As Wendy has given us such a lot of laughs, what about carrying out her suggestion of a light hearted look at 'funny breeding stories' ?

Well you have heard this one before.

My champion girl Jozi is a rather sexually confused girl.  She has bags of Libido, but thinks she ought to be a stud dog.

This meant the first attempt at mating her failed, the poor dog would never look at her again, but two years later did sire litters (aged 6 1/2) four in fact.

On the next occasion when she was just as bad with her first suitor (who refused to have any more to do with her after her antics) we only just managed to get her mated by our young only just proven import, more by luck than anything, and only the once, and she was highly indignant.

14 months later taken to the dog she had produced to, no joy, no way, though again leaped all over him.

Next season he came to stay with us, so she got used to him, and was the one making the running, but still wanting to mount him.

When he got really keen she needed to be held, but every time he hit the spot she would start thrusting like a male and of course he got thrown out.

Well eventually by holding her still at the crucial moment with all my might and shouting for my son to help hold her up we finally managed.

What does she then proceed to do, lift her leg and try to turn

The boy thank  the Lord never gave up trying and is a little trooper of a stud

I am glad we did get the two litters as I recently made up ehr daughter, and pups from the litter last year are doing well, and looking promising.

My late friend Stan, a shepherd, had a lovely BC bitch, Sue, who was bred to my BC, Glen, the litter was 100 % highly successful workers(mum was brilliant & dad was a multiple sheep trial & breed winner.) He wanted to repeat the breeding as he had to disappoint a whole load of people with the first litter(she only had 6 & he had orders for 12 +)

She came in season on the monday & would normally have been mated 10 days later as this was when she was ready the first time, well he brought her & she would have nothing to do with Glen trying literally to take his head off-previously she had been more than willing-TBH he wasn't very keen & Stan thought he must have missed the day she started, so sadly he when home without her being mated.

A week later he rings me, Sue was flirting & standing for his dog who she hated usually & could I take Glen round as his daughter had his car

So off we go & getting to Stan's in the failing evening light I let Glen out of the car for a pee whilst Stan got Sue from her kennel. As Stan was leading her out of the kennel on her lead she was reluctant to come out, some how(we never figured how) in a few of seconds Glen had got into her kennel & mated her & they were tied !! Very unusually as Glen always like to court his bitches first !

9 weeks later Stan was sure she had missed as she never put on any weight & never showed at all & again he was very disappointed. 67 days after mating he went to her kennel to find she was whelping & she produced 6 strong healthy dog puppies ! much to his delight as all his buyers wanted dogs !

She had gone back to hating his dog after she had been mated BTW

After all I've read on these boards I should reallly be too ashamed to tell this story of BYB but here goes...

Twenty-five years ago we had a magnificent entire long-coated GSD dog, Max.  He was admired wherever we went and finally a 'friend of a friend' asked if he could bring his bitch around to try for a litter. Both dogs were well-known and liked locally so there would be no problem about homes for any pups. (I know, I know...but I was young and foolish and I have to say, a bit flattered for my boy.)

But both dogs are maidens (if that's the correct term) and both have owners who are equally clueless about this game. It soon becomes apparent that puppies are only likely if conception can take place via the ear of the bitch.  After a couple of hours of this game the poor lass becomes so frustrated she tells Max to s*d off in no uncertain terms and goes home with her disappointed owner, probably to spread the word about how some dogs aren't as butch as they look.

Throughout this fiasco our entire and extremely randy BC could be heard screaming encouragement/instruction/abuse from the kitchen.  You could practically see the thought bubbles: 'No you pillock, not there - oh, for Heaven's sake move over and let a real dog get at it!'  I sometimes wonder if this put Max off a bit...

(I will now go and stand in the Naughty Corner wearing my BYB (Failed) hat)   

probably to spread the word about how some dogs aren't as butch as they look.

