Hi everyone, need some honest advice please.
I have 5 children who range from 4 months to 10 years, an 8 month old rottie, a 6 yr old moggy and a 4 month old dalmation pup.

My question is, is it fair to keep the dalmation pup?
this is why i ask:-

I am run off my feet all the time, my house is a constant mess, the gardens are overgrown with weeds and full off holes and an incredibly disgusting amount of doggy poop.

My dogs eat shop own brands cos i cant afford the good stuff, they havent been wormed or flead for ages, they arent vaccinated, spayed or microchipped.....

they arent even walked  :o
i cant physically take them for walks, one at a time i could probably manage, but i dont have the time in the day to do seperate walks for them both. :(

the dogs fight all the time, the dalmation pup doesnt like the cat, the cat doesnt like her
my rottie is a very nervous dog and very very needy and clingy, shes quite jealous and needs lots of fuss and reassurance all the time, shes 8 months and still wees in fear, excitement and even when you just stroke her :(
none of them are trained properly, the rottie does sit and lie but nothing else, i keep meaning to spend time training but with kids and work i cant fit it in!
the dalmation has only been house trained so far....

is it fair to keep the dalmation pup in a situation like this? i know its not ideal to rehome her but would it be for the best? im really mixed up and in a mess.

i feel guilty for not being able to look after them properly.

to be honest i wasnt keen on having her in the first place :(  :'(
What do i do?
realise nothings ideal and just carry on as we are?
or
rehome the pup where she will get the time and training she needs?
i could use some opinions and advice please.
thanks :( its really getting me depressed and stressed now.  :'( :'(

No it isn't fair -the big question is, why did you get the Dalmation pup when you obviously already had the Rottie pup and was pregnant yourself? Didn't it occur to you it would all be a bit much all at once.......? :( You said you weren't keen on getting the Dalmatian, so was it your husband that talked you into it?

I would return them both.  If you did not want them why take them? Having said that a great deal of responsibility lies with whoever let you have them in the first place.  It does seem unlikely that you have bought them from the sort of responsible breeder that will take them back so if not you will need to contact the Breed rescue through the Breed Club.

It sounds as if you have far too much on your plate at the moment to be able to give your dalmatian puppy the attention she needs if she's to become anything other than an out-of-control liability. They're not an easy breed at the best of times!

If you bought your dalmatian pup from a reputable breeder then s/he'll be more than willing to take the pup back and rehome her for you. If not (and for various reasons I have my doubts), then please contact the dalmatian Welfare co-ordinator, Anne Gurnsey, on 0790 5495084 or email anne@kilmartindals.wanadoo.co.uk as soon as possible.

To be honest I wouldn't have sold you the first pup, let alone the second, because anyone with a scrap of commonsense would realise that you would have your hands full to have time for your children, let alone find time for yourself AND train/socialise two puppies.

I would suggest that you find homes for both the pups as the Rottie hasn't had enough time spent on her either.

I would agree that both pups need to be re homed.

You will then be able to look after the four year old dog properly.  It won't be difficult to teach her/him to walk nicely with the pushchair, teaching him/her to accept a headcollar may be a good idea first.

I found I could walk two medium size sensible dogs with a pushchair, and when the kids were that age they probably got more walks than they do now.

With only one dog to look after you will actually enjoy having a dog and be able to look after her/him properly.

You at least realise you went wrong, and if you learn from it, and ensure the pups are homed responsibly you need not beat yourself up about it.

I feel very sorry for you. Its very easy to get overwhelmed, but the honest truth is that you have far too much on your plate at the moment and you are making life harder for yourself.

Re-home both the rottie and the dally whilst you have the chance - whilst they are still in puppyhood because it makes it easier. Its only fair on them, and you, and the children.

Please - can everyone NOT have a go at this lady for taking on too much - whats done is done and she is asking for help.

to be honest i wasnt keen on having her in the first place
you should have gone with your instinct. Sometime being soft isn't the kindest way you have to be realistic and strong minded even when you are exhausted!
Yu are of course dead right you can't keep both pups. A Dalmatian needs a very high level of exercise or you will be driven suicidal! At this age you should manage to re home the pup.

Try the rescue orgs to see if they have a place. Contact the KC for a list of training clubs in your area and ask the trainers to advertise your pup because this is a good place to find the perfect home. 

