I was beaten with a bamboo cane at one point ...another time it was a stick from the garden ....dreadful really dreadful :(

When my husband was a young boy he was in the garage with his dad and he touched a tool that was on the work suface his dad hit his had with a hammer and then hit him for crying, then he walked out of the garage saying you will never touch my tools again without asking, my husband was 9yrs :( when the hitting made no difference his dad decided to hurt him in other way, he had a collection of prized racing piegoens, hubby had played truant from school and his dad found out when he got home his dad sat in the chair and let him go to the pigeon loft to find his father had killed all his birds
does my husband hate his father yes he does, has my husband every hit our boys no never, does his boys love him yes they do

I agree with Chloe my mum and dad both used to hit us as kids(usually closed fist) over the stupidest of things I didnt respect either of them I was afraid of them. I remember playing on top of the hay in the haybarn my sister to me it would be fun to slide down the ladder backwards so I tried it well I fell off the top of the ladder and was knocked unconscious(sp), we were too afraid to tell my mum as the punishment we would get how stupid is that I could have been seriously hurt butr was too afraid to tell the person who is supposed to love me more than anything else.
I smacked my eldest when he was a toddler and it is my biggest regret it didnt work and I just wish I had been offered parenting classes when he was born, now we take things away of stop him doing afterschool activities.
I am 27 and dont respect my parents and wont ever forgive them for the way we were treated as kids.
Mary

What seems to be coming across here (in my opinion and sorry if I am wrong), is that those people who consider they were 'beaten' as children, still resent their parents for it (and with good cause), whereas those who feel they received the occasional 'smack' don't really feel it did them any harm.  Maybe the relationship betweeen parent and child was not too good in the beginning and the 'beatings' were just manifestations of that (perhaps?).

I was smacked as a child occasionally, but only remember once when my Mum chased me down the road (can't actually remember the smack, only the chase!) and one from my Dad when I was in bed (but being naughty) and he came and smacked me hard.  My sister and I have a great relationship with them both (while my Dad was alive).  Even though we had the ' wait till we get home' I don't remember being that scared, but that probably spared us any embarrassment being smacked in public.

I don't like smacking my children, and never needed to with my eldest until his younger brothers came along.  Now my boys are very boisterous and I do very occasionally smack them, more often than not the threat will suffice.  I also use other methods such as computer bans, etc.  Sometimes however I think only a quick smack conveys to the child quite how annoyed their behaviour is making you.  I do not smack my children in public though.

What I do find odd though, as someone mentioned is that many of you will not smack you dogs, but would smack you children?

Fiona

I occasionally smack my dogs too, but only when I've managed to sneak up on one of them raiding the bin, for example, and a slap on the bum makes them jump! It doesn't hurt them at all, because it's using the same degree of force I use on myself if a fly has landed on me and I swat it. It's not designed to hurt ...

Fiona

I agree alot with what you say :)

I have always used what I class as reasonable smacking which is normally very rare and only a short sharp smack on the bottom. I have always used the one,two,three rule. If it gets to three then there is trouble ahead ! I also use the go to the naughty step to think about what they have done and also as time out for both parties ;)

My parents used smacking , alot on my two eldest sisters but not so much on me as was quite an angel compared to them ! :) My sisters did resent it alot but I didn't as it was only very rarely used on me ! The same ethos I use ! :)

I really think that caning etc should be back in schools as I think that did help in keeping the status quo of who is in charge right, not like now where teachers are sacred of being sued and have to watch their every move :rolleyes:

Lucy

LJS were you caned at school? I was and like some parents teachers can abuse this aswell. When I was in primary school it was acceptable for teachers to hit kids. One of our teachers didnt hit anyone but most did one made you hold out your hand for her to hit you with a stick if you pulled your hand away she hit you twice for silly things like talking.I know teachers have areally stressful job but imagine teacher having a really bad day your child does something wrong and takes the full brunt of this persons temper. If the cane comes back my children will be home schooled.
When Matthew first started nursery his teacher called me into the school to tell me she thought he had behaviour(sp) problems she kept on about it all year she got me all worried he had to be refered for tests as she thought he had hearing problems aswell when they did the end of year assessments she was surprised as he was two years above what he should have been and was bored in class how many more children like him play up in class and would be punished for being bright.
Mary

