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Topic Other Boards / Foo / How do deal with neighbours
- By Crespin Date 29.12.07 01:06 UTC
Ok, this is a bit of a rant, but also a question.  Here is some backround

The place I live in, is a complex, so I have people on either side of me, as well as over 100 houses in this little area.  The one neighbour is great!  Even though she is scared of dogs, she said she was really sorry when she heard my Joy passed, and gave hugs.  She said she actually liked Joy, because Joy wasnt scary, and didnt try to do anything, just layed there when she came over. 

The other neighbour on the other side of me is more of an issue.

The day she moved in is what set the tone for me.  Her, her daughter, and the babies dad of the daughters baby were all out front having a fight which included weapons.  My sister had to be escorted into my house, to make sure she wouldnt get hurt.

Then she plays her Ragee music so loud, I have to have my TV full blast to be able to hear it a little.  I have had to reframe a majority of my pictures in my house because the base of her music thumbs so loud and vibrates the walls, and makes the frames come apart. 

She also smokes pot, which I can smell in my house. 

Back last year, her son tried to poison my dogs because he didnt like us, and he also didnt think we should have Dobermans.  (I dont have Dobermans - but even if I did, it doesnt matter what breed, no one should try to kill them)

Her siamese cat also attacked my pup, and when I went to talk to her about it, she got mad, and said "I dont have money to pay for your vet bills, so I aint paying nothing). 

She has also tried to beat up my mum, but I wont let her (my mum is 90lbs and she is 300 lbs.) so I step in and say that if she wants to fight, fight me.  I would do anything to protect my mum.  Still wouldnt be a fair fight, since I am half her weight, but at least she wouldnt be beating on my mum.

Every time we have complained about her to the landlord, she gets a letter saying "Please respect other people, dont do such and such again."  Then she comes over and tries to fight us.  It has gotten to the point where I am afraid to say anything about her, cos I know one of these times it could get really serious. 

One time, my sister called the police on her daughter since her daughter threatened to beat my sister up.  So when the police came to her house, she got off scott free by explaining things away, and then when the cop left, they continuely called my sister several times during the day and night, threatening her, and such.  The police wouldnt do anything.

A couple months back, there was an article in the local paper about 3 kittens found underneath a car.  Flea ridden, had mange, and all sorts of other things, ontop of having car grease all over them.  Looking at the pictures, of the kittens I said "these look like Karens kittens."  Only to find out today they were!  She dumped them, and when the SPCA ran an article in the paper about it, and they wanted to find the owners, she called up her friend and said "Look my cats are on the front page of the paper!".  Laughing and happy about it.

I honestly dont know if my head can take it anymore.  I am fed up with this neighbour, and want to keep my sanity for the next month before I can get out of here.  But I am also afraid to complain about her, to anyone, because she always comes threatening a fight.  I am scared when she is mad at us to even leave my house. 

I have been thinking of asking my aunt, who breeds Dobermans, for one of her dogs until we move.  But I know thats the wrong answer, and I know I would probably have the dog on edge all the time wanting to react to the stresses (the dog is guard trained).  And also, I would be afraid for the dogs life, with the neighbours already trying to kill min pins cos they thought it was a dobe, and to have a dobe here, would make it worse.  I would also be weary about having it here because of the extra liability since it is guard trained, and the SPCA is on a rampage with this breed ban of pit bulls.  (to all dobe lovers, I love the breed, and want one based on their working ability, smarts, and beauty, but I dont want to get one for the "macho reasons")
I have no idea what to do.  Any ideas to keep me sane over the next month?  Any ideas on what to do about this potential violent/already violent with other people neighbour.  I am litterally scared, but dont want to aggrevate the situation by making yet another complaint.  PLz help!
- By Floradora [gb] Date 29.12.07 06:28 UTC
Poor you, would contact the local authority too and get other neighbours that have problems on your side too. Do you have ASBOs in Scotland?
Good luck
- By Fablab [gb] Date 29.12.07 08:08 UTC
Yes we have ASBO's in Scotland (for all the good they do) but I suspect you maybe confusing the SPCA with SSPCA ? The O.P.'s profile suggests she lives in Canada. :)
- By LindyLou [gb] Date 29.12.07 11:11 UTC
As most of us live in the Uk we don't know the laws of Canada so can't help you on that score. However, a lot of us have had to live with neighbours like yours. I moved to where I am now because of abusive neighbours and don't regret it. The only thing I can sugget (apart from keeping your head down low) would be to see if you could stay with a friend for a while, just to get you out of the stress. I'm not making light if the situation, I actually had thoughts of doing serious harm to the people involved that would have meant I would have been locked up for a long time. The stress and fear that you go through is unbelievable, but try not to let them know. The more they know it bothers you the more they will play on it. I was advised (by the local police) to keep a record of any incident, and to phone them any time there was a problem. Even if they had just left my house. They would have come straight back. We were talking of going to court before I finally was offered this house. Knowing that you are going to move soon should give you hope. I will be thinking of you over the next few weeks and hope that your new home is a happier home.

