The husband had just finished reading the book, MAN OF THE HOUSE.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know

that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to

prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I

expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me

my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's

going to dress me and comb my hair?"



His wife replied, "The funeral director."

:D :D :D :D

I like it!! :D :D :D

Very good. :-D

And another......

I'm feeling a bit lonely at the moment and so I decided life would be
more fun if I had a pet. So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner
that I wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, I finally
bought a Centipede which came in a little white box to use for his
house.

I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I
would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink.

So, I asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down the
Queen's Head with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer.
This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked
him again, "How about going to the pub for a drink?"
But again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet.
So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. I
decided to ask him one more time; this time putting my face up against
the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to
The Queen's Head and have a drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the
box:...........................................

I heard you the first time! I'm putting my bl**dy shoes on."

That made me giggle!!! Thanks!! :D :D :D

LOLOLOL :D

:D :D

Another good one. :-D

:D I needed cheering up - thanks :)

LOL  !!!!!