If you have babysitters I would advise you to take the other pup to training class..it will transform your experience. While you have the Dalmatian pup your 10 year old could put in some training to help you out but you don't want them to become close as the pup will soon go to a new home but if the child is keen to work to make the pup easy to home in a good home  it could be a possitive challenge.  If you find a good citizen club they are good helping kids learn how to control dogs as well as adults and it is fun and rewarding for the kids. You should even be able to take the kids if the training session isn't too late.  Or if you can go alone it gives you a good break and quality one to one time with your dog.  If you are to even keep this one dog till death do you part you need to do much more than you are doing. Cubs help you enjoy the dog and tend to meet people outside your struggle and they normally do fun parties for the Kids and dogs at Christmas. Unless you work on that Rottie right now you really should think of finding a home for that one too while it is still young enough and trouble free.

I think you are overwhelmed and just can't see the wood for the trees. You need to stop. think and break down and examine your commitments and find a strategy for helping bring your feet back down onto the ground. Be realistic as to what you can manage. Write a list of asects to work through to improve your situation like cleaning up your garden just step at a time..your garden in itself is an asset and at the moment it is a handicap...do take it slowly and realistically but move the right way so when your baby has a 1st birthday you feel more on top of things and so more relaxed. Good luck..it's all much easier said than done...I certainly woudn't take on dogs with young kids...kids are hard enough for me to cope with..but some people manage. Do take care. 

Try a head halter or some form of training aid like this to walk the dog... they really help.

Nicki-Jo, I think you're being sensible indeed. :) You're aware that your current circumstances mean that at the moment you can't give everyone and everything what they need, so making changes is the only fair way forward. Carrying on the way things are means everybody loses - you, your children, the pups; and things won't get any better by themselves. It's quite possible you already have a degree of post-natal depression, and having two demanding puppies which will quickly grow into big, strong, demanding adults will only make things worse.

Rehoming at least one puppy (I gave you the contact number for dalmatian welfare) and probably both will give you the time and space you need to get your life a little more sorted. Perhaps get another puppy in the future, when your youngest child has started playgroup or school, and you have some time to devote to rearing and training.

Please don't feel guilty about this. You're not the first person to have been railroaded into getting a dog against your will and I'm sure you won't be the last. The important thing now is to put things right as soon as possible, to be fair to everyone, including yourself. Good luck.

Fully agree with JG. :)

I am in no way 'having a go' but looking at your posts back in 2005 you had a yorkie pup.  What happened to that?  I would have thought a yorkie would have been a far easier dog as regards walks and training than either a rottie or dalmation.  Just curious so please don't think I'm getting at you as I'm really not meaning to.

Nikki-Jo, I think you are being exceptionally kind and caring, and also that hormones are running wild making everything, even getting up in the morning, feel like climbing a mountain. you are obviously a caring person, or you wouldn't be asking for advice.

I would advise rehoming both dogs, do it through breed rescue, maybe someone could give you the rottie number. If the breeders won't take them back, that is, always give them first choice. if you get no help, then contact the RSPCA, they should certainly help.

Then as to the rest of the home, take one job at a time. Is there anyone, partner, family etc to help you? Even if just to take the kids for a while, and you use that time to have a soak in the bath, some free time for yourself. you are still recovering from the birth, that takes its toll never mind all your other commitments. I have a fridge magnet that says 'cleaning the house while kids are growing is like shoveling snow when its still snowing' and I think that is so true! Kids don't die from a bit of dirt, they won't remember how clean the house was once grown up, but they will remember love, kindness and the time you spent with them.

You need someone to talk to, then I'm sure everyone here would help, you can always PM me if you want. take care x

hi everyone, thanks for the honst replies, i kind of thought you'd all suggest rehoming.
everything just seems really really hard at the moment :( money has never been so tight and time is non-existent. there is no one to help, just me and hubby, no one else has time to help or wont babysit etc. i cant remember the last time i had a bath without any kids in the room and even when me and hubby went out alone.

i think i will explain to my hubby tonight how i feel, as ive been hiding it all from him. i know he will support me whatever i decide to do.
i do think rehoming is best, i think i was hoping someone would suggest it so i didnt have to feel so ashamed for thinking it first :( :'(

you have all been very kind in your replies and for that i thank you. in response to the yorkie question, you are right i did have a yorkie pup a few years ago, but she was run over by some total moron on a motorbike at a kiddies park and died not long after. we havent had a dog since. and yes little dogs are probably easier to cope with than big dogs, but i think the situation still would have been the same now.

i think i will try the breeders first, then if i have no joy the breed rescues, then at least i might get piece of mind that they are looked after and home checks are done. :'(

Just wanted to say what a brave desision you are making and well done for being so caring.