Linda
- By Astarte Date 29.12.07 13:23 UTC
nightmare, i'm so sorry for you! do you have anything in canada like our ASBO's? if you don't know what they are they are anti social behaviour orders. i'm not sure in what way they actually work but i understand they are having some positive effect over here
- By Crespin Date 29.12.07 15:13 UTC
I live in Canada, and we do have somthing called Peace Bonds..... Im not sure if they are the same thing.  They wouldnt do much good, since our houses are litterally attached, and our front doors are 10 feet apart (if that). 
- By Carrington Date 29.12.07 14:04 UTC
Can I ask, is it just you who has a problem with these neighbours, (who sound like the neighbours from hell) or do they cause problems with other residents too?

If it is others too, you must all get together, keep a diary of complaints and firstly get them sent off to the landlord, it is the landlords responsibility to make sure he/she has respectable law abide tenants, you can only build up a case about these people with complaints and detailed diaries.

I would most definitely avoid confrontations with these people, but every threat of any kind you must report to the landlord and police, ok they may get fed up with it, but a flood of complaints as opposed to one every now and then when brave enough, will get results.

The law is there to protect you and if you are being threatend they must respond.

Don't bring a dog into this, these people have no respect, the dog would be in danger.

And at the end of the day, if nothing happens, if your life is a misery, then move............ easier said than done I know, but stress and unhappiness at the end of the day just isn't worth holding onto for the sake of something material. If your home is rented, just look somewhere else, perhaps even a few streets away, so that you are in the same area.

Life is too short to spend it miserable and afraid.
- By Astarte Date 29.12.07 15:08 UTC
quite agree with carrington about listing the incidents. plus if you speak to your neighbours you can support each other, if several people are standing up to them they might stop being as much trouble, they could realise that they are not getting away with it. i'd also agree not to bring the dobe into it. as you say there is potential danger to the dog, but additionally if the dog does something it might regard as defending you from a threat it could increase an unfortunately bad rep for a lovely breed. it's such a shame that guarding breeds get the rep of being evil, vicious, killers (fellow guarding breed fans i'm not saying they are! i've a guarding breed!) because of bad owners- good owners shouldn't give any opportunity of twisting the truth about them. if the dog defended you or your mum from the threats of assault from this person (as the dog possibly would in such a charged situation) they could use it against you, losing you many forms of defense from these people. er, did that make any sense? losing the moral high ground was the gist i think... though i can totally understand how having the dog around would make you feel safer.
- By Lori Date 29.12.07 14:09 UTC
Any chance you could find a short term rental? I'm from the US so I know rentals are more available in North America than here in the UK. Check with a property management firm and explain the situation. If they have an empty property they can get some earning out of they might go for it.

Instead of asking your aunt for a dog you could ask her for a bed. :-D It might be cozy for a month but I'd put my family up to get them out of danger. It would depend on how the dogs got on of course.
- By Crespin Date 29.12.07 14:57 UTC
Thank you all for your replies.  We are moving, and believe me I am counting down the days.  This neighbour believes she runs the complex, and does cause issues with other tenants.  She told her son one time to go KILL a boy because the parents were getting on her nerves. 

