I am so thrilled to have been asked my my friend of 20 years it be godmother to her daughter.  Neither my friend or I are religious so I was wondering what, if any are the 'modern rules' to being a godmother. 

Does anyone know? 

I always give presents at X-mas, b.days ect and to promise to be there if anything should happen to them- thats what I always thought it was...

When we chose godparents they themselves had to have been christened and confirmed, not sure if this is the case everywhere or at all these days, but may be worth checking.

I always give presents at X-mas, b.days ect and to promise to be there if anything should happen to them- thats what I always thought it was...

Yes, that is exactly what it is and what I do, and my sons Godparents. :-) In fact although it is a priviledge to be asked, you don't really do anything. :-D

Though you are supposed to advise your Godchild to be a good Christian and help them to grow spiritually.

You have to promise to bring the child up in a Christian way, you do have to have been Christianed yourself and be a member of a church, as when you are Christianed you are entered into the Churches register. So they can check.
My daughter chose two Godparents for her little boy but! when interviewed by the Minister, they had not been Christianed, so he refused to except them in his Church as Godparents, unless they attended Church and was Baptised. It is a great honour to be asked, but! not to be taken lightly, it is a live long commitment to the child.
A good Godparent never forgets the Child, or Christmas, Birthdays, or any major event in there lives.

A good friend of mine had a non religious 'naming ceremony' for her youngest son and I was very happy to be asked to be 'godparent' (can't think of a suitable non religious word!) I see my role as always taking a supportive interest in the child, remembering birthdays and Christmas of course and other special occasions and simply being there if needed. I am quite happy it is a non religious role as I think his choice of religion should be entirely up to him.

>you do have to have been Christianed yourself and be a member of a church

I know someone who has a Jewish Godfather ...

so if i am not christian i cant be a godmother?  I was Christened just not practicing and belive there are other religions people can chose from rather than what 'they are told is acceptable' 

I was asked to be a Godparent once, I declined as I am not a Christian or christened, and did not believe that I could carry out the role properly.

so you are saying what exactly?  you cant be a godmum because you dont follow a certain religion?

The role of the Godparent in the Twenty First Century

By Rt Rev James Jones, the Bishop of Liverpool

Choosing a Godparent is sometimes a tricky business! You can risk offending both family and friends! It's important to know what to look for.

A Godparent is not a legal guardian or a 'sugar daddy' who remembers birthdays generously, or someone you can more easily call on to baby-sit. These are important roles and the second of them will no doubt bring much pleasure to your child as the years roll by. The greatest gift that a Godparent can offer is to love and pray for your child. As children grow up they are immersed in a world of different influences, some good, some bad and some utterly sinister. Some people worry so much about the future of the planet that they put off having children forever. Fortunately for the survival of the species many overcome this fear and find joy in having a family. But as any parent will tell you the older the children get the more you worry about their future.

Without trying to explain the mysteries of prayer, it is a Christian belief that to pray for someone is a good and positive thing to do for that person. It is through prayer that a person can become more aware of the spiritual side of life. This opens you up to see that there's more to life than just the material things and that there's a beginning and an end to everything and a meaning and a purpose to our existence. It is a gift through prayer to discover that God not only made the world but loves and lives alongside each and everyone of us. A child often has an intuitive sense of this even though their parents might not believe.

A Godparent has a special responsibility to nurture this side of your child's life. So look for a person amongst your family and friends who will pray for your child and take a special interest in how they grow up spiritually.

In the Baptism service you and the Godparents are asked questions about what you believe. It's important to have Godparents who believe the answers they give even though they, like us all, will have lots of questions about believing in God which crop up throughout our life.

As well as praying, a Godparent should also show that to follow Jesus is the way to know God. Being with other Christians and belonging to the church can be the place where God strengthens that faith and immerses us in experiences of his love.

Every faith is different.

linda

I am godmother to my friends daughter. I am not a member of the church and I was not interviewed by the vicar. My friend submitted the names of the people she had chosen and that was that. I do take being a godmother seriously. I only send cards on birthdays and christmas as she has 3 other children and it gets very expensive and as I too have a family we decided not to exchange gifts. I do however have my god daughter to come and visit nearly every week and my friend involves me in all special occasions. I am very close to my god daughter and I have spent alot of time with her (she is now 5) I hope that as she grows she will see me as someone who is always there for her and who she can come to if ever she needs too. I thoroughly enjoy being a god mother. My girls have grown up so I suppose really she is a substitute daughter.
jane

I really don't understand why people get their children christened at all if they are not religious. 

