Hi everyone, just want some back up on what you would all do in these circumstances.

All my pups are going off to their new owners this weekened some already gone, I have been really careful in my selections, turning many away and building good relationships with the chosen.

I had a phone call this morning from one couple the woman was crying saying she has had a terrible week not slept and is worried sick about having the pup. I have had 2 previous meetings with this couple and gone through everything from first night, toilet training etc to prepare them, so asked her what she was worried about, "everything!" she says crying, I spoke to her for half an hour trying to get to the bottom of her worries, she still could not say.

In the end I said maybe it was not the right time for her to have a pup as she was so upset and worried and that she could sleep on things and let me know in the morning. She was so happy and normal when she visited me previous with no signs of any of this happening.

The husband then called about an hour later, saying she had just had a panic attack and could they come for the pup.

I said No, not until tomorrow at which he said that I had said if there were any worries they could come to me,  and so she had come to me and I had put her mind at rest and they were ok now.

I said I still wanted everyone to sleep on things until tomorrow.  I do get very close to my puppies owners and am on call 24/7 if they need me but to be honest that is for the pup and questions with regards to the pup, not as a therapist for the owners.

I am having terrible second thoughts about these people and am now worried as to what to do for the best, has anyone else had this happen and it has turned out alright, I have never experienced anything like this I am terrifed of doing the wrong thing?

Any guidance or similar stories would help, I was even thinking of letting them take her for 48 hours and then returning her for a full refund if she felt the same afterwards.

I'm so cross that I am worried about them and my pup, it's not something I should be feeling, I should be feeling happy and content at her home choice.

What would you do?

Am not a breeder, but I would not be letting this woman have any pup of mine. If in doubt do nowt  ;)

I know I would not go ahead.Im paranoid where my babies go to, and any sign of something not right and then I would not let the pup go.Its difficult finding the right home and already there is a sign of problems even before they have had the pup.

I would certainly ask them to sleep on it and to ring me in the morning. It's actually quite a good sign that the woman realises the enormity of the responsibility of a dog and isn't assuming it'll all be sweetness and light and easy-peasy for ever. ;) They might well make very responsible owners. :)

I had nightmares for a long time when we were considering getting a dog - worrying about all the 'what ifs' :D I was very nervous that I wouldn't cope :D Once I got our dog, I was fine :)

Daisy

I had a very 'normal' family some years ago, who had visited many times and I had no doubts about their suitability.  After 48 hours the husband rang and said that the wife was not coping, had forgotten just how difficult a puppy was (although we had discussed it many times!) and then told me that she had already had 2 nervous breakdowns and he was frightened it would happen again.  He returned the puppy the same day and I gave a full refund, not because I felt obliged to, but because I felt that I had failed the puppy and wanted it back, and learned to ask even more personal details of propective owners than I had before!

Whilst I feel very sorry for the family on a personal level, my priority has to be for my puppy.  I wouldn't let a puppy go in the situation that you describe.  I agree that the time isn't right and the lady has some work to do on herself before taking on another responsibilty.

Thanks everyone, the mixed reation is exactly how I feel, one minute I agree with those of you who say a big No No,in fact I feel like that most of the time, then I think like Jeangenie and Daisy, I can't decide on what to do, I have invested 6 weeks of time and effort into them,  I will call them this morning for a long chat and then if they are really sure they want her with no more crying I will see them this afternoon, I have told my husband if I see one tear or shake from the wife, we will stand together and say No as she obviously has some issues.

It is so conflicting, why call the breeder 2 hours before collection crying (when they only live 30 mins away and could have come at collection time to talk of any worries, which I still haven't got to the bottom of) it makes no sense and then an hour later come back to say they are sure they want her?  People are strange sometimes. A breeders life is never dull.

Thanks for your advice.

Good Luck.When you see them in person I think you will probably be able to suss out what is really going on.I agree with you, its the crying thats a little worrying.Wouldnt have been so bad if she had just rung to talk to you about her concerns.
Let us know how you get on!

Thanks Ponk.

Update - Well, I never ever wish to go through that again!  Phoned earlier and only hubby was in, he said everything was fine. :-) The couple arrived and everything was ok to start with, but suddenly the wife started sobbing uncontrolably when I spoke of yesterday with her again, if it had been from happiness no worries, but she said she was just so overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all.

It was absolutely terrible but we had to tell her now was not the right time, and that my pup could not go to a mum who was so emotional at the moment.  I felt terrible, and my heart went out to the couple, but when they had gone and I held my pup, I just breathed a sigh of relief, they were so normal on the two previous visits, thank goodness it all happened before they took her.

I have now contacted a standby couple who were on my list who are elated and whooping for joy (that is more like it!) that I still have a pup, so she will have a very good home now.

I'm still completely drained with it all though, I hope and pray I never have anything like this again.

I don't know about my normal vetting, I think a phsychactric test should be taken too. I think I need one myself :-D

It appears your decision was made for you by the couple Now you have peace of mind about the pups future with the other couple, I suggest you pour yourself a stiff drink now and relax :D

Wow what a story.You did the absolute right thing and it's so good to hear you had such a good outcome in the end. :)

Take it from me it is much better that it happened now.  Sadly I have had to pick up the pieces when pups are older and a lot of damage can be done in an emotionally unstable environment where one of the owners is unstable.