In Canada, since her son is under 12 years old (well was until just very recently) nothing can be done about him.  So she would tell him to do things, so he couldnt get in trouble.  And therefore, neither would she.

For four years I have had to deal with her, and it wasnt until I said to my mum that I am leaving, she can come if she wants, that we decided to move.  The place we are moving into seems nicer, and I have talked to a few people that previously lived there, and moved out for reasons other than problems (like buying a house).

There is a couple problems with moving out now, before we actually move into the new place.  We are on Geared to Income housing, and therefor, our pensions would not approve a move twice in such a short time.  Our pensions help us with moving costs, but it can only be accessed once every two years. 

I am going to talk to my aunt though, and see about staying with her for a bit.  It sounds awful, but with Joy gone, it makes it easier to stay at someone elses place.  Joy was the one that was the problem with the Dobes.  She litterally told a male dobe off for sniffing her, IN HIS OWN HOUSE.  She had no comprehension of plain stupidity. 

Feb 1, can not come soon enough!!!!!!!!!!!  I just keep thinking of how much better it would be, and how peaceful it would be.  I keep thinking, ok a room big enough to set a proper sized ring up for conformation practise!!!!!  (master bedroom, which will be used for all things dog! - man they get spoiled)

About calling the police, we have.  In Canada, dogs arent given any rights, and when called about the neighbours trying to poison my dogs, they said "Well, are your guys ok?"  "yes"  "then whats the problem"  WHATS THE PROBLEM?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Also, when they have been called about this neighbours behaviour, nothing is ever done.  They say that since she hasnt hit us (come very very close, actually once through a punch, but it never hit us), there isnt anything they can do.  So I have to basically wait until she hits us, and causes harm.

Thank you again, I will have cup of tea (and try to get her music out of my head!  Its 10 am here, and I can hear it clear as day from next door) and relax and try to get over this cold.
- By Astarte Date 29.12.07 15:15 UTC
god i hope your doing ok, it sounds an awful situation. as to the poisoning awful as it sounds could you not pursue some sort of damage to private property law? dogs can (ducking to avoid the things about to be thrown at me!) regarded as commodities (not my view but you can argue it). they are expensive to buy and maintain, if the person had done something to your car engine i'm sure there would be a comeback, why not a dog?
- By Jetstone Jewel [ca] Date 29.12.07 15:21 UTC
Where I am in Ontario, Canada, the OPP are the police force.  It's a rural area.  I have successfully, and honestly, couched my complaints to them as concerns for my own safety.  This may be an option for you, vis a vis the threats to your tiny mother.  My problems were quite different though.  And It sounds as if the cause of my complaint was more receptive to the bad PR generated by the police showing up at his door.

RE. the dogs, they do have rights here, however, the SPCA acts completely autonomously and what one jurisdiction will cover another will not.

We have a friend going through some bad neighbour relations.  There are no animals involved but I am sorry to say she is in about the same boat as you.  She is afraid to call the city police for fear of retaliation by her bad neighbours when she is away.  There has already been vandalism to her house when she is at work.  Also loud noise, pot, probably other drugs too, and drunken behaviour.  Our friend did work for the OPP and she knows the signs to look for.  OPP have no jurisdiction in her city.  She also is hoping to move.

My only suggestion is, it's one more month.  Try to stay calm, avoid them and document every incident you can.  If you write up every problem with the time, day and what happened as soon as you possibly can it is a legal document and can be admissable in court, hoping you don't have to go that far.
- By Crespin Date 30.12.07 03:36 UTC
I am in Ontario also, and in my city, when I did call the SPCA on things, was basically told that since my dog didnt die, then I have to go after her civilally, to recoup the vet bills.  I only wish the SPCA knew how close it came to her dying.  I was so scared!

I talked to another neighbour about the issues with the problem neighbour.  She was even saying she was getting a bit fed up with it all, and that she is looking for a place to.

