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By Harry C.
![[gb]](/images/flags/gb.png "United Kingdom")
Date 29.08.02 18:35 UTC
Astralian Bricklayer's Report
This is a bricklayers accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers Compensation Board. This is a true story.
Dear Sir,
I am writing in responce to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form.
I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I had completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over, which when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up on the roof and swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. I then went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the bricks. You will note in block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and a broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep in the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly onto the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.
At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bittom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid desent down the side of the building. In the vacinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks, and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks in pain and unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down to me. This explains the two broken legs.
Hope that this answers your questions.
I am sitting here cross legged with eyes streaming and bladder bursting! LOL :D :D
Have mailed it to my freind and neighbour whose husband is a bricklayer (currently working on their house extension).
By Leigh
Date 30.08.02 11:01 UTC
LOL ... Good one Harry :D
By John
Date 29.08.02 20:18 UTC
Hi Harry you young reprobate! wot yer doin these days? Not sin yer around much laterly.
Crnt say much, doin this on John's PC wile I wate fore MIMI to get redy to go art!
J
By lorraine1000
Date 29.08.02 22:10 UTC
hi
well i am sorry FOCL thats really bad how could he let go of the rope LOL
lorraine
By thistle
Date 30.08.02 08:50 UTC
There's a song called 'Paddy's Sick note' by the Dubliners which has exactly the same story as this. Has anyone heard it?
Jane
By Jackie H
Date 30.08.02 10:45 UTC
Seem to remember the lecturer Gerrard Hoffnungh telling the same story at the Oxford Union during an after dinner speach some time I think in the early sixties. Not sure about the spelling of his surname. Ja:)kie
By Sharon McCrea
Date 30.08.02 16:46 UTC
Jane, the Dublinerers may have done it too, but my favourite version is by the Corries:
Dear sir I write this note to you to tell you of my plight,
For at the time of writing it, I'm not a pretty sight,
My body is all black & blue, my face a deathly grey,
And I write this note to say why I am not at work today.
While working on the 14th floor some bricks I had to clear,
But tossing them down from such a height, was not a good idea,
The foreman wasn't very pleased, he is an awkward sod,
and he said I had to cart them down the ladders in me hod.
Well clearing all these bricks by hand, it was so very slow,
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below.
But in me haste to do the job, I was too blind to see,
That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.
And so when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead,
And clinging tightly to the rope, I started up instead.
I shot up like a rocket, and to my dismay I found
That halfway up I met the bloody barrel coming down.
Well, the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped,
And when I reached the top, I banged the pulley with me head.
But I clung on tightly, numb with shock, from this almighty blow,
While the barrel spilled out half its bricks some fourteen floors below.
Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor,
I then outweighed the barrel & so started down once more.
But I clung on tightly to the rope, me body wracked with pain,
And halfway down I met the bloody barrel once again.
The force of this collision halfway down the office block,
Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty case of shock,
But I clung on tightly to the rope as I fell towards the ground,
And I landed on the broken bricks the barrel had scattered round.
Well as I lay there on the floor I thought I'd passed the worst,
But the barrel hit the pulley wheel & then the bottom burst.
A shower of bricks rained down on me; I didn't have a hope.
As I lay there bleeding on the ground I let go the bloody rope.
The barrel now being heavier, it started down once more.
It landed right across me as I lay there on the floor.
It broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say,
"I hope you'll understand why I am not at work today
By thistle
Date 02.09.02 10:28 UTC
Sharon
Yes it is the same song. Have you got the words in a song book or did you write them yourself off the album?
Jane
By Harry C.
Date 30.08.02 22:40 UTC
Hi there Sir John,
Nice to talk to you after all this time, Old boy.
See that your elocution lessons are now paying dividends. Told you that it would'nt be long before you started talking real propper, just like what I does.
:rolleyes:
Harry C.
By Trevor
Date 30.08.02 14:17 UTC
Brilliant :D
Nicky
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