ROFLMAO :D :D :D :D

Not a dog story but breeding related

Another shepherd friend of mine had a stud Billy goat(& very handsome if a tad smelly he was :D)

The vicar's wife(oh yes a vicar's wife story)acquired a pretty little nanny & decided to let her have a kid. She had in the past bred labradors so my friend presumed she knew a little about the conception in animals. So when the nanny was ready(my friend's wife told the vicar's good lady)she was brought to the Billy-called Stanley.

Vicar's wife to friend-you'll ring me after they've done it
FrIend-Pardon ?
Vicar's wife-well with my girls(dogs)I used to leave them for a few hours at Lady XXXXX's & her keeper rang me when they were ready to come home
Friend-Er it only takes a few minutes with goats & you'll have to hold her as Madge has gone to the shops
Vicar's wife goes pale & faints ! & I get a phone call to go & hold the nanny whilst Stanley does his bit Vicar's wife meanwhile is recovering after her husband came & rescued her !

I didn't realise quite how quick breeding goats was & the Vicar's wife never could look me in the face again ! :D :D :D :D

I'm with the vicar's wife on this one :)  I would never have thought goats were held.

They weren't normally but this nanny was a house goat ! & she'd never seen a billy before & my friend's experience with"pet"nannies was to hang onto them to stop them climbing the walls of his barn & getting out !

The Vicar's wife had never seen dogs mate either She walked into my shepherd friend's yard once whilst he was mating one of his bitches to his dog & asked him if he needed the vet as his dogs had got stuck together LOLOLOLOL

I bet that she wore little white lace gloves before she touched the beastly thing and had the lights out in the bedroom too! :D

Hee Hee well they did only have one child ;) & come to think of it she did wear gloves & a hat all the time she was in public view very proper :D

took bitch to stud dog, house was next to fairly busy main road, but wth a very high 7' solid fence all around. Bitch was a real pain so, along with my travelling companion, stud dog owner, and three more helpers, finally got her pinned down & mated & it looked like a rugby scum as 6 adults desperately trying to keep 2 tied dogs in the same spot.......at this point the school bus, a double decker, went past the garden & stopped in a queue of traffic with twenty odd school kids all pointing & gawping at this strange act in the garden!!!

ROFLMAO LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL :D :D :D :D

Well 4 years ago I mated my Carina who's quite a big girl to Relampago who is quite small!  He was also 11 years at the time.

Well they managed to tie but poor little Relampago's legs just couldn't reach the floor:d  So there was myself and my mum sat on the floor, me trying to keep Carina still, mum with Relampago sat on her bust and me going, he's going to die, he's going to die, I shouldn't have used him at this age :d 

Thirty minutes later and it was over!  My friends asked me if I was going to do another tie and you can imagine my reply :d

Unfortunately things didn't go well afterwards due to a breakin at my house whilst Carina was 5 weeks pregnant but I have to laugh when I see the two surviving pups from it!

Relampago sat on her bust

LOLOLOLOL

Another none dog breeding story A friend's hubby was a stud groom & his boss had a stunning coloured pony stallion

A mare was booked into him & when she arrived she was at least 4 hands bigger than him !!!!! & try as he could the stallion couldn't cover her, until they backed him up a very "mature"muck heap & eventually they succeeded

LOL my friend refused to let her hubby back in the house until he had stripped to his underpants The muck heap was a bit "ripe"as it was in the middle of summer !

These stories are hilarious,more please.

Rhona

Last year I had a lady come with her bitch to be mated to Dmitri, a novice. The girl was spoilt and her owners would not hold her so Dmitri got fed up and went looking for his fluffy dinosaur. I tried everything with him but he looked at me as much to say "go do it your bloody self!" After the owners sat here for 6 hours they left the bitch with me but dmitri was still clutching his dinosaur.

A friend of mine said she would come over the next morning and hold the little madam. She came in and for some reason Dmitri took a fancy to her , my friend, and every time she went to hold the bitch he mounted her and the bitch flipped over like a sheep. Eventually we did get a mating but you want to have seen the state that my friend was in!!!