I was very rarely smacked when I was a child, nor shouted at-I knew what standard of behaviour was expected and if either myself or my sisters misbehaved we were more often that not served with just the right kind of "look" that let us know that we had stepped out of line-99% of the time that was more effective than a smack or being shouted at could ever have been IMO.  I don't have children, and when I (hopefully) do, there's no way of saying how I would react in a specific situation.  But even now I find myself employing the same "look" tactics and having grown up with a healthy respect for both my parents, I would say that I would be inclined to favour my parent's style over smacking or raising my voice.

I had several whacks when I was young.  My Mother died when I was 8 years old and it was always her that handed out the punishment.  She would whip me with the net curtain wire when I did something wrong.  Sadly this has left with not too many fond memories of her.  My Dad on the other hand would only have to look at me and I would run.  He never hit me, just didn't talk to me.  As it was just us two at home when I was growing up it was hell being ignored!  I have tried all sorts with my kids who are 4 and 7 and have found that the ignoring and withdrawing their privliges is far better than a smack.  Although I have put them in a cold shower in the past when they really went off on one!!

Becky

I'm with you CholeH, I've never smacked my child nor do I feel I've ever had cause to. She's six yrs old and all it takes is a stern look or a verbal check if she's working her ticket. We're very close and affectionate with one another, she's the most important thing in my world. I don't even have a naughty step. When she started nursery/first school the girls got abit 'selective' about who was allowed in the gang. I wouldn't tolerate that and when I was made aware of one girl being single out I gave my daughter a long talking to (cuddled up on the sofa), the next day frog marched her over to the little girl and her parents to apologize. My daughters never really forgotten and I'm proud of her nature toward other kids/animals/people.
I was never really smacked as a child, my Dad was :(  For me all it took was the threat of "will I tell your Father".
We're a very close family, spanning 4 generations now. I think whats worse than a smack is the knowledge you've upset someone you love and I believe even a child can be aware of that sense of disappointment. I don't think my daughter was born an angel, I certainly wasn't, but I hope I am raising her to be considerate and sensitive toward others. And I also hope I'm raising her in a way that she feels safe and loved and not under the threat of violence.

I'm glad you've never had cause to smack her - hopefully that will never change. Each child and every situation is different, and what works for one will be ignored by another - or even by the same child in different circumstances. Minimum force necessary always be a priority.

I don't hit my children and I don't particularly like seeing other people smack thiers either. This is for personal reasons for which I won't go into on a public forum.

Every parent has thier own way of disciplining thier children and I'm sure that a sharp tap is done when everything else fails.

Take it from me, there's a huge difference between a slap and a punch or a slipper and a saucepan

Jeangenie you are right about every child and situation being different.  I have 3 boys and they are all completely different and require different methods of discipline. I don't think anyone should judge anyone else for smacking their children (not directed at anyone), because they have not had to deal with that particular child. The most important thing though is that a child is disciplined in some way.

Every morning on the way to school I see a six year old girl throwing a tantrum because her Mum has done something she doesn't like - today it was telling her to be careful of some ice. The little girl wanted to tread on it, the Mum warned her (so she wouldn't hurt herself) and the little girl started hitting her mother saying she wanted to tread on it!  I felt like smacking that little girl.  I know she is thoroughly spoilt materially and have seen her Mum carrying her on the long walk to school.  The little girl has no discipline and every little thing upsets her so she can't be  very happy.  I think the Mum thinks she is doing her best by her daughter by not disciplining her at all!

Fiona

I'm confused
Countless times we are told - don't hit your puppy he can't reason, redirect his attention, ignore bad behaviour praise the good. All makes perfect sense :)
Then some are saying hit your young child he can't reason so will only understand a slap. Whats wrong with the redirect attention, ignoring what you don't want and praising the good?
I don't have children, probably never will, but I do remember being smacked by both parents and my deep resentment for it. In fact as I grew older I lost an awful lot of respect for my mother who just can't keep her temper in check. Whilst she only hit me with implements a couple of times, she would usually hit you around the head and face, the time I really remember is when she lost her temper with my younger sister and threw the hoover at her, I told her to pick on me - so she did :( She lost both our respects on that day.
I don't think there is a place for smacking, if its not OK for a puppy how is it OK for a child?

