I really want a doggy
One with a daft name
Then I can make folk laugh a lot
Me of silly doggy fame
Something with a malti
Or something with a poo
Doesn't matter what it is
It must be something new
I want it to have a lot of hair
But it really must not shed
And when I bring my puppy home
It must be quiet in its bed
And when I rise and go to work
It must stay in its crate
And not wee or make a noise
Or scrabble at the gate
I have no time for training
Cos puppies know the score
If they need to have a wee
They should open up the door
I'm happy paying money
To buy that special bond
I'll hand over five hundred pounds
And ignore that I've been conned
I'll take it down the high street
And tell everyone I know
This is a very special breed
This gorgeous Cocker Chow
I have no time for health tests
I'm not prepared to wait
Put those dogs together
And leave it up to fate
Oh look its all romantic
They're mating, what good luck
Ha ha its all quite funny
But why have they got stuck?

A Yorkie and a poodle
There's a breed that's new
A Great Dane and a Staffie
A Bulldog and a Shitzu
I wish I could buy at Sainsburys
Much easier in that manner
I could pop it in my shopping bag
Once its through the scanner
So here I am a posting
To find the perfect mate
To encourage casual breeding
Because I simply couldn't wait
And when it all goes pearshaped
And my pup is just the same
And sheds its hair and bites stuff
Just like those of sensible name
I'll take it to the shelter
Hundreds of pounds I've lost
And the sign upon its kennel door
"Dog Needs Home. Breed: Cross"