I'm 20 years old and I've been single handed looking after my 3 year old sister for two years so that my mom could work in another county.

I'm a fulltime student with no kids but my sister. For a while I've been feeling really depressed about the situation, I've got loads of bills and I cant work because I have no one to look after my sister. My other relatives and I dont get on and I havent one friend (that I call friend).

I broke down and ask my mom to take her back when she finshes nursery in July, but she's asking ne how she's going to cope. I told her she'll have to do it like everyone else. I did.

My mom only see her twice a month, and when she has her, she argues that she cant be bothered. Now I really can't do it no more and I feel as if everyones gonna look at me bad.

My nan had to phone her and tell her that I am at breaking point.

It sounds FAR more a case of your mother being a bad mother............ This isn't fair on you OR your sister.

What? Youre looking after your sister when your mother is quite capable of doing it herself? Sorry to be harsh  but your mother is robbing you of your freedom through no fault of your own! You are not a bad sister! I could say a lot more but i darent through fear of upsetting you x

My mom likes her freedom. She has had a gambling problem from before she was pregnant with my sister. My sister came out the hospital three days after being borned, I stayed with her so y mom could go bingo.

As soon as I used to come from school she would let my sister come into my room and then leave. This is while her husband would be there. Neither of them really like me. I'm her first born and the only one of her kids with a different hated dad.

My sister got burnt really badly, my mom was there, while we was at the hospital she was worried that she was gonna miss bingo. When we came home she rushed to get out the house to go bingo, these time my baby sister is in pain. My sisters dad has gone back to Jamaica.

Anyways, I always say that I'm like a mother ro my sister, the only thing I didnt do was give birth to her.

When my other sister died back home (about 6 years ago) she told me I should have died but we got over that...theres loads of things so ppl dont fail to say wat u really want to

Please don't take offence at what I am going to say, but what a horrible position your mother has put you in.

I would suggest that your first port of call should be social services, I don't mean so that your sister can be taken away, but I am sure they will have various ways that will help you, maybe child minders and creches that will give you time to yourself and to study. I have a three year old son, and I couldn't imagine trying to study and keep a house afloat whilst still trying to keep a stable environment for my son all on my own.

Maybe the best thing for your sister would be to be placed just for a few weeks with a foster parent, it will give you a break which sounds desparetly needed, your sister would have a stable and loving home, and it may make your mother wake up and smell the roses.

There is no excuse for what your mother has done, this child is her daughter and she should be providing the care for her. You say your Nan had to phone your mum, could your Nan have the girl for a day a week or something?

I hope I haven't hurt your feelings or scared you talking about foster homes, and the like but from what you have written you sound in such need of help and if your mother can't or won't provide it, then there are others that can.

Good luck with it, and I hope others have some more advice for you.

@ Natalie

My nan is staying with me for a while, she works 3 jobs and she is 60 years old. She has no time, she works from 8am - 8 pm.

Oh I see, other than what I already suggested, I really can't think of anything else that may be of any help to you. I hope others can think of something that will work to all of your benefits. I really hope you manage to sort something out though.

Where abouts do you live, if you don't mind me asking?

I cant call Social Services, I cant let my sister live with someone she doesnt know.

This is not really the best place to air all this as no one here can possible investigate all the ins and outs of it from all the people concerned so if you want help you will really to speak to those who can do that.  Social services will not remove a child from its family unless they absolutely have to so if they felt that was necessary you can be fairly certain that would be the best thing all round.

Is this a WUM?

I think you ought to tell all this to social services, it sounds like its your only hope! Good luck xxx

I'm in Berkshire.

Why dont u try the DSS or benefits agency! Ask them for advice, tell them you are the only carer of your sister and they will probably offer you childcare benefits or something similar, but then u may have to prove that you are the main carer for her. I really feel for you and youre so young!

They know I'm the only carer. When Im at college she goes to the college nursery but after that thats it.

Your sister being only 3 years old would probably love it, she would be looking at it like a holiday, the carers would be spoiling her rotten, it will be you and probably your nan sat at home worrying. My mum is a foster mum, so I get to see it from the other side of the coin.

I know it would be very scary for you, but I think you mum has had enough time to spread her wing's now and if she isn't willing to take responsibility now, will she ever? I really feel for you because obviously your sisters best interests have been placed in your hands, you have two choices you either carry on as you are now, or you ask for help - which as I said from what you have written you do sound like you need it. Social services won't just come in and take her away, we all watch too many American films about this sort of thing I think, you can choose what happens, I am sure they must run child minders on, that would give you a few hours a day to yourself, I think you really need to sit down and work something out, else it will be your sister that suffers more than anyone. Perhaps ring the Social Services annominously to start with and ask what they could/would do in this situation?

And now you have a 9 week old Staffie pup to look after to?????????

:rolleyes:

yep @ Val

watz wrong with ur eyes? @hailey

I think perhaps taking on a puppy at this stage probably wasn't the best idea, but putting that aside for a moment, the main thing in this is your sister, she needs proper care and attention, and I fail to see how at the moment you can provide all of that along with college and studying, and looking after house, and now a puppy. You need to get help, and quickly before this starts to take it's toll on your sister.

Getting back to the puppy, the best thing you can do is take him back to his breeder, there is no way you can look after a puppy along with everything else.

I'm looking after the puppy fine, she was a bday prezzy from my b/f.

What does she do when you are at college and what will she do went you get a job?

she who?

