Sorry about that! Just needed to vent some frustation...

My 17 year old (well bought up may i add) has announced she's pregnant....  Im gutted and upset
My dogs have gone to kennells while i go on holiday and i cant stop thinking about them... (i know its normal)

I just feel all out of sorts

Donna xx
(and my boysxx)

Dont worry,
You will be a great grannie! 
She's not the first, I was chatting to a new gran just last week, her daughter also a teen  (16 just) is carrying on with sitting her gcse exams even though she could have medical  certificate excusing her (she still could have been graded).
She said the worst thing was the reaction of other people.
The ones that told her she would have to get her daughter to the doc's 'to be seen to'.
Then wanted to congratulate on the birth and be two faced about it all.
I bet there is plenty of love to go around.

Karen :)

Oh dear been there with my niece with added problem of he being Indian and having an arranged marriage. All ended up OK he divorced and now they have two beautiful daughters and a son on the way.  Its heart breaking but you are stuck with assisting what ever she does be it (dare I say abortion) or a baby. My brother told K that he would not have a baby in the house, he had bought her up alone with my help. He made her homeless, and she ended up with a flat, but visited almost every night..
It does not matter how well you bring them up they are people in their own right and make up their own minds.
Im so sorry that you are going through it. Its not as if they think any further than next week, I have a young 21 year old employee with a 8 week old daughter between him and his partner she is 17, there a bit dear he said.. Doh!!!
Take a deep breath, be supportive but set out your shop, if she lives with you are you happy if she keeps the baby? If she is adult enough to have a baby keeping it is par with the parent bit.
You may be a lot younger than i am, you may become an unpaid baby minder, think of yourself as well as your daughter cause it aint easy on anyone, and I expect you have done your raising the kids bit. And if she does do the other, she will need her mum to support a diffecult decision.

I feel for you I really do.

I agree the reaction from others is the worst thing....
I.e my own parents... my dad whom im very close with sat with his head in his hands for what seemed like hours... my step mom cried...
We are off to a family wedding soon... that'll give the family something to talk about. :rollseyes

My daughter hopefully will stay in college and complete her course, i know it will be hard but in can be done

:)

Donna xx
(and my boysxx)

hi donna, i bet its come as a bit of a blow but i'm sure it will work out. if its any help my sis got pregnant at 19 and went on to get a 1st class degree (swot!), be invited to teach at the university immediately after graduating and raise a lovely boy. shes away to have her second to.

i also work with a girl who had her daughter when she was about 15, she's doing her 2nd degree now, first one was in politics, this one is in social work.

unfortunately no matter how careful you are these things can happen, my sis was on the pill and was using condoms! but its not something that has to destroy her life (which i'm sure is the thing thats worrying you), in fact the many people i know who've had kids young found it gave them real drive and direction.

i presume shes decided to keep it since you posted, its got to be really scary for her so it's brave to have made that decision. best of luck to her and the wee one, and i'm certain you'll learn to love the idea! :)

whistler...
She's 13 weeks pregnant now... she will keep the baby because abortion is not something any of us really agree with except in certain circumstances ie... rape etc
She knows exactly what i think... although at the same time she knows i'll be her rock
I will not be taken for granted... ive had my time of bringing up a baby
(much prefer my dogs lol)
Time will tell but one thing i do know its not going to be an easy ride for her.

Donna x
(and my boysxx)

> My daughter hopefully will stay in college and complete her course, i know it will be hard but in can be done
>

promise it can! i know loads of girls who have done it, including one who was practically crossing her legs to keep it in during our honours finals this year!

I will remind her of this everytime she fells like giving in..
On a lighter note christmas will certainly be different in our house this year (its due xmas day.. although probably be late)

Donna x
(and my boysxx)

i was 16 when i got pregnant
i was sent away from the village we lived in as i had brought shame upon the family
i was sent to a mother and baby home run by nuns to give birth and to decide my options
i was made to clean floors on my hands and knees and to peel hundreds of potatos for the elderly residents in the other part of the building
we had to clean the chapel as well
we were treated as second class citizens at all times
girls were always crying after giving up their babies
i kept my son though and he is 25 this year
its unbelievable to know that this happened in the early 80s in wales
please give support to your daughter she will be so afraid although maybe putting on a brave face
all i wanted was a hug and to be told it would be ok, i never got it though
dont worry about what other people think its nothing to do with them and to be honest its not the end of the world
i didnt die, my son is a strapping well adjusted lad who loves me to pieces and all those that looked down on me at the time are proud of him and me
and the mother and baby home no longer exists although the memories never fade.........

