Some of you may remember I posted about my OH getting a job working with adults with autism. Well he started Monday (after waiting 10 weeks for his police check to come back :rolleyes:) and yesterday one of the residents went for him. I dont know the ins and outs of it but she didnt get him but it has alarmed him and hes debating whether he wants to stay there or not.

I feel so sad for him because he's been looking forward to this job for so long and I dont know what to suggest. I've told him to give it another week and see how he feels after that. Im sure its just because its the first time something like that has happened but how can I comfort him? I didnt sleep very well last night. :(

What a shame it happened so soon. :( Poor chap must be really shaken. Certainly he should give himself more time to settle down and see how the reality of the job suits him - if the good times are enough to outweigh the inevitable bad things.

Has he been on any training courses on how to deal with situations like this ? I am not surprised he was alarmed by it but he should have been given the correct training so he was prepared for this sort of thing and how to deal with it. He needs to go to his employers and ask for some formal training before he goes onto real working environment.

He hasnt been properly trained and he was really just observing but the girl was just out to hit someone from the sounds of things. The others seemed to take it in their stride but its really shaken him up. Im trying to persuade him to stick it a bit longer because Ive heard that when its good its really good and when its bad its really bad so he hasnt had anything good yet to counterbalance it. They've put him in the worst home to start with but there are some where the residents arent as violent.

Tracey I'm so sorry to hear this.  I do the same job and yes, sometimes they do lash out.  During his induction time he'll be sent on many courses and a couple of them are designed to help you stay safe in this situation.  The NVCI course (non violent crisis intervention) is quite good. It teaches you how to hold people without causing pain or stress.  Other than that all I can suggest is that he ducks - a lot! :d  It may seem trite to say so but when they lash out it's normally for a reason.  Sometimes it's the only way they know of to show their emotions.

Please try and get him to stick at it.  It's extremely rewarding :)

Debs

Ahh I hope he can stick it out.  Someone in my breed after years in the retail trade went into this field last year and he said that he wished he'd done it years ago. 

He's had a word with the manager and they have sent him home to think about it. He's been to the job centre so I guess that means he's not interested in going back. :rolleyes:

I take it he is on induction at the moment.
Training is not normally given till you start working for a company as was my training.
When I applied for my Care Assistant job I filled in a form and one question was how could I help a resident. Well I put I could take them shopping, out with the dog and so on. I knew nothing about Care work and what it involved. First day was spent with a staff member, watching and learning. Boy was I shocked, but I thought I can do this. I've stuck with it and now I can't think of anything else I would rather do.
Yes there are times when you think what am I doing here, after all we are all humans but I can guarantee your husband if he sticks to it will enjoy the job.
Its not such a physical job but more mental if you follow me and I really believe your hubby could continue and his confidence will increase as time goes on, building upon experience.
It takes a special type of person to do what your hubby wishes to do and you tell him that!! You can help to build his confidence up too and if he wants he can send me an email any time for a friendly chat.
Whats really great is like me he's a chap, a man and us old chaps are badly needed in the care world.
I'm sure he can and will make a huge difference to peoples lives.
Your a lucky lass to have such a caring natured hubby.

Thanks for that - Ill get him to read this when I get home :)

I teach Autistic teenagers many of whom are very violent - I have been punched, bitten, kicked pushed over, scratched and had great clumps of my hair pulled out. you quickly learn how your body language can trigger attacks or how infinitesimal changes to routines can cause such explosions of violence - - it is however their only means of keeping an incomprehensible world at bay - many are quite happy flicking or rocking or twirling objects repetitively - they are simply not interested in communicating with us or doing more 'meaningful' activities - the great challenge is to make ourselves more interesting than their obsessive behaviours - rather than try and make them do things that we perceive to be worthwhile but are totally meaningless to them.

Yes it's scary at times, emotionally draining and physically tiring - but the moment when you break through - when you get a smile of recognition - when they reach out for you to join them - when they relax in your presence - those are fantastic and quite frankly what keeps me in the job.

It's not for everyone - I've seen many many folk unable to cope - but for those who stick with it, it is an immensely rewarding, life enhancing job.

Why not tell him to give it another go - watch how the experienced staff work - ask to go on training courses - we desperately need more people to work in this field and once the initial shock has worn off he may find that he is well suited to the job.