Well won't fully go into it, but had a boy, one of our first SWD imports and he was a big boy in every way :d

I had to go out of the room with him as my dad and the male owner of him felt rather inadequate to say the least.  There I was waiting for it to disappear walking the streets and it just wouldn't :d  Every time that I saw him I used to sing "We plough the fields and scatter"  Thankfully I only bumped into one person whilst walking around :d :d

NON doggy but the opposite to all these randy dogs....

My OH is a stud groom on a TB stud and where he used to work they stood 5 stallions, two were mad keen to cover,two were average, but one was NOT interested; and they had 150 mares booked to him!

OH said he used to dread days when Julio had 4 mares as his evening out would be on hold until the last covering at 9pm. On one occaion Julio eventually got up on the mare but would'nt 'do' anything else, so after trying to enocourage him in all ways they can think of they have to resort to physically pushing him in and out :D

So, 1 person holding mare, OH holding stallion and 4 people 'thrusting'!!

Oh the picture that put in my head :D :D :D :rolleyes:

LOLOLOLOL :D :D :D :D :D

Oh my

Er, how long between each one???  Perhaps he needed longer to "recover"??!?  Don't think many guys I know could do it 4 times in one evening

ROFL!!!! I love these!

Ok, my friend's dog (my boy's dad) was a less than keen stud dog, and usually would only mate a bitch if they were stood on the grooming table! On one occasion he then proceeded to throw up all over the bitch while they were tied!!

My own boy, mating his first bitch, was rather keener - sort of 'hello, do come in. OK, we'll just let them sniff each other for a few .... ah, ok, we'll just sit down here by the door as they seem to be tied!'

Mind you, he's been a bit useless since then, waves it all over the place! :-D

tee hee,I was going to apologise for starting all this,but its proving to be such good fun,that I do  not think I will
We took one of our bigger girls to be mated,and under normal circumstances she was the most placcid dog you could ever meet,well she met the dog,and that went well lots of tail wagging etc,but then he wagged his tail at my OH,and she went ballistic,in the end he was not allowed to look at the car,not his dad,nor his owenr,we did actually get a mating but his head had to be facing forward the whole time or she flew,and hanging onto a sixteen stone girl who thinks shes a bucking bronco,with an even bigger dog on her back is back breaking to say the least,
we have one big old male,who uum really likes policeman,and will wrestle one to the ground to have his wicked way with one,its sooo embarrasing,mind you at least I can't be had,for having an aggressive dog(hopefully)
then we too had an older male,one of our first ones that someone was desperate to use,so we agreed,this dog was nearly ten which is pretty old in Mastiff terms,and well,it started out okay,the dog mounted this very willing girl,penetrated,did the ooo i'm there thrusts,then just stopped,breathing stopped,no panting nothing,the lady owner of the girl actually fainted,the male went pure white,hubby was hitting him in the chest and I was giving him kiss of life,
this girl actually went on to have seven really healthy pups,(one mating,as we were not going to do that again)and the dog lived until he was twelve,
Wendy

Wendy, Im Sooooooo pleased you suggested this thread, its good to have some lighthearted stuff for a change :D So come on you all..........any more please ;)

Another friend of mine used to breed Newfies & we went to mate one of her girls to a gorgeous brown boy. He didn't get many bitches & the last one he had mated had been one of my friends, so as soon as he saw her he got all excited, whilst the bitch,who was very laid back, simply yawned & ignored him totally.

With me holding her collar & my friend "at the business end" & his owners there if needed we got a successful mating, only for the bitch to fall fast asleep whilst they were tied so I had to start holding her up, meanwhile having done his bit he fell asleep & one of his owners had to hold him up as well, my friend meanwhile was holding their bums up

LOLOL it was a very very long 20 minutes in which the other of his owners brounght us chairs to sit on & drinks ! Holding up a 12 stone plus Newfie isn't easy LOLOL

One of the puppies, a brown bitch, must have been affected by the laid back mating as she was the most calm & cool bitch I have ever met, if you wanted her to move she would just roll over on her back & lay upside down flashing her bits :D She was called Lea, but I called her Lilo Lill ! A nickname that stuck with her all her life LOLOLOLOL

Another from OH's previous job....