In my letter of Vacancy, I wrote down every reason that the move is coming.  I mean EVERY.  I have also attached all the emails sent to head office, about this neighbour.  Honestly, I think they would have to find a new tenant in a vegetable state (no offense)

I just got to go to the doctor, to get a letter explaining why the stress is to much to handle.  Our pensions want it, so it will be easier to get moving expenses.  Maybe the dr can give me information on natural ways to keep me sane.  I have tried dance, yoga, and all kinds of other things, but so far, not working.  So maybe I can get more info on different teas or something, to sooth my head!!!!

My mom is getting real excited about moving, and when we were asked how we know it will be much better, mom replied "No (insert neightbours name here)!" 
- By Tenaj [gb] Date 03.01.08 17:09 UTC
We are moving, and believe me I am counting down the days.
good for you. Walk away, and after that they are no longer your problem.. don't let them do any more damage to your quality of life than they have already done.

Over here nothing would be done either ..even if they hit you the police wouldn't do anything.  At my first house the neighbours were bad. The kids would run into our house. The kids had care of a baby and climbed onto our outhouse roof and swung a baby by it's leg 12ft over the patio slabs just to scare us and see what we did. They threw rocks at our pets and when I went round to see the parents before I even said anything the dad assaulted me because he had been sleeping and by knocking at the door I woke him up!   The list goes on!  The police weren't interested because they said no one on the force spoke the right language to talk to these people. They banged on the walls at night so we could never sleep and there was nothing we could do so were just moved away. IT is dreadful that people get away with behaving so badly.

I hope you move soon and find things much better. And stay safe while you wait. 
- By Crespin Date 03.01.08 20:01 UTC
There has been a little change of plans.  We are still moving, but we may be moving to a completely different city.  We talked to our landlord last night and today, and also compiled a package of the major issues, (18 pages?  is that a lot?)  and she faxed them off to head office last night.

She also is helping us do an internal transfer, to another unit in another city.  We would stay GTI and it would make it a whole lot easier.  The city we are looking at, also has the breeder of my one bitch, and another really good MP breeder, both of them are good friends.  So it would be starting over, but not from scratch, since we know two people within the city already. 

I am so excited, the landlord said she would call later today, and give us info on moving out of here ASAP.

This is so cool!!!!!!
- By marguerite [gb] Date 03.01.08 23:15 UTC
Good news for you, hope this transfer goes through o.k, and you get out of there as soon as poss.
- By Crespin Date 04.01.08 01:04 UTC
Landlord didnt call yet, hopefully she will come back with some helpful information when she comes back from Head office tomorrow.  I dont want to turn down a place I already know I can move into, if the transfer will take a very long time.
- By Crespin Date 06.01.08 21:14 UTC
we are moving, we got the place out of town.  Only 3 weeks, so we have a lot to do, before we move, but its gonna be great!!!!!!!! No more neighbours like this one (hopefully)
- By Harley Date 06.01.08 22:39 UTC
Good luck with your move and I hope you get the type of neighbours that are great to live next door to :)
- By marie pritchard [gb] Date 07.01.08 00:02 UTC
great news, good luck and i hope you have the bestest kindest neighbours ever.
- By Crespin Date 07.01.08 11:58 UTC
Just so happens that two Min Pin breeders live in Kitchener!  The one, we got our foundation Bitch from, the other, I was wanting to buy a pup from last year, but he had all his sold, so he refered me to another breeder, and I got my Cher.

Really good friends with both of them, they are awesome!  We wont live to far from them ( a couple miles) so it will be nice.

