My son's friend has come for dinner. He is 10. He's been here for lunch before and I discovered he didn't like flapjacks, cheese, wholemeal bread, ham or mango. So I thought best to play safe with something fairly innoffensive for dinner.

I opted for Beef Stew and Dumplinsg with mash, followed by Rhubard Crumble with Custard. Surely almost everyone likes that? Apparently not. He had never heard of any of it, other than mashed potato and custard. He also didn't like any of it apart from mash and custard.

It wasn't my cooking, and the rhubarb wasn't too sharp as it was out of a tin. How on EARTH do children get so fussy?  I couldn't cope if mine were like that.

They're trained to be fussy by their parents, who give them too many choices. As long as a child's not actually allergic to something, then the choice of food should be "eat it or go hungry".

Not always the case JG ..see my reply below :)

I very quicxkly foudn kids didn't coem to tea here as I insisted they ate what was put in front of them.  Most of them didn't like anything bar sausages and baked beans.

I totally agree too much choice.  I have four children and they all eat really well, they eat almost anything and if they genuinely don't like it they are not forced to eat it.  I am such a fussy eater because of my upbringing and vowed my children never would be and I can proudly say they aren't.  Today for example although I get annoyed my 14 yr old just about ate all the mange tout whilst it was on the stove in the saucepan and the 3 yr old granddaughter ate lots of the carrots!  Have to do round two of veg preparation.  They still ate their roast dinner and cleared their plates.  I love to see children eat healthily. 

Well then in response to my first post, I think I may stand corrected, I always blamed my upbringing on my fussy eating and wonder if partly it is.  We never had fruit/fresh veg it was all convenience food yes even in the 60's/70's!  I can remember having a bowl of tinned soup for my tea and bread for my supper.  My mum bless her has a learning difficulty and we were a single parent family so I don't blame her in the slightest, but again not trying to justify my upbringing here either.  I have siblings and they all eat anything as they discovered food when they were older, it's stayed with me the fear of trying new foods.  I've never eaten most foods which many people eat weekly.  I cook all food and my children love all food.  Do I have the problem? Certainly making me think that I may have.  When I worked in the children's residential units, I managed to eat carrots for the first time in 44 yrs! how bizarre is that?  since then I've never eaten them since.  I can't bring myself to try anything new, I want to desperately to and when sandwiches are brought into work for everyone to share, I'm never hungry, as I know it will have salad or a dressing on and I can only have plain meat sandwiches.  It's easier to say I'm fine thanks than embarrass myself. Eating out, I can't do that either, unless it's my only my husband and I. I'm always busy on that day.  It does hold me back in certain social situations.  My husband is probably the only person that knows the full extent of my eating problems.  I love watching my children eat well and can be envious at times.

Ummm I don't like beef stew or dumplings either, love rhubarb crumble, but would have to pass on the custard.

I think of it more as being 'selective' rather than fussy! :D

I've never been a big beef fan and was vegetarian for 14 years.  I was never spoilt with choices for dinners and if I didn't eat what I was given I didn't get any 'afters', but I guess my mum learnt what I liked and what I didn't and eventually gave up trying to make me eat beef and those things that I just don't like.

However, nowadays, if I was invited to someone's house I would try and eat at least some of what they put before me.

I was probably what could be classes as a 'picky' eater as a child.  School dinners turned me completely off a lot of foods and my Mum used to make meals that could easily be adjusted to suit me without making two different meals altogether.  I didn't even like a lot of stuff that kids are generally assumed to like, such as tomato ketchup, curry, pasta, custard etc...

Going to university and living in catered halls of residence for a year soon 'cured' me off my fussiness!!  It was a case of eat what was available or starve.  Banana in custard became a staple as both were available every day in the canteen.  When I moved into a shared house and had to cater for myself, my tastes developed further as I would have died of boredom living off my limited repertoire of meals.  Although, I was never the typical student in that I have never, ever eaten a Pot Noodle ;)  The smell of them makes me want to heave!!

Jackson I learnt a long time ago never to cook without asking first as why waste food and all that cooking when you don't have to. :-)

The food that I have cooked more than anything, which I can't recall ever being turned down is roast chicken, I'll do it with roast potatoes and veg and perhaps chips if they really don't like roast potatoes.

The children that have been brought up on chicken nuggets will happily eat chicken and the ones brought up on 'real' dinners, (meat and two veg ;-) ) will always like chicken too, it has never failed yet!

We had a child round for tea a couple of years ago who only ate one certain brand of chicken nuggets (had to be in batter), canned carrots and jam tarts (again, only one specific brand).  He was horrendous and was never invited back.

