A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't
start anything."

**********

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in
here."

**********

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

***********

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:  "Pint
please, and one for the road."

**********

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was
rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

*********

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"

**********

Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give
you some cream to put on it."

**********

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That  sounds
like Tom Jones syndrome.""Is it common?" "It's not  unusual."

**********

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was
artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"  said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"

**********

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The
shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

**********

Answer phone message: "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the  hash
key...."

**********

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a  look at him" So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's
cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"

**********

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger
brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.

**********

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

**********

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

**********

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,"Doctor,
doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

**********

I went to a seafood disco last week....and pulled a muscle.

**********

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself

:rolleyes: :D :D

He, he love them.   The strawberry up the bum reminds me of something but I'd better not say what as it may get a friend rather embarrassed if certain people on here found out about it :d :d

Love em :-D :-D :-D

Come on Diane dish it !!!!!!!!!!!!!  :D

I spent yesterday afternoon listening to my nephews firing jokes at me so I am going to send them these! Thanks!

All I will say is Broccoli.  I can't say who though :d :d

these type of jokes are my fav.  The first one is one I tell ALL the time!!

Ok, so I know what to expect from you on Thurs night when youve had a drink then !!!, I hope you are coming, Ive managed to swap a shift at work so that I can go, !!!
See you tonight !!???

Jenny

gosh is it this week - so blond at the mo!!!  should be going!!

Yep will be there with the little (well large) boy - his first proper match! not even been in the ring yet!!  Got all that to come!

Expect many silly jokes!

Brilliant! :D :D :D