Sorry to all the men on this site but I need to rant about my boyfriend. As you may have seen on the other post we are off to Spain in a few days. This holiday has been paid for by my mum and dad so that all we have to pay for is our spending money and meals etc. My mum and dad are also going but they are coming back 2 days after us. My OH didnt seem keen on going but said he would because he could see how much I wanted to go. Very sweet of him some of you may say. But since then Ive had the biggest guilt trip on this planet!

Firstly he cant get to sleep so he goes downstairs and watches tele until 1.30 am knowing that hes got to be up for work at 7. I ask him what was wrong - normally its just I couldnt sleep or my back was hurting - this time its I was thinking about the holiday and what were gonna do when its cold, raining and everywhere is shut. I bite my tongue!

Secondly hes checking the weather all the time and telling me its raining, windy etc. I bite my tongue!

Thirdly, hes walking round as if we've had a massive row. Kind of not conversing with me and not being his general self. I told him if he didnt wanna go Id take my 16 year old niece in his place but he said that he would go. I bite my tongue.

I have no tongue left!!

Am I over reacting or is he being a selfish git. All I ask is that he enjoys himself. I even offered to pay for everything!!!! Im worried he's gonna spoil it for my mum and dad and Id be gutted if he did cos they've paid for this whole thing. What can I do??????

He wont spoil it - he may moan at you behind closed doors but im pretty sue hell be right as rain when your parents are around!

If he carrys on id just say thats it - im talking my niece - hell soon behave then!

I hope so. When I said I was taking my niece he kind of changed his tune a bit. I now know why my mum wanted me to be a lesbian as a kid!!

Lol why did your mum want you to be a lesbian??!!

So that she didnt get anymore grandkids. Shes got 6 and she doesnt want anymore!! :rolleyes:

LOL!!!

It seems we're the only ones on here!!

Tell him to act like a grown-up and learn some manners!

He has two choices; accept with good grace and make the best of it, or politely decline if he doesn't want to.

Lol, Ive tried that one! You wouldnt believe he was 27 as well would you?? He says that Im spoilt by my parents but Im not the one who acts like a spoilt brat whenever things dont go his way!

I'd tell him I dont want him to go and take someone else...lol

Any offers?

Ditto! No way would I have my time ruined by an ungrateful grump!

Just a thought Tracey123, but do you think he fels undermined by the fact that your parents have paid for the holiday? You know what men are like!! I've been married to a Mr Grumpy for 20years...LOL! They get some very strange ideas y'know!

He says he will feel beholdent (?sp) to them. Also they are his boss cos he works for them so he says its not a break going on holiday with your boss! I can see where hes coming from but its a holiday we wouldnt be having at all cos were going to Florida in October so I just want grab him and shout "get over it" but of course I have to keep schtum!

That's different. I wouldn't go on holiday with my boss! How about a compromise - your parents pay for your holiday somewhere else - just you and him?

Better no holiday at all than a miserable one that could affect your longterm relationship if you make him feel emasculated.

But dont forget its his boss - but its my dad!

Yep. But when we grow up we move on from having our parents in charge of our lives, to taking charge of our own. :) That's one reason why women used to change their surnames when they married - it showed that their priority had changed; the immediate family was no longer their birth one.

Choices can be very difficult sometimes, but this now boils down to whose feelings are more important to you - your BFs or your father's? As the catchphrase went: It's 'Make-your-mind-up' Time!

Its not about choosing. My parents asked us if we wanted to go on holiday with them and that they were paying. My OH said he would go and its only recently that hes said he doesnt want to go. Im not going to choose between my family and my OH - never. I would rather go on my own!

I'd sit down with him, and ask him honestly if he wants to go.....if he says yes, then tell him to stop being so childish....and that you dont want to hear no more about it, otherwise you'll go and leave him behind :-)

I personally think, he will go with you....and once he's there he'll really enjoy it!

Good Luck :-)

He's said we can talk about it tonight so we'll see what happens!

Hiya honey - I can't believe you're still having problems with all this!!

I can see his point of view from the fact that he doesn't want to go away with his boss, ie, your parents, but I think he should do what other have said - either "put up or shut up"!  He's been going on about it for too long now.