My lot will eat pretty much anything and I'd like to think I've brought them up better than to be so damn rude at someone elses house - mind you, I'd have told you in advance just how fussy he was if that was my son.

not all kids are made 'fussy eaters' by their parents.

i've got one that has never eaten a 'proper' meal in his life, he's now 15.

as a baby he would only have as much milk to take off the hunger and 2 hours later the same.

i've been to dietitians,phsycologists and no one could help!

he's a nightmare to feed but he's never ill.

dont turn away kids that have strange eating habits, it might be more than fussy eating.they are still normal.

My 6 year old girl is fussy, there are so many foods that she hates - it drives me mad.  She won't touch cheese, egg, peanut butter or anything that children usually like  I have never been a fussy eater, I used to eat everything put in front of me.  She has been treated just the same way as my other two children who are now 16 and 15 and have never been fussy.

I had this conversation at the checkout of Asda yesterday!!!! The lady who was on the checkout was so impressed that my 6 year old daughter had chosen an aubergine for me to buy her. She said it was refreshing a child picking vegetables rather than sweets.:-D

I have been lucky that she has never been fussy and faced with chips and chicken nuggets or something like veg/pasta will always go for the veg/pasta. But if she has ever refused to try anything without knowing what it is like she gets nothng else. I refuse to start dishing up a load of different foods to suit her whim!! Luckily it hasn't often been an issue!! Only thing she really doesn't like is cream.....have to say I can't blame her!!:-D

I have to reply that not all kids have eating problems because of their parents.. My son ate fine everything and anything as a baby, but he changed and does not eat properly at all now and it worries the life out of me, the first time I took him to the doctors he said just give him a meal and if he doesn't eat it let him go hungry, so I did that and he went hungry, and went hungry and so on until he was faint and ill. I'd never go through that again. It was awful.
He has problems with OCD which plays a massive part. At school he eats away from the other kids or he won't eat a bite be it an apple or chocolate! The teachers were concerned as he was falling alseep in class. I've tried everything, he's due to see a dietician and have cognitive behavioural therapy.
It really upsets me when I get blamed, because I'm not a big softie, who gives in to his every whim - I'm not that daft.:( I lived with my folks when my son was young and they wouldn't have let me do anything to cause this!! They brought me up to eat normally and I do.
My son won't even eat what other kids see as nice but are bad for them - crisps, cakes, pizza etc he won't eat at birthday parties (not even his own) so when he goes to them I tell the parent that he won't eat so not to worry. He'd never choose to go for tea at someone elses house - wouldn't eat a thing, no way.
Same as Jwilsons son, he's rarely ill and isn't under-weight but I do worry about his long term health. His father and aunt are exactly the same, but he hasn't had contact with them so hasn't learnt this from them.
I'd love to see him eat a hearty, healthy meal!

i was also told to give him what I wanted himto eat. he went hungry for 4 days. he lost weight and nearly passed out. it was horrible and i would never do this again.

the only thing i was told, and to this day believe, is that he's highly intelligent and this is his way of using food as a weapon, like a normal eater would have a tantrum, my son has never had one of those!

my daughter would and still will eat anything, she's older by 6 yrs.

we have now got him out of the habit of only eating certain foods and he now loves kebabs not healthy, i know, but i have no choice, these are very limited by me cause of the health point of view, but its a start.

christmas dinner is on my wish list and i hope one day it'll happen.

I just don't see what there is not to like about what I cooked. I didn't have al that much in, I had to do my shopping online, and had to do something easy as I have pups at the moment. I did offer the alternative of Liver and Bacon, but he didn't want that. :-)

I probably won't invite him again to be honest. From a  short conversation it appears he only eats things I don't cook for my children. He does like Bolognaise, but only Dolmio, and I'm not cooking from a jar and don't want the inconvenience of cooking seperately for him.

I do believe it is usually down to parenting, also down to being given 'baby jars' when smaller. All of my friends who's children had jars when weaning are fussy, all those who cooked food for them have non-fussy eaters. I know there is the odd exception, but I do think it is just that, not the rule.

I am very lucky. My children eat anything. They especially love Mussels and sometimes we have Moules Mrinier for tea. They also love olives and have even tried Oysters.

My son was weaned on the same meals we all had, just pureed, and later chopped up etc so nope not down to jars of food.

Even if he did want to go, I wouldn't let Brandon go to someone elses for dinner - it'd be wasting their food!! :D

A roast dinner, yes to see him eat that would make my year! He loved it as a babe :rolleyes:

Having an upbringing like mine, when my mum only cooked the food she liked which was very limited,  I too was determined my 4 children would eat anything and everything put in front of them and I am glad to say that they mostly do. 

