would you consider 39 too old to have a baby, are there any women here who had children later on in life and if so what are your experiences of this.

I had Conor when I was 38 :) I had 3 children in my 20's and then 2 in my late 30's. I found I was a better mother in a lot of ways to the later two ..more patience and less stressed. In other ways I wasn't as good....I didn't play as much as I did with the older ones ......swings and roundabouts I think ;)

Nope, a friend of mine had her 1st baby at 42.  She had tried for many years and finally gave up.  She thought she was just putting on weight and resigned herself to middle aged spread :) And was delighted to learn she was pregnant.  Another friend is pregnant at 41, after many miscarraiges, gave up and never thought about it for years. This time though she has resigned herselft to complete bed rest for the duration But is doing well :)

Hi there, my two sisters both had children later on in life.  My oldest sister had her first child at 38 and her last child at 42, she had no complications and is very happy.  My other sister had her first child at 36 and her last child at 41.  Go for it!! :D

my eldest son is 21 this year and has already made me a grandmother, my grandson is a year old, so this would mean a new baby would be younger than than my grandson, now im confussed !!

If you want another baby - you have another baby.  Life's too short, and you only get one chance.  You don't want to look back on your life and be thinking 'what if'

My Consultant here at work is becoming a father with his new wife.  He will be 60 next year, and she is 34!!!!!

I know it's different when it's the father that's older, but I thought I'd share anyway!

My sister was 40 last august and she just had her 4th baby in march this year.
She had a home birth that we all a bit unsure of, but everything went well.
Just as my mum and i walked in the house we heard him cry as he was just born.
Midwifes were brilliant.
I had my first at 20, have 3 boys 25,23 and 18.
Me ever so young 45 lol.
Just got my new puppy sunday so thats my baby.

I had my first at 22, second at 27 and now I am on my 3rd who is due just after my 33rd b'day. I have to say that I have found pregnancy harder this time - but probably because my life is more established and I have lots of other responsibilities - so no chance of sitting with feet up these days. In other ways that has worked well - I've been fitter this time round and I am much more mentally prepared for a baby at 33 than I ever was at 22...but my body has definitely found it harder and I have been more uncomfortable this time.

My mother was 40 when I was born. She coped well physically, but had very bad PND and I had to go into care for several months, as she had to go into hospital and my father/elderly grandmother couldn't cope with 2 children under 3 :( I've always thought that her age was against her there :(

Daisy

Don't forget Daisy, things were so different then - women were more or less told to "pull themselves together" - any weakness was seen as "lack of moral fibre" which must have added so much extra distress/guilt to any poor woman who just couldn't pull herself together.

Not everything is better these days, but thank heavens that this for one is!    

I had my first baby at 23, 4th at 33 - and I think that by and large I was fine through each pregnancy.

My mum had her first baby at 26, 7th at  42 - she suffered the most when carrying me, I believe, as she had lost 2 babies, 1 at 3 months, 1 at 11 months, to menengitis & pneaumonia (no a/bs then) - and as a child, I remember hearing the phrase "didn't want to raise more babies for the undertaker" ;(

Margot

You are right, Margot. My grandmother was a Scottish woman in her late 70's (she had breast cancer, but she hadn't told anybody :( ). She was most unhelpful to my mother and although she had my older sister to stay, she wouldn't/couldn't have me. My father worked shifts and also had to go into hospital during this time for an op. My mother's brother slipped out of our lives, never to appear again,  as he feared he would have to help He was very well off and thought that he might have to contribute :(

Daisy

I think it is a totally individual thing.  I am 26 and have no children yet but for me I consider 39 to be too old.  I remember going to school with a girl whose mum was an older mum and everyone used to think it was her grandma and she used to get bullied because of it.

Michelle :)

Charming children! Well my children don't get bullied by anyone at school because of me! Mind you, I suppose if she looked like she was in her 60's when she was, in fact , in her early 50's , that may account for it

39 is not too old to have a child and I speak from experience rather than a sad mamory of times gone by.