Im sorry that happened to you... There is no reason really why peaople sent their daughters away except shame... but whats shame? Its not the end of the world
Im glad you kept your son... Im glad that you have a good relationship with him
My step moms sister was also 'sent away' at 15... for the same reason.
I will always be there for my daughter... she is my world and while its shattered at the moment it will soon mend

Hugs

Donna xx
(and my boysxx)

My goodness inthemistuk,

I thought things like that went out in the 50's. Bless you for keeping your son, and getting on in life.  (((hug)))) for all you went through, I can't believe it!

Donnax

Although I am extremely protective and do everything I can to protect my boys from things like this happening. I'm a great believer in what is done is done! And No point in crying over spilt milk

Forget the anger, the tears, no point in any of it, you will just now look forward as will your daughter, and be a happy family, you can't change it, so accept it and I'm sure you will absolutely love your grandaughter/grandson everything will work out in the end, just stay postitive but make sure your daughter finishes college. :-)

The courage, both you and your daughter have is amazing. 

I can imagine the shock it is for you (and your daughter) but keep strong, and things will be ok. 

Hugs to you and your daughter, as this must be such a scary time for you both.

lol, no doubt, or right as your serving dinner!

another thing to cheer you up about it, x-mas with babies around is brilliant! georgie (my sis) had kai when i was 17. christmas had started going a bit stale as we were both older etc. then kai came along and christmas is magic again lol, plus by christmas 09' the babe will have some idea that something funs happening being one, christmas 10' will be even better though! kai's six now and its great, he get so excited, i could even forgive him waking me at 5am and trying to convince me it was 8 o'clock and time to get up lol

poor kid though, x-mas and birthday in a one-er-joint presents! gah that sucks, i thought january was bad!

god its scary to think that magdalen houses still existed that recently. i really feel for you and well done raising your boy, it must have taken some strength to fight that kind of preassure

Wow.fancy that still happening in the 80's.
You poor love.
My mum was born in 1917, she had this too.
Then most girls had the babies taken from them and a lot ended up (the babies)being sent to Canada.
My fantastic mother worked and paid for the keep of my sister until the day she married my father who took on my sister as his own.
I always feel so proud of how she kept her baby.......
But she would have been horrified that iot happened still in the 1980s!

Karen

thanks for your comments but really what doesnt kill you makes you stronger
and now i have a great fella and 4 fantastic kids
oh and i forgot to say my son was born on the 23rd December! 
he is sat here after coming from Wales to visit my youngest son  for his 14th birthday..
he reminds me so much of me!!! god help the world.......

Inthemistuk - I was aghast when I read your post that things like that still happened like that so recently. Until I thought about a friend who gave up her daughter a few years earlier.  It is easy to forget attitudes in those days. Luckily for my friend her daughter made contact with her and now they see each other regularly.  However she can never never have the same relationship with her that she could have done if she had been able to keep her.  So Donnax things are so much more positive these days.  Good luck to your family.

i was adopted when i was a baby..
this has made me feel that i personally could never give up on my children no matter what
i found the woman that gave birth to me 2 years ago after 20 years of looking.
she doesnt want to know and rejected me a second time
so i guess i made the right decision  with my son
although i guess its down to individual choice
i often wonder about the girls i made friends with in the home
i guess somethings are best left alone though.
as i type this my eldest son is sat on my youngest son... they are fighting over the football
help meeeeee!!!!!(only joking)

I had my son when I was 18. My mum (before the father and I got married) gave me the opion of abortion, keeping the baby, having it adopted or she and my dad would bring it up. I would never have forgiven myself if I had let him go. He is a father himself now, though I warned all my kids not to make me a granny before I was 40 :-) 6 weeks after I turned 40 my first grandchild was born :-D