They love their roast dinners and all the veg that go with it, they eat all meat put in front of them (apart from liver and kidneys)and pasta and rice and anything in between.  We are slowly working our way up to curries etc as that is something I don't like nor hot and spicy food but I am determined they will like it so as not to miss out.  Seafood is work in progress although they will eat it if in another form, ie pie or mixed with something else.

I recently ate around a friends house with her family and she had prepared lamb steaks with veg and mint gravy.  I used to like lamb but went off it when I first joined the Navy as thats all they seemed to cook and it was really fatty and greasy.  Haven't touched it since until the other day.  Obviously I didnt want to offend my friend who isn't used to cooking for anyone else other than family so had gone to a lot of trouble.  I did eat most of it although my stomach wanted different and I did have to drink water inbetween each mouthful but I would never have dreamed of saying no thanks and hopefully I have brought my children up the same way.  I would be horrified if I ever found out they behaved otherwise.  Certainly at home, if they dont finish their plate, its usually because they are genuinely full and they know they dont get anything for afters or supper.  If for some reason they really don't like it, I still ask them to eat what they can without pushing it around the plate.  If I can see that they have made a really good effort then they can have a piece of fruit but otherwise nothing.

I was a really fussy eater when I was younger but I have been improving recently. If I am staying with someone I always try to eat what I am given because I don't want to be rude, however I never eat much so end up leaving a lot of food and feeling rude anyway!

I also hate eating in front of people for some reason, I feel really self-concious so I avoid it if possible. At middle school I would just go somewhere quiet to eat, and then as I got older I would never eat lunch at school and I would go all day without eating.

My sister is a fussy eater too and she drives me mad, I can't believe I used to be worse than her :D

well my son and hebeboots son are Not 'fussy' eaters but selective eaters.

this has nothing to do with parenting or Jar fed babies.

selective eating is mostly a phsycological problem which is not understood by those in the know.it could also be hereditary. my cousin was the same, and my mothers uncle, who would never even drink in someone elses house

we try to introduce as many foods as possible whilst ignoring them eating. a very hard and frustrating situation.

i never stopped my son from going to friends for tea, even tho i did explain to their parents about his eating habits.it shows kids like this that eating is normal and fun. i know its frustrating but why alienate a kid thats fussy. you need to encourage them more to try and break the fussiness.

why not give him spag bol and tell him its Dolmio. he wont know.

Can I come to your house please.

Of course Ive never had children but my brother and I were never ever fussy we ate everything and anything that was put in front of us.  There are only a few things I don't like two of them being liver and butter beans. 

Last time Brandon was present when his cousins were having their dinner he ran from the room because he was very nearly sick!!

Wasn't a nice sight for his poor cousins either! My sister, his auntie does try and encourage him but always to no avail :)
Jwilson is right it is very hard and frustrating, especially when you see others kids eating so well, I get so jealous - "I wish mine would eat like that!!"

i dont get jealous

i just sit staring open mouthed........cause i cant believe other kids eat normally as its not a common occurance in our house.LOL!!

except when my daughter comes home and raids the pantry

I just don't see what there is not to like about what I cooked

Ah.... Jackson, but you like beef stew, dumplings etc...

If that was me who was invited round to tea, as much as I would love (and would dearly want to to be polite if nothing else) to eat that, or liver and bacon, I would retch and heave and in all likelyhood be sick if I tried.

Poor kid, maybe it IS his parents, maybe its not, why not cook him bolognaise but dont tell him its not from a jar, he wont know!

In my case there are sadly a huge range of foods i just cannot eat, and mostly its down to the texture of the foods, ie the texture of roast beef/pork/chicken etc, i just physically cannot stomach it at all. Its NOT down to being fussy and its absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt down to being fed baby food in jars as a baby..

My mother fed me and my sister on exactly the same (without the salt/wine/pepper etc) as she and my father were eating, just blended (obviously she didnt start us out eating a pureed three course meal.. but if they had carrots and peas and roast chicken then we had that blended and worked up towards the more richer and more flavoured foods).

She would probably have rather we starved than feed us jars! When we went to france on skiing holidays she would ask the restaurant to blend whatever for us.

So no.. its not always the parents fault and its not always that kids fed on a wide ranging 'non jar' diet will always grow up to be able to eat anything and everything. I most certainly cannot, and it does limit my life, it limits where i can go and eat, i shy away from invites for meals because i do not want to seem rude or fussy (because im NOT), but its highly embarrassing, and was even as a child of 8 or 9, to have a person go through a list of foods on offer and find there is nothing i can eat.