Yes, the whole idea of 'Godparent' is that the role goes to someone who believes in God, and by definition has a faith.  I was asked to be a Godmother when I was 17 and was thrilled to be asked.  I am still close to her (my cousin).  When my children were christened, our priest didn't interrogate the prospective Godparents, because he had already told us that they should have been Christened and preferably still practicing.  He then left the choice to us.  So it's important that the chosen person also takes an interest in the spiritual life of the child and helps guide where necessary.  I am sure you will do a wonderful job!

This is really interesting.  My husband and I were recently asked to be godparents to our friends' kid.  I wanted to decline but my Husband said it would have been mean to do so.  We are both Pagans and, IMO, being a godparent wold not be right for us or the child.  What gets me is that our friends haven't got a religious bone in their body yet still want a godparent for their kid?!  I think the role must have changed somewhat from what it was originally supposed to be.  We ended up telling them we could be ungodly parents :-D

Debs

i dunno soli, my paganism focuses on deities so i don't believe that it is divorced from the ability to be a god parent. as to the parents not being religious, perhaps that despite that they want their child to grown with a real choice. i think that if you grow up in a faith you tend to look for a faith, if you grow up without one then you probably won't try and find one. faith is amazing, comforting and helpful, however organised religion is often dogmatic and strays from its true meaning into dictated moralism (just my opinion guys) that can damage some peoples lives. it sounds to me like your friends maybe wanted their child to grown with both options right there for them to see in action- atheism or faith.

alternatively a lot of people feel like they just SHOULD for no reason.

i think the concept of christining etc is wrong because i don't believe you should force any major decision on someone (and assigning yourself to a faith is!). why not just have a naming ceremony etc instead, then you can still have godparents (though probably by a different name) and still have a lovely party for everyone to meet the baba, which is what its about for a lot of people now

A very interesting reply and I agree with what you're saying.

However, when we asked why they wanted godparents when they weren't religious, they told us it was so the kid had someone to look after it should anything happen to them.  Surely that would never stand up in law?  I can't begin to imagine the hassle it may cause with immediate members of their families.

Debs

your right it wouldn't. you;d be able to appeal it and fight for custody i think but who wants to battle between freiends and the childrens grandparents after that?! thats what a wills for!

You're right, if something happened to the parents the godparents would have no legal rights to the child's upbringing.  That's not what godparents are for as far as I understand it.  It's like other people have said, the godparents guide the child spiritually, but as I understood it, within the confines of the religion they were christened into.  If you're serious about your faith then surely you would choose godparents that ensured the guidance in that faith otherwise defeats the object IMO.

Cannot for life of me see how christening a child gives them a choice.  Most people are indoctrinated into the faith that's chosen for them otherwise we would have multi-faith families as a norm or perhaps more realistically a predominantly atheist society.

i had both my boys christened 20yrs ago they had two sets and godparents each, and now well all three married couples have divorced seems so sad but it happens.

My children are all Christened and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I believe it gives them a good foundation and should they wish to go their own way at least they have a starting point and I feel they do need that base line. Our society is mainly Christian, we are RC but to be honest I wouldn't mind any gathering in Gods name,  all different religions have pro's and cons, but to have no faith or beliefs would be hard for me to comprehend.
Karen

What does it give children a good starting point for?

I really don't understand why people get their children christened at all if they are not religious

Yes, I have to be honest from what I have seen over the years it is purely for the, what is the word........novelty?

Over the years I've seen many friends go through the fath of a Christening, and yes they have had to go to Church approx 3 times beforehand before the Christening was ok'd (to show faith :-D) the Christening goes ahead and from then on not an utterance of anything religious from the parents at all, they certainly do not attend Church unless for a wedding or a funeral, and the children have no idea what Sunday school is. :-)

For many it is just tradition with no real meaning at all.  Just something you are supposed to do. :-) Or perhaps to still belong even though they have no belief.

Belonging..........

I've always wondered if there is a fear element to it, should anything happen to the child it is like a back up plan for God/heaven - especially if they are spiritual/non-practicing/agnostic.  I suppose it is in some ways like an insurance policy should things not work out as planned and would allow the child to make it's own mind up once it gets older.

>I really don't understand why people get their children christened at all if they are not religious

For the same reason as they get married in church even though they never attend. It's the 'done thing'.

The agnostic reason makes sense. 

Just for clarification re various religions etc......If a child is christened into the church of england, then the godparents also must have been christened into the c of e. So of course there can be jewish godparents, but to jewish baptised children. same goes for other religions.

