My ex is an alcoholic. I had a phone call from him on Wednesday asking me to look after his dogs. For various reasons I couldn't take them and told him so.

On Thursday he phoned again, asking me to pick up some dog food for him. I did. I was shocked when I went into his house. He could hardly stand up! Apparantly he hadn't had anything to drink since Monday and was suffering the consequences. I left him to it.

Yesterday one of his neighbours called in to see me at work. He had called another neighbour and was hallucinating. What should they do? I called the doctor's surgery and they said they would pass on my concerns. Nothing was done. My daughter (aged 10) went round after school to find him sitting on the ground in his garden. He couldn't get up and was talking to a policeman (actually, it was a cement mixer) She got neighbours to help him in before phoning me. I went and collected her, and the dogs, and waited for the doctor to call. He said that there was nothing he could do as my ex was refusing to go into hospital.

Today his neighbour phoned me. He had found my ex lying on the floor in the hallway, sleeping. What do we do next? He is obviously drying out, albeit in a hard way, but isn't there anything else we can do? His neighbour is going to pop in every hour or so to make sure he's ok, but this can't go on.

You sure he's drying out and not actuall drinking more?

I would ring the AA and ask their advice on what you can do. Good luck - must be worrying.

There is a support and advice group for the family and friends of alcoholics. Contact the AA as Chloe has suggested, and the will give you the number to call.
Sadly there is very little you can do, the best person to help your ex is himself.

liberty

do you know he is drying out, is he on some reduction/abstinence programme? I would contact AA and their sister organisation which caters for relatives of Alcoholics - it might be useful for you to go to a meeting or two to give you an idea what to expect and gain from others experience. This organisation can also help your daughter, who must also need support seeing her dad in such a condition.

Good Luck - you must be really really worried.

What about the dogs? does he need any help with those ? I am willing to try to sort out some help if its needed just email me

Poor guy sounds like he is in a right mess, like liberty said the only person who can truly help him is himself, all friends and family can do is be there to support him. i have been in a similar situation to you with a member of my family, he was not alcohlic as  he did not start at 8 in the morning and continue but had a severe alcohol problem. He was having falls disappearing in the middle of the night. We just had to ride with it and kept talking when he wasn't drunk. He knew he had to stop just couldn't as an event in his life had triggered once a heavy drinker into someone who relied upon it. I hope he sees the light for your daughters sake.

I'm sorry to hear about your family member Louise. It is worth bearing in mind that not all alcoholics drink first thing in the morning, an alcoholic is an alcoholic because of the control drink has over them, some will not drink till the evening, but forget to stop!!

It is a dreadful illness, not a weakness of charachter, I sincerely hope those in need find help.

liberty

Thanks everyone.

Firstly, the dogs are in boarding kennels belonging to a friend of mine. They are being looked after until he is well enough to get them back, or if he never gets well I'll be able to find homes for them.

I must admit that I never thought of AA. As I don't drink, well maybe the occassional glass of wine with a meal :) , I guess I don't think of them helping non-alcoholics. I have often thought of getting help for my daughter but she has, and still is, coping very well with it all. Possibly because both her sister and myself have spoken to her openly about the problem. I will look out the phone number and give them a call.

Thanks Liberty everything is fine now. I think i may have worded my post wrong my family member suffered alcohol abuse he was not an alcoholic, but as a family we still suffered similar things as the poster.

Ex was taken to hospital by ambulance this morning. He hadn't moved since yesterday lunchtime. The doctors wouldn't come out, the police said if he looks ok just leave him, if we were worried we should call for an ambulance. It doesn't look good just now.

This is awful you must be so worried. As far as I remember, Al Non is the group for relatives of alcoholics and they used to have a support network for teenagers/young children.

good luck

I phoned the hospital at 6 this evening. The doctor said that IF he survives the next 24 hours he has a good chance of recovering. He is very seriously ill. I feel so guilty about leaving him on Friday, but the doctor told us all to go and leave him to it.

I Feel for you, but try not to feel guilt it's not your fault, i hope all goes well for you all.

This probably isn't the best time for me to say this - but just incase someone else who knows an alcoholic, or is an alcoholic reads this I feel I should.  Alcoholics should never ever just 'stop' drinking.  They need to reduce their intake over a period of time.  Going 'cold turkey' if you are an alcoholic can be fatal.  Your body becomes reliant on the alcohol so when it gets taken away it can't cope.

I am shocked and stunned that the GP said just leave him!

I hope he is soon on the mend.

I think the doctor has a bit of explaining to do, even if your ex is an alcoholic it does not mean that he should be treated like a second class citizen. You acted on the best advice given at the time, it is not your fault that the doctor made what appears to be a bad judgement call.

