Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is well. I just wondered whether anyone could help although I know its a bit cheeky as not strictly doggy! I lost my dog on xmas eve.I had to make the sad decision to have him PTS. Since he crossed the bridge one of my cats has been inconsolable. I must admit they were joined at the hip for 3 years as the cat arrived as a kitten and took to my boy straight away. My cat howled for the first few nights which I thought was no surprise he must have left a big hole in his life too. But we are now at the beginning of March.... and still he cries! 2am without fail, paces and yowls. Its not even as if thats when he asks to go out has never done it before! I have spoken to my vet but they tell me not to worry it wont be grieving as cats dont have the same emotions as people so could not be that! Reluctant to go back again TBH!
Just wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience and if so how they resolved it.
As I say I am sorry its not strictly doggy but a lot of you were so helpful when "Itch" was ill just thought I would ask...
Many Thanks
LouLou

how did late dog and cat interact did they play with
each other perhaps you can fill the hole with the same play
or it mimic in some way . 'what used to  happened at 2 am '
to make her cry .
sorry for your loss :-(
give her plenty of attention look after her needs.
thats what i would do
best of luck

Donna :-)

My first cat took to her basket, refused to eat or drink & simply pined away when one of our dogs died(this was in the 1950's)nothing anyone could do(including the vets)helped, she was only young too. I know my cats have missed dogs when they have died & vica versa.

Wukee & Reg are almost joined at the hip & I'm sure they would miss each other if anything was to happen to one(touch wood not for many many years)

How daft to say a cat cannot grieve. When I was a child my cat was so upset when my mum went back to work that she used to steal her undies from the laundrey basket and give them to people as if to demand to know where she was!

As others have said a huge hole has been left in all your lives and it needs to be filled. With time maybe a new companion would help.

How old is the cat? A lot of older cats get confused and start crying during the night out of confusion, that's very common. But other than that, yes sounds like loneliness, typical way of saying "Where IS everyone?" As for the vet -hmpf!!! :(

I was once told that animals are far more excepting of death then humans. It's a natural thing which they understand.
I must admit that over the years I have come to believe that there is a lot of truth in it.
I wonder if your poor cat is just waiting for his companion to come home -all he knows is that your dog went out with you and hasn't returned.
It's a very sad subject but I do believe that allowing another pet time to see his/her companion after death helps them.
Slightly different I know - but a few years ago I discovered one of my rabbits in the run in obvious distress. Her companion was running about in a panic. The vet couldn't help, old age had caught up and she was pts. I took her home and placed her for just a few seconds back in the run. My other rabbit walked up to her, sniffed her and then moved away and started eating grass - as if nothing was wrong at all.
A year later I put my dog into the garden as usual one evening quite late. He started barking and crying at the door. When I went to get him he wouldn't come in, but went over the the rabbit run. He was scratching the wire to get in. I then saw that my other girl had passed away during the evening. I lifted her out, bought her indoors, all the while with my dog whining and upset. I lowered my poor girl down so that my dog could see what was happening. Again, he sniffed her, immediately calmed down and wandered off.

I don't know what to suggest about your poor cat, it is very sad. Maybe there are things in the house which remind him of your dog, certain smells he remembers. I guess lots of time and love, maybe a slight change of routine might help.

Anyway, just my thoughts.

Hope he's back to normal soon.

Val

Slightly off topic, but someone I know had one of her dogs PTS recently and was encouraged to take the other dog too, so she could see her afterwards and know she was dead.

>to take the other dog too, so she could see her afterwards and know she was dead

We did this with our previous Dobe boy when our bitch was PTS. He sniffed all over her and I held him on the lead whilst she was buried. Afterwards he ran straight back inside the house and went frantic looking for her! Was miserable for weeks and refused to eat for a long time. So it didn't seem to work for him.

First, let me say that I am very sorry for your loss. 

What about calming sprays?  The natural ones, where its got different oils which apparently calms the animal down.  I havent used them, but I know people that do, and swear they work.  After over two months, I would check in with the vet again, and see if they can recommend something to calm your cat.  Vets are whack sometimes, when they dont know what to do, they just pass off and say that "It will pass".  But if you go into the vet, and state what has been happening every night (which is hard to hear from your cat whining - must be heartbreaking.  But now its gone into where you are somewhat annoyed at it happening, because it is disturbing you).

Also, when the cat starts whining and howling, are you going to it?  I dont know much about cats, but I do know that if you give a dog attention for something you dont want it to do (like barking) then it will continue to do it because it got attention from you.

Not heard of allowing one pet to see another being buried before, not something I'd fancy. Not sure they would understand the covering up/hiding and it might prove a bit of a fright. I'm sure they understand death as it's a natural thing but burying a body I guess is a thing we humans do and not natural to an animal.

It definitely didn't seem to help him. I'm not even sure he recognised it was her. He never showed any interest in the place she was buried nor the place where he last sniffed her - he seemed to think she was still inside the house somewhere.

Lou Lou,

If the cat is most upset at 2am, what would they have been doing together at that time?   My guess is sleeping all cuddled up and snuggly ;)   if this is the case you could try giving the cat a nice hot water bottle so that at least she is getting the warmth and comfort that she may also be missing.   I had to do this when one of my Burmese cats died, her mother missed her so much and was worse at night (crying and looking for her) the hot water bottle helped her to settle at night ;)

So sorry for your loss, even when it's been expected it hard to bear.