All the best
Anna

There's nothing much harder than having a new baby and older kids as well -it is very hard and you need some time to yourself as well.  I know I would never have coped with having dogs and cats as well as babies and chidlren if it hadn't been for the fact that my (ex) husband worked from home so I was never on my own and if I needed help it was always there so in that respect I was very lucky. I hope all works out, and then when the kids are a bit older and things are easier you can probably get a dog again -good luck!

Good luck.  You are going the right way round it.  Hopefully the breeders will take them back and rehome for you, if not breed rescues do a great job, just explain the situation and explain you want to make sure they go to a good home.  No-one should judge you, you made mistakes, learnt from them and are now putting them right with possibly the hardest desiccions you have to make at this point in time.

Hopefully in the future you will have time for a dog again once the children are older and not so dependent on you as they are now.

That is so sad about your yorkie.  I would just like to add that I think you are being very brave.  It takes a lot of guts to admit you have a problem and I do hope things improve for you.  All the best.

Nicki-Jo, there is no shame attached to asking for help, be that with the dogs or from your husband, who sounds lovely. Lean on him, thats what he's there for ;)........no matter what worries you have, whatever they may be, you will both be stronger and feel better for sharing them.
Good luck, if you can, let us know how you get on, and also if you need any more help finding homes for the dogs. x

Let us know how it goes. It's definitely the right decision to rehome both pups, and although it will be hard to let them go the weight off your shoulders will be HUGE. There should be no problems in finding them new homes at the ages they're at. Right for them, and for you and your kids too who are no doubt feeling the strain also. Good luck!

I too would advise rehoming BOTH puppies.  The longer you keep them the harder it is on both you AND the puppies.  I think you know the answer yourself otherwise you wouldn't have posted what you did.  Don't beat yourself up about it, admit you have a problem and then, and this is a very important bit, DO something about it.  Don't allow your emotions to get in the way - they'll be running haywire with postnatal hormones as it is.  Sometimes the idea of having dogs and puppies is extremely tempting but the reality soon hits and then things go from bad to worse.  It's not fair on you and certainly not fair on the dogs for you to keep them.  Rehoming them (and please go through a breed welfare and not just someone who'll 'take them off your hands') is your only viable option.  After it's all done you'll be able to sort your life out and I'm sure the whole family will be better off.  Probably the most important thing for you to do is to learn from this and resist the temptation to get another dog too soon - that will only land you in the same position you're in now.

Good luck, and do the right thing.

Debs

I guess when you posted you knew the response that you would get as it is in your heart too. If it helps print off this page, let hubby read your own post as well as all the replies. Sometimes our other halves don't really realise how we feel, reading it in black and white like this will make him think how can you cope with the dogs, children, home and reading it you can see you are failing the dogs too.

Good luck! :-)

As a mother, you want to please your family - and often it is easier to say "yes, why not" when really you are screaming out "are you stark raving mad - I can't cope with another teaspoon in the family".

You've done the couragous thing, coming here, asking for advice - which in fact was really reinforcing what you already thought - which you can show the rest of the family.

Time enough for puppies and dogs when the little ones are more off hand.   

Margot

It is a shame nobody replied to this post as maybe we could have given Nic-Jo some food for thought before she got these two puppies :)

http://www.champdogsforum.co.uk/cgi-bin/board/topic_show.pl?pid=608445;hl=;hlm=uid#pid608445

Rehoming is definately the best idea :)

With the Garden what I did when kids were small was fenced of part of the garden near the house, preferably where there is hard surface that the dogs had access too.

This made cleaning up much easier and the children and their friends would play in the rest of the garden without me having to worry about them stepping in something or twisting their foot.

It also meant that kids and dogs were not running around wild together which is a recipe for disaster as over excitement leads to accidents.