DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.  Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll send you a cheque"
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you.  But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's flat the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen.  But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.  Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,

"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

ROFLMAO :D :D

Burglar breaks into a house at night.  The house is in darkness.  He picks up the antique clock and he hears a voice saying 'Jesus is watching you!'  He turns around and sees no-one, shrugs and carries on, he checks out the stereo and again he hears 'Jesus is watching you!'  Again he turns round, scans around the room with his torch and finally finds a parrot sitting on his perch.  'Did you say that?' he asks the parrot, to which the parrot says 'Yes !' 
'Are you called Jesus then?' he asks the parrot
'No' says the parrot 'I'm called Moses'
'What kind of person calls their parrot Moses' the burglar asks
'The same sort of person who calls their Rottweiler Jesus!'

lol lol lol - this ain't getting the tv dusted

LOL There brill :)

Roflmao :-D