Maybe tell him he's staying behind and that's it - DON'T allow him to go with you! Then maybe he'll plead with you to change your mind and will stop whinging about it all!

Do you know what Sharon - this is really driving me nuts. Im so fed up of him stamping his feet when hes not getting his own way. You'd think he'd be grateful for a little time away. Its not as if were sharing a room with them we have our own apartment.

He couldnt get to sleep last night and took the xmas tree down. When I asked him what was wrong he just said "I was thinking about the holiday" but last night he was absolutely fine. He even promised me that nothing was wrong. I just dont know where I am with him.

It seems that this holiday is being used as a handle on which to hang a bigger problem. I suggest some serious discussions, possibly with a non-partisan counsellor.

whats a non-partisun counsellor?

Non-partisan means unbiased - someone who won't 'take sides'. :)

Good advice throughout from JG and I would second that this is the tip of the iceberg for something else that isn't right. 

No I dont think there is an underlying problem although I can see why you've said that. He basically thinks we will have to follow my parents around for the whole holiday as they paid for it but Ive spoken to them and they know we wont be with them all the time cos they like to go on boat rides whereas OH gets sea sick. Its just my OH acting like a child. As soon as we get there he'll be fine.

I hope you're right. But I know that for sleep patterns to be affected there is a genuine concern.

I wonder if he did it on purpose though to make me feel guilty. Its the only time he's ever done that to be fair. We're gonna discuss it tonight so hopefully he'll be honest with me??

You do seem convinced that he is doing this to make you feel guilty. I only went on holiday with my inlaws once (we each paid for ourselves) - it was a BIG mistake :D I got on well with my inlaws, but couldn't spend too long with them - we didn't have any 'issues', it was just that I married my husband NOT them :) I'd have been mortified if my inlaws paid for a holiday for us (or vice versa, if my parents had done it for us) - we liked to be independant. Perhaps your OH just feels that going on holiday/being paid for by the in-laws is just a step too far. Men are very bad at expressing themselves sometimes - try to put yourself in his shoes. He could have a very good point to make :) Better to understand his position now than a few years down the line when it's too late :)

Daisy

Be careful you don't inadvertently make him feel defensive. If he feels he's being challenged it's possible that a row'll result. Make sure that if he tells you something you don't want to hear, don't react negatively. Just accept it and calmly ask him to explain why.

An example (thinking of worst-case scenario here!!!): "I don't like my job and don't want to work for your dad so I don't want to spend a holiday with him."

Don't start defending your dad, even though of course you'll want to! Just accept that it's his point of view which is just as valid as anyone's. We've seen how discussions on here can degenerate between total strangers about trivial matters - don't let that happen with your important discussion!

Good luck!

Tracey it sounds to me as if he really doesn't want to go, but doesn't know how to tell you :(  Maybe give him an easy get out clause, such as one of your friends would love to go, shame theres no room.......ok so am rubbish at these things lol; but it might be easier all round if he can get out of it gracefully........JMHO

Hi all, thanks for your comments.

Ive had a word with him and told him my niece can go in his place. He said the only thing hes worried about is the fact that cos my parents have paid for it he'll have to do as they say. Ive spoken to mum and she says thats not gonna happen. We're in seperate apartments (might not even be next to each other) and we're all gonna do what we want. After I explained that to him he seemed a bit happier. If he didnt want to go he should have said at the beginning before it was booked and not made excuses but I have said if he doesnt want to go I will go on my own.

Sounds like he felt he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.  He doesn't want to go on holiday with his boss which is understandable but at the same time he doesn't want to offend his boss by not taking the offer, especially as it involves the boss' daughter.

Sounds like you have managed to sort it though by talking.  Communication, communication, communication - definitely the key ;)

Personally I don't see the problem with going away with in-laws - you don't have to spend the whole time with them.  As for not wanting to go on holiday with his boss - well what about other family events - if he stays in the same job then that issue will always be there and he should deal with it in an adult way.

Hopefully you will find out the problems later today.  Good luck

It suits him being in with the boss when it suits him because he finds out information that he wouldn't normally. They kind of prime him to take over management wise but he forgets these things!