Firstly, sorry for your loss.
Boy it really annoys me when they say an animal doesn't grieve. When my first dog was PTS my black Labrador was so sad for a full 6 months. Even though we got a puppy after a month and she liked the puppy and would play with her, she just wasn't the same dog. The first holiday when we were away on our canal boat and just about to enter a lock, she was on the bank and leaned down towards the water and just allowed herself to slip in, no attempt at swimming, I had to grab into the water and grab her collar to drag her out. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was as though she just didn't care. Luckily after that incident she seemed to come back to life a bit and lived for another 8 years. Now it seems really fanciful, but other people saw her and they couldn't believe that she made no effort to swim. She was the type of Labrador that would launch herself into the water and could swim like a fish. Luckily she came round otherwise I am convinced that I would have lost her with grief. The dog we lost was her mentor and I feel she just felt lost without her.

It annoys me that people say that dogs don't have feelings.  Someone bought a Spanish off me 13 years ago and afterwards they bought another dog, unfortunately that one died at 9 so they got in touch with me because their Spanish was inconsolable.  He wouldn't eat, wouldn't go outside and wouldn't play, after watching him for a week going downhill they were really worried.

Well that was about 5 months ago now and after a lot of heartbreak I gave them one of my girls.  I get e-mails all the time and had one yesterday saying how much Carina and Pedro had enjoyed their holiday and how well they were both doing.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and feel for your cat too.
For the vet to say that cats (or dogs for that matter) dont grieve, is unbelievable.
They go through all the same emotions as we do, they certainly do grieve.

My little crossbreed was inconsolable when one of our bernese died. 
Our bernese came to us when we'd had our crossbreed for 10 years, unfortunately our bernese died of bloat when she was 4, and our remaining dog was distraught.  She was frantic as she was ill, and when we took her to the vets and didnt come back with her, she was devastated.
Didnt eat for weeks properly.  I had to hand feed her.
To be honest this is what i did, and honestly you may not like what i say, but i comforted her, i cuddled her in, i talked to her.  My neighbours said she used to howl when i wasnt in.. and she was terrible all the time for weeks,  it seemed the more i consoled her the worse she was, until one day i almost shouted at her.  Infact i did.....
I shouted and said, right thats enough, stop it.... i was so stern, i said its me and you now and I just made her get the old energy back that she once had.  Taking her mind off it.... and rather than cuddling her, i gave her more rough play to give her a bit fighting spirit back.
It does sound really bizzare but she really did pull through it after that. 

I'm not saying this would ever work for everyone, but it did for us, but obviously i knew her nature.

And please dont think i'm horrible, i loved her to bits.

Alison Gold  How touching and so very sad.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  Unfortunately, I don't know how to help, but reading this has made me think of my GSD and my youngest cat.
My GSD has always been great with cats, but she especially loves my youngest, and the cat feels the same way!  From the moment the kitten came home, they've been inseparable.
If the dog goes out of the room, the cat howls and throws herself at the door until she's let out to be with the dog again.  She's not the same animal unless 'her dog' is with her.
They have play fights, which are hilarious, and then collapse and go to sleep curled up together. 

I dread to think how either of them would react if anything happened to the other, because they really are very close. 
I have another cat, who the youngster doesn't get on with, and I've never seen my GSD like this with another dog.......just this cat and dog seem to have a special bond.

I hope, given time, your cat will start to get better - it must be very sad.

I agree with everyone else, they do so grieve.  I even lost a cat to grief once; he just left after the dog died.  We think he was hit on the road some distance away.  My current three cats seem to be missing Jet, who died in September.  Current puppy is not a substitute for them, just as many of us find a new pet does not really fill the void of the old.  For one cat in particular, the one closest to Jet, I am paying special attention.  She seems to want more contact with me and more plays, cuddles etc.  She is not expressing the degree of grief yours seems to be but can you give yours more attention?  A lot more?

For future sad times I really agree it is a good thing to show the remaining pets the body of the deceased one.  I took all four cats out to view Jet and have sniff.  Sadly, a month later I had to take three cats out to view the body of the fourth who'd been hit on the road.  I think it helped them to understand each was gone.

Hi everyone

Thanks so much for all your replies! I am glad you agree my cat is grieving and does miss Itch. Did wonder if I was going mad!I really have no idea why 2am is the time to yowl, they used to sleep together every night without fail so maybe its then he realises he is on his own. I did try taking him upstairs and trying to persuade him to sleep on my bed, for the warmth and company that I thought he was missing but no straight back downstairs!! My cat did see Itch after.... he was PTS at home..... god still cant type that without crying :-(
I am currently using a Feliway diffuser, no luck yet.
I notice he lies on the floor in the kitchen where I had Itch's bed so maybe I could try the hot water bottle wrapped in a towel in that spot. I still have his bed but not sure I could cope with putting it back down!
I do spend a lot of time with him but I notice he no longer sits on my lap, it was a case of cat on lap, dogs nose half on lap and half on cats tummy, cat purring like a train!  He jumps straight off my lap now!, maybe if I pushed him around the laminate floor with my nose?.... Itch's favourite trick with the cat, who seemed to love it???? Sigh
Well sorry I have been rambling. Certainly value your thoughts and thanks for taking the time to answer
Best Wishes to everyone
Lou x

Just caught up with this, but felt I had to tell you how I know that cats most definitely have long memories and do grieve. Many years ago I had two cats, mother and daughter, and a dalmatian bitch. The younger of the cats was bestest friends with the dog and they'd play together and sleep together. The dog died, and the cat became withdrawn, and seemed to age.

Four years passed, I'd married and moved out of the family home, and we bought a black labrador puppy. We went to stay with my parents, the cat took one look at the dog and fled, refusing to emerge from the shed for the duration. A few months later we got another pup - another dalmatian bitch. This time (5 years since the first dal had died) when we went to visit my parents the cat saw the dal and came rushing towards her, tail up and mewing, before suddenly realising that it was a different dog, and turned and ran. Her disappointment that her old friend hadn't returned at last was very hard to see, and still brings a tear to my eyes. :-(