*Actual Label Instructions*

In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY   BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY  5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.

9. (No 9 taken out it's to rude)

10. On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

11. On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter special!)

12. On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
(And that would be how?)

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT  TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late! You lose!)

14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)

17. On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
(Now I'm curious.)

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
(Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I'm glad they cleared that up.)

20. On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

really funny cockerhouse where did you find them?

:D :D
Dawn.

Excellent.

Do you know the reason behind instructions on Coke bottle etc. Why it says open by hand?

Emma.  It says open other end.

Cockerhouse I ment in this country.

The reason why bottles have open by hand by the lid, is because, an American tried to open a coke bottle using his bottom at a party. This causing internal damage.  He then sued Coke Cola for 3.6 million as it did not state how to open the bottle.

Only in America.

There are clubs you can visit where some women specialise in opening bottles in a unique way..................

Oh er, Ive led a very sheltered life.

Sorry misunderstood.

Starryeyes. They were emailed to me from a friend dont know where she got them from.

That was really funny!  :D :D :D

They are really good :-D Heres one I found really amusing at christmas, it was found on the side of a tub of fruit and nuts (raisins, peanuts, cashews etc.) it said WARNING:MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF NUT! I would be annoyed if it didn't! lol

Lol Tigerlily.... i found one on a jar of salmon spread "Reject if centre of cap can be depressed".
I thought that were funny, does that mean it needs some anti-depressents!!!!!

:-D :-D :-D Try some prozac, that may work.

Oh my God, I think I may wet myself! :D :D :D 
The last one can't be true, right??  :D

hi, I've seen some of them and can't you just imagine the sort of person that thinks these things up! on the one about children, it reminded me of the instructions that came with the tumble drier : children must not be in the proximity of the drier whilst in use, why not? what will it do with them and more importantly where do my children go while im using it? cant send them to bed all the time!!!! he he. and the other do not use with wet hands or whilst barefoot????!!!! (thought all women were meant to be tied to the kitchen barefoot and pregnant anyway if it was a man that wrote it, in which case how do we use it). and does it make any difference if i wear fluffy slippers? now there's a thought to ponder next time i use it more than likely barefoot with wet hands cos washing usually is!
got one more seen on "normal" ice cream (ie not dairy free). warning contains milk. there's a shock!
keep smiling
tracy

hi! i haven't laughed this much in ages!!!!!!!!!!! thanx for brightening my day, got to go dry my eyes
xx

I've just bought an electric fly zapper.  It says to keep it away from children and ANIMALS.   What are flies then?

Hands up all those that pmed to find out what number 9 says :D :D

Steph, I have got a electric fly zapper that looks like a tennis racket with metal instead of plastic webbing. It gets charged at the press of a button and when you swot the fly as soon as it touches the metal there is a loud "crack" noise and it is dead! Wonderfull bit of kit purchased from ebay. Very large swatting area so they are easily caught.

Didn't notice that one Melody! If I had I would have done, may still do ;-)