The puppy

As I said I have a three year old son, and a 16 week old pup, I know of the two who takes up more time, and I would say a pup in your life right now is just adding a whole heap of trouble. A puppy and college would be hard enough for most people, but add to that a baby sister full time, and an old lady to look after, you will find that your fuse is going to run down one day and who, or which one of them are going to feel the bang?

If I was in your place, I would take the pup back to breeder, get in touch with the SS - they will help not hinder - and then get back to being a young woman with friends and nights out, and lectures with hang overs! The only one who can help the situation you are in is you and your mum, your mum sounds like she isn't interested enough to do anything, which leaves only you. Helping yourself is a lot harder than helping others, but you must do it if this situation is ever to end.

Good luck :)

True @ Nat

@ Isabel...I'll work part-time and I finish college soon, plus my b/f of 3yrs gonna move in together, he's got an 8 week old pup so she'll have company.

Two puppies left alone while you are out at college or work will not be company for each other but rather a bored demolition company.  I really think you need to think this through much more thoroughly.

I know how they get on...they have plenty of toys and a room for them selves with no furniture. they'll be fine...I'm n0t gonna eave the house fro 12hrs per day.

I am sorry to say this but the puppy/ies should never have become part of the equation, and she/they should be taken back to the breeder whilst you get the other part's of your life sorted out for every bodies sake.

The main person who is going to suffer through all of this is your sister. You need to do what is best for her now. I agree with Isabel a public forum isn't the best place for this, but, now you have all we can do is go of what you have said to us, and certainly the way the first few post's came across to me was a major cry for help, help yourself, take the pup back, ask Social Services for help and then start living your life again. :)

I agree with Natalie, you have enough to deal with without 2young pups. Do what is best for them and yourself, and return them to their breeder/s.
I wish you well.

I think the puppy was a wrong move but I don't doubt the situation you are in. I think we may be forgetting she is a young girl who do on occasion make the wrong choices. 

If you do feel burdened you need to get some help. Can you talk it over with your family GP?

Slightly off the topic but I do hope you get your entitlement for looking after her.  Perhaps you could enlist the help of a very reputable childminder babysitter to help you at times.

Very said indeed for you as I think your mother has stolen your life.  I Commend you for doing it and can imagine you love your little sister.  It certainly isn't fair though.

You've got an awful lot on your plate right now and I really think you have to get in touch with Social Services. They don't exist just to take children away you know! They could certainly help you with finding affordable child care and how to claim any benefits you are entitled to as well.

But at 20 you should be living YOUR life, not taking responsibility for children your mother doesn't seem interested in rearing and, to be honest, I'm surprised Social Services haven't already got themselves involved given what sounds like a very flaky history of parenthood on your mother's part.

As for having such a young puppy I think you may well be taking on more than you can realistically cope with but here's hoping you aren't! Do get whatever practical help is offered though because the combination of a small pup and a very young child is difficult at the best of times.

If I didnt have my puppy I would be so sad, she brings so much joys in my life. At night when I'm downstairs I try and have a lil tie to unwind, all I can do is laugh, the way she plays with me. It just make me smile. I havent got two pups.

I cudnt gove her back to the breeder, I dont want to. Shes a positive part of my life.

I understand what you mean, but for the rest of the time the pup will be demanding more time than you can give her, and that isn't fair - on either of you. Bringing up children isn't easy by any means, but add a puppy, a house, a nan, a boyfriend, a college course, and I don't mean to sound condesending your young age (I am only 22 so I really don't mean that badly) and you have a pot that is about to boil over. In a few weeks time when the pup has settled and losses her 'I am gorgeous and completely innocent' phase they all go through, you will find your self with an out of control puppy, jumping up at your sister, eating pieces of course work, stealing your dinner because you were watching your sister eat hers, trying to walk a puppy whilst with your sister - been there tried it, never again!!!

I really feel for you, you have been juggling these things for so long, but you must be able to see that one day you will loose your concentration and everything will go to pot. I really think you should return the pup, get in touch with the Social Services, get some much needed help, and then when everything is settled maybe think of getting a dog, but for now it is too much for anyone to take on.

:)

I don't want to believe that this poster is genuine...................

why?

why is so hard to believe?

Because you claim you are looking for help with the life you have got but are choosing to increase your difficulties but adding two young pups. 

i will not be on my own...by then i will be living with my b/f

its not my puppy...i only have one and he has another

oh well...i aint gotta justify sh*t...believe it or not

That's fine then :)

So where will one of these pups go when you're living with your b/f, if you're not going to be having two?

What are you studying ebony goddess69?

I was going to ask the same question Oldilocks :)

If you are getting benefits (I assume this as if your mother has a gambling habit she would not be able to give you any money ? ) you will have had to apply for benefits ? So you would have had to declare your mother has abandoned your sister and left you to bring her up ? :) I am not saying that is at all wrong but some alarm bells would have been rung to alert social services to give you some help I would have thought ? Help is the key as they would not take her into care if you can prove that you are capable of looking after her with some help which from what you have said you really need :)

I'm doing AAT course. This is my last year.

Call me naive if you like, but none of this rings true to me!!! What is AAT ?

last reply i cant be bothered to battle is it true or not...believe what you must. goodbye.

an accounting body

Didn't you have to declare your circumstances when applying for finance for the course?

AAT is a recognised accountancy qualification :)

EB so what do you want to do once you finish ?

Are you doing any work experience ?

i did, she goes to nursery at the college but only when im there

i wanna work but only part-time becaz i wanna do acca or cima to further my studies