Picture the scene, Cheltenham Gold Cup day 1990, and OH's bosses had all their friends around prior to going racing. Their one stallion was such a sight to see cover, with all his roaring and prancing (and the fact he was champion sire that year) they arranged for everyone to watch him cover his first mare of the year.

OH brings the horse around he has his usual display, jumps on the mare, covers her and............................... falls off. Everyone is yelling and OH leans down, the horse is DEAD. The vet was on site and came immediatley but he was absoultely dead. A brain haemorage.

So, whist not a funny story it is surprising. The bosses were a little red faced and trying to keep it quiet at the racing that day.

BTW he got the mare in foal and she had a lovely colt the next year.

lol what a way to go , I should imagen that was instant and he dident feel any pain if he was at it one second dead the next 

OMG!!!! 

But, is it me, or is there something slightly disturbingly pervy about a load of rich men watching horses have sex? :rolleyes:

LOL there was always a witness to expensive stallions coverings in the past, mainly to ensure that the mare's owners got what they paid for, nowadays of course there is DNA testing but if you are investing £10.000's  plus you want to know you are getting the right stallion

I remember a TV series about North Yorkshire & an ancient farmer walking his in season Cleveland Bay mare to the Cleveland Bay stallion owned by a friend, when they tried her with the teaser she nearly demolished the stable door lashing out backwards & so off home she went. the next day she was receptive & the intended stallion brought out. LOL he had to be"helped"with the use of a groom & the owner's comment whilst they were mating was that thae stallion liked to sightsee whilst he was"on the job

My parents were most embarassed as I was only 12 & intensely interested & the programm was on at 6 in the evening ! I remember them descreetly leaving the room whilst I watched the TV lolololol :D

Bet you never got silly and giggly when they did sex education at school though.

Must admit I was very into animals all my life and never understood the sniggering.

My kids have watched pups born, bitches mated and do not have a silly attitude to 'only sex'.

The funniest animal sex moment was two cows on a Motorway bridge, I had visions of them crashing down onto the motorway on top of our car, and the driver could barely keep from choking with giggles.

not a breeding story but along them lines lol
we went to chester zoo last year and went into the chimp house and caitlin my then 5yo daughter was asking wat the monkey was doing so we looked up to find the chimp performing oral sex on its fellow chimp  . i didnt know wat to say to my daughter so just told her they were hugging :d

I work in a local vets and a lady came in the other day after walking her dog and young child on the beach. Whilst on the beach they saw two dogs playing one of which got over excited and tried to hump the other, when faced with the dreded question of "mummy what is that doggy doing to the other doggy" she replied "wel he's got a puncher and the other one is pumping it up" The kiddie then went round all all telling everyone that she had seen a doggy pumping up another doggy, I must admit that one really tickled me!!!!!

When I was 7 or 8, I managed to catch a pair of tortoiseshell butterflies - mating

I was very, very excited, found a lovely box for them, made a "viewing" lid, using tissue paper, and proudly took them to school, expecting the teachers to be very proud of me for having discovered such an unusual - bet it was really rare - butterfly!

Everyone was very, very dismissive - no-one told me what they were actually up to - and I was very disappointed when, at the end of the day they separated and became common tortoiseshells
:(

It was a couple of years before the penny dropped ......

Margot

I am having a great laugh at these stories,pity I don't have one to add.

