I just wondered if anyone had an opinion at all, my neighbour's dog was PTS today he was an older dog about 14ish I guess, and he was telling me they were going to tell the children they have 3, 10, 12 and about 14 that the dog had run away rather than tell them he had been PTS.
I said they should tell the children the truth the dog was elderly and the children really loved the dog and have spent all their lives with him, I think they would be more upset and for longer that he had run away and left them than the brief intense grief they would feel knowing he had been PTS and no longer in pain/discomfort in fact I think the parents should have told the children he was poorly and what they were going to do.

Do you have an view?

The chap and his wife are really nice people and this has baffled me a little as I would not have thought they would do this. Theirother option is to tell the children they had sent him to work on a farm as he is was a Border Collie cross.

Very sad though. Karen

The three older children are entitled to know the truth:  if they are told the dog has run away, it will seem as if he has rejected them (and their love) and they will be out at all hours, trying to find him.    Sooner or later they will find out the truth, and I don't believe that it does any good for a parent/child relationship to discover that one has been lied to.

They are also old enough to know that the dog was too old to go to "work on a farm".   Children are far more relisiant than a lot of adults seem to realise - and it does not do to shield them from the truth.

Margot

The kids will resent the parents if told a lie. If the dog ran off -why didn't the parents stop it from happening? Did the dog not like them any more? Did the KIDS do something wrong to make the dog leave? They could blame themselves. If the dog was sent to a farm, -parents will get the blame. Always best to tell the truth, regardless of age. Kids are much better at dealing with things like this than we think, and bounce back easier than adults.

What horrible lies to tell to their children! Children are very realistic and cope with hard truths far better than we give them credit for. Yes, they're sad and they cry, but then they move on. Torturing them by telling them that their loved dog had run away from them is wicked. They'll be looking for him everywhere, imagining him run over and hurt somewhere, wanting to put up 'Lost' notices ... no, they can't do it. It'd be too cruel.

The truth will come out in the end, and the children will never trust their parents again.

Definitely truth. Animals are a good way to teach children about life and death.

I have always told my children the truth ....I would lose their respect if/when they found out that I had lied. I would have explained that the dog was old and in pain and that the vet and I had decided that it was the best thing for him to be put out of his pain ...

How sad that anyone would consider lying to children in this way, I suppose they think they are being kind. I also tell my children the truth, they certainly wouldn't trust me if they discovered I lied to them.

Death unfortunatly is a natural part of life so I wouldn't tell my kids a lie like that it would break their hearts to think that the dog chose to run away rather then be with us. When I told my  then 5 year old that our very old dobe had died (must admit though didn't go into the how she died at home with the vets help) she very pragmatically said that she very old and didn't have much fun anymore because she couldn't run or play and now she would be running around in heaven and having a great time, she said she would miss her but Corie still knew we loved her and it wasn't that bad because we will see her when we go to heaven.

Must admit was a bit shocked and how calm she took it but couldn't help smile as SHE comforted ME! 

One of my dogs has been ill since the end of last year and we have no way of knowing how long he has or hasn't. I started telling my 7 year old that his favourite dog isn't well, then over the weeks added that we don't know what will happen etc. He's watched me give him medication so knows we're trying to make him better. It's amazing what kids come up with.  He loves this dog, and he knows that he may die , we just don't know, but he's thinking of things like cremation, where to bury him, how to remember him. He's preparing himself but in a positive way.

what a terrible thing to do. I can recall our old dog being pts when i was 10.....i accepted it as a part of life, no matter how unfair it seemed. if i had been told she had run away i would have been out all night searching for her and in a bad way!

Thats awful.
My son James came up to me one day and said his rabbit, that he loved to bits wasnt very well.
James was about 9 at the time.
I went down (this was first thing before work) and he was right. Gpt ready for work with Floppy in my arms to keep him warm as he was cold. Rang work said I would be late. Took Sam my youngest to school and told them James would be late.
I took James to the vets with me and the vet discussed the options. he needed an xray and it didnt look good.
Took James to school as thought he would be better off there. Had a phone call at 11 for me to make the decision what to do. I chose PTS as it was best for Floppy.
Rang the school, told them the situation, went and picked Floppy up (who had been PTS) and then picked James up at lunch time. He spent half an hour cuddling his dead rabbit before we went down the bottom of the garden and buried him.
Took James back to school for the afternoon.
Now to me, I believe doing that helped him come to terms with his rabbit dying. If I had just brushed over it then I believe it would take him alot longer.
I CANT believe anyone would lie to a child about death :(
The only thing they are doing is making it harder as the children get older. And certainly a 14 year old woyld know that the dog was dead and surely they would resent the parents lying to them :(
My old girl Gemma seems to be getting older by the day, but when the time comes, I am hoping not for a while yet, my children will KNOW what is going on, and probably even come to the crematorium with me, as she has been with them all thier lives.
Lea.

I found it hard to deal with losing my old dog when I was 15 - she was PTS while I was upstairs asleep, so the last time I saw her she was alive.  It took me a long, long time to get over it as I always expected her to come round the corner.  I couldn't imagine how long it would take for kids to get over thinking their dog had run away, never knowing (so they thought) what had happened to it.

There is no way I would be able to lie about it and when we lost our English Setter 4 years ago my daughters were 4 and 6 - they were both told she had died - this was there first dealings with death.  Jess the 4yo didn't really understand but Emily at 6 was very sad and we cried together.

They are at an age where they should be told, they're not babies at those ages.  I just don't understand why they would tell them that it ran away, everywhere they go those children would be there looking to see if they could find it.

Its a tough call for parents to explain the loss of something they are so close to,  so in a way I can understand why they feel the need to protect their kids from this. However, having said that, I do think it is the wrong way to go about it. One thing in life is certain, that we are all going to die some day. they will have grandparents, aunts, even us as parents die at some point, so this would have been an ideal time for the kids to learn that, to understand that the dog had become old, and poorly, and eventually died. They don't need all the info, but they do need to learn how to deal with loss. My old girl was older than the kids, so when she became ill it was explained, and they were prepared for the eventuality. And when it happened we were all very upset, but they knew it was coming, and she was buried in the garden with a tree planted. To have said she ran away, or was given to someone else, would have really broken their hearts. hey would never have understood why I had let her go, or if she had ran away, why she had done that. there would have been no closure, they would have always wondered where she had gone, and how she was. Is there any way you can let this couple know how everyone here feels? it may help them. The kids will not understand why they are grieving too, kids pick up on things no matter how hard we try to hide it. The kids may even feel they are to blame for the dog leaving too. I feel so sorry for all concerned, its so hard when we lose them, they just don't live long enough, do they.

Frankly I think all the children should know.  Death is part of life and not something that should be hidden or made scary for them.

Even for the tiny one it can be explained.  All things live and then die.

My first dog dies tragically and at only 3 1/2 and my kids were 14 months and 4 1/2 and I did not hide it from them.

When pets die when we are young, its how we learn about death and how to cope with it ready for bigger and much more painful losses in the future. Also teaches us the joys of life.
Sometimes losing a dog is more painful then losing a distant relative and you need time to grieve for your loss either way.

I think its horrible what theyre planning to do, Tell the kids the truth.