To much work to do, and I hope I can get it all done in time.  Who said we werent a gluten for punishment, when we agreed to move in less than three weeks.  And who could have imagined that an unused basement could hold so much stuff!  lol
- By marie pritchard [gb] Date 07.01.08 23:21 UTC
well i moved my parents from london, to devon after 35 years in the same house ,and after 8 years here im now moving them again to bulgaria ,and they are 75 and 73. so i kinda know how you feel about so much stuff, my mom was only saying today it took her 7 months to pack every thing to move from london, and now bless they have to do it all again, im glad you have some friends in your new town. its nice to know someone i didn't know anyone when i moved down here and i too moved from a neighbour from hell who lived upstairs and made our lives a misery, even my poor jasper spaniel bless his heart became a nervous wreck and was scared to stay indoors on his own cause they used to drop chairs and things on the floor to make a noise and the more you complained the nastier she became ,slamming doors, swearing, abuse. well im out of it now and have peace, quiet, and its heavenly. so just keep focused on your goal, that your gonna have peace and quiet in your lovely new home and your win with your packing. good luck once again, and hope you have a fab move
- By Crespin Date 10.01.08 21:16 UTC
Oh my, if things couldnt get worse, I would knock myself out.

Now we ARE NOT moving out of the city, something to do with not being able to do a transfer to another region.  We have decided to take a place, on the other side of the complex.  Its not that far, but we have assurances from the super, that if something happens with this neighbour to ring her straight away and she would deal with it.

Still stressed, and it seems to go through the roof.  I am going insane!!!!!

But hopefully this new place is still far enough away, that it doesnt matter anymore.

Time to go get a beer, and try and relax
- By Astarte Date 10.01.08 22:00 UTC
oh i'm sorry crespin, that sucks. i'm sure the new place will be great, but i know you were looking forward to it. being out of someones immidiate vacinity can really help so will be much better i think. at least your getting support now
- By Dill [gb] Date 10.01.08 22:35 UTC
Now that doesn't sound fair :(   why did they offer you the other place if it wasn't allowed?  seems very strange :confused:

Isn't there a way around it?  Maybe an exchange?  or something?  

Don't know how you're managing, I've had to live in a similar situation and it made me ill.  Luckily the neighbours moved away and I haven't seen or heard of them since :)

Hope you get some luck soon.
- By marie pritchard [gb] Date 10.01.08 22:43 UTC
Oh Crespin im so sorry , it doesn't seem fair that they've said yes one min and no the next.poor you ,but keep positive like you said hopefully it will be a far enough distance away. thou it seemsd so unfair your going throu all this stress cause of some vicious horrible neighbour they should be the one who moves not you.
Good luck and try to stay sane!!!
Marie
- By Crespin Date 11.01.08 00:03 UTC
I have a massive headache, I am so disappointed.  I have no idea how they can say "Oh yes, you have the place, transfer RGI and no problem, we just have to set the date.  Oh any time in Feb?  OK"

I really hope that even though it is just a different row within the complex, that since I dont have to live right next door, that it will be better.  I am tired of all the drama. 

I called my doctor, cos I honestly think I am having a mental breakdown.  My mind can not handle the stress no more.  I was told to take the pups for a walk.  (A little hard in this area, with the running loose dogs and cats, the two pins have already been attacked)

The landlord says that it is a nice place, and that the neighbour is really nice.  She knows him personally.  I am not going to apply for our pensions to cover the move, since just incase, I can find a better place, then I will take it.  If we use help with our pensions now, then we cant again for another two years.

I am literally going insane. 

Just found out yesterday, that the health problems I have is directly caused from stress.  I keep loosing my voice for months on end, have headaches, and other things.  The stress is so bad, I cant talk again, I have headaches.  I just want the move to be over, and to get as far away from this neighbour as possible.

The landlord said that if this neighbour were to come near my house, that she would get involved.  I am still scared though, since it only takes a minute to get beat up.  I honestly think the violence from her is to the point where it could get really serious really quickly. 

The neighbour is getting a letter soon from HO, and I am afraid of the reaction.  I hate this feeling, that I cant even be safe, or sane, in my house.

Hoping just the little move will make enough of the difference.  Praying I get my sanity back.  I am gonna go play with my dogs, cos there is nothing more relaxing then stroking a min pin.  (ok for me anyways, cos thats the dogs I got, it would obviously be different for other breed people.)

Praying.
Topic Other Boards / Foo / How do deal with neighbours

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