Just found out from my 17yr old daughter ,
that she is pregnant, just about getting my head,
around it myself. But, we don,t know how to tell my
partner. Im not sure how he wll take it, he is a very
good person. but can be very strict with her at times.
Neither of us can figure out a way to broch the subject
with him. any advice on how where and when.

Help
Thanks in advance :-)
Donna

I'd do it as soon as possible as i'd expect him to be *upset* on how long he had been kept in the dark, could you tell him at first? so he can get slightly used to the idea before he sees your daughter.

Anyway Good luck Granny :D best wishes.

Sarah :)

typiong at the same time as Mygirl - and with the same thoughts :)

I don't think there will be a 'right' time. Best to get it over with, rather than him possibly being upset at you knowing for ages before telling him. Sit down tonight - just you and him, send any other kids out with your daughter for a while, that way he has time to calm down and think about it before talking to your daughter.

Well great minds and all that :D :D

I think that his reaction may well depend on the situation - whether she's in a secure relationship, whether she and/or the Father can support them both or if OH will be expected to do it.  But I do agree, do it asap.  Good luck.

If i was your daughter i would tell him myself asap, this may help in the fact that he thinks she can approach him and be mature about the situation. Although the initial reaction may not be good, giving some time he will come round.... I had children young and was terribly nervous to tell everyone but once it is done it is a great relief.
good luck

Tell him ASAP, things can get out fairly easily and you don't want anyone else telling him.

Good luck and I hope all goes well for all three of you.

Is your OH your daughter's father?  If so, he needs to know as soon as possible where a joint decision is needed on her future, taking her wishes into consideration.  (If he isn't her father, he needs to be told anyway).  It is not something that can be put off and not something you can hide!

Speaking from experience (I was 18, and unmarried ) he should be told as soon as you can. It would be better for your daughter if she wasn't there at the time so that you can gauge his reaction. I know that when I told my mum she was very supportive to my face, but my brothers told me she had to get very drunk to accept it. ;) My dad should said 'Oh well, what will be will be' :) I now have to tell him that my daughter is pregnant. I'm not looking forward to it and she is 24 :D

Thank you for all your thoughts ,
i am going to tell him myself, and let the Oh
speak to her afterwards but yes you are all right,
he should know Asap.
keep you posted .
wish me luck :rolleyes:

Donna

P.S. im going to be a granny    whooo hooo :-D

Good luck granny to be :d   Pleased to see that you've taken it so well, I bet your daughter is too!

Good luck in the telling :)

It's not what most parents wish for their daughters but just remember, as my gran used to say "She's not the first and she won't be the last!"

Hope your OH takes it as well as you have!

Edited for spelling (didn't make sense :rolleyes: )

Good luck, i hope it goes well, better that when i told my mum when i was pregnant and i was 20, she said she didn't expect if from me and was far from pleased and i remember feeling very alone and upset at the time and i do think it has affected our relationship and i don't feel like i can turn to her because she is disaproving of things, needless to say i'm still with babys dad and we have a second on the way and we are very happy, i wish my mum reacted more like you your daughter is lucky to have a supportive mum

my mum said she would throw me out and to get rid of it. being only 18 and unable to stand alone i went ahead. i have never forgiven her ( im 45 now)

good luck & congratulations :)
keep us posted.

well, here goes,i am going to tell him tonight.
thanks for your support.
wish me luck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Donna :-)

Good luck, dad's are always worse as they don't want their little girls to grow up.

Good luck granny Donna :)

Good Luck :) Hurry up and tell us what he said ;)

PHEW !!!! Told him ...... all went well,
he was very disappointed because of her age,
fair enough !! He didn't kick off. Hasn't said a word since.
now upstairs with bottle of wine practising on his dart board.
He is thinking about it i think !
so far so good !

