We bought our house in 97, and i have never really settled here. It is a good 15 mins drive from where i grew up and where my whole family live. We have no children so i havent really met anyone here, whereas in my old area i know every one and just recently my best mate moved out there.Other than my nan, noone else can drive and i get very lonely especially when i am ill. My OH and i were discussing this a few months back and he said that if the right house comes up we can move 'home'. The restrictions were that he had to have a double garage or the room to build one. My old area is mainly a council estate and i thought this was impossible. Well today i found it. It has a hardstanding on the front and you walk up to the front door, it is a 4 bed and our current house is a 3 and it is on the market for 30 grand less then ours. The back garden is huge for merlin and completely enclosed, whereas our gardens now are very accessable which i have always worried about, especially when some gypsies took an interest in my pup. So i tell OH and show him the property and he goes into one about how we may not get permission for the hardstand to be made into a garage, although a house a few down has done this and how we would have to firstly finish little bits in our own house and blah blah. Why couldnt he just say we can have a look.Finally he said anything is worth looking at. Talk about peeing on my parade. He is always looking for the bad and he says this is so he isnt dissapointed, but i would never move somewhere i thought he would be unhappy and not have the things he wants. This place would be so much better for merlin, as my nan looks after him 2 days a week and if she was taken ill, noone else can get to him. If we moved to this house there are 10 other people that can and dont work. 2 mins up the road is a huge playing field for him, and where we are now we have to drive him for a walk. Sorry its long but he really gripped my s**t with his negative attitude, any one else have this problem??

I think that you probably need to sit down and have a talk about your priorities. It sounds to me as if your OH dosent really want to move and is doing it to keep you happy. I confess that I find it difficult to believe that you have lived in an area for so long without making friends. We have no children but meet plety of people out walking the dog, at various classes and because Im self employed and work from home I felt a bit isolated so I took a job working 1 night a week in the pub and made loads of friends that way. But then I dont know your area and my family are all at least 70 miles away. 

The only way you are going to make progress is to try and understand each others needs.

Bluebell, I lived in the same area for  13 years without making any friends whatsoever (family in a different country), despite dog training classes etc. So it can certainly happen, no doubt about it. :(

Bluebell, moving doesnt bother him, the fact is he feels he doesnt have enough time to finish the little jobs in our house. This is probably because he plays football 3 evenings a week at meets the lads at the pub 2 evenings. We havent made friends, probably because i work in a supermarket and dont use the local shops, we are the only couple under 50 in our street and there is nowhere local that is suitable to walk the dog so we drive for about 10 mins and meet up with some people who walk their dogs. They already live in the area where the big playing fields are and not in my area.

I do sympathise :) I think where you live is so important to your general happiness and wellbeing.  I have never really liked my actual house much but I do love it's location so for me the dillema has always been whether to move to a nicer house but the location has always won.  If it helps call in at the planning office you will find that they will be able to give you a very good indication whether any developement of garage or whatever is likely to fit the current limitations on the area.  I'm sure your partner is thinking of all the practical things such as selling your current property in its best possible condition, the cost of actually moving etc, and I don't think men understand the emotion issues about where we live in the same way :).  You will just have to sit down and iron it out, be willing to accept what he says about finishing bits on your current place and offer to help where you can, perhaps draw up an action plan between you with realistic targets for finishing it other than that don't be afraid to lie on the rug, weep and drum your fists on the ground until he understands your need to move :p which is what worked for me when I had to pursuade my husband to move from our first flat :)

Hi isabel, if you read the other post i have just posted, it is clear to me the little s**t is more interested in his social life. We had a huge talk last night after we viewed a very lovely house and he said he worries about moving to a place where work has to be done ie the garage, which is a bit of a joke as he has never finished the one we have here and was so desperate to have. Another problem is the value of houses, and him being a snob, the daft boy thought that you could buy an ex council house, bigger than ours with garage etc for about 40 grand less then what we would get for our house just because it is ex council. After i went through 3 property websites with him he realised he was probably dreaming about that, i dont honestly know where he got that idea from. Anyway, i have been to see a builder to see the possibilities of a garage, i have to get hold of land registry to check out all the drains and foundations and in the meantime i have to finish the little bits myself in the house, aswell as work and uni and merlin???? I am thinking that is has nothing to do with practical reasons and more to do with the lazy ba****d disease he seems to be suffering with. You know what they say, if you want a job done, do it yourself!!

We lived in our previous house for 19 years and I grew to absolutely hate it.  It was ok to start with but as each of the 3 children turned up it felt more and more cramped.  I also felt like I was living in a goldfish bowl, everyone talking about each other and I hated that as well.  I desperately wanted to move but my OH always found excuses.  The house, to be fair, did have many good points going for it such as being within walking distance of the town centre, trains, leisure centre +lots more but it was ok for him he was at work all day and I felt trapped in something I didn't like.  One of his excuses was that because it needed so much doing, he never finishes anything off, it wouldn't sell.  In the end I had to sit and talk to him and explain to him how unhappy I was and the only way to see if it would sell would be to put it on the market warts and all.  In the end he agreed, I got estate agents round to value it on the Friday and by Tuesday it was sold to the first people who saw it. 

I think you have to sit and discuss things as rationally as possible and listen to what the other says.  Make a list of the good points and bad points for each of you on the reasons why you should stay and why you should move and see what the real show stopper is here.  You've already started to show him by finishing off jobs that they really aren't the sort of things that need to hold you back. Start by asking him exactly what it is that makes him want to stay.  I think you have made a shrewd move in costing things out with the builder and addressing his concerns and also finishing his jobs off.  It should make him realise just how serious you are.  Keep talking though

The sting in our tale is that we both have grown to dislike the house we are in now. So we will be off again in a couple or so years.

We had a massive talk last night as his excuses were so pitiful that i was beginning to think that they were just excuses and he really wanted to stay here. I got all the info i had collected from the builder, estate agent etc and had also been around to the house we veiwed and had a chat with the neighbours. I even went as far as finding out how much the recent owner paid for it, and due to all this have found out that we could probably knock the price down a fair bit. I also sat down and worked out our finances, how much it would cost to move, had this house valued and everything. The only bit of info i am missing is the details on the drains and foundations.  I showed him everything, which bowled him over quite a bit as i had already looked at loads of houses in the area for garage suitability, and if they were not suitable had not even bothered telling him about them. I had all the details for these and had previously written on these documents why they were not suitable. He admitted that the best part of it was that he couldnt be bothered and he also thought it was the first house i had seen and that i was jumping in feet first, which in all fairness i have a habit of. We have come to an aggreement, I have to finish the little jobs, while finding out about the drains etc and if these are ok, checking through a friend at planning wether there is a high possibility of planning permission being granted for a garage, and then we can put an offer in if the house is still available. He is going to play football! If he had just said in the first place that he just couldnt be botheredi would have told him then that he wouldnt have to do anything. Sometimes his communication skills are poor, this mixed with sheer bone idleness is not a good combination. It did make me chuckle though as all the excuses took effort the nutter. He said he doesnt mind where we live but sorting out this house got on his nerves and he didnt fancy doing all the research again. Watch this space!!

Fantastic. Do what yer gotta do girl!

Men huh, can't live with 'em err....?  Sounds like you are determined. I bet now that he's seen how you are getting on with it he will start to look forward to it.