I am arranging a spa day for my best friend for her Hen Day ! The problem I have come accross is the other girls do not want to go as it costs too much money ! To be honest - it does not matter how much it costs are I know they do not want to do that kind of thing and would much prefer a night out on the tiles however my best friend does not drink even though she is always the life and soul of the party !!! I asked her to pick what she really wanted to do. I don't think it is too much to ask - Do you think I am being unreasonable ? The cost is £95 and it is a whole day thing....with lunch included in a 5 star hotel (a good deal infact) The thing that really annoys me is I know that the girls are all going to another friends hen weekend in Newcastle which is costing a lot more whereas they have known about this spa day for ages and a month before are now pulling out with feeble excuses considering.

It just gets to me - how can friends let other good friends down like this. I am easy going but I know my best mate will be extremely upset when she finds out that I am the only one going to the spa day.

To be honest, there's no way I'd spend £95 on a spa day either - even if it was for a friend.  £95 is an awful lot of money to spend on something you don't like doing.

Debs

It is very expensive! I'd be hard-pressed to justify that amount, even for my very best friend - even for my husband, come to that!

Hopie, why don't just you and your best friend do it, have a get together with friends the night before, then spend the day after at the spar.  I would love it, it sounds like a fabulous day and although value for money, I agree £95 to many is a lot especially if it is not their cup or tea, everyone is different.

Remember a wedding with outfits, presents, transport, possible hotel stays is already costing a fortune, not to mention other things going on in everyones life too.

Just make it a day for you and your best friend. :-)

Book me for your Spa day......When I think of what is spent going to a champ show with a couple of dogs, that £95 sounds reasonable!

I would maybe arrange to go to the spa with just your friend, then go out either that night, when you're feeling all relaxed and rejuvenated, or the night before, as Carrington has suggested, so you can chill out the next day at the spa.

I think just gathering people together at one time is a nightmare really, an dit is never as important to everyone else as it is to you or your friend. My own sister is not coming on my hen weekend. She doe shave her reasons, but there are ways round it if she could realyl be bothered. My two best friends will be there, and that's all that matter to me int he end.

Good luck, I hope you have a lovely time, whatever you decide!

£95 is alot to spend if they don't enjoy that thing and to be honest I'm sure the Bride to Be would rather her friends were with her and enjoyed something then not enjoying it.  Especially if they have another friend who's hen party's in newcastle!  Not everyone can afford both and you choose what you would prefer at the end of the day.

A night on the tiles doesn't aways include drinks and if your friends always the life and soal of the party then surely she enjoys this?

It's a hard choice and I money does stop alot of us doing things for others!

im with you on this Hopie, although obviously you must be sure that the bride herself wants to do this.

Taxis meals drinks etc for a night out would add up to that and more. But if they are half hearted better to keep it just you and her and meet them another time

I don't think it is that expensive for a whole day...but it is something I would enjoy!

If they agreed then let you down then that is unreasonable!

I would go with your friend and make sure she enjoys the day, after all it is her day not theirs!

You are obviously a very good friend! :-)

I must admit that I myself wouldn't pay out £95 for something like that but of course everyone's different.  Hope that you can get something sorted and all have a great time!

no one should be obliged to spend money they dont have on something they dont want to do. if your friend chose a hen do that cost almost £100, then she must accept that it excludes those who cant afford it....and they may have financial problems that you dont know of, so you cant assume they can afford it. you and her can still have a nice time.

If they agreed then let you down.......then they aren't worth worrying about! ;-)

i'm with you hopie to be honest. i just feel that its her special event and everyone should do everything they can to make her happy. to be honest though this attitude has caused no end of arguments/annoyance in the past between me (and those of my friends of the same view) and those who are more interested in keepeing themselves happy when its come to folks special occasions (hen nights, weddings, birthdays etc). you've got to try and accept that not everyone is as interested in making folk happy. my best friend and i both feel this way about things so we know we can always rely on each other to be there for this sort of stuff- that works well (though i still feel guilty for only being out for part of her birthday-i was really unwell and had to leave)

also, spa day sounds awesome-i'm going for one for my friends birthday to cheer her up cause her bf's away...and myself and my friends are skint students. if we can scrape it together...

I don't think it is necessarily a case of not being interested in making folk happy - not everyone has that amount of spare money to spend however much they might want to join in. The amount in question is the equivalent to two weeks shopping bills in our house and I just couldn't afford to spend that amount on a day out.

My niece, to whom we are very close , got married last year and decided that she wanted her wedding at a place that was very special to her and her future husband but was, unfortunately for us, 400 miles away from where her family live. As much as we would have loved to have been at her wedding there was no possible chance that we could go purely down to the cost of the travelling and overnight accommodation. We were there in spirit though :)

Thanks for all your replies....  I meant to say that the other girls who have pulled out are all DINKY's (Duel Income - No kids) They have good jobs as do their other halves and it is not really a problem of them not being able to afford it - they can afford it and some.

Realistically - most folk go for the hen week / weekend these days and yes it is expensive ! A good couple of hundred when you add in accomodation, travel, meals and drink ! Not to mention time off work. I still think that a Spa Day is affordable, I will be definately be going (even though I actually hate these kind of things) I just don't want to let my best friend down...

But who's hen night is it???  If the bride to be wants to do the spa day then I do think that friends should join in even if it's not their thing.  OK £95 is quite a lot but some of these same friends might think nothing of going to Amsterdam/Edinburgh/Anywhere for a rowdy weekend and that would be a lot more expensive.  Everyone dropping out because they "don't fancy it" is a tad on the mean side I would say.  It's not about them, it's the bride's day.

I'd go anyway and have a lovely time even if its just the two of you  :)  After all, going to the pub isn't really all that special is it?

CG

It obviously isn't that they can't afford it as they are going on a weekend to Newcastle. Have to say Hopie I'm with you. It's not my idea of a good day but if it was my mates hen do I would scrape the cash together and make sure I smiled all day long for her.

:-D  DINKY's, very clever, that's a new one I've learnt!

If money is not the problem for any of them, though no-one ever really knows the extent of others credit then they must just not want to do it, or they do not count your friend as a really close friend who they would put themselves out for, I guess that speaks volumes that these girls are really just acquaintences and not real friends, even though they are going to the wedding. :-(

Where do you live Hopie?  I'm going for a spa day for my bday in 2 weeks (yeah!) & it only costs £60 for a full day including lunch, you can then add to it with treatments etc if you like.  The one I go to is Eden Hall, they have 2 one in Newark & one in Staffordshire.  It's a fabulous place, you're so relaxed at the end & it would be a prefect place to spend a hen party, although they do limit your alcohol intake to one glass of wine for H&S reasons!!