. He does like Bolognaise, but only Dolmio,

A thought, if he comes over again, get a dolmio pasta sauce pouch for one, cook some spag or shaped pasta, pour over sauce when cooked, mix. simple! :) remember, its only one meal, he'll go home fed and happy, and no long cook time :)

>it might be more than fussy eating.they are still normal

But from what i have read here from you and hebeboot's,these kids are anything but normal

Using food as a weapon,not eating in school or around other kids,not eating for days,and especially not eating at birthday parties with all that yummy kid's junk food around.

My kids,and i'm sure many others would sure be 'selective' eaters if i had let them be,there were plenty of times where they refused to eat something they had never even tried,or didnt want to eat their veggies or whatever,but once my foot went down they knew arguing about it was pointless.. What annoy's me most is when when people decide they hate something without even trying it first,and they usually end up liking it after trying it! I knew someone who loved Calamari,but the minute she realised it was squid she wouldnt touch it :rolleyes:

But i suppose if the psychologist's dont understand your kids,then we dont have a hope..

But i can say that if my kids brought home a selective or fussy eater then i wouldnt have them round for dinner again.

But i can say that if my kids brought home a selective or fussy eater then i wouldnt have them round for dinner again.

Fussy eaters are different to people who have an eating disorder :) My children would eat most things but some of their friends were a bit picky with their food but they were great kids, good friends to my children and it gave my children a chance to see that other families often had different ways in which they operated. It takes all sorts to make a world and I would far rather have fussy eaters than badly behaved guests :)

I wouldnt stop them from coming around or not let my kids play with them,i just wouldnt bother with the dinner part. I wonder,do these kids have many friends as it is?

>I would far rather have fussy eaters than badly behaved guests

Sometimes they're one and the same! ;) A guest who is a fussy eater is being badly behaved.

>A guest who is a fussy eater is being badly behaved.

Yes and no.. There are some dishes that are just plain vile,and most hosts wouldnt cook them without first asking their guests if it was their cup of tea.I'm talking stuff like haggis,Liver,kidney's,tripe,the foods usually reserved for our dogs ;) Some people like these dishes,but i would say most do not! I'm afraid i would have to face being called rude or badly behaved if i was served up any of the aforementioned foods.

What about vegetarian's,would they be classed as fussy eaters?

>What about vegetarian's,would they be classed as fussy eaters?

Only if they aren't prepared to cook meat for visiting non-vegetarians. ;)

If you're served haggis and don't like it, then eat the neeps and tatties. Ketchup has always been a good standby at making unpalatable food easier to eat.

Surely Liver does not fit into the niche taste bracket?  Though I hated it as a child, but was forced to eat it.

I won't eat what I don't like, no matter where I am. neither would I expect anyone to eat what they didnt like here. I'm not strict on food, and I won't force my kids to eat what they don't like, home or away. I firmly believe it is quite wrong to force a child to eat anything, I don't want mine having eating disorders, I want them to have a healthy attitude to food and eating. I encouraged them when they were young, but if they said 'yuck' that was ok. As they became older, some of the things they said 'yuck' to they now like.

A guest who is a fussy eater is being badly behaved.

How badly behaved is throwing up violently then... because thats what id do if i had to eat something i cant eat to try not to appear 'badly behaved'...

One friends parent thought I was being rude as i was retching loudly (as quietly as i could) because she was cooking kippers, she then waved them under my nose and when i proceeded to leg it out of the room to vomit, she declared me unspeakably rude and i wasnt ever allowed back in their house.

I found that extremely upsetting, I couldnt help but retch, i couldnt control it then and I cant now, I really wish i could!

I agree Theemx, Brandon certainly isn't being badly behaved when he doesn't eat at other people houses - it really upsets him, he is distressed by his own feelings about it. When I told him he might be seeing a (cognitive behavioural) therapist to help him, he was really excited! He asked me if they were 'going to help him eat like everyone else' So this isn't choice with him. He's only 7 and a well-behaved, polite child.
I really hope they can help him.

MM love the smell of smoked fish.

I wasn't trained to be fussy, in fact I was *trained* to eat everything ...except I threw up every time I ate anything I hated ...this has stayed with me and even now I can't eat fruit and veg in the main ;) In fact, a report in the Telegrpah the other day showed that some people are genetically predisposed to not eat vegetables ;)

My 3 boys are all eat anything types and the 2 girls are fussy ...all were bought up the same way :)

If he's a good friend of your sons, it would be a shame not to have him round to play.  Why not speak to his mum about it?  Maybe next time she could prepare his meal for him and you'd just have to heat it up?