Granny Donna :-)

I think that's probably about as good as you could expect Granny Donna! :D

Well Done Granny Donna :) He'll come round, when it's sunk in ;)

when i told my mum she went out and got drunk, was sick the next day but by then it had sunk in:rolleyes:

Why is it that if you get pregnant whilst young  you are a fool, but if you wait a few years you get the questions about leaving it a bit late, or when are you thinking of having a family? ;)

It's not just about getting pregnant young though is it?  It's about an unplanned pregnancy and all the issues that arise out of that. It's about not being in a long term relationship, so will the child grow up with both parents in it's life? it's about not being able to independantly financially support yourself and your baby. Because it's unplanned its about not having her own place to live.

Luckily in this instance she has a loving and supportive family but unfortunately many don't and find that having a baby young heaps responsibility on them at a time when they should be out having fun, becoming independent and learning the life skills needed to become a parent.

Cheryls
you took the words out of my mouth,
yes it is unplanned, and, it is forever, she needs to grow up ,
vey fast, and i will be there to support her along the way.

the OH isn't her real Dad we have been together 9 years.
they don't usualy get on that well

'surprisingly'   he has been very supportive towards her over this.
I am surprised, never thought he would be so calm.

( i knew there was something buried deep inside there that i liked about him )
any how we will just plod along and make the most of it :-) :-)

cant wait for the first scan
bye for now

G.  Donna

Stick my neck out now

I would be 100% devasted if Flo got pregnant

things happen in life that are unplanned, it is how we cope with them that is the true test, sometimes all precautions are taken but things still happen

I agree :)  Most families can boast the odd surprise baby, mine is no expection ;) but in my experience the surprise baby will end up as much a joy as any other.

> in my experience the surprise baby will end up as much a joy as any other

In some families, perhaps - depends on the circumstances :) Many families have an 'extra' child - both my parents were surprise babies, ten years after the previous child. However, an unplanned baby to a woman who is young, poor and without the support of the father is a much different proposition and can challenge the most supportive of families. Unhappily, many such women don't have the support and the 'joy' doesn't last long :(

Daisy

I don't think many young woman are thrown into the snow these days though :)  Even without family support life can be hard but they will not starve.  As I say, this has happened in my family long before the stigma had lessened and when day to day life was a struggle anyway but that does not stop the baby being a joy.

Maybe - but I am sure that there are many children brought up by young women who really can't cope with them, emotionally or financially and end up as very disadvantaged and unhappy young people :(

Daisy

...........and another teenage Mum for us taxpayers to support!

I have thought a lot about how I would react in certain situations.  so much so that if the situations arose I think I would handle them quite calmly.  I remember my mother threatening to throw me out should I bring shame on the family.  Whether she would have or not is another matter but I took her seriously.  I could never do that to one of my kids or even threaten it but I did tell my girls "Don't you dare make me a granny before I'm 50".  I can't actually remember ever saying that but my girls do and told me so. :D  It's amazing the things they do remember you saying.  They are 22 and 20 now and I am 48, so far so good.  I'm not out of the woods yet though as I am "guiding" my 16 year old son now ;) :D

At least they are being given the chance to live........................

What sort of 'life' though?  :(

Have some people never heard of the phrase 'if you cant say nothing nice, dont say nothing at all!'

I too was a young teenage mum at 17 and on benefits as my partner left me to cope on my own, luckily i did have the loving support of my family and as my dad has said many times, he has worked at his current job for over 26 years and paid his tax and a hell of alot of it! The way he sees it, his daughter has got some of that back!

Who would you rather some of your tax go to? Your own or the hundreds of immigrants that already get offered more than our own do!

Am quite suprised and a bit disgusted at some of the comments made on this thread! Il stop now, but could go on!

This lady is about to become a nanny!! And sounds very excited and happy, dont ruin that for her!

Like ive said, if you cant say nothing positive towards Donna then keep your nasty comments to yourself instead of upsetting people, me included!!

Hi Mel,

don't let it upset you - there are plenty of unplanned babies in and out of wedlock / stable relationships - a baby is a gift to be treasured and a blessing :)   Yes, there are times when it's a shock, upset or seemingly to some a catastrophe but passing on blame, shame or uninformed critiscism is IMO unwarranted.