What you have to remember is that women in their 50's today do not necessarily have grey hair and walk with a stoop ;)

Surely, if 'Mother Nature' says yes then however old the mother is - it's meant to be.

Val

I think you also have to think of the kids in these situations,(this is not directed at anyone personally), but you dont want to be too old to do stuff with your kids when they are older because your too old and not with it anymore,and what should be your carefree retirment days will be taken up with young kids. I think it is really selfish of women who have kids when theyr'e well into their 50's or even 60's in a couple of cases Theyr'e going to more than likely be dead when the kid is grown :(

My mum was 34 when she had me and i copped it in school,as i always had the oldest mum :( It was different back then ofcourse.

I guess in the end it's up to the individual,if she can guarantee that her age will be no barrier in raising a child then there's nothing stopping her :) There's also a higher risk of down syndrome etc. when the mother is older,so i would insist on having these tests asap.

I never thought about it from the kids point of view, but in actual fact I'm the youngest of six children, and my parents are now 70 and 68, and I'm 29.  I never felt that I missed out on anything, as I had all my sisters etc (although one or two of them were very mean to me!).  I was certainly spoilt by my parents, and still am in fact!  Never had any problems with other school children though.

My Mum was 34 when she had me, back in 1963 - and was an 'older' Mum at the time.  She was older than all my friends Mum's - but it didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now. She's wonderful, kind and good fun to be with - it's the quality of time spent together, not the quantity.

>if she can guarantee that her age will be no barrier in raising a child then there's nothing stopping her

This is, of course, complete tosh. Sorry, but no one can guarantee anything no matter what age you are, 16 or 39! In fact, having a child at a young age is probably MORE of a barrier as you are struggling for money as well as still growing up yourself!

Also, if you read my first post, you will see that there are some major benefits to having children when you are older. Having had them whilst young AND when older, I can see the pros and cons of both

At the end of the day it is up to the individual and NOTHING that anyone else says should make the slightest jot of difference. As long as you are a good mother to your child then your age shouldn't matter

From personal experience:  I had my first child at 22, second at 23 and the third at 34.  I spent my early twenties totally exhausted but probably because I had two fourteen months apart!  My children still think I am old despite being twenty years younger than my mother was when she had me.

I was born when my mother was 42, in 1961.  I had a difficult time but possibly more because I was so much younger than my siblings (18, 16, 11) and my mother had a tough time because life was different then (no car, tv, small household income from one hardworking earner).  I struggled to come to terms with the fact that my mother was the same age as most of my friends grandparents and their mums were a similar age to my sister.  Even now I find it strange when my children have friends whose grandparents are younger than my sister!  I suffered from depression as an adolescent and my parents didn't have the resources to cope or deal with it.

When I had my first, I was no different in age from my peers who were also having children but twelve years later, I was still the same age as the other mums!

There is no right or wrong answer to your original post.  It's all down to personal opinion, circumstances and what you are prepared to give to motherhood.  Remember that children are a gift, and we don't always get what we want, when we want, but sometimes surprise gifts are fantastic.

Good luck with your decision that I am sure you will make in conjunction with your partner who should have a say in the matter too.

My mum was 40 when she had me I was the result of a second marriage with a brother and sister 20 and 16 years older.  I was born in the 60's and my parents quite often got mistaken for my grandparents.  I had two of the best parents a kid could wish for and my mum always said she enjoyed me more.  I had my 3 at 28, 29 and 32 and have no patience and am not very good at being a mum.  If I am honest I wish I had had them earlier because by now they would have been ready to leave the nest I would have bought a house earlier and we would be much more independant.