My children were christened C of E six years ago and their Godparents just had to be baptised  , not neccesarily C of E . Their godparents are all Catholic !

>If a child is christened into the church of england, then the godparents also must have been christened into the c of e.

Michael Caine's C of E daughter reputedly has a Jewish godfather!

Just shows again that parents do not choose godparents for the reasons they're supposed to.  You can say you belong to what religion you like, no one is going to seriously check up

There are regularly Christenings in the Church we go to, they have Godparents, but you virtually never see any of them again! Just seems like the done thing and an excuse for a new outfit, so I can't really see the point! We did have our children christened and we do continue to take them to Church but they have no Godparents because there didn't seem to be anyone who was suitable.

This is a really intersting and relevant subject for me. I have recently been asked to be God Mother to my neighbours new born baby. Now, I am religious and of Christian faith and have no problem with with accepting for that reason, but my main problem is that the family are what may be considered a 'problem family'. They fight shout and argue and I can hear this all through the walls. How would I, as the childs God Mother let this go on morally without removing her out of there? I am really struggling making a decision on this one. The other children swear and have no respect for their parents neither do the parents have any respect for their children. Personally I think I would be better declining politely (they arnt Church goers any way) instead of causeing myself a lot of stress. Would appreciate responses

xx

I've read through this thread & I'm not sure you got the answer you were looking for FooFoo just a lot of opinions!!! Is your friend having the child in question christened in a church or are they having a non-religious naming ceremony? They are 2 totally diiferent events & your role if you want to call it that depends on which it is.  I'm a "supporting adult" to my friends baby & was given this "title" in a naming ceremony, I was aksed to make several promises to the child & signed to say I would do so.  The idea is that I play a bigger part in the childs life than just a friend of the parents & that god forbid anything should happen to both parents I would assist in the upbringing on the child.  Nothing religious at all which is what the parents wanted. I was honoured to be asked, however don't think I'd do anything different with the child had I nto been asked!  I don't even know where my own godparents are & I went to a CofE Scholl & have been christened & confirmed!!!

If I was you I'd go along with whatever your friends wants & be honoured! Don't worry about the role, it's all about what you make it!  Congrats on being asked, your friend must value your support alot!

Ebonydawn, I can understand your dilemma but had you thought that the parents have asked you because they think that you might 'make a difference' in the way that the child grows up?  You obviously couldn't "remove the child" from the home, that wouldn't be your job but when the child is older, you could show her/him that there is another way to live!  The other children have not been set a good example from what you are saying but you could set a good example to your godchild and make a difference.  I would say "go ahead and accept".  The alternative is to decline and then you may feel sorry that you had no part in the new baby's upbringing when he or she turns out the same as the others!

Hi FooFoo,
Yes! I agree that everyone should choose what they wish to beleve in thereselves. But! as babies and children we have to give them a lead, I have never told my children who or what to beleve in, or to have there babies Christianed. But! they all have, there chose. In our Church!! If you have not been Christianed you can't have a white wedding, church wedding, unless you have been baptised. or buried in a church yard. I think this applies to many religions.

Denese

Hi ebonydawn,

I know what you mean, I have been in that position myself, there are two ways of looking at it, you could be an asset to the child and show it better ways of life.
Take the child to Church with you at Christmas and Easter showing the real meaning of the occasion. Or you could be used for them to dump the child on you, when it so suites. also get dragged into family problems. The Church may refuse to Christian the child for reasons spoke about in this thread.
It is such a same that the wheel turns, sins of the parents ect; These little ones do not stand a chance do they. If you decide to give it a try and the Church does Christian the child, It would be a challenge. All the input into a child does return at later times during there lifes good and bad.

Best of Luck
Denese

Gosh, I'll never be asked to be a godparent then even though my own feelings on certain things may be classed as "The Christian way" even though they definitely aren't.  I have self respect and respect of others.

Hi perrodeagua,

There are many really good people out there who are strong believers in certain things, that could be called "very Christian," who do not attend Church.
They keep there beliefs very private. That do not want a label, like C of E or catholic, ect ect.

Denese

I'm glad you put 'very Christian' in quotes, denese. 
Obviously there aren't degrees of Christianity - either you're a follower of Christ and his teachings or you're not !

She is having a naming ceremony at the Reg Office.  I have spoken to her and although we have both been Christened we are not religious, although my way of life is more 'Spritual' - we have agreed I will be like a god parent but will be her Auntie to to speak.  No comments on the true relationship between Aunties and Nieces please!