How do you tell a prospective owner that you don't think they are suitable to have one of your puppies?  I had a visit several days ago from a couple who had only fairly recently gone on my waiting list. They are very 'pushy' and they were ones I was not overly sure about even before the visit.  After discussing with OH, we feel they are not right for our precious puppy - but how would you go about telling them.  They were really excited about the prospect of having her and I feel awful about letting them down and would appreciate some advice.  I would far rather do this though than let my puppy go to a home where I may be worried about her for years.

I don't know what you've told them, but you could say there were others on the list before them and not enough pups for all, then refer them to the breed club.

Can you not just be straight and say that at the present time you do not think their lifestyle and expectations would suit the breed of dog you have for sale. If they insist that that is their decision say they have that right but you are not willing to supply the pup. Do it quick, it would not be fair to leave them thinking you will let them have a pup.

hi i to am havin the same dilema my very good friend and her partner are moving into their first home together and she wants one of my pups HOWEVER she works 8 till 5 and he works the same 5 days a week and i dont think they realise that this pup needs round the clock attention also i know that she has had dogs in the past and has been very good with them but got bored after a few months also i dont think she appreciates how much my breed chew when they are teething and i dont want to offend her by saying she cant have one but dont want to have to rehome the poor mite when she gets bored how would you go about this bearing in mind she is my friend not a stranger as if she was a stranger i would just come out with it  thanks

It hard. I had to tell some people who had driven three and a half hours with their toddler to visit that they couldn't have a pup. I just told them that after discussing their circumstances in more detail during their visit, I didn't think they'd be a suitable home and hought they'd struggle with the pup and find it hard to manage. The woman just said 'oh, ok' which made it even harder in a way.

At the end of the day, it is your pup and up to you where it's new home is. What I would say is hat if you have any doubts whatsoever, don't let them have the pup. I had a gut feeling about one family, although there was no good reason for it at all and someone would always be home with the pup etc. However, we have just got the pup back at 6 months as they hadn't trained her well and were struggling to cope. The time between them telling us they weren't keeping her and agreeing to sell her back to us was nerve wracking. I genuinely felt sick, as as an unspayed bitch she could have easily ended up in the wrong hands, despite her papers being endorsed. It was clearly fate, as she was my pick of the bitches, and  am now going to show her, but I wouldn't like to go through it again!

If there is something about their lifestyle/accomodation etc (not just their manner) that makes you feel they are unsuitable ,then I would tell them that you don't believe this breed will suit them, and the reasons why. 

If you say it in such a way that you are doing them a favour, then it will go down better.

That way hopefully they won't rush off to someone who doesn't give a damn and get a pup only for it to end up in rescue.,

I have just done this in the last two weeks after a family visited. Just be honest, not brutally honest. If it is an e mail, re read it many times before you send it to make sure it conveys what you want to say and cannot be misunderstood.Have the courage of your convictions, you will feel better once you have told them and it gets easier each time as you have more confidence.
Diane

I think you should just be honest...if you lie they may find out, and it could damage your reputation. Just for yourself make a list of the reasons why you arent happy to give them a pup.....then tell them those reasons. It may be helpful to them to know these things, as they may in future look for another pup - and they can make efforts to rectify any problems.  I remain good friends with the breeder of my two, but I always consider that she did me a favour by "allowing" me to have them, despite the fact that I paid good money! It is your privilege and responsibility to home your pup....don't allow guilt to get in the way.

They already have a dog - same breed - whose criteria wasn't good enough to be bred from.  A friend of theirs also has another two of the same breed - opposite sex.  She said she wouldn't breed from my puppy and knows it will be endorsed - but I'm concerned about 'accidents' that may potentially happen.  Apparently the partner isn't too happy about having another dog and a couple of things that were mentioned about children made me think they were not the kindest/most responsible children you would want around a young puppy.

I have been thinking of sending a email - I have spent the day composing it in my head.  I keep thinking how I would feel if I had set my heart on a puppy and was told I couldn't have it - I'd be devastated!  But I have to do whats right and gut feelings are usually are.

Thank you Pinklillies  - a level headed response - just what I wanted to hear really. 

It is a horrible situation to be in but please stick to your gut instinct. It does get easier as the years go by but is still not a nice task to do. I have done it on numerous occasions, I used to send an e-mail but found that they would ring after digesting the e-mail, in a way that was worse, I now bite the bullet and either tell them there and then or if I have niggling doubts after will call them to explain. I will not get embrioled in an argument but state the reasons why I feel they are not suitable in a calm voice. I have found it in the past helps to write down salient points before you ring that you can refer to. Good luck and at the end of the day it really doesn't matter if you say no to people as they are your pups and your responsibility to home them into suitable homes, if the people feel hard done by that is for them to deal with, hopefully after digesting what you have said to them, they will realise the reasons given are valid points. good Luck

Mail them be polite and just unfortunately there isn't going to be a puppy available in future.  End of story. I don't get into it with people to be honest.  :-)

I have refused a few people for my puppies after meeting them if  they dont meet up to my expectations or just make a certain comment..... I am very direct and tell them straight ,,,I had one couple in my home for around 2 hours trying to convince me to change my mind offering me cash which unfortunately for them thier actions were convincing me even more my decision was justified.

They are your puppies and its upto you who they spend thier life long homes with you must be happy with your choice.

Dont worry about upsetting people.

R~

I prefer doing it by e-mail when possible -because that way I have a copy of what I said and can compose myself carefully, which I could never do if speaking.