My mother was 40 when she had me and I can remember walking home from school at 15 when the other girls were talking about their mothers' 40th birthdays - I did feel it. I loved going to stay with my aunt, my mother's younger sister by 8 years, who to me as a teenager was so much more modern and "with it". I vowed and declared I would not have any children after 30 - and I didn't, although having been widowed at 37 and remarrying at 43, I did then find to my amazement I had a very strong desire to have another baby with my new husband - we did try but without success. Fertility does drop off rapidly around 40, which may be nature's way. I am so glad I am young enough to enjoy and take an active role with my grand-children. I do feel that my children missed out in not having active grand-parents, as they were very young when my parents died.
However, whatever age the parents, the most important thing of all is that the child is wanted and loved, and given lots of time, so that happy, positive memories are built. :-)

That is another thing I regret none of my children remember my dad as he died when they were very young ditto my husbands dad and my mum died two years ago so they never knew their grandparents.

My middle child, born when I was only 26 had no Grandparents (my mother had me when she was 21) ;) Age doesn't always come into it :)

But there is a greater chance of having grandparents if your parents are younger :) When I was born my grandparents would have been (were) 86, 77, 82 and 79. I found it amazing that my husband still had a grandfather alive when we were married (hubby was 34) :D :D :D

Don't get me wrong from my earlier post - my mother was an extremely good mother and recovered fairly well from her depression. She was always at home to welcome us from school. She cooked, baked cakes, made our clothes and always came to school events etc AND she never looked her age :) :) BUT - I'd have loved to have had some grandparents and some young relatives :D

Daisy

Hi tippy,
Age is just a number. when your number is up be 10yrs 20yrs 40yrs
60yrs plus, life has no guarantee's.
Live it to the full, do not worry about dying. It is the only thing guaranteed
to us all. You can worry to much.
My son has never had a problem with having an older Mom, no one has ever found it
a problem. Some 30yr olds can look 40+
Regards
Denese

My mum was 23 when she had her 1st baby and 34 when I was born. Although I sometimes got a bit of teasing (nothing as serious as bullying though!) for having 'old' parents, it all changed when I was the first of the class to become an auntie! Kudos! :D

Hi Loveapup,

I had my first baby at 20yrs of age my second at 21yrs old third at 23yrs of age.
I adopt two children in between, and had my last at just 39yrs of age. It was great!
It was my only son the rest were daughters. ~I would recommend it to anyone.
Keeps you young and indate with the world. My son went to school with my first
grandson 2yrs diffrence. We are a very close family. I did have more patients,
and when we are out they all think my daughter and myself are all sisters.
So, I would say go for it new lease of life.
The only thing was at school when my son said that is my nephew, the teachers
would tell him off and say NO your cousin.
Regards
Denese

Exactly like me except that my oldest Grandchildren are about 6 years younger than my youngest child :)

I think in this day and age, where modern medicine has come on so far, there is nothing to stop and woman of 39 having her first baby. Obviously there are greater risks but if she is that determined then I see no reason why not. And my mum is a nurse and I just asked her and she completely agrees. So ner! ;-) :p

Have to say that I wouldn't look at a 40 year old woman and think "you shouldn't be having a baby, you're too old"...its a very old fashioned attitude, so I agree with you colliesrus!

And as for my baby copping it when he goes to school when I will be a mere snippet of a lass at 38 - no-one will know how old I am cos I shall have botox LOL :D :D :D

I had my daughter Katie when I was 20 and then lost 5 babies, I almost gave up hope then when I was 30 I had my son Ben (now 20 months old). I feel I have a lot more patience this time around but I'm not sure if that's because I feel so blessed and lucky to have him or whether it's because I'm older. I a really took it for granted that I would have another baby a couple of years after having Katie, but things just don't workd out like that.
I keep joking to my husband that I'll wait until I'm 40 and then have another one. :-D

Hi,
I think people are different. Some women start reduced fertility at 25yrs old.
I had a friend who came from Iceland who had finished her change at 35yrs of age and had to go on H.R.T.
She had wanted another baby but left it to late.
I myself, my mother and grandmother, had not even started our change when we reached 50.
and could concieve naturally. One of my daughters are an area Midwife. She tells me many women are starting there family's later due to careers, or the morgage commitments.
Pregnancy can be as difficult at 20yrs of age as 40yrs of age. I was a healthly 20yrs old,
and had preclampsia.
Regards
Denese

I was 36 when I had Indigo and I was 25 with Flo.