As Isabel has said, a baby is a joy!   Regardless of the circumstances of the parents' age, relationship etc., thankfully most folks these days are broad minded enough to accept that and there should be no stigma attached.  I'm glad your family, as with Donna, are very supportive.  Children born into families raised in that way are more likely to grow up into caring, loving and tolerant individuals themselves because they've been brought up in an environment of love and dedication :)

There but for the Grace of God go any of us. 
Teri :)

>There but for the Grace of God go any of us.

Absolutely.  It's not what you wish for your teenage children but if it happens then a baby is baby and is loved as such. There are "hiccups" in my family and each and everyone is cherished as much as any other baby. 

Didn't mean to offend anyone and didn't think I was criticising.

Well I hope that my comments weren't seen as a criticism of the OP :( They weren't - it's good to see families pulling together. However, I was just putting the other side of the coin. It's not all wonderful :(

Daisy

I know that Daisy and i wasnt pointing the finger at you, it was the 'another teenage mum for us tax payers to support' comment that upset me the most!

I just get upset when young mums get automatically thrown into the same old catergory 'too young, too immature'

What about women who have been married to their husbands for years, they have children, the bloke clears off with another women, the mum financially then can not cope and has to go on benefits to support her children? Its not the womens fault, it happens, despite them 'doing it all properly' if you know what i mean :(

I just dont see why age always comes into it, despite whatever age women have children at, not all of those children are brought up in happy loving environments, whether they have married parents or not, whether their parents are rolling down the stairs in money or not, in my eyes, its not about how old you are!

I just hope i can be understood as to where im coming from :)

I think it was my comment you were having a 'pop' at Blues Mum!    The age or the maturity of the mothers is not the question nor is the wealth or otherwise of the families concerned, it is just that I am fed up to the back teeth with supporting these people.  If the grandparents are so thrilled about their teenage daughters producing babies, why don't they refuse all the state handouts, free housing etc.  and support them themselves?  Your other question about abandoned women who go on state benefits is another issue, I am all for people being supported by the state when the situation they find themseleves in is not of their making, it is cases like this that the state benefit system should be used for!  I feel the same about the 'sickness benefit frauds' who milk the system for all it is worth when the real deserving cases miss out!!

>If the grandparents are so thrilled about their teenage daughters producing babies, why don't they refuse all the state handouts, free housing etc.  and support them themselves?

Hang on a minute - plenty do!  I'm (so far) fortunate not to be in this position but I have family members and friends who are or have been in the past.  All of them kept their daughters at home and helped them raise their new borns often continuing to do so to let their girls go back to College/University or full time employment and - yes - some of them even went on to continue their relationships and BUY or pay full rental from hard earned cash on their own homes. 

Making a sweeping statement like that without giving credit to those who do take responsibility is IMO completely inappropriate and unjustified.  There are always going to be those who cheat and bleed the system but plenty of decent girls from decent families become accidentally pregnant - fact of life.  Live with it and, importantly, *let live*.

>I am all for people being supported by the state when the situation they find themseleves in is not of their making

What's the difference, accidentally get pregnant or accidentally get married to a flakey man? :)
The measure of a society is how well it is prepared to support those within it that have fallen on tough times.
Anyway how do you know Donna's daughter is not planning to return to employment?

It's a bit hard on the people who'd love to adopt babies because they can't have their own, and who are now denied it because the stigma of single-motherhood's all but gone. Truly a double-edged sword.

woah  

If only I didn't have to go shopping :D

I think that has more to do with the "a" word, JG :(

At the end of the day, all workers pay tax, thats the way it goes! Ive worked myself and payed tax!

But like i said before, id rather pay tax knowing its going to our own!

My parents have given me so much support and still do, i couldnt ask for anything more, im still living at home (no free council house for me) until me and my partner can afford our own house out right!

If girls were to be going out and getting pregnant solely to get on benefits and live in council houses, then that IS wrong, but when they dont, its not fair to have a go!

Were all human, we all make mistakes and we all need support at some time or another!

But what i think is most important, is doing best by our children, bringing them up right and not being made to feel bad by doing so, be it on benefits or not!

>id rather pay tax knowing its going to our own!

I don't think I like the idea of replacing one group of scapegoats for another.  I'm happy to see help going wherever it is seen to be needed.