Dear all, someone else must have been in this situation.

I'll try and keep it brief.  My sister has 4 young boys and they are the only grandchildren.  My mum lost her husband a few years ago and is on her own (now has dog).  Mum always goes to my sisters for Christmas - has for at least the last 10 years.

Last year it didn't really work out for either my sister or my mum.  My sister's partner doesn't like dogs and my mum doesn't like my sister's partner.  No one had a good time.

OH and I have been hinting to mum that she comes to us this year.  Mum ignores this.  Today I have had an email from sis (and we aren't really that close so I'm worried) begging me to have mum this year as she has a new (half derelict) house and just can't face a repeat of last year.

I'm all for having mum but I know she's going to insist on being with the kids.  How do both me and sis tell her what she's going to do without being over the top.  Mum is 67 but very headstrong and independent - not at all "old".  The children are her life.  I suggest going to sis's on boxing day or the day after and mum taking the kids back with her.  How do you TELL your mum what she's going to do when you just know she's not going to want to do it.  Anyone??

CG

Would it be best for your sister to be completely honest with your mum, and explain that as the house is not in a fit state they won't be able to have her this year? Also as you suggest soften the blow by arranging for her to have the boys at some time over the holiday? Perhaps she'll surpise you all by making her own, completely different arrangements anyway? You never know! :-)

Is there any reason why your Mum can't do Christmas at her house and have you all together ?.

Val

What about YOU doing Christmas for everyone at your house???   I know there's a heck of a lot of work involved in it (done it, got the pinny and had the headache & hangover ;) ).

Say to Mum that as Sis is renovating her house, there won't be room for her to sleep, so she (and dog) will (don't ask her - tell her :D ) stay with you, and Sis & family will come over for the day.  If you & Sis can sing from the same hymn sheet, it could work - if its "do-able" for Sis & family to come to you for the day.

Margot

That is what I would do but also ask everyone to bring something towards the dinner. Hepls keep the cost and the work down :D

Thanks everyone.  I'm happy to do Christmas at mine but I think just for once my sis wants to be on her own with her partner and the boys and I agree that she should.  We'll all probably be together on boxing day anyway.

Mum's on holiday at the moment so on Monday I will pay a visit and tactfully suggest she comes to me.  If she doesn't take the hint on tact then I will just have to bite the bullet and tell her my sis and her house isn't up to it.  My sister just can't face telling her.  Wish me luck!

CG

Good luck copper_girl
Families can be soo difficult cant they, especially at christmas.
My mum always favoured my sis even thou we both have 2 kids, so i was expected to run round after both of them. Glad im 6hrs drive away from them now :D

Hope you find an amicable solution and you all enjoy the day. :)

Christmas time and families - very dodgy!! do what is best for you as it will work out better in the end if you try to organise people that don't want organised it could end up being  a bit of a strain for everyone.

Tell them your going away for christmas and let them get on with it. ;-) Arn't I cruel :-)

he he he he he yes you are ;P

OH has taken matters into his own hands and is going to say that HE wants mum to be with us this Christmas.  He reckons she'll find it harder to say no to him.  Honestly!  Families!!!!

CG

Its always impossible to keep everyone happy. This will hopefully be the first Christmas that the OH and I spend alone in our own house (in nearly 9 years!!) and I've only managed that by offering to look after a friends Bernese Mountain Dog while they are on holiday. Neither my family nor the OH's are quite prepared to spend Xmas with three huge dogs so are more than happy to leave us to it ;) :D

*makes mental note to offer Christmas boarding facilities every year from now on*

i have the other delima, my mam is not well at the moment and needs to be near her hospital incase they find a donor for her, she lives miles away from me in a two bed ground floor flat, i won't be seeing her over xmas,and i can't take OH children and 5 dogs with me to see her as the stress would be to much for her,i would dearly love to be with my mam over xmas but circumstances dictate other wise, have spoken about it to mam and she understands, but it stills tears at my heart, as i know she is very ill, my dad has said that i can come down over new year if i wish, and that is what i am hopefully planning to do, spend a new year with her and dad, just a quite affair.
we are getting for xmas two web cams so we can wave to each other xmas day and she can see my daughter also, when we all lived closer we all took turns at xmas, my mam one year, then brother,then me, then my grandmothers, then uncles we had about 20 of us at xmas dinner it was chaos, but a lovely chaos, but everyone lives all over the world now and we just tend to speak on the phone at xmas, but i would love one year for the big family xmas get together.
carol

Well I know I will be the subject of discussion at Christmas as my Hubby is working, so I will be on my own - but I am fine with that, to be honest I am looking forward to it, although it is the first Christmas for my Grandson, I am of the opinion that my Son & Dil should be together alone for that, but I know I will be asked, I will decline nicely!  My Daughter lives away and may have to work at some point but again, that is fine too - I have already started planning my day with my Dogs!  Hope that doesn't sound too off!