Fingers at the ready Ladies,
See how many different ways you can destroy mankind today

THE OFFICIAL WOMEN'S WORLD RECORDS:
Shop Dithering
The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August
and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham
branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs. Wilks
could not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale.
After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with
his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs. Wilks eventually bought
one for 12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other
one. To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs. Wilks also holds the record
for window shopping longevity, when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood
motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkards window in Kidderminster
for 3 weeks two days before eventually going home.

Film Confusion
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband
without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th
October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch
The Ipcress File. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40 secs
before asking Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the glasses?,
revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own record set in
1962 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of 633 Squadron before asking
Is this a war film, is it?.

on your marks get set ..........go.
who is going to be first.

ROTFL

Craig youve had a field day with those :D

Melody

So where exactly are these records kept and who compiled them? ;) :D

US record holder -----
Mr Spindle of San Francisco departed on 21 December to his daughter's new house near Los Angeles. Five days later, he telephoned her from Chicago. Apparently, he had taken a wrong turn at the I-5 interchange and travelled to Las Vegas. When he attempted to take the loop to return, he ended up in Phoenix, then El Paso, then Dallas and north to Chicago.
When queried why he did not request accurate directions when he was gassing up his car, he replied, "I never was lost, only taking the scenic route--durn youngsters drive too fast."
After his telephone call to his concerned daughter, Mr Spindle completely vanished off the map. He was last heard of near Toronto.

"A Woman's Little Instruction Book"
1. Women don't make fools of men-most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

2. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've gotten sick of him.

3. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

4. A woman's work that is never done, is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

5. If you want a nice man, go for a bald one -- they try harder.

6. Go for younger men. You might as well-they never mature anyway.

7. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men--don't and "stop" (but not used together).

8. Men are all the same-they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

9. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

10. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men-a woman.

11. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men-strong, caring, loving. They'd be wrong but you could still use them!

12. Men are like animals-messy, insensitive and smelly but they make great pets!

13. Men's brains are like the prison system-not enough cells per man.

14. Husbands are like children-they're fine if they're someone else's.
:D

Go on girls get him :D :D
Gina

bring it on.....

Oh brilliant :D :D :D
I love threads like these. Craig I think you'll need to try harder :p: :p: I think Ali's met your match. hee hee hee :D :D :D
Dot

What do you expect....I'm totally out numbered.....Girl power wins again.

Craig - seeing as you're a bloke.......you'd be out numbered in a room on your own:p :D

craig these are great keep at um,always been a sucker for the under dogs, tina

Under dog......more like a fox to the hounds

Awwwwwwww Bless :D
Feeling picked on are we Craig :D

I have to say, I am soooooooo not anti men. I am just having a giggle winding you up!!
My hubby is as near to perfect as a man can get, I have nothing horrible to say about it :)

Ali :)

Yes but I can handle it because like your Husband I am as near to perfect as a man can be aswell

How do we know that:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Stacey x x x

You will just have to take my word for it.

sorry craig l.o.l tina

The Directions Thing

One day three men were walking along and came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first man prayed to GOD saying, "Please, GOD, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! GOD gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to GOD saying, "Please, GOD, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! GOD gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to GOD saying, "Please, GOD, give me the strength, ability and intelligence to cross this river." And, poof! GOD turned him into a woman.
She looked at the map, then walked across the bridge :D :D :D

LOL

Stephen is looking very , VERY unimpressed

LOL

Melody

Nice one Ali:D :D :D :D

Stacey x x x

I have just read this thread, and most of it out to my partner, and strangely enough he doesn't seem to find it quite as funny as I did????

Fiona

I wonder why LOL .. no sense of humour these men :D
Gina