as every time i had a query or problem my husband would jokingly say "post it on your doggy website..." i'm posting this. my husband died thursday of pneumonia, congestive heart failure and ischaemic heart disease, which we didn't know he had. we have twin girls of 4, and i fear i am going to lose my mind. you were all so kind when my brother died 1 1/2 years ago, and i thought nothing would hurt as bad, but this is too much. please pray for him. his name was Bruno and i loved him

So sorry for your loss.
Mary

I am so sorry this has happened, my heart goes out to you and your children. Please try to be strong for those two girls they need you more now than they ever did.

Thinking and praying for you all.

xxx

(((Hugs)))

Jayne

so sorry to hear of your loss, we are all here if you need us

I can't imagine what you are going through - but I am thinking of you.........  Be kind to yourself {{{{hugs}}}}}

My dear, I'm so very very sorry. That is a terrible thing to happen. You and your family will be in my prayers, as will Bruno. My very best wishes to you, and my sympathies.

thankyou

So sorry for your loss. Thoughts are with you at this time.

Alli

i hope it's ok with you all, but i want to say some of what happened,because i feel i so let him down. i was taken into hospital the monday with a tooth abcess that became badly infected. my whole face and neck swelled up and i was put on a drip,etc. i lied to get myself discharged tuesday, as i was determined to take my girls to their first day of school. i was let out with loads of tablets and told to come back in after i had taken them to school. when bruno came to pick me up tuesday evening, he looked awful, and was coughing. as he often had bouts of bronchitis,etc that cleared up with a bit of a rest and his tablets,( he had had mild heart failure 4 years ago, and was put on various drugs, which he took daily). i was cross that i felt so ill, but he was unable to look after me that night, and he was feeling very rough. i'm so ashamed that i was actually telling him off because i could smell cigarettes on his breath, and i went on and on, saying that he had to stop smoking and lose weight because i couldn't take him getting ill all the time. poor sod just said he agreed with me. wednesday he dragged himself to work at 5 am and came in at lunch time, obviously ill, but more concerned with me, as i felt so bloody awful and was still swollen. he was all excited about the girl's first day, and then i sent him to bed, still moaning that i should be in bed not him as i was feeling awful. god forgive me.   i struggled through picking the girls up and seeing to bruno, getting him drinks etc. he watched finding nemo on the little tv and then he went to bed in the little room as he was too ill to sleep with me.  the next morning, i went to check on him, and he sat up and said he felt better, but he looked so bad. but he wasn't coughing, so i stupidly thought he was better, not realising he was too ill to cough. i was still a bit off with him, as i felt still so awful and was having to sort my girls out, etc and god forgive me i wasn't as loving as i should have been. midday, i went to check on him, and i noticed his finger tips were turning purple, and i thought, ok that's not good, and i said to him he was going to have to go to hospital as i was worried, he said no, he was worried about losing his job, but i said he should. even then my stupid brain didn't ring enough alarm bells. i went about like a stupid cow arranging for my daughter to pick the little ones up, sorting out his medication, getting money out for a cab for me to get home from the hospital, all that rubbish ....i didnt' realise how bad he was...i left it too late...i called the ambulance and when i went upstairs to check on him with 999 on the line, i found him dying on my bed. i tried to revive him as they were telling me to, but i couldn't save him....why didn't i call the ambulance earlier...i know i was ill, but why didn't i see this time was worse than his usual turns....how could i have been so careless with his life....i cannot forgive myself. i'm sorry this is so long

It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself, although I know you're desperately trying to find some logic in this nightmare. But it truly isn't your fault. You need to be strong, for both yourself and your daughters. Have you anyone staying with you, keeping you company?

bobo - I am not really sure what to say and nor can I comprehend what you are going through - but our thoughts are all with you and your twins at this very, very difficult time. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Please don't beat yourself up about this, none of this was your fault.  You were not feeling well yourself, you had your two daughters at school for the first time, you had enough on your mind and couldn't be expected to know that he was as ill as he was. It sounds to me as if you were on automatic pilot, concerned for your children, how to get home etc. Which is probably how most of us would react in the circumstances. In all probability even if you had called the ambulance quicker it would have made no difference to the outcome.