Yes, it was hard work, but babies are hard work, whether you are on your own or not. If there is a back up family available it is a lot easier. Neither of my oldest 2 kids are married, and they say they never will be. They are both single parents, and yes, my son has custody. He is doing a great job. He keeps telling me it was because of his early years that he knows how to be a good parent. If you have brought your children up right then there is no need to worry. They will cope fine. It's us parents that do all the panicking ;-) The number of times I have sat at night wanting to pick up the phone to see if everythings ok....... :-D

Good luck at Christmas time. What a lovely time of year to have a baby (I'm a New Years Eve baby myself :-) )

inthemistuk.....((((((((((gentle hugs)))))))))))

I do feel for your daughter, she must be scared.

Inthermistuk - the experience you set out would be the same in 1970 Ireland - it is so humiliating to think people treated people like this.

I got pregnant at 17 had my daughter at 18, I was also living on my own- mom's bf kicked me out just before 16yrs old. My sis was kicked out at 15 and she was pregnant at 16 had Shyla at 17 (R.I.P Shyla 2006, she was also 17 when she passed away). We both had 2 more children and each have a son and are married- I would think we did pretty good for ourselves with all that life throws at you. Both of us did it on our own.

I wouldn't worry to much but she has to realize now her teenager years are no more and now alot of responsibilty has to come- scarry to cause my daughter will be 16 next month...

(((hugs))) and Iam sure you both will do fine :)

> she has to realize now her teenager years are no more and now alot of responsibilty

Will totally agree with this :)

I fell pregnant and had my first daughter at 17.( she is 26 now) Luckily, my mum was very supportive, but I was already living with my bf. We would get stares and snide comments from 'grown ups' more especially the men strangely enough- poor bf got real dirty looks. We married when I was 18 and went on to have 2 more daughters who are 23 and my youngest is 21 in 10 days :-D. I grew up really quickly and did grown up things instead of 'fun' and 'young' things, I had little ones to think of first. Financially things were hard but being a young mum wasn't- I loved it. I had made a life choice and had to do my very best. Hubby and I divorced. We were 2 young people who would never have stayed together if it weren't for the kids.

My girls are so totally not interested in babies that I don't think I will be a granny for a long time!! but if it had happened when they were younger, then yes, I would have been disappointed   but I would have been there 100%

All we can do is love our children, be there when they need us, help them when they ask and not judge. Society is different now and sometimes the things that were a requirement of social acceptance( like marriage before babies) are things of the past.

All we can do is love our children, be there when they need us, help them when they ask and not judge. Society is different now and sometimes the things that were a requirement of social acceptance( like marriage before babies) are things of the past.

How very true. agree entirely.

One of my friends got pregnant while doing her A levels and all of us as her friends rallied round making sure she could carry on (even with a huge bump!). Your daughter will be fine.

Good luck (for you and her!!)

Just thought i'd give you a quick update...
My daughter 'chanelle' is doing fine, she's 4 months pregnant now and is off today to find out what she's having... (paying for a scan to find out!)
Time is going so fast...

Donna xx
(and my boysxx)

Your having to pay for the scan. boy how things have changed.

Or are you having one of those 3D ones, my niece went private and had one of those, is that what you mean?

If not I am horrified that you now have to pay.

I can remember my second child I could see immediately that he was a boy, the doctor accidently zoomed in on his bits. :-D

Good luck, let us know what/if you find out anything. :-)

My daughter gave birth 3 weeks ago and she didn't have to pay for an standard scan so I assume it's a 3d scan or a special one to determine the sex

Yep must be a special scan as the standard one is done at 20 weeks where they will tell uou the sex (or in our health trust anyway!!)

How exciting....please tell us the sex when you've found out!!

Hiya
It was a scan she chose to pay for.... It was just to find out what it was.. so no not a 3D scan.
But she will still have the normal 20 week scan.
Its a.... Girl :)

Donna x
(and my boysxx)

Oooooh a girl!!!! Congratulations!! I was so excited when I found out I was having a girl. She can now start shopping for pink!!:-D

ah congratulations - hope the rest of the pregnancy goes well,

congrats! lovely news, girls get far far cuter stuff