Just in the process of splitting up with my partner of 9 years, that's bad enough but i have to leave behind our (his)! 3 goldens, who i currently spend all day every day with
I will be walking them every day, then have to close the door and leave them alone till he gets in
Sorry, just had to get it off my chest

I'm sorry -not easy. :( When I got divorced we split the cats between us, he took the kids and I took all but one of the dogs -not easy in any way. I'm glad you still get to see them.

Thanks Marianne,
I wanted that sad face, not a mad one, but I don't seem to have it, how do I get it?
I did wonder if it would be better to make a clean break from the dogs, will it be confusing for them if I keep coming and going?

I remember seeing that there is a website for rented accommodation that allows pets.  I know it can be hard to find somewhere to live that allows you to keep your dogs.

I have a house to go to where I can have dogs, the problem is, he bought the dogs, they are registered in his name and he wants to keep them. Men !!!

That could be just pique, and with time he may be more reasonable, especially if he has to do all the work with the dogs. 

If you keep going around and doing the donkey work he has the best of both worlds, and also a leash on you. 

Hopefully time may make him see sense and perhaps you can split the dogs between you?

Also which if any of you will be in the best position to care for the dogs and give them time?

Hi Barbara,

'If you keep going around and doing the donkey work he has the best of both worlds, and also a leash on you.'
 
My thoughts exactly, although he doesn't want a leash on me!

I am in the better position to look after the dogs, as I only work a few hours in the evening, but he says he will pay someone else to do it if I don't want to, they are my babies and I don't want to see a stranger out walking them, as I will be living very close by.

I did ask if I could take one, but to no avail, maybe as you say he will realise he doesn't have the time to look after them properly.

'If you keep going around and doing the donkey work he has the best of both worlds, and also a leash on you.'
 
My thoughts exactly, although he doesn't want a leash on me!

he has though, an emotional one with the dogs. He's in a control position, where he can cut your links with the dogs whenever he feels like it. Until then, he has a kennel maid to look after the dogs, having the best of both worlds. Dogs are property, in law, is there no way you could claim them? People have gone to court over dogs before, maybe a word with a solicitor may be an idea?

I wouldn't suggest you stop caring for them, and I can imagine what you would tell me to do if I did, and quite rightly too ;). But, think ahead and prepare yourself for the situation which could happen where another lady moves in, who may not want you in 'her' home even though its just caring for the dogs. he may stop your visits, please please prepare yourself for this.

It's interesting to see other peoples' perspective on this.

I don't think I would have any claim on the dogs as they are kc reg in his name and he has always been very clear they are his dogs, even tho I do all the walking training, feeding etc!
I DO feel like I will be a kennelmaid which is why I wondered if I should make a clean break from them, but in reality I wouldn't want to do that, I will want paying! (he was prepared to pay someone else).

With regard to someone else moving in, I can't see that happening as the reason we are separating is because he wants space. You know, wanted a family, had a baby, 6 years down the line wants space!

Thanks for your comments.

If the dogs arrived when you were together and you did most of the work I find it strange he would refer to them as his (no matter whose name they are registered in) as they would be the families dogs.  My kids don't refer to our dogs as my dogs but our dogs, even though they have little interest.

I think it stems from his childhood Barbara! Only child, not much money, VERY possessive about his things.

He had two dogs when we got together, we lost one last year, have got two more this year, one is 8 months, one 5 months, hard work, but with me here all day, seperate walks and training, it's fine, we bought the youngest one to show, breeders pick of litter, I do all the ringcraft and I will be showing her as from Dec. I've offerd him what he paid for her, but he said no.
I would like to say show her yourself, but I'm looking forward to it, I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face, as it were.

{{{{{{cocopop}}}}}}}}
Nothing I can suggest I am afraid, but hope it works out well.
2 young dogs will not like being left on their own while he is at work even if you go in and walk them, so hopefully give it a few weeks and he will realise he cant cope and hand them over to you :)
I was ableto take my dog when I moved out of my husbands house. But then he couldnt cope with her when I was there and deffinatly not when I was gone!!!!
Good luck :) :)
Lea :)

i would definitely be getting legal advise on this one!!!

>i would definitely be getting legal advise on this one!!

Yup me too! Is he the type to fight you in court and take it all the way? What would happen if you just took the dog[s] with you? This is most likely what i would do Leaving my dogs behind would be like leaving my children,i just couldnt do it :(

If you were doing all the feeding,walking and ringcraft etc it doesnt sound like he has much interest in the dogs??

No advise but just wanted to say that I wish you well through this difficult time.

What a sad situation for you :(

Get yourself some legal advice, you could find that it works out that you stay in the family home with your child and the dogs - after all he  wants some space!
Best of luck to you :)

Here's the legal stuff from the top dog law man himself, Trevor Cooper: http://www.doglaw.co.uk/legal/custody.php

We both own our own homes, I have adult? children in mine, who are going to just luuurrve mummy coming back! NOT.

I don't really want to go down the road of legal action as we have a 6 yr old son, and would prefer to stay friendly for his sake.

Thanks for all your opinions/advice, nice to have somewhere to air my worries.