You are still in shock, hopefully in time the feelings of guilt will ease.

We can all say if only, but we all have to live life as we see it, not live life expecting the worst all the time.

We are all here prepared to listen, so write on here what you want when you want, it will help to clear your mind.

I cannot imagine what you are going thorugh, i am just so, so sorry!

I'm so very sorry. 

Thinking of you and your family.

Kath xx

My sincere condolences, can't add more to what the others have said.  Take each day as it comes, and take comfort form your children.

My sincere condolances.  Please try to be strong, for yourself and your girls. I have a rough idea what you are going through. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. Please do not get swallowed up by guilt.

~Thinking of you and your girls~

So very sorry to hear of your loss it must be a truely awful time you`re going thru :(

Christine, Spain.

So sorry for your loss. Dont feel guilty, even doctors dont always know how these things will progress, so earlier reporting may not have meant more effective treatment. And husbands know we rate them for unhealthy lifestyles because we love them. Hug the girls, pat the dogs and look after yourself.

Our prayers are with you and your family - may God give you the strength to get through the next few weeks, and also let you see that you shouldn't be beating yourself over what you see as your lack of sympathy over the last few days - you have given Bruno a lifetime of love - and had you stayed in hospital yourself, he could have died alone.

All my love

Margot

Oh Bobo, my heart goes out to you and your girls.  Although you are wracked with guilt at the moment, try to take comfort from the fact that guilt is a normal emotion when a loved one has died and you will feel it even though you have no cause to - you did the very best you could in the circumstances. Bruno will have known how very much you loved him and will not have felt that you were letting him down in any way.  I'm so sorry for your loss and will be thinking of you, your girls and Bruno.

Lesley

Bobo I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. Don't beat yourself up about what you could/should have done - you did your very best in the circumstances, and it's always easy to think "if only" with the benefit of hind-sight. I lost my husband suddenly 25 years ago when our children were 9 & 11 - it's not an easy road, but one copes, somehow - you just have to keep going for the kids. However, you need time for yourself, too - so take any offers of help that come your way.
with love and prayers,
Cathy.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children at this difficult time.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss in such difficult circumstances.

Jacky

So sorry to hear of your loss, thinking of you and your family.

Michelle

Very sorry to hear about your husband :(

Daisy

{{{{{{{{{bobo and the twins}}}}}}}}}}}

Lea

thankyou very much to all who have replied with your very kind words. in my head i know what you all say is true, and i know that guilt is useless and destructive, and when i have moments of clarity, i realise it was amazing that i did what i did,  as i was in so much pain,etc. and yes , on automatic pilot as you say, finding it hard to even walk, but then in the night, and in blind panic moments, i think what rubbish, no excuses, i should have saved my girls' daddy, what was i thinking of...my little girls keep saying their hearts are broken and why did daddy leave them.... i know what to say as my poor sister in law went through it all and i can repeat what she said, and it does work most of the time, but i still think i killed their daddy. yes, he did know i loved him. we said it frequently ,at least once a day, and i was normally loving and kind to him,even when he drove me nuts, but obviously all i can think of now is how i was quite resentful that he was ill when i felt so awful. i hope he was just too sick to realise. jg, yes, i have my ex and his girlfriend, and my older daughter staying with me, and they're redecorating our bedroom,etc and my neighbours have been amazing....so i'm ok .will be ok. just feel very strange and scared, and it all seems totally unreal. i don't even recognise where i live or familliar places...will this pass? i will be strong for his memory and for the girls, but i feel something's died in me. thankyou again for your words.

Bobo i am so sorry to hear about your husband, but i am sure he knew how much you loved him or you wouldn't have bothered telling him off and organising him :) so try not to feel bad about how the last hours went. Also you're not a doctor and you were by the sounds of it very ill yourself.
I found my dear father dead in my living room a few years ago, fallen asleep in his chair. Only a few hours before we had been talking and i felt terrible because i was just upstairs and wondered if there was anything i could have done. Same with my mother, i wished i had seen her more before she died in the hospice although at the timie i had terrrible problems myself with neighbours and i felt i was heading for a breakdown. We only do what we can do and try our best. At the end of the day our loved ones know we cared.

