Hi
I have to write this post as I am so upset and frustrated.  About a year ago I made a friend in the park who owns a 16 month old parson jack russell terrier lets call him Tom for the sake of this post.  Ever since I have known her she has been besotted by Tom.  Tom basically manipulates and controls her whole life.  My friend lives at home with her family so Tom always has company, however, she will not look for a full or part time job as she does not want to leave him, she does not go out as she does not want to leave him and if she goes out and leaves him with her family she checks her phone regularly for messages.  If she comes over to me and my husband and plays with my dog she says "I must go home otherwise Tom will be jealous when he smells your dog on me and never forgive me"  This dog controls her whole life.  So much so that she will not even go on holiday for the next 16 years (or however long a Jack Russell lives for) as she is not happy to leave him.  Is it me or is that ridiculous.  She is a young, pretty girl with so much going for her but Tom is controlling her whole life as she now has no life, she is stuck at home all day.  He has been neutered but he also growls at young children and puppies and if my dog goes over to her he growls at her as well.  He is also hard to control and she has not trained him well at all.
I am just so upset because I can see that the dog is manipulating her.  She won't leave the dog with her family if she goes away or with a pet sitter, she says he won't walk with anyone else and makes so many excuses it is crazy.
Has anybody experienced this before?  How can I make her see that she must live her own life and be able to have a dog?

I think you need to take a step back here :)

From what you've written, it's not Tom doing the controlling, it's your friend ;)  Tom doesn't really have a choice in this ;)  It sounds as if she's revelling in being 'needed' so much by this little dog and what you've described sounds more like boasting to me ;)  many owners who make their dogs the centre of their lives also make the mistake of not training or socialising their dog properly, basically they treat the dog as a 'child' - and a very spoilt one at that!

I have a friend who has a lovely dog "Tim" who makes a terrible mess sleeping on/in her bed (white sheets + muddy paws ) but she insists that he sleeps on the bed :rolleyes:   Tim also won't walk anywhere anymore, he 'insists' on going out in the car :rolleyes: and when he's in the car he barks and jumps around non-stop unless he's on her lap with the window open wide, she gets ear problems from this :( but when I suggested she buy a crate for him to travel in she had all the excuses going :rolleyes: yet he travels in his groomers crate happily, which is why I suggested one in the first place :rolleyes:   Tim is also twice the weight he should be :( but who feeds him the toast and tea in the morning and gives him digestive biscuits at 11 with his tea??  - he can't put the kettle on or reach the biscuit tin on his own!!

What can be done about it??     Nothing, its the way they want to live their lives (the people not the dogs :D ) and all we can do is accept them for their good qualities and hope one day they'll see sense - but don't go holding your breath :) :) :)

Hi Dill :-)
You are so right, it is not the dog, it is my friend.  She does revel in it all just like your friend and Tim.
I hope one day she realises what she is doing and begins to give herself a bit of slack so that she can enjoy spending time with her dog and have her own time to. 
There is nothing I can do really it is just so upsetting to see her like this.

Just pray she doesn't have any kids! ...lol.... But seriously, imagine when she did this to a child. If he/she was the center of her existence! I think she's got other issues here. Perhaps she's just one of them people that have to be preocupied with something in order to avoid feeling lonely and depressed. If it's not one thing it's something else. Some people do it to partners, some to their kids, in this case it's a dog. And believe me, nothing good comes out of that.... perhaps some help from the loved one wouldn't be a bad thing......

Hi Goat,

Just wanted to say that I found your post very moving.  At least you've noticed that all is perhaps not well and you care for her.  You're friend may have many emotional or psychological issues of which you and possibly even her closest family are unaware and her little dog may be, literally, a life line - not so much that she chooses to only be with him but that he's her only reason for getting out of bed in the morning :(

Perhaps in time she will be able to talk to someone and it may be you she chooses because you have that bond of a stroll in the park with your much loved pets and yet a distance of anonymity that wouldn't be there with a family member.

Hopefully no-one will make her feel "odd" for behaving in this way - if she does have underlying issues, she will be already very aware that normality, as commonly viewed, doesn't feature very prominently in her life.

Best wishes to you for being around.  I hope this girl finds her way.
Regards,  Teri

hey, wait one minute!  Something is wrong with muddy paw prints on white sheets?  :-) 

Stacey (searching for sheets with a paw print pattern)

Is it your job to make her see anything?

The way people to choose to live their lives is up to them. Just because we do not agree with it, is immaterial, unless of course it has a direct impact on the quality of OUR lives.

Relax, chill; You cannot change people, only your attitudes to them.

If she needs help, I am sure you will be there for her, WHEN SHE IS READY FOR IT AND ASKS FOR IT.

Until then, why upset yourself over something that you cannot do anything about?

It's very thoughtful of you to worry about your friend even if I'm minded to be more worried about the dog which, I suspect, is rapidly being turned into a neurotic self-fulfilling prophecy!  However I've learnt over the years that there's virtually nothing you can do for people so needy that they project their needs onto their animals like this. I know someone who hasn't had a holiday for 10 years because her cats might go into a decline despite said cats being perfectly well adjusted and her having supportive family who'd happily cat-sit. She's also very selective about her social life (which is a handy get out!) on the same grounds but at the end of the day it's her choice. Even if, as the Psychiatrist said of Basil Fawlty "there's a conference-worth of material there". 

Goat, she's using the dog as an excuse to do what she wants to do.......  We all lead the life that we chose. 
If she wants to talk about her situation, I'm sure that you'll listen.  If she wants to change the way she lives, I'm sure that you'll help if you can.
It wouldn't suit me, :( and from what you say, it wouldn't suit you, :) but it's not for you to make her see anything.  She's doing what she wants to do! ;)

Hi,

I agree entirely with Val, your friend is using her dog as an emotional crutch. She is obviously very uncomfortable around people and prefers her dog.  I think that her family if they think she is overly excessive should try and push her to go out and have a life away from her dog too. I do not know whether her 'family' are her parents, or husband and children.  I suspect that they are her parents, if so once she meets a man of her own she will no doubt start to put her social life a little more to the front and find something else to love as this is obviously what she is craving.

I guess all you can say is Lucky dog having such a devoted owner. You know it is not normal, but if you were to say anything, it would not be taken well.

At least she is not addicted to drugs, drink, bad men or cigarettes, a dog addiction will keep her healthy and smiling, so let her be, if she is happy. In this big bad world of ours, an over obsession of a dog, is not so bad.