I sent an email to someone that I decided wasn't suitable for a puppy from my current litter.  The email contained politely my reasons for my decision.  Within minutes of sending the email my phone rang and I didn't answer the phone as I felt it would be them.  I was right and the husband left me a message asking me to ring them.  I decided not to ring back straight away as I felt quite emotional and didn't want to feel pushed by anyone.  I then received an email imploring me to change my mind.  I responded to the email appologising for not speaking to them but explained that at the end of the day I had total responsibility for the puppies.  I wasn't being mean or unkind but had to be sure that I did the best for my puppies and that I was sorry if my decision hurt them but I would not be engaging in any further discussion over it.  I did feel sorry for them but am glad that I stuck to my guns and found really fantastic homes for all the pups.  At the end of the day the puppies are what is important.

Ditto what everyone else says if you dont feel right dont let them have one you will so regret it.

I had my first litter from my bitch 10 weeks ago. She had 11 lovely pups all very even and healthy and all but one have gone to their new homes. However I have had enquiries from people that I wouldn't even sell a goldfish too, the worrying thing is that if these type of people want a dog someone somewhere will sell them one!!

I own a large breed and I even had one guy contact me because he wanted it as protection - I told him that he had obviously never owned my breed before and maybe he should go away and do his homework and if he wanted a dog as protection to look at the guarding breeds. Then I had one who wanted two pups and when I said no became rather abusive then said 'OK I will just hae one then'. After telling him that he would never have one of my pups he then continued to phone me for the rest of the night until I was rather rude, cut him off & took the phone of the hook!

The worst one by far was a family that had been looking for their 'perfect dog' for over a year and they decided that they would like on of my pups. At first it sounded perfect as they had a large house, someone was at home all day, they had already looked into training classes/vets etc. Then they visited making a round trip of 700miles and it was only during their visit that I realised that they really were looking for the perfect dog and had placed too many expectations on this pup and I felt that if the pup didn't reach these expectations I would then have an 18month old dog returned to me. The most important thing for me is trying to find forever homes for my pups, I do not want them passed from pillar to post and ending up in rescue centres. Once they had left I thought about it for several hours before I rung them saying that they couldn't have one of my pups. It was one of the worst things I have ever done and felt sick but you have to go with your gut feeling.

You have put a huge amount of time, care, love and affection into rearing these pups. If you don't think that someone is suitable be honest with them................a suitable home will come up eventually!
Good luck x

to kmaylor

my litter have recently left and are of a similar age, had a similar incidence met family seemed ideal but  I felt they expected too much from a little puppy they wanted to show and I felt that this was thier first preference rather than anything else the pup had to offer , I did the same told them I had changed my mind , the pup is now with a wonderful family extremely happy and adored.

I had something similar, the couple were lovely and would have made great parents, but they were planning to move to the US, live in an apartment block in New York, and have a baby in the next year or so, and I just felt they wouldn't be able to give a 1 or 2 year old dog enough attention and exercise like that. They actually turned quite nasty when I said no and sent me emails saying how badly I had handled it and how hurt they were and how I had led them on and wasted their time (not true, I said all along there were other people interested and asked questions making it clear I wasn't sure about the New York apartment business!). Just goes to show, now my puppy has a fantastic home and is utterly adored by the whole family! :-)

I also had someone who phoned and wanted to bring cash and 'take the dog' straight away, I had to explain it was a mutual vetting thing to see if we liked each other. Then he never turned up, when I phoned he said his wife had been ill that evening and he'd call to rebook, and never did! Then we had the family that we liked very much, said they would take him, then phoned 2 days later saying they'd decided 13 weeks (the age he would be when they returned from their 3 week holiday) was too old to have a puppy, even though we'd agreed they wouldn't have him before as it would be a case of having him for 3 days, returning him for 3 weeks, then having him again!

> they'd decided 13 weeks (the age he would be when they returned from their 3 week holiday) was too old to have a puppy

What utter rubbish.  Frankly if I had confidence I was buying from a good breeder who reared and socialised their dogs properly then as a buyer the older the pup the better as the most labour intensive part is at the baby stage.

they'd decided 13 weeks (the age he would be when they returned from their 3 week holiday) was too old to have a puppy

I think a lot of this attitude is gained from the internet, many advice sites saying you should have the puppy at 8 weeks, no sooner no later. The same goes for the glossy pet mags. Its almost as if the puppy has a 'past sell by' date :( has anyone else noticed this?

I think the reason for that is the articles assume the pups will not be properly reared and socialised coming most likely from a bad breeder.  Sadly the majority of pups do come from breeders who are puppy farmers, other commercially motivated people, and BYB's who lack the knowledge and experience to rear the pups the way they need mentally.

In a certain way they would be right.  If the breeder had the whole litter at 13 weeks plus they might be struggling to provide the individual attention the pup needs, and part of socialisation for a future pet is to be alone more.

I'm glad you agree Brainless - of course if you've bought an unsocialised puppy from a mill, the sooner the better so you can start working on them, but I was getting their shots all done so by 13 weeks he'd have been to a couple of puppy classes and been out to the park and walked on the lead, I was teaching them sit and down and so on. Ah well, their loss was Spencer's gain as his new family are fantastic! :-)

I have actually found the pups that stayed longest for one reason or another gave their owners least trouble in the settling in period, especially re the puppy biting stage.

I would say that a novice owner buying a pup from a good breeder who socialises ans rears the pups well will be better off with the older pup, whereas an experienced dog owner especially one interested in training for a specific purpose likes to get the pup as early as possible to mould it in the direction they will need.

The Pet owner can afford to have the good breeder do some of the donkey work for them.