These are from a book entitled "Disorder in the American Courts" and are (ostensibly) things people actually said in court, word for word, recorded  and now published by court reporters who had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

I particularly like 8 and 20

1.> > Q: Are you sexually active?

> >
> > A: No, I just lie there.
> >
> > _______________________________
> >
> >

2.> >

> > Q: What is your date of birth?
> >
> > A: July 15.
> >
> > Q: What year?
> >
> > A: Every year.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

3.> >

> > Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> >
> > A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> >
> >  ______________________________________
> >
> >

4.> >

> > Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> >
> > A: Yes.
> >
> > Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> >
> > A: I forget.
> >
> > Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
>forgotten?
> >
> >  _____________________________________
> >
> >

5.> >

> > Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> >
> > A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> >
> > Q: How long has he lived with you?
> >
> > A: Forty-five years.
> >
> > _____________________________________
> >
> >

6.> >

> > Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
>that > > morning?
> >
> > A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> >
> > Q: And why did that upset you?
> >
> > A: My name is Mary.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

7.> >

> > Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or
> > the occult?
> >
> > A: We both do.
> >
> > Q: Voodoo?
> >
> > A: We do.
> >
> > Q: You do?
> >
> > A: Yes, voodoo.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

8.> >

> > Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
> > he >
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> >
> > A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> >
> > ___________________________________
> >
> >

9.> >

> > Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> >
> > _____________________________________
> >
> >

10.> >

> > Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

11.> >

> > Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> >
> > A: Yes.
> >
> > Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

12.> >

> > Q: She had three children, right?
> >
> > A: Yes.
> >
> > Q: How many were boys?
> >
> > A: None.
> >
> > Q: Were there any girls?
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

13.> >

> > Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> >
> > A: By death.
> >
> > Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> >
> >  ______________________________________
> >
> >

14.> >

> > Q: Can you describe the individual?
> >
> > A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> >
> > Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

15.> >

> > Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> > notice which I sent to your attorney?
> >
> > A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

16.> >

> > Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> >
> > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

17.> >

> > Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> >
> > A: Oral.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

18> >

> > Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?>
> >
> > A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> >
> > Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> >
> > A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> > autopsy.
> >
> >  ____________________________________
> >

19.> >

> > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >

20.> >

> > Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> > pulse?
> >
> > A: No.
> >
> > Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> >
> > A: No.
> >
> > Q: Did you check for breathing?
> >
> > A: No.
> >
> > Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began

> > the autopsy?
> >
> > A: No.
> >
> > Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> >
> > A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> >
> > Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> >
> > A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
> > law somewhere.

:D Collegue's are staring at me because I'm laughing out loud :D

cool!

It's true, when I was doing my (brief) stint of practising in court, you would hear stuff like this fairly regularly-it always amazed me how some people's brain took longer to catch up with their mouths.. :rolleyes: ;)

All are very good but my favorites are 18 & 20

thats the best laugh I have had for days. thankyou so much
Terry

These are sooooo funny!!! Qualified to give a urine sample!! LoL!!! :)