It was 2 years at Christmas since my 12 yr old yorkie was PTS. I am haunted by the experience and have difficulty even thinking about it let alone talking about it but I need some answers to help understand what went wrong. I woke in the early hours to find him coughing really badly. He then began panting badly. I tried to calm him and he settled a little but it was soon obvious that he was having trouble breathing. I rang the vet and was put through to the vet on call who arranged for me to meet them at the practice immediately (this was not my usual vet). Anyway he was kept in and given medication for a heart murmur and collapsed trachea. Later that day he was transferred to another surgery that had overnight hospital facilities. The next day I went to see him and he wasn't responding very well to treatment and his breathing was still very noisy. They thought it best for him to stay with them to try to keep him calm as he got excited when he saw us. They said they could transfer him to a specialist but that operations for this condition were seldom succesful and because of his age and heart murmur it was unlikely that they would operate anyway. It was agreed that we would continue treatment for another 48 hours and then make a decision on the next course of action. The vet asked for some payment as the bill was mounting up and I settled what was outstanding. The next day they rang to say that he wasn't responding and recommended that we didn't continue treatment leaving me with the option of transferring him to a specialist (which they still insisted was futile) or having him PTS. We chose to end his suffering and we all went to the vet to say our goodbyes and to be with him. We were all extremely upset as you can imagine particularly my youngest daughter who was 18. The vet didn't want any of us there when he was PTS as she said we were upset anyway and that he may need an injection straight into his heart and it would be too upsetting. My husband said he wanted to stay but the vet wasn't having any of it. Eventually we agreed to leave him and said good bye and went into reception as the vet wanted us to settle our bill. We could hear him barking in the background and this really upset my daughter who began screaming and saying he was shouting for us. She became hysterical and my husband had to take her out. I have in the past found it a comfort when I have been with my dog who was PTS to see their suffering end and become peaceful.
On this occasion there was no closure and I convinced myself that they didn't put him to sleep and he was still out there somewhere even to the point that I could still hear him barking. I am also constantly wondering whether I should have had him referred to the specialist and that I let him down (although the vet did ring them and they said it was unlikely they would operate). This all happened 2 days before xmas and Xmas will never be the same. (I  spent the day with a migraine that year). My daughter will cry if I try to talk to her about it. Sorry for the long post I have written it through tears. Has anyone any experince of collapsed windpipe? Could I have done more? Should I have sent him to the specialist?

I am afraid I do not have any knowledge to help but I just wanted to say I am so sorry you had this terrible experience - have you tried searching on here for 'collapsed windpipe' or maybe try to google it and see what comes up.

No advice I am afraid to say

I had tears in my eyes reading your post - I know what you are going through - its 5 yrs since my last dog was PTS & I still think about her & get a bit sad.

It was not your fault he had to be PTS, it would not have been fair to keep on with treatment & an operation would of been too risky.

I think the vet should of gave you a choice about staying with your dog - but it still would be upsetting if you had of done this.

My dad had a yorkie with somthing wrong with its windpipe, but it was like this since she was born, she could not bark & had a bit of trouble breathing. She lived to 5yrs old.

Try & think that he had a great life with you & remember the good & funny things he did.

Sending hugs

Very sorry to read that post, must of been dreadful for you.  I have had a Yorkie with a collapsed trachea and my sister had a Pomeranian with it too, the Yorkie died of diabetes related problems, but the Pom did have to be PTS because of her difficulty in breathing caused by the collapsed windpipe.  I really dont think you could of done any more and whilst I understand how you feel about the Vet, I do think you might of made it more uncomfortable for him if he had tried to get to you, the Vet just wanted him to be as quiet as possible.  Maybe go to the Vets and speak to them, or write to them, they will be happy to help you I'm sure.
Dawn.

