I can't choose between the following

1. A lady who called in a panic saying "I've just mated my Staffie and they're stuck together, I can't pull them apart."  I asked how long they'd been like that and after hearing it was only a few minutes I tried to reassure her it's perfectly normal for dogs to tie after mating.  After a baffled silence, she replied "But, but, are you sure?  I mean humans don't do it like that!"  What can one say?

2. A lady who called and was immediately very aggressive towards me, saying we'd given her dog a medicine that had poisoned him and that she'd spoken to me the previous day when I'd agreed to dispense some tablets.  I had no record of her being a client and knew I certainly hadn't had any such discussion.  She got more and more hysterical; eventually I said I wasn't prepared to continue the conversation with her in such a state, then put down the phone.  She called back two minutes later, asking how she could get in contact with my manager to register an official complaint.  I gave her his number.  He called me about ten minutes later laughing and saying "What have you been saying to upset clients now?"  When she called him it transpired that she hadn't attended my surgery or any of the surgeries in our practice.  She'd called me by mistake, however when the mistake was discovered she paused only for a moment before saying "Oh well, I want to make a complaint about her anyway!"

3. A guy who was absolutely convinced that his EBT didn't need an anaesthetic as they're "bred to be tough".  When we refused to stitch him up without one, he left saying he'd just do it himself at home!

Sometimes I wonder if people are actually serious or just winding me up?

I dont know where to start lol Infact it might be easier to do this as a daily colum lol

I can only sympathise!  Happy to be able to say all my doggy clients are sensible, nice folk.  however, some of my other contacts are not so good!  We have a bunch of small industrial units we rent out, and I am afraid that the conversations I can get into with the tenants (usually on payment type topics) are highly unsuitable for printing here!  However, my favourite nutty conversation of the year has to go to the leader of a group of ramblers who arrived in the car park a few weeks ago - to give a quick background to this, our car park leads off a lane which runs paralel to a footpath alongside the rail track, but about 50  - 100yards further along the road for it's starting point.  My car park has a further lane running round the building, leading to a dead end, muddy car turing area, steep embankment with fence and bunch of henhouses/smallholding buildings at the top.  No way through at all to the footpath (Unless you are a mountain goat who is not afraid of a lot of mud and barbed wire!)  So into the car park comes a bunch of about 10 or 12, mainly ladies of "a certain age" and a couple of blokes too, all dressed to the nines in full walking gear, cagoules, woolly knee socks, hiking boots, back packs, walking sticks, maps, the complete works.  Presuming they were lost I walked over to ask if I could help, and was  sharply told by "the leader"( the bloke with the biggest walking stick, great big back pack and map in plastic case, with a torch hanging from his belt!!!) that no help needed, they were following a designated footpath,  I politely asked where they were trying to get to, adding the words "you can't...."  (was going to add... get through from here) but was shouted down by "the leader" who gave me a lecture on right to roam, how they could walk anywhere on his map, blah, blah, blah.  I tried again, but as soon as the "Can't" word was uttered, off he went off again. 

It took me 4 attempts before I realised a new form of words was needed, but even when I told his it was a dead end, he insited on walking right round the back of the building to see for himself, then had the nerve to say I could have saved them all a lot of time if I had just said that in the first place!  then off they marched, the map still being wafted about at the front of the gropus, although it was fairly obvious he could not read it!

As an after thought, what would drive an otherwise sensible looking bunch of adults to don all this country type attire, and then go for a walk, along pavements, in a decidedly urban area!
bye
Gwen

I had a classic on Friday...
Client wanted some advice "My 6 month old Dalmatian has been shredding the wallpaper and eating the plaster. Is this a sign she is coming into season??" I asked if she was left alone during the day when this was happening. "Oh yes. She's on her own for about 7 hours a day......" :rolleyes:
People really worry me!

My choice is between

A) The bloke who arrived at the surgery, with wife, children and two cats, shortly before 3.30pm "for the cats' 3.30 appointment" when appointments don't start till 5pm. He got annoyed when I explained that there must be a mistake, and totally lost his rag, swore at me and stormed out (wife carrying cat basket and children pale and silent) when I discovered on the computer that he's made the appointment for the main surgery 10 miles away. Rebooking was apparently out of the question ...

or B)
When the phone rang and the conversation went as follows:

Me: "Good afternoon, XYZ Veterinary Surgery"
Caller: "No, you've got the wrong number"
*click brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

My vet was telling me of a client that had rung up after leaving the surgery earlier that day with some frontline spot-on flea treatment. The client apparently wanted to know if he should mix the frontline into his dogs food or just put it directly on his tongue
Phew thank goodness they rang to check! Of course they could have just read the instructions??

:)

Not vets, but dentistry,
A patient came in this year with a terrible infection,when i asked why he hadn't sought treatment sooner,he replied that actually he thought the world was about to end,so didn't bother.:rolleyes:

PMSL JG, did 'B' really happen?

That's my giggle sorted for the day!