Rhona

Not quite the same but, when I bred my first litter (Springer Spaniel) both mum, myself and hubby were new to the game. Mum asked out, so I stood up, walked as far as the hallway and mum produced a pup on the run It bounced and landed in the water bowl ;) Luckily she was ok and mum went on to produce a nice litter of 13 pups. By the end she had kind of got the hang of what she was doing :)

The one that still makes me laugh when I think of it concerns a dog called Fred. Fred had mated several bitches but hadn't produced any pups and his owner wanted him sperm tested. For reasons I don't recall it was decided that Fred would come to my in season bitch who would be used as a teaser and the testing would be done by my vet. The only problem was that Fred was not in the least interested in performing into a container and the bitch wasn't keen either. They both wanted the real thing badly! Both of them became indignant at the attemps at interference and decided that they could do the job whilst airborne perfectly well. This is a very large agile breed so there was no holding them - never mind holding Fred's bits! My vet was a large rugby player type who had a marked stammer and his constant monologue as he ran after Fred was hilarious, ranging as it did from the encouraging to the obscene. BY this stage the poor vet was not getting much assistance from the two owners both of whom stout parties had collapsed with laughter. Although not many people live down our road, ever one of them was hanging over the fence shouting advice and encouragement by the time we decided that the only thing to do was let them mate (both Fred's owner and I would have been happy if such a mating had resulted in pups) and take the sample from the bitch. Left to their own deviced they had tied in two minutes flat. No pregnancy resulted although examination showed Fred's speram to be of good quality and quantity - but his owner never tried to sperm test him again!

I'm really loving these stories - think we could get enough for a small book?? :-D

OH has loads more regarding his previous job........

But horses not dogs. (don't get me wrong it was a very professional stud he worked on, but the owners were,   difficult:rolleyes:  and made for some interesting scenarios! In fact OH prob has enough for a book himself, well not himself of course.........;-) :D )

My hubby and our kids went round the Shire Horse centre in Warwick , long time ago, they have lots of other animals as well as beautiful Shires, we stayed for lunch and looked at everything, all with a back drop of clunk, clunk, clunk, we had all asked one another what it could be, it had be going on from the time we went into the centre, on coming to the small animals section we discovered the clunk, was caused by a very persistant tortoise and his "friend".

These are getting better and better!!!  Thanks for making my day :-)

OK Time to 'fess up

When I wanted to breed my second GSD bitch I chose a lovely import with the right bloodlines etc. Off we tootled to Barnsley & Nem Elliot's kennel to use Bandit

We parked up the car with a window slightly down & went to meet Nem

When we came back to get my bitch Shock horror she had disappeared !!!!

Looking over towards the kennels we saw her being mated by another of Nem's Imports Impuls, as we quietly went across towards them Nem said"Well he's just as good a match for your bitch & his stud fee is less"with a wry smile on her face When we reached them, they were tied & my bitch had a very satisfied look on her face ! She went home sighing contentedly all the way.

How she managed to get out of the window of the car(only opened a couple of inches) or over the 6 foot mesh fence we never did find out :D but she did have a lovely litter even if she did take 24 hours to have them ! :D :D :D

Where there's a will there's a way. HA! HA!

think the saying in this case is "where there is a WILLY  theres a way"

ive been in stitches reading all these ive got a few to add as well.

i used to work in a boarding kennel where they also breed springers and labs, it was here that i learnt about breeding dogs.

we aquired a lovely springer dog 'Buzz' excellent worker, infact he is the grandfather of my jack, and a very keen boy :) we had a bitch brought to us for buzz, but she was none to willing, everytime he looked at her she would immediatley lay down and roll on to her back, buzz had everyone in stitches as he was trying to work out just how to do the deed :D he resorted in trying to lay on top of her, she did eventually relent and let him get on with his job.
the other springer stud jack would fall asleep during every tie :D
when i decided to breed my bitch for the first time the owner of the stud came to collect her from work for me, seeing as her mum was an absolute madam i wasnt expecting to see tess for a while, but 3/4 of an hour later they were back, when i asked them if she wasnt co-operating they said the complete opposite, they took her in and charlie was waiting in the garden, they turned around to lock the gate only to turn back to the dogs to find them tied .
her second mating wasnt as easy, she was put with a maiden dog partly because she was so eager the first time, he was more interested in my spaniel boy, it didnt matter where jack was baloo would try to get him back, in the end tess showed baloo what to do and they tied straight away :D

tanya