I mean both of us time with the loving child that that she is ;-)

I met a guy, when I was 15.  He was 24.  We first met at a bus stop, when I first moved to the area, and didnt know when the buses came.  For the longest time, it was just "Bus Stop talk"  I started dating him when I was 18, broke it off when I was 19.  But we have remained friends.  Lately, though, we have tried getting back together.  It worked for a bit, but I think I am going to be an "old lady with dogs".  (I still havent told him this, so shhhhhh)
We mesh as friends, but not as partners.  Plus, I wouldnt give up my dogs, or make my dogs kennel dogs, just to be with him.  They come first.

Both types of relationships have their drawbacks.  Quick ones, although they can work, often dont.  And you just get your heart ripped out.  Long ones, I dont know, but so far I have found I get bored with them.  Always wondering "is this it?".  Maybe its because I havent found "the one" but I kinda like the single life. 

Met my hubby, in the June , engaged in Jan,  Married in the October.......

In  a few days we will have been married 30 yrs!!!!!!!

> daughter that spends time with both parents, giving us both a breather

I can definatly see the benefit in that.I used to send mine to my sisters "before I do something we all regret".
My friend has ever other weekend to do exactly as she pleases..no kids, long lie in, shopping ,lunch with her very best friend  (ME) and I don't get roped into sitting half as much LOL
Although I do actually miss not having her "littles", to my self quite so often ! But dont tell her that!!!

I was a teenage bride and a teenage mother. I've now been happily married for 15 years and wouldn't swap my OH for anything - well most days anyway ;-)
Looking back we probably did rush into things, and I hope my own children don't want to marry so young, but for me it's worked and we're all very happy. I know you can never see what is around the corner but I think we've got planty of happy years left :-)

Ditto.. I would not change it for the world and having our kids young we have had so much fun with them.

But I am glad my kids have travelled, been to uni,had time to grow into themselves and truly develop as individuals.
At times, for both of us, it was very hard growing up while having to be grown up.

IOt's something that really depends on the individuals I think.  For my current relationship it took 2 years from meeting that I would agree to start dating him, at that time it was long distance of him in Essex and Me in Herts.  9 Months later I moved up to bradford.  15 months later he moved to herts (to my parents), 6 months after I moved back home and now living together at my parents for a year, next september I'm back up in Bradford for a year and then who knows!  We have been together for over 2 and half years and slowly seems to be working for us.  Have spoken about when I finish uni we will move in together away from parents but with rate of money we think I will be coming back to parents :(  Doesn't help I want to stay in this area, He likes this area and wants to stay but it's not cheep :(  As for anything further...We are not talking about it untill I have finished uni and have a job and we can afford to think about it. 

I also have friends who have wirewind relationships which are lasting :)

I think you KNOW when you have met the ONE.  But timing plays a big part.  Both of us were still at Uni, we are now established in our chosen careers so were in a good position to get a house.  The next thing is deffo the wedding (which won't cost the Earth).  We want a bigger house before starting a family though so it will be a few years yet before starting a family.  I haven't got all the dogs I want yet LOL!

I met my ex husband at 18 and married at 19.  We had three children by the time I was 25 and we finally divorced after 16 years of marriage.  We grew apart, ie, I grew up, he didn't lol!

I met my current boyfriend at work and the first day we met I went home and rang a friend to tell her I had met the man I would fall in love with.  It just felt as if we had know each other all our lives, workmates were convinced we already knew each other, we were so at ease with each other.  We were just workmates for three months before going on our first date and three months after that he moved in with me.  That was 5 years ago now.

I won't pretend that it has all been plain sailing.  We didn't really know each other that well when we moved in together and had an awful lot of adjustment and adapting to do, but it has worked.  I love him to bits, we tell each other every day we love each other and we do everything together (because we are sad!).  I think if we had done this as younger people though it wouldn't have worked, I know one or other of us would have given up by now.  Perseverence is the key, although saying that, I am not a believer in flogging a dead horse either.  If you love each other and work together as a team it can work.  For us it has anyways!

Barbara I think you're so right with your "4 steps for a successful relationship" and I really hope that things work out for you - how lovely to meet each other again after all that time. My fingers are crossed for you :-)

Also I agree with those who have said you just KNOW when you find "the one"...I have been with my OH for 18 months but it seems like so much longer (in a good way), he is my best friend as well as my OH and we make each other laugh every day. We very rarely argue (and if we do its usually about the dogs!)

I met him purely through chance...one of my best friends had started seeing one of his and we met at the rugby club as I went to watch the game with my friend. I can't say it was love at first sight and neither of us were looking for a relationship when we got together but things just escalated from there and we haven't spent a day apart since, except for if he's been working away etc. Things didn't start off too good in the relationship at first but I know now he is definitely the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I moved in with him after 2 months of us being together, we have since talked about marriage (for him it'll be his second marriage) and children - neither of us have any from previous relationships but I think we definitely will in the next few years.

> Awww congrats Tessies Tracey!! That to me is amazing!!! I would never of thought that would be possible, especially after moving in together as what may seem to a lot of people, so quickly!! Just goes to show for different people its different, and for different people it works differently in terms of what may seem quick, or what may seem really slow!!:-)

Sorry yorkies4eva, just seen this.. Thank you for your lovely comment :-)
It was all very quick, and I'm in agreement with many on this thread, I guess maturity goes a long way!  (I was I suppose a mature 18 when I met my hubby!!)
:-D

Thank you so much for sharing all the lovely stories.
It hasnt helped me find a conclusive answer to my question if quick marriages or long relationships are better :-) but then i didnt think it would. Just been interesting hearing a broad range of experiences. All depends on the person doesnt it?! And to be honest, for my situation i know the answer anyway, its been in my heart all along - i just thought i would let my head make some decisions but ive decided to stop being sensible letting my head rule my heart and im just going to go with the flow :-)
xxx

That's it....you've got it...........sometimes you really do 'just know' that it's right.
So good luck.

Karen :) :)

Your welcome Tracy!! :)