So sorry for your loss

It could be that the vet couldn't find a vein to use & seeing a dog PTS via the injection into the heart isn't pleasant Much more distressing than using a vein & the vet would have had your dogs interests at heart

Run free at The Bridge little Yorkie man Chase those squirrels  up the trees

Many thanks for your replies. Since writing that post I havent been able to stop crying. I am finding it hard to deal with and this is the first time I have discussed it with anyone. I keep remembering him barking because he could hear us and thinking that he was all alone when he needed us. I hate to think he thinks I abandoned him. He was a loyal loving dog and followed me everywhere. I still miss him. Time is a great healer so they say.

It is a guilt trip we all go down jane you are not alone & time does heal & reduce the pain. Don't beat yourself up over it & focus on all the good time & yes crying is good for you

what a traumatic experience your family has been through I too shed a tear while reading your post sadly we have to put our faith in the vet who is available to us at the time during an emergency.

I know its hard to keep wondering about the what if's..

Cant understand why the vet wouldnt let a member of the family stay with your pet or even let you back into to see him at rest ..
Try not to think about the bad times focus on the good and the love and fun he brought you and you him when he was with you.
you will see him again one day ...I myself live for that moment.

Roni

Roni if you'd ever seen a dog PTS via the heart you wouldn't say that It is not a pleasant thing for the vet to have to do let alone be witnessed by an emotional owner/family member

I would imagine that if it is traumatic its understandable that the vet wouldnt want you to be present but at least be able to see your beloved pet asleep so that you can say goodbye.

I was very distressed when Kyle was pts in August to the point I said my goodbyes to him and my husband wanted me to wait outside for *that moment* then Rachel my vet called me back in to be with my boy and husband for a little while to cuddle him one last time.

Roni

Don't know what to say but at 12 it's not a bad age.  just think of all the good times that you had and not the ending.  I sadly had to have my first SWD put to sleep nearly 2 years ago and my vet let me stay with her, we actually were both crying in the end, but Dave is a lovely guy.

it is so very painful to loose you dog  ,especially when you have to make the decision to have them put to sleep. when they are injected in that way it is very fast, it seems that the vet was trying to protect you all  ,not easy to watch , though i understand , no more distressing for the dog.sorry for such a sad end. when i lost my dog, i tried to remember that this pain reminded me of how much i loved him, he was worth every tear and now when im out with my other dogs , i know his spirit is walking along beside me. best wishes.

Could you contact the vet practice and ask to discuss it with the vet involved?  This might help if you could listen to his perspective.  Do they have a practice manager who could go through the notes with you?

I am sorry for your loss but he obviously had a good life with you and 12 is a good age.  I hope you find the peace you are searching for.

So sorry for your loss Jane.  We lost our staffordshire bull terrier Fagin on christmas eve just gone (it was also his 12th birthday).  Fagin died at home in my partners arms, however it wasn't a very nice end and something I too am finding very hard to deal with.  I am sure like the others have said the vet was just trying to protect you by not wanting you to see something so distressing.  I have for the last three weeks since he passed been unable to stop replaying those last minutes in my mind.  Although I was glad I was with him at the end it was extremely difficult and distressing for me to see him pass in such a way, which is what I am sure the vet was trying to protect you from.

I am however somewhat surprised you were unable to see him after he had passed, which I can understand is why you are having such difficulty in coming to terms with it.  I feel guilty as I was the one who took him for his operation, and have asked myself could I have done more, did the vets do something wrong, but however much I beat myself up about this, the clock cannot be turned back and I know I have to accept his passing and remember how lucky we were to have him for those 12 years.

I too feel like Christmas will never be the same, but I have decided that because of the time of year it happened, every christmas will also be a time for us to remember Fagin and celebrate the joy and love he brought to our family.  I have been looking into getting some special baubles made for the tree with his photo, so we can remember him and the happy times we shared every christmas.

I too am writing this through the tears as it is exactly three weeks today since we lost him and have cried everyday since.  Your dog was very lucky to have such a caring owner as you, as we all know some poor animals never know such love.  Just try and remember the good times thats all you can do, don't let the guilt overshadow that.

