Want to fly Quantas?

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Topic Other Boards / Foo / Want to fly Quantas?

By LynnT

Date 23.09.02 14:59 UTC

My hubby just forwarded this to me.

> QUANTAS MAINTENANCE LOGS
> > Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
> > humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS
> > pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way
> > Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
> >
> > P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and
> > S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.
> >
> > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> >
> > P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
> > S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
> >
> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> >
> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > S: Live bugs on backorder.
> >
> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> >
> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > S: Evidence removed.
> >
> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

> >
> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > S: That's what they're there for!
> >
> > P: IFF inoperative.
> > S: IFF always inoperable in OFF mode.
> >
> > P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
> > S: Suspect you're right.
> >
> > P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined
> > airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> >
> > P: Aircraft handles funny.
> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> >
> > P: Radar hums.
> > S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
> >
> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > S: Cat installed.