Cocopop,

Give it some time,
Emotions are running high and people all say and do things they dont really mean or want at times like this. Decisions which seem set in stone at the moment could change in a few weeks or months. All I would suggest is keep all options and channels of communication open. Look at how many people turn a breakup into a war and then regret it later.You must try and stay friends for you childrens sake.
On the positive side (sorry to male members here) in my experience men usually like an easy life and the 'nuts and bolts' of caring for these very young dogs will probably not suit him a all. If you've had a major falling out - you will be the last person he'll let have the dogs.

ps "needing space" is often code for "I already have ideas how I'm going to fill that space"!

friend of mine was in similar situation......he knew the dogs were her greatest love but said they were his and he was keeping them, even though she was much better placed to care for them. When she came home from work one night just before the final split, she found the old one had been taken to vets and put down and the young one had been advertused in freeads with his mobile number and been sold

I have to say (and i'm sure it won't make me popular!:rolleyes:) but i would stop going round to care for the dogs, it may take him a few weeks to realise that they are much harder to raise than he knew (especially as you have done all the raising so far!) If not then i know it will break your heart but it will save you alot of heartache in the long run. When people split up it is better to cut all ties, although it is best to stay on talking terms for the children they should be the only reason for the continued contact as it will be harder for you to get on with your life and down the line if he finds someone else like someone else on here said they may not want you visiting the dogs and that would be even more heartache for you!

Whilst our dog is very important to me and he is a memeber of our family they aren't the same as children!

Good luck, start rebuilding your life and concentrate on making the split easier on your son.

x

In my heart I know you are right Angels2, but if I don't do it he will pay one of those pet care agencies to walk them and they will still be left alone for about four-five hours, as I said, I will be living VERY close by, so will probably see them being walked by strangers every day.
to make matters worse, this morning I told our son that we're moving out and of course he was upset...about leaving the dogs, not his dad!

Must admit, I was wondering how all this was going to effect him, he would be close to them now. As well as leaving Dad, that may not have fully sunk in yet. So much upheaval for one so young. Have you told his school whats happening, so they can help him and understand any wayward unusual behaviour? Once you have actually moved out, do you think your ex will let you have a key to come and go in 'his' house? He may for a while, but I wonder how long that will last if he is as possesive as you say? When it comes to showing your dog, will he have to give permission for that, as he is the owner? Another thing comes to mind, and not sure how this works with dogs, but if the puppy is successful would she be worth more if he sold her? Potential brood bitch comes to mind. if you qualified for crufts is it possible to sell for someone else to show her there? If he keeps her long enough, what about breeding, is he likely to do this? How will he cope with an in season bitch making a mess around the house?

As someone else has said, this 'wanting space' thing usually means, for men and women, they have already moved on to wanting their space to spend with someone else. Only time will tell on this one, but if he does move someone else in, or take a new girlfriend that stays occasionally, she may presure him to not have you around. Or, for that matter, the dogs.

Have you made arrangements for custody/visiting rights for your son? This is certainly something you need a solicitor to get sorted for you, because things can get messy with this too. Spoken arrangements and maintenance payments can change as he sees fit otherwise.

Such an awful situation to be in, I really do send you heartfelt warm wishes. ((xx))

Thank you,

We have only actually lived together since last Dec, it took our son a good few months to stop asking to go home, now he's got used to being here we're having to go again!

I work evenings, so before we lived here, he used to stay, me to, on the nights I worked, so he is kind of used to coming and going.

Yes he will let me have a key, but he will probably lay traps around the house to see if I've been looking thru his stuff.

I have begun to show one of the dogs, don't seem to need permission, and that was the plan, we were going to show them, under the guidance of our breeder, and possibly in the future start to breed, that's why I work evenings, to look after child in hols, dogs, and eventually pups. p'raps I should get a day job now!!!

Sorry for rambling, not REALLY mad!

Sorry for rambling, not REALLY mad!

You're not doing either, just trying to find solutions for a difficult situation.

He is very possessive isn't he? To want the dogs in his name just shows that to me, especially when you are the carer and trainer of the pups. The name on the KC paper does not stand for anything by the way, the KC will tell you that themselves, when things like this go to court the courts will look at who paid for the dog, so you are out of luck when it comes to getting ownership of these dogs as he also paid for them didn't he? :-(

I agree in biding your time a little, you did not live together for long to have a young child together and only just have moved in with him in December just screams at me this man is not ready for a proper commitment, if he can not live and fully commit to his own son and yourself then the dogs don't stand much chance really do they?

If showing and training these dogs is your interest and your pleasure, then I agree in doing what you are doing, if you can get along fine with no animosity then it is the right thing to do after all you have to see him regularly for your sons sake.

However, if things deteriorate, if he has no interest in your son and becomes pompous and distant, let go, let the dogs go too, he will either let you have them, or struggle or sell them on, you would need a clean break if you are ever to have a life again.

You must also think on what will happen if yourself or he should find a new partner, I'm sure this arrangement would be very impractical for a new partner to put up with.

Well said Carrington,
This poor family have enough ahead of them to be getting on with and with the distance of a few months ( and a few hundred £'s paid to pet carers) between them, everything might begin to look different.

Wishing you the best of luck .

I left my husband of 20 years in June 06, it was decided that I would have the 2 dogs during the week, as he couldn't/wouldn't want to walk them whilst having to work as well.  (okay for me to do it though).  Then at weekends he would have Ellis as he worked him, and I would have Bronwyn as she was always mine.  Christmas time we were told Ellis has severe spondylosis of the spine and shouldn't be worked anymore, the anesthetic (sp) left him with epilepsy, so ex oh said he no longer wanted Ellis at the weekends or any other time anymore.  He got another dog for himself to work, I took the original 2 with me full time.  Since then, ex oh has moved abroad, leaving his poor dog with his sister.  My 2 are now very settled, and we cope really well with Ellis's problems, to the point where most days you wouldn't even know there was anything wrong with him, except for getting in the car, cause he can't jump up anymore.  & I have a new partner who has his own dog, a jack russel.

Be strong, & patient, it will all work out well for you in the end.