Im really worried about my parents. :(

My half brother and my dad do not get along (its not my dad's son) and its really putting a strain on my parents relationship. My brother is one of these people who doesnt like work, tries to get things as cheap as possible and offends quite a few people. He recently borrowed my dad's van and put red diesel in it which as most of you will know if you get caught your vehicle is crushed!

Anyway, my dad has just set up a new business and hence he now has 2 businesses in which he is always working. My mum also works for one of the businesses and she seems to be working lots too so they are now hardly seeing each other, they dont do anything together and they dont talk to one another.

I seem to be the mediator because mum seems to come to me with her worries and I had her crying down the phone to me this morning but I dont know what to suggest. I can see where my dad is coming from because my brother can be a pain and he doesnt respect anything but then again its my mums son. As far as I know she has had a go at him about it but what good it will do???? Im just wanting some suggestions on how I can get them talking and loving each other again because Im worried they are going to split up!

Is it just the problem with your brother that is causing the problem, or are there other things going on that you don't know about? Does your brother live with your parents, or does he live in his own place? If he lives with your parents I'd see about kicking him out, in the nicest possible way, of course ;) If he doesn't then I would ask him not to call round, but to get your mum to visit him in his place. Step families have to work harder to get on as there is a lot of animosity going round. I've been married twice and my children from my first marriage hated my 2nd husband with a vengeance, doing things to deliberately annoy him, hoping that it would break us up. It worked. It sounds like your brother could be doing the same thing.

He doesnt live with them but he doesnt work so he seems to have a lot of time on his hands and pops round quite a lot to see my mum. He smokes and yet borrows money from my mum (which I think really gets at dad because if he cant afford to smoke he shouldnt! - no offence to other smokers) and he has an arrogance about him that the world owes him a favour. My mum would never allow anyone to say he couldnt come round.

Interestingly I spoke to both parents today and my mum said my dad has not spoken to her for a week and my dad said my mums not spoken to him for a week! lol. Its laughable really because they are acting like kids and I want to bash their heads together. I think they forget Im the child in all this!!

Things are going to continue like this whilst your mum continues to finance your brother!

She is making him worse - by giving him cigarettes and money - he has no incentive to even try to get off his backside!

Somehow, you are going to have to talk to her, and tell her about "Tough Love" - he has to learn that he isn't the only fish in the sea and there is no way that the world owes him anything!

Margot

I had to do the same to my Mum, very different situation but basically involved my Mum molly coddling my 27 year old brother - I told her straight and she appreciated it ;)

The thing is, he owns an ice cream van which 'when he can be bothered' he will go on. Instead of going out to earn lots of money he will go out with a figure in mind that he wants to earn, earn it then go home. Even if the sun is shining and he has lots more hours to go at he'll just go home. He's hoping to set up a nightclub (dont ask!) in our town so if that takes off at least that will give him something to aim for?!

he will have to put the hours in to run a night club, my eldest daughter does it, she runs it herself with the help of about 20 staff she says she loves it but, when i say to her take a back seat girl and let the staff do the stuff she says no, i will not pay someone to do my job, she works till about 4am in the morning and then can be back into the club for about 10.30am sometimes later, but if delivery comming in etc or they are having a special night she goes in for 10.30, she also doubles up as a bouncer which is so funny, 5foot nothing and 8stone, and takes no crap as she calls it, she has a good life running the club and has nice things can take nice holidays, but by god she works hard for it.

carolann

I hope that your brother will not be asking your parents to put their home up as collateral, if so I would strongly suggest that you talk them out of it, if he is lazy he will never last in club land, and it would be a sure fire way to put a wedge between your parents that can not be fixed.

It's not just step-dad's but normal dad's would be disappointed if a son was not pulling his weight, I agree with the tough love and they need time together alone too, going out for a meal, or a nice holiday together, people can drift apart so easily.

You need to get them together and have a heart to heart with them, seeing your pain may make them get their act together.

Life is too short, you need to tell them that. :-)

Im not sure where the money is coming from. Hes going into partnership with a friend who has a lot of money which Im guessing means he will put the money there to start with?

I never thought about the collateral!

I might just print this off so that they can see for themselves how Im feeling.

my daughter need collatoral we could not help her, but her partner gave her what she needed and she has now bought him out and it belongs to her.
carolann