Lindsay
X

Bobo, you are still in shock and that maybe why you are feeling as though you don't recognise things.

My thoughts are with you all at this terrible time.
xx

Lindsay is right Bobo.  Very, very few people are blessed to have a loved one pass where everything that was wanted to be said or done has been said or done; for most people there are "if only's" and "I wishes".  What truly matters is the day to day love you had, the sort of love that allows for one being grumpy or feeling resentful towards the other, but which is always there nonetheless, through the good times and the bad times. The terrible feelings you are experiencing will pass, but terrible though they are, they are normal feelings - you have had a dreadful shock and your body and mind are in turmoil just now; how could they be anything but when you have lost your beloved husband.  Your little girls will not believe that you killed their Daddy, for the simple reason that you did not; what they will see is that their Mummy loved their Daddy very much and they will draw strength from that. 

Take care

Lesley

Bobo  - I have PM'd you

So sorry to read such sad news. :(

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family for the loss of Bruno.
Please don't blame yourself.

And the old cliche is true, time is a healer.

Love & prayers for you and your family
Kirstine

I'm so sorry Bobo, my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.
Ange

So sorry for you and the girls.

Lucy
xx

So sorry to hear your tragic news.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

Please find peace, you are not to blame.
Thinking of you and your family.

Val

So Sorry BOBO
My ex lost his partner of 7 years just before christmas and I know that right noe you will spend days thinking what if.
You have to go through all sorts of hell to get back, but you will get back and your little girls are there for you. they will need their mum. if there is anything we can do for you, let us know. Tonight I will light a candle for you husband and say a prayer.
God Bless you and your family.
Terry

How awful for you and your family, it's totally understandable why in your head you feel guilt, but non of us know whats round the corner we just get on with our day to day life, it's not important what was said or done on that day what matters is the days and years before of love and happiness you shared. I know it sounds cliche but try and think of all the good things you brought into his life like your precious children who will carry on a part of him. So so sorry for your loss, theres nothing anyone can say to make a difference but sometimes talking helps.

So sorry to hear your tragic news.  Thinking of you and your family.
Sue

So sorry for your loss....just remember the good times you had together and the love you brought to each others lives.....He wouldn't want you to feel guilty.
You're children will be fine.Let them talk and express their feelings and talk to them truthfully and openly.My children lost their dad when they were young...they cope much better than adults.
Thinking off you all
Archer

Thinking of you and your girls, this is just awful. Try to keep strong. All my love to all of you.

We have no words - just know that our prayers are with you and that this forum is here if you need someone to talk to.

Yvonne & Trevor

I can't add anything, except to say I'm thinking of you and your girls X

Thoughts are with you all at this terrible time XXX

Bobo,

There's nothing that I can say to help you feel better EXCEPT, Bruno knew you loved him, the fact that you feel a sense of guilt shows that.  We can't live our lives constantly thinking 'what if' and 'if only' but sometines we would rather feel negative things, like guilt, than try to deal with the things we really feel, like desparate grief.  If you want to cry, then cry. If you feel like screaming, then do it! Anyone who cares for you and your girls will understand.  Grief is a funny old thing, it can creep up on you in weird places.
Remember Bruno for the man he was, your husband, your friend, your childrens dad, your heart.  I promise you you can get through this, even when the day feels like its getting blacker and blacker.  Bruno will ALWAYS be there, in your girl's smiles, in their laughs, in their tears and in their hearts.

My thoughts are with you and your girls.

Be kind to yourself  -Ali xx

My sincere condolences to you and your Family, my thoughts are with you. x

I am so so sorry for your loss x my heart goes out to you and your family.

You must be absolutely devastated. {{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}} You must be feeling numb at the moment but you and your twins will come through this together. Take comfort from each other and only think about yourselves, be selfish and do what makes you feel slightly better, my heart really does go out to you. So, so, sorry for you sweetheart.

So very sorry my thougts are with you and your children sending HUGS.
Sheila.XXXX

I too have young children and cannot imagine your grief. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your girls. My best friend lost her husband of 32 years old, almost 5 years ago, and she is living proof that time does heal. Take care of yourselves. xx

Bobo, my thoughts are with you and your family.

So sorry
Angela x