My OH has just found out that his Grandfather has shot himself.  All very shocking, I don't think anyones really taken it in yet.

He was a 84 years old, a typical Norfolk farmer, very independent despite failing health and as obstinate as a very obstinate mule.  He was due to go in for a hip operation next week and I think the thought terrified him.  He'd never been in hospital his whole life and the thought of being imobile and may be never getting back to his usual self was too much for him.  He did what you would do to an animal in that situation (what he has done his whole life) and drove out to one of his fields one morning and shot himself.

We can all see his logic, but at the same time it's such a selfish way to go.  His wife (82) was sat at home worrying why he hadn't come home for breakfast, had he fallen down somewhere and couldn't get help; so she phoned one of her sons to go search the farm for his father - he heard grandads spaniel frantically barking in a field and found the body.

At the moment his wife is angry that he could do this to her; his 6 children are upset and his older grandchildren are distraught.  I hope the funeral in a few weeks will help them all to come to terms with everything. 

I'm so sorry to hear how desperate your poor grandfather was. I'll be praying for him and all your family.

Oh dear how awful, but I think that you may be right about the hip operation and his worries.

It took my mother and I years to finally get my dad to talk to his doctor about his hip and eventually it got closer to him having his operation.  In the months between he became quite frail, grey and really old looking and this was all due to the worry of the op.  He said that he wasn't worried but the change in him was enormous.  He doesn't know but he only just made it through the operation and was quite ill and in longer than expected!

I know it's easy for people to say it's nothing but when you re in the situation and have never spent time in hospital it really can be a worrying time.  I work in one and I've put off having my tonsils taken out on numerous occassions as I've never stayed in a hospital either!

Hope your grandma and the rest of the family are able to cope in the future.

Take care and thinking of you all at this time.

I am SO sorry. Suicide IS extremely selfish, and it is terrible for those left behind. My brother killed himself. At the same time I know that if you get really, REALLY depressed then you just CANNOT manage to consider anybody else's feelings -been there myself. Maybe your grandfather felt worse than anyone really knew. Hugs.

Edited: sorry, it's late, meant to say your OH's grandfather of course.

I don't think anyone who takes their own life even THINKS about the selfishness of the act...they generally think that everyone will be better off without them! And I've been there too...I think in hindsight it's easy to label people as being selfish after the act...but I think the compassionate view is that these people must be SO desperate nothing else, except not being a bother to people, counts!

I truly am sorry for your loss, sending prayers your way and hope the family can get over this tragedy...all the best, Dawn

My sincere condolences to all concerned.  The entire family will be in my prayers.

God bless, Teri x

So sad, for all the family - I'm thinking of all of you - sending prayers and love.

{{hugs}}

Margot

How tragic.  My thoughts are with you all.

Simone x

My thoughts are with you too :( My boss killed himself a few years ago, totally without warning :(

I hope that your OH will be able to come to terms with this in time.

Daisy

This is so sad for everyone concerned. I agree with goldmali that many people who take their own lives are so desperate that they're probably incapable of considering the effect it will have on their loved ones. 
I hope the family somehow receive the strength they need to cope with this tragedy.

I am so sorry to hear this,I hope the funeral is peaceful,so sad as so many are desperately trying to hold onto life,and yet others take thier own,so many unanswered questions,and no goodbyes,he must of just reached the point where he couldn't see a way out.His wife must be distraught,they must have been together a long time.
ash

My thoughts are with you and your family right now x

OMG that is awful and I too see it as a selfish act :(

Iam so sorry ((((hugs))) and take care :(

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and kind words.  The police have told us we can go ahead and arrange the funeral, so it's all arranged for the 21st - not too long now.