What breed are your puppies, not that it makes any difference just interested.

Glad you asked that as i wanted to be nosey too.

Thanks everyone, I am so, so, happy this morning.

I'm not allowed to say my breed at the moment reading the TOS as it constitutes advertising, which is why I left out my breed. :-)

Oh my god carrington. What an aweful situation. I'm glad its sorted though. I hope the new mum and dad will really take care of it.
I cried with joy when we took our ones home.
Off the subject I know but I'm still waiting for the lottery win so I can have my farm but in the mean time i start a new job in sept which is more money and only 10 mins from home so now happy am I and the dogs will love it. I have also taken some of your points on board from your posting on FT workers and am looking into a dog walker for my remaining 13 weeks at old job to give girls a break.
Best wishes
Marie

Well I think you did the right thing.You met the couple again and gave the situation the benefit of the doubt.I just know that if you have that feeling that its not right than go with your instincts.
I say to my OH if I have to let a puppy go than it has to be with a happy heart and not a heavy one.I do not want to sit there at night worrying about the pup,and questioning whether I may have made a mistake.I dont need the stress and neither do my family!

mollymoto good luck with the new job! :-)  And the farm. :-D (One day) I shall keep my fingers crossed. You must be so pleased to be closer and your girls certainly will be very happy, everything works out in the end.

I have just had the new couple come and meet my pup that was left and they have all got on like a house on fire and look so happy together, I now have a very happy heart and am looking forward to all the photo's and updates of my pups.

And the sun is just starting to come out too. :-)

All the best,
Jen.

I know I was terrified of the responsibility once I'd got my puppies home that first time - I was a nervous wreck and constantly on the phone to the breeder in a panic! But it does sound like on this occasion they weren't ready to cope. :-)

I think you've done absolutely the right thing, Carrington. Only while asking lots of questions is a plus point and shows that a new owner is committed to getting things right, collapsing in a tearful heap is a very worrying sign. All the indications are that this poor woman wasn't about to cope and this was before they got your pup home and the real work began! I wonder whether this was one of those examples of one half of a partnership desperately wanting a dog and the other half giving in. A situation that can be managed but which is never ideal, especially if the reluctant partner has a very nervous disposition.

So glad your "standby" people are thrilled though. They sound ideal.

Yes, this is exactly how it came across, the husband was desperate for the dog and to me the wife was wanting to, but not quite there.

The sad thing was that the couple seemed so switched on, most of my pups are sold via word of mouth I very rarely advertise and this couple were recommended via a neighbour.  They arrived and before I  had a chance to show my dog and her papers etc, they whipped out a piece of paper with a long list of questions.

I have seen how people on this site become offended when experts ask about health checks, testings, hip, eye scores etc, well this couple were at me like the Spanish Inquisition, although it was a bit full on, even for me! I appreciated that they were just being very careful and wanted the best pups with all health checks on the mum and proof of the stud dogs paperwork and tests too.

They even asked if they could name the pup on the KC papers it was a good name so I agreed, they were constantly e-mailing with questions, and as I said before had 2 other visits to meet the pup and had all sorts of info from me then too, so on the surface they were a great couple who did their homework and knew what they wanted.

Obviously it all just got too much for the wife and she cracked, so yes, roz I agree the husband is probably fuming right now that she broke down, but my pup is happy and that is all that counts. (For me anyway ;-) )

Great that there's a happy ending! :)

Thanks! :-)

Hi Carrington,
Just to say well done in such a tough situation! Does anyone else remember there was a post a couple of months ago from a lady who had allowed herself to give in (with misgiving) to her husbands demand for a dog... and it was heartbreaking to read her recount her guilt, and feelings of inadequacy,and inability to cope, you could tell by reading the poor woman was utterly destroyed by the whole experience and the atmosphere in the house mustve been soo bewildering for the poor pup.
   Well that post was ringing loud in my ears as I read this thread.
You've actually done this couple a big favour Carrington,they may not realise it but luckily your pup will! :D

Oh cripes, I remember that one! Poor, poor woman thought her marriage was going to break up over the whole business and it was just awful to see her being positively tormented by all these dreadful feelings of guilt and responsibility.

Hi Carrington. So glad it worked out for the best in the end. Trust me, I unfortunately know, from own experience Without going into details, one of my dogs got replaced, with my permission, to a lady who had looked after her since she was a pup. Everyone was happy, until this lady came off her medication. She would phone me constantly, suddenly so insecure, of herself and of the dog. Any little thing grew far out of proportions, and always the constant worry that she might not cope, and would be forced to part with the dog.
I spent hours on end talking to this woman, feeling like her personal therapist, more than the breeder of her dog. This went on for maybe 6 months, then she went back on her medication, and everything is back to normal.
Of course I feel sorry for anyone in that situation, but my main concern is for my dogs. Imagine a young dog going through all the different stages, which can be worrying enough in the best of circumstances, with a mum that has a nervous breakdown everytime something goes not quite as planned. No dog deserves that.
Good luck with your pups and their new families, lots of positive reports and pictures to look forward to :-p
Karen