Lets all hope for the best for ex and that he recovers quickly.

Ex had dialysis last night. His kidneys had failed. Things are looking up today. He is more aware of his surroundings and is reacting to stimuli. Here's hoping he's over the worst. He is still in ICU and will be for some time to come. I have been to see his solicitor and have been advised to put everything into writing. That way if he wants to complain when he comes home he will know what happened. Or if he doesn't come home, we can complain.

I agree that alcoholics should not go cold turkey. I don't think he had any choice in the matter. He couldn't get out and about to buy anything. I tried to get him to call the doctor out earlier in the week, but he is very stubborn, and proud.

Men eh?  As in the stubborn and proud bit you mentioned.

I re-read my post afterwards and it didn't come out how I had intended - it wasn't a comment about anything you did, but information for anyone else in the future.

I am still shocked that the GP and the Police said leave him there!

Glad to hear he could be a turning a corner and I wish him well with his recovery.

I feel sorry for you,i know what you are going through,my brother is a alcoholic,christmas day he was in a dreadful state,his stomach could not take any more drink,he had not eaten for weeks he was being constantly sick with bile i got the GP out he refused to go into hospital,he didnt have a drink until tonight,so here we go again this time he may not be so lucky,he is also still very proud and stubborn.Good luck.
Sheila.x

Oh Sheila, I do feel for you.

My ex was given 24 hours on Sunday, and he is still with us. But for how long?

Maybe you should run off a copy of this topic and give it to you brother.

I'm hoping that this is enough to give him a major jolt. If he survives it. The outlook is getting better every day, but in the sister's words "He is still very poorly". He's going to need dialysis for some time. I can't sleep at night with worry. Mainly over my daughter and how she would react if the worst does happen, but until today I hadn't even spoken to any other member of his family (aunts, cousins, that's all he has now) Now they know it's as though a small bit of the stress has been lifted.

Why do they do it,they say that they have to hit rock bottom to get better if possible,i have set him up in a nice flat near me ,he was living in London and social services rang as a neighbor was concerned for him my husband went down to pick him up he couldnt believe how he had ended like living in such a state,no carpets,a mattress in the middle of the room absolutly filthy,he had no clothes,electric,he would of died then if we hadnt of brougt him back,i also cant sleep with the worry.hope your ex pulls through,it is such a very selfish illness,somtimes i am angry,sad, then i feel sorry for him.
Sheila.xx

I have had to deal with a good few alcoholics professionally & it isn't easy, the only one who can really help is the alcoholic themselves They have to want to stop & be willing to get professional help in stopping You might find this helpful They will know what you are going through

There is no such thing as an ex alcoholic only a non drinking one

Hope there is a good outcome for you

Its so sad about your ex and I feel you have done what everyone thought was best.
Some doctors have no idea,its the same if someone is fat they atomatically put it down to greed but you wouldnt just refuse food to that person.
I do hope all is well

can I ask? are the dogs ok?
and if I can help re: the dogs email me.

Regards Glenys

The dogs are fine. They are in kennels at the moment. The kennels are owned by a friend of mine, who lives about 15 mins drive away. They seem to be enjoying the holiday :D His solicitor has been told of the problem and has asked to be kept informed.

There has been another improvement today. Again only slight, but at least he's going in the right direction.

We can only do so much.

Good news today. He's off the ventilator and is sitting up chatting with the nurses. It's his birthday tomorrow so I'll see if they will let us visit. I didn't want our daughter to see him attached to tubes and things.

I am so glad that your ex is improving,i hope he has learned a lesson,my brother is back on the whisky,not eating ect,i know it sounds awful but i wish he would collapse so i could get him into hospital it is his only hope.
Sheila.x

Sheila, I'm so sorry about your brother. It's so awful sitting on the outside looking in, isn't it. I know where you are coming from. I have been on at my ex for a long time. He was in hospital 2/3 years ago and dried out. His mother died 18 months ago and it just got too much for him. Her house was sold recently and I think that is what tipped him over again.

The hospital phoned me tonight. He is asking about his dogs. He was very worried about them. I'd already told the hospital they were in kennels, but they obviously didn't remember ;) They are hoping that he will be out of Intensive Care tomorrow so we are going through to visit him (it's his birthday tomorrow) so we will at least be able to see how he is.

Linda

How is your ex and of course you and your daughter.
Sheila.

Hi Sheila.

Ex is ok, sort of. We went to visit on Saturday. He's out of Intensive Care and on a ward. He is very weak. He can't sit up on his own. He has 2 black eyes and a suspected broken nose. I don't think he is 100% with us yet, but we did manage to talk. He hasn't got a clue what happened. We're going back to see him this afternoon.

Apart from kidneys that failed he had to be resuscitated at least once on Sunday of last week.