I have enjoyed it so much more this time as I had quite bad PND with Flo and had a unsupportive abusive  1st husband which is the opposite to my lovely husband now :D

Lucy
xx

My mum was 21 when she had me and she has said a thousand times over how different she would have been if she had had others since. I think age does prepare you to cope better as you have got more life experience as well as confidence in yourself. That can only serve you better in motherhood surely. I haven't got any kids but I have got 3 collies. I had the first when I was 21 and the latest at 30. The difference in how I deal with them is massive so I can only imagine the positive effect being that bit older would have on being a parent. 

I had my 1st at 17 and i'll be 24 when i give birth to my second in around february :D I dont think age has anything to do with how good a mother you will make. I was young when i had my boy but looking at him now top of his class, happy, well mannered I dont think i've done too much of a bad job. :) If it feels right for you and mother nature permits ;) then why not have a baby when your older? You still have plenty of love to give and thats the most important thing with a child :)

Well said voors, exactly. What does your age matter, it is how you are with your kids that matters. :-)

Just a funny one to make you laugh.
My friends mum was a midwife and had to get married at 40 because she was expecting my friend,
This is going back into the 1940's lol
I think it was shame on the family to in those days.
My children never had granddad my side ,my father died at the age of 34 of testical cancer.
And there great grandparents were gone too. I was 20 when i had my 1st son.
Lifes a B--ch sometimes.

My mother was an older mother - she had me at 39.  Times have changed so much since then and it's got to be more evenly spaced now.  Most of my neighbours are older mothers and I doubt kids would be bullied because of it.  There'd be too many to bully :D

My mother was 39 when she had me and I certainly wasn't bullied because of it. My mum always looked after herself, IMO didn't look or act her age, was broadminded and ahead of her time in the '70s and very often my friends would confide in her because their younger mums didn't understand, and she worked full time.

She always said that she wouldn't have been able to cope if she had had me when she was much younger because she took a while to grow up herself :P

I'm pleased I had a worldly wise, patient, fun loving mum regardless of what age she was. My dad on the other hand was 20 when I was born and still hasn't grown up, our relationship has been more like a brother/sister one. He now has 2 boys, one who is younger than his granddaughter and one that is older.

I was 29 when I had Jena, and still feel that I'm not really as good a mum as my mum was.

It's all in the state of mind and really does depend on the individual. I would never cast aspersions on age within sensibility if nature dictates.

Hairypooch, noticed your child was called Jena, my neice has the same name and its quite unusal so was suprised to see it here, never heard anyone else called it before :D

Yes luvapug, it was quite unusual until I called her it and then I have noticed more people with the same name, but spelt "Jenna". Sure I saw someone on here who's dog is called it as well :P

My daughters best friend back in Kent, where we lived until recently, her middle name was Jena and they  both share the same Birthday.

Is your nieces spelt the same way too? :)

yes she lives in rainham kent its not the same girl is it lol

No, she lives near Ashford ;)........I miss Kent :(

you would'nt if you'd have lived in medway towns its horrid i hate it, i use to live in godington park ashford and kennington, i did like it there

I didn't like the Medway towns but we used to live on the Romney Marshes, 2 minutes from the beach and surrounded by beautiful countryside..........and the weather was a lot better than I've had recently :)

39 is not too old to have a baby

i am an only child i am 20 mum had me at 24 and i would love to have a brother or sister even now and mum is 45 but she said she would not risk anything going wrong instead she is a montessori teacher

georgina