Ladies,
I have noticed on these forums that most participants are Female, and at times a unfair amount 0f Husband/Boyfriend bashing has taken place..........you know who you are.
I feel it is necessary to address this unbalanced with a light heart swipe at the gentle sex ( women , gentle , who am I trying to kid ).
So here goes,

>> > THE OFFICIAL WOMEN'S WORLD RECORDS:
>> >
>> > Car Parking
>> > The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was =
>> > one of
>> > 9.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs.
>> > Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th
>> > October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, =
>> > Pontefract,
>> > and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8
>> > hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and
>>wings =
>> > of
>> > her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp
>> > posts.
>> >
>> > Incorrect Driving
>> > The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km =
>> > (313
>> > miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel
>>=
>> > of a
>> > Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles
>>into =
>> > her
>> > journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from
>>the
>> > rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest =
>> > completed
>> > journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.

Ladies I can hear those keyboards tapping away.

ROTFL ...very good

You can say what you want about us ladies ..we DO have a sense of humour - we have to , we marry men ;)

Melody - By the way ..if you cut n paste an email ..you can edit away all the little indents to make it easier to read ;)

I will do on my next one,I,m at work and suppose to be working so had to rush before boss came over.

Isn't man bashing an olympic sport ! -- I'm sure i saw it at the commonwealth games ;)
Liz

Liz ...it should be

:D

Melody

Hello Craig Well My husband can bitch out with the best of the women you should see him in sainsburys Lol

Craig
All these men including my own moan about women drivers but have you noticed 90% of driving instructors are male ;) just a thought.

As I always say womens faults are many.
Men have only 2 everything they say and everything they do!:)

As I always say womens faults are many.
Men have only 2 everything they say and everything they do!
Rofl @ DOGS :D

Thats a good one is'nt it glad you liked it.:)

Sorry Craig :p but you did ask for it!!!! :p :D
Men Are Like....

Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like.....Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

:D
:D

One More :D ( Could not resist :D )

Men-tal Anxiety. . . Men-opause. . . Men-tal Breakdown
Ever noticed that all problems start with MEN?

:D :D

:D :D

See what I mean,least Pheasant and Duck have a closed season..........men are shot down all year round.........................when there is a Spider in the bath who do you run to.........who has to shop all day carrying all the bags and then go back to the first shop to buy the first dress you tried on,and then have to listen to ' does my bum look big in this........which shoes go best with this dress'
And P.M.T the only legal form of GBH..............men are saints......we need to be.

Craig
About the spiders in the bath I have to get them out as he is sacred stiff of them

Liked your post Ali Tears running down my face.

They do say when God made men she was only experimenting. Then she finally got the right formula to make us women.:)

LoL @dogs
Liz ;)

Lurve the men bashing!
Made my day all this, just wait until my husband gets home! Haa, Ha!

Sharon

Hi ladies
The one thing that gets me with my man not sure if any of yours are the same.When the bin is full and I mean full instead of emptying it they try to cram as much as they can in the bin,this results to gravy,sauce and left overs of tea going all over the lid.I stand behind him in amazement watching him to squeeze his empty can of beer in hes really pushing it down theres things falling out the bin etc. Then he will turn round and say to me " I think the bin needs emptying love" I could scream as he walks off to turn the football on

Ditto but it's usually me who puts the footie on !;)
Liz
ps Ali -- I don't know where you get them but the're brill :D

I got rid of the man in my life 12 years ago, but find kids do the same!

:D :p :rolleyes: ;) :D
Don't get defensive Craig :D You know we couldn't do without you all :D
Heres one just for you.
Things men wished women knew about them

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat a**e in a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.......again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
.7.Sunday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
8. Shopping is not a sport.
9. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
10. You have enough clothes.
11. You have too many shoes.
12. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
13. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is a twit and your Dad probably is too.
14. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
15. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
16. Yes, p****** standing up is more difficult than p****** from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
17. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, that would look good with your dress?
18. Yes, No and Mmm are perfectly acceptable answers.
19. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Now.
20. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
21. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
22. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
23. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
24. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
25. The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all g*y. Face it.
26. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
27. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
28. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
29. Consider Sport a mini-holiday from you. We need it, just like you do.
30. Women wearing Wonderbras, low-cut blouses, tight tops, no jackets, chest level logo'd t-shirts etc. etc. lose their right to complain about having their b**bs stared at.
31. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
32. If you want some dessert after a meal - order some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
33. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
34. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit-food nouvelle-cuisine style. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and more cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.
35. Do not question our sense of direction.

REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A MAN

1 A dog wont moan if your on the phone

2 A dog wont moan if your watching the soaps and not the football

3 A dog wont leave the toilet seat up!

4 A dog wont leave the top off the toothpaste

5 A dog wont leave smelly socks down the side of the sofa or in the bathroom

6 A dog wont bring his mates round on a sunday after noon to watch the grand prix leave beer cans around the house and then ask you get him another cold one out of the fridge.

7 A dog may do the odd f*rt but he wont laugh and ask you if you can smell it

8 A dog wont argue with you if you go on a shopping spree and ask "How much!!!"

9 A dog will want a cuddle off you and nothing else!

And finally

10 A dog wont moan about going down to your moms on a saturday after noon :)

There!!!! :p
And I was just trying to even things up just for Craig :D

As usual a women has got the last word, I give up.

ROTFLMAO @ number 7

Hubby does NOT looked amused after I read those out to him

:D :D :D

Melody

Hi Craig. Look you men have to come in useful for something :D :D
Gina

Gina,
Womankind would be totally lost without the love of a good man.

he's a brave man for trying ---but they all give up eventually :D
Liz ;)

Love the laughs on here :D :D :D

Just got back from selling our truck!!!! Success!!!! :D :D :D
Funny male moment here.....
Guy who used to work with hubby recognized our name from answering machine after calling from car lot.
Telephones hubby and asks him to negotiate vehicle price. Hubby (smartly ;) ) says, that's Sara's truck and it's up to her. Ex-coworker groans, "Oh sh***, women drive a meaner and harder bargain than men do."

And he was right
I was brutal ;) :D :D

BTW, hubby couldn't remember what the "bottom line" was supposed to be, so he just passed the buck ;) :) :)