Like i said, there are exceptions to every rule. For me, that fact he had never even heard of these foods tells me something. Also the fact that whenever my son has been to theirs for tea, dinner is something like a Chip Butty or other takeaway, or spagetti on toast. That is the main meal for the day.

I would not stop the boy coming round to play, or sleepover, but I don't see the point in him coming to dinner if it is going to be wasted and he is going to go hungry.

My stepson is exactly the same, he only eats a small range of foods, and their mother feeds them things like hotdogs and 'tear and share' breads as their main meal. They do occasionally have pasta or something, but it is always out of a packet. Fruit is not kept in the house, so they don't get used to it, therefore don't eat it when they come here. I have managed to get them eating healthily-ish when they are here, but the son just refuses to eat a lot of things. He simply isn't used to them, and therefore thinks he doesn't like them. He is starting to realise he does.

My sisters husband was 32 when she met him. He wouldn't even touch a plate if it had had tomatoes on it, he had such a phobia. He wouldn't eat anything other than meat, potatoes, raw carrots, lettuce or cucmber. (barring junk food)

I can't comment on people I don't know obviously, but I still believe it is in the main down to upbringing. I do remember a case on Supernanny where a child was gagging at his food, being sick, having to have things blended, refusing to eat and the parents had tried everything, yet he did start to eat in the end, without any medical intervention. Maybe that was a one-off.

have you tried asking him what he would like?

now and again a kid will appreciate being asked and being treated like a grown up boosts their confidence.

dropping your standards for one day wont hurt, and no food wasted.

all kids are different and that needs to be taken into consideration. remember he's your sons friend not yours and you need to accommodate this, whatever it takes!

i watched that episode of supernanny because of my son being similar. now that was the parents fault with the constant bickering at the table. it'd put me off my food.:rolleyes:

Well, its up to each family what and how they feed their kids, from weaning to adulthood. Its a personal choice and depends on ones personal budget and beliefs. I would think 10 is a bit young for the rich taste and chewy texture of stew if its never been eaten before, and rhubarb is an 'aquired' taste anyway. I don't like mango or flapjacks, never have. My boys eat just about anything, prefer home cooked (especially my stew ;) ) to ready meals. One was fed pureed 'our food' from weaning, the other had jars because of how we were living at the time (a room in a renovation project). The only thing the younger one cannot stand is fish of any kind, so he dosent have it. no big deal.

When this friend (or any other friend) comes over, why not just give them beans or spag on toast? or maybe a ready lasagne, or spag bog, they are only about a £ from iceland. If this is what they are used to eating, why try to change them when visiting? A white bread sarnie/roll won't hurt them. make life easy on yourself, and let your kids have their friends to stay, just go with the flow :)

Wow, reading all these replies!  When we were kids you ate your dinner or it was the dog's dinner (in the 70's), having been picked at first by my brother and sister, or me at theirs.  There were no choices and no second chances.  I eat almost everything, but I don't like fast food - I didn't eat a burger until I was 23 years old and I didn't like it and still don't

CG

OOoh I love burgers! Hence why Ive been going to Weight watchers for 3 years :D

We ate what was put in front of us because that was all there was, (60's and 70's). My mum didn't have the money to go buying different meals for us all, and fruit was a treat because it was expensive. We got good plain food and that was it. Starving Biafrons were mentioned on more than one occasion :) . On the few occasions we did go out for a meal we were ordered half portions of whatever was on the menu.

Nowadays kids menus are just chock full of rubbish. We went on a 2 week holiday in England when my youngest was about 7 and as I had refused to cook we were eating out each day - the poor soul got offered chicken nuggets, fish fingers, burgers and pizza ad nauseam, all of course with chips and peas or beans! In the end I started asking if she could have a smaller portion of what we were having and most places would do it but were obviously surprised to be asked.

Both my kids had jars when they were wee, I wasn't a cooking and freezing type and I was also working full time, but as soon as they could chew they got the same as us. There are somethings they don't like but they are at least willing to try most things, I'm not a great seafood fan myself so i can understand that not everyone likes every type of food. If they really hated it I would cook something different but if they didn't even try it the they had to go make themselves a sandwich or eat the bits they did like and leave the rest.

When I was young my dad was in the Navy but when he left and became a fisherman, money was extremely tight for a year or two, so a couple of days before each payday, we always had "if-its".  If it was there we had it, if it wasn't we didn't!  We had some pretty strange meals on those days but we still ate it all regardless.  This also meant there was never any wastage or food thrown out, unlike today.  I still have the odd if-its day now and again, helps clear the cupboards and fridge of opened packs etc!  ;) :D :D