Yep, 'b' is 100% genuine! I was left gawping in disbelief at the receiver!

2007 is looking promising already..

phone call:

Client: "My budgie has a lump, can I bring him in?"
Me:     "Of course, where's the lump?
Client:  "On the budgie."

client returning a prescription diet:

"I want my money back.  I've done some research into the company and this food is tested on animals."

client worried about side-effects of Fortekor:

"I don't want to give my cat these pills anymore.  I took one accidentally and it made me feel really strange so they can't be good for her."

I have no stories not working in a vets, but these are just sooooooooooooo... funny!! :-D :-D

LOL - I loved yours JG, but Mary-Carolines budgie incident is a very close second!

I'm sniggering about the staffies stuck together and can't get them apart...
But I really shouldn't laugh - if she ain't got a clue about mating all I can say
is gawd help the dam and pups...she's going on a steep learning curve!

Not a comment from a client but rather a passer-by.  We had a Lab hospitalised after a cystotomy last week.  I arrived at the surgery at 8am and immediately took him out for a wee.  He'd been very flat and depressed the previous night but clearly felt a lot better as he almost pulled my arm out of the socket.  I was trying to get him back into the surgery while fighting with my key in the door; a chap walked past and instead of offering to open the door for me, hold the lead, etc. he said "Oh, is there something wrong with your dog?"  I bit my tongue though really I wanted to say "No, he's absolutely fine.  It's perfectly normal to walk a dog which is on intravenous fluids.  Actually I enjoy holding the dog with one hand, unlocking the door with the other and holding his drip bag between my teeth!"

Another client insisted that the best way to treat a nasty pyoderma was to cover the affected area with honey (Sainbury's owh brand) then to swathe the affected area with Vetwrap and let nature take its course.  Unsuprisingly that method didn't have the happiest ending.

A vet friend sent me this, which says it all, really

Welcome to Arsebiscuits Veterinary Hospital Automated Telephone System.
Please listen carefully to the following options.

Press 01 to make an appointment.

Press 02 to tell us your life history as well as your pet's before
making your appointment.

Press 03 to speak directly to a human doctor.

Press 04 if you feel your pet's condition is more important than the
emergency patient the vet is currently seeing.

Press 05 if your pet's condition has persisted for 6 months but has
suddenly become an emergency and needs seeing this evening.

Press 06 if you would like us to trim your 100Kg aggressive dog's claws.

Press 07 if you demand immediate treatment but would like us to hold
a cheque for you until next month.

Press 08 if you would like us to post date a previously held post dated
cheque.

Press 09 if you need to bring in 10 unvaccinated puppies with
vomiting and bloody diarrhoea and you'll only have £10 in your pocket.

Press 10 if you arrive at our surgery in a new Jaguar XJS but can
only pay your bill for routine vaccinations at £5 per month.

Press 11 if you wish to project your unfounded anger and aggression
at a receptionist or nurse.

Press 12 to determine if your pet's condition is serious enough to be
seen immediately. If its after midnight our team of experts will
be standing by to debate the issue with you for as long as it takes
to agree it can wait until the morning.

Press 13 if your pet hasn't eaten for 10 days and you've only just
become concerned.

Press 14 if your reptilian pet (snake, monitor lizard, iguana,
chameleon, water dragon, etc.) has been living in an impossibly small
tank in a dark, cold room and has not eaten for 60 days despite you
offering it several different types of chocolate and crisps.

Press 15 if you farm in a rural area and you wish to speak in an
unintelligible Somerset dialect.

Press 16 if you have a heifer that still hasn't calved despite
pushing for 3 days and your repeated attempts to assist her using the
tractor.

Press 17 if there's nothing wrong with your pet and you just want to
talk to someone.

Press 18 if your dog has removed its bandage... because you chose to
remove its buster collar.... even though we explicitly requested you
leave it on.

Press 19 to find out our busiest times... so you can ensure that when
you turn up without an appointment and demand to be seen, maximum
Chaos will be caused.

Finally - press 20 if you are local and need these options explained
in words of single syllables.

It would be funny if it wasn't true!

I love those phone options! So true! There should be a similar notice on the entrance door along the lines of: "You will forever endear yourself to the receptionist if you come in during busy surgery hours with your muddy dog simply to enquire about the prices of various shop items, instead of the quiet hours when the vet isn't on the premises".

The other day I had a chap phone up wanting to book his Landrover in for a service ...

The other day I had a chap phone up wanting to book his Landrover in for a service ... 
I always thought men thought more of their cars than anything else. He obviously had decided it was his pet and needed a personal service. Decided the mechanic wouldnt talk nicely to it while working on it so wanted to try the vet instead ;)
Lea :)

We had a woman ring at work the other day. She had obviously misdialled and was wanting the local Honda garage (we manufacture lighting :D). When she was told that she had the wrong number she said "Well it has to be the right number as you have sent me a letter with the number on" :D :D

Daisy

Mary-Caroline i loved your 1-20 options, very funny.