Yvonne

IMHO if a man has been put off by a girl having a go at him then this may not be the job for him.. I asked my OH what he would do and he said he'd suck it up and be a man.
As harsh as this may sound,it's just my opinion and i admit i could never in a million years do a job like this,you would have to be tough and resiliant and patient and all the rest of it.

I truly do admire the folk who work in this field,true angels they are :)

To be a man doesn't mean you have to put a brave face on everything that life throws at you. Just because Tracey's OH has been shaken up by this doesn't mean he is lesser a man than anybody else ;)

A 'real' man (whatever that is) isn't afraid to admit to mistakes. Until a person's experienced a particular situation they have no idea how they'll respond.

He's going back in today and I think having a think about the whole situation may help because he seems more chilled about it today. I'll let you know what happens.

Thanks for your comments.

Ktee - Before my OH started I asked him the same question and he replied that you learn to cope with it, but its obviously different when it actually happens. :)

Tracey - my 11year old son is on the Autistic Spectrum and when he rages it's terrifying.  He's only a small lad (I think the description is wiry) but he's extremely aggressive and has given me numerous black eyes and bruises.

I have so much admiration for your husband - I really hope he is able to see that the good days far out number the bad.  The one thing I've always had in my head when my boy is raging is that it's not his fault and he doesn't mean to be so aggressive.

Ktee - until you've dealt with raging autistic teens/adults you can't possibly comment and you're comments about not being a real man aren't at all helpful.  Tell your hubby to work a couple of shifts with Tracey's hubby and see how he deals with it.  You can't react and hit back, you can't shout or punish their actions - you just have to take it.

Thats fantastic Tracy.
It would be great to hear how he gets on.

Ktee - what experience have either you or your husband had with autistic adults?    Do you not understand that they have a very limited understanding of our world - a new face, a new experience - even a new smell - can put them into fight or flight mode?   It wouldn't be the same as being attacked by a drunken girl!

Margot

Just a quick update:

He's just come in grinning like a cheshire cat! They have moved him to a less violent home and he's had a whale of a time cooking for the annual BBQ! He's literally come bursting through the door! :D Im so pleased. He's looking forward to next week now.

Thanks for all your nice comments :D

That's great Tracey!   After all, he has to get accustomed to the residents, as well as the residents becoming accustomed to him!

Hope it all goes well.

Margot x

That's great! He can be 'broken in' gently and he'll do a really worthwhile job. :)

He said they think his confidence has taken a knock so they are going to build that back up and maybe re-introduce him to the other house. He's had a fantastic day today and he's really positive!

All my worrying and sleepless nights were for nothing!! :rolleyes:

YEAH SOOOOO PLEASED FOR HIM :D :D  KEEP AT IT, i'M SURE THAT HE'LL FIND IT SO REWARDING!

In some ways I'd love to do something like this but know that I couldn't cope doing it full time.  Maybe one day I'll volunteer.  Used to help out occasionally years ago after just finishing school.

Thats fantastic and a big well done is in order.
I'm so glad he enjoyed himself, he's a star in my book.

Excellent.

Thats fantastic news - he needs to remember that Autistic sufferers don't take to change very well at all so it will be a bit difficult to start with.

Glad to see he's happy and wants to keep trying.

Thats wonderful news!  I'm surprised they threw a new person with little experiance into a "more violent" home as surely it would be better to inroduce people slowly?  However I'm glad your OH isn't giving up.  I've seen the reslts of attacks from autistic children on one of my friends who's younger brother was autistic.  To want to work in a sitution where is is risk is amazing, something I know I could never do. 

Your OH is an inspiration to all because even with a small knock back his got back on his feet and relised this is the job he wants!

Some people in this world are truely amazing!

Really  pleased that he enjoyed his day and has decided to stay in the job. Once he has had a chance to build up his confidence and his training he will be so much better equipped to deal with the difficult situations that will inevitably arise from time to time.

As someone else has mentioned autistic people have such a difficult time coping with change and, like us all, will react in varying ways. Hats off to him for choosing to work in what can be a challenging environment :) :)

:D Thanks for your comments!! You guys are ace!!

Great news and well done to your OH for keeping his focus on what will be a really rewarding job

Just sending some support, I do hope your husband manages to stay as I am sure it is incredibly rewarding at the end of the day. Good luck to him :)