Julie

Please don't beat yourself up over this Jane. Your dog had 12 long and happy years with you and at the end you had the courage to put his needs first. I'm sure the experience at the vet makes it so hard for you to move on and I do agree that they were right in saving you the sight of him being pts through an injection in his heart. That, I suspect, would have left you feeling even more traumatised. How those last sad minutes are handled makes all the difference and when I had to have my dear old Bob pts last year our vet refused, point blank to let me settle any accounts on the spot since he said that events were distressing enough.  He also sent me a personal letter a couple of days later expressing his sympathy. All those little touches made a dreadful day just a little more bearable.

Hi Julie
Many many thanks for your post. It made so much sense. I have been comforted so much by your words. I am so sorry about Fagin and you are right we do constantly think "what if". But as you say we cannot turn back the clock and I do have to remember the good times, and there were lots of them. I have found being able to "talk" to people on this site such a help, people who understand and do not feel "its is just a dog" He was my baby and part of my family and much loved. I really like your idea of a bauble and for Christmas to be a time to reflect on the good times. (I think I almost felt guilty for wanting to enjoy xmas). It sounds to me as if you did all you could for Fagin and I hope that in the future you find it a comfort that you were with him. I know it is distressing for you but he knew you were there for him right to the end.
If you manage to find somewhere to buy a special bauble would you pass on the details please.
Thinking of you
Jane

The vet that treated Pepi was not my usual vet, but the vet on call when I first rang in the early hours of the morning. Although I cannot complain about the treatment they gave to Pepi (I do feel they did all they could) I think they were less than sympathetic to our feelings at such a traumatic time.
Thank you to all who have replied you have no idea what a help it has been.
Jane

Hi Jane

I am reallly pleased my post was of some comfort to you, the minute I read your post I immediately knew the pain you are feeling.  Like Pepi, Fagin was my whole world, everything I did revolved around him I even put off going on holiday for the last few years as I couldn't stand the thought of him locked in a cage.  I too am really grateful to this site, as without it I think we may have lost him a lot sooner than we did, as I managed through diet to keep his colitis under control with information found on here.

I will e-mail you direct re the bauble so as not to upset admin by advertising.

Julie

Jane,
5 years ago when I was pregnant,our cat had to be pts as he had lukemia :(
The vet couldn't find a vein so he too had to have the injection straight into his heart and that was not something I would ever want to witness again :(
It wasn't like when they are normally pts as Piedie went all stiff and it didn't seem peaceful like I was hoping it would :(
In my opinion your vet may have been having trouble getting your yorkie to keep still and have to let him calm down first.
So sorry though for your loss.
I have said many times after having either a cat or dog pts, NEVER AGAIN.
But in time the gap they leave can only be smoothed over with another.Although we never forget the ones we lose.
R-I-P Little man,run free at the bridge.

Julie,
So sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved SBT Fagin :(
There is no love like a staffie's love.
Run Free at the bridge Fagin

R-I-P

Jane I'm so sorry to hear what happened. My own personal view is that, the owner should always have a choice to be with the dog, I don't feel that is the vet's choice, although they  should be free to advise you. I would still want to be with my dog, even if he/she was to be injected into the heart...

I suspect the vet felt it would upset the dog even more, but then most dogs would experience relief whatever state the owner was in, I feel.

One book I have found so very helpful in times of companion animal bereavement is "Absent Friend" by Laura and Martyn Lee ... it helped me to come to terms over losing my dear dogs, one of whom I believed was to come out of the vets, but who sadly didn't, and i felt guilty at leaving him there overnight, although i was thank goodness there with him at the end.

I feel you do need closure...this book may help you as it did me :)

Best and kindest wishes,

Lindsay
x

Jane the book also helped me come to terms with the loss of my beloved Labrador Bess,it is nearly two years ago when she was pts at home and the vet had difficulty with the injection, I was heartbroken and still am,you did your very best  for your boy,there is no easy way when we loose our pets,sending my best wishes to you and hope you can move on a little,the best way we can bury a dog is in our heart as it says in the book recommended to you.

Sheila.x

Thank you so much Waffy.

Julie