I agree that all children are different therefore need different levels of punishment.  I will be the first to admit I was no angel as a child, I was one of those children who would say that didnt hurt to a slap.  I have had my dad whack me with a leather slipper on the top of my leg so hard it left a sole print, I cant remember why he did it but I do know I must have been really testing his patience because he VERY rarely had cause to smack me his voice was enough and still is, and although I don't agree with his method of punishment it hasnt done me any harm and certainly doesnt mean if i ever have children I will do this.  I do however think children are very clever and certainly know when mum/dad is tired,stressed upset etc and they play on this hugely.  I dont agree though that children follow their parents example, we all have our own minds to make our own decisions.

Michelle

All children are different. My eldest was the child people have last, my mother who had five of us all under 8 used to say that she was worse than all of us together.  She was (and still can be) the most stubborn, provoking person I have ever met.  At six months and crawling her ambition was to stick her fingers in the electric sockets, she could remove the socket covers in a flash and after 3 weeks of trying to distract her and keep her away from them, telling her NO sternly etc. I smacked her hand (in fear NOT anger)  She cried, I cried - but she never tried again, the game was over.  I found that just occasionally a smack was the only effective way of preventing dangerous behaviour.  But it was effective because it was so rare it had shock value.  When she became old enough to reason with she found there was a naughty corner in every home, every town and she probably used all of them while growing up.

My son on the other hand has not been smacked, has never needed it and has always responded to distractions (when tiny) and time out as he got older.  He hates upsetting me and his dad whereas his sister actively enjoyed it. 

There's a world of difference between a rare smack (one) with a hand on a bottom or thigh, or hand if necessary, and a habitual hitting/beating of a child with hands or implements.  Sadly I have also known people who boast about never smacking but actually abuse their children in the worst way, leaving them demoralised and afraid to communicate.

Obviously some people on this board have had some very diffficult times as children when a "smack" was with an implement or out of temper or even malice.  None of that can ever be acceptable under any circumstances.  But the average "smack" does not necessarily mentally scar everyone for life and certainly doesn't constitute child abuse. 

For eg. yesterday at the supermarket, a child of about 7 or 8 years old was trying to drag her mother's handbag from her grasp.  The mother repeatedly told the child to let go (she had a lot of heavy shopping bags to hold onto also) and "threatened" her with being sent to bed early if she didn't stop doing it.   The "little" girl's response - to BITE her mother!  Now, call me old fashioned, downright stupid, darn cruel even, but if that had been my daughter I'd have dropped the shopping pronto and smacked her legs   At the age of this child she could not possibly have been under any illusions about how unacceptable and unreasonable her behaviour was nor was "ignoring the bad behaviour" an option for the mother.

With harassed mother repeatedly screaching "stop biting" both disappeared towards the car park ........

Methinks each case should be judged on merit ;)

Regards, Teri

I got smacked as a child,and i knew if i got caught doing whatever naughty thing i was up to at the time then i would get a smack.Most kids know what will happen if they get caught doing something naughty,they just think they are smarter than us and will get away with it.
I am so sick to death of seeing bratty little children have mega temper tantrums in shoping centres etc. and the mother is pleading with them to stop or offering them an icecream if they stop,and on and on  it goes,wheras a quick smack on the bum would have nipped it in the bud and that would be that,sometimes reasoning with them does not work,i dont see anything wrong with a tap on the butt to quickly diffuse an unwanted behaviour.Bribing a kid to stop playing up is teaching them worse things imo!

                  "Indulgence is the worst type of child abuse"
and this includes giving into their every whim,letting them get away with the same behaviour over and over again. Giving "the look" works with some kids,but for most it does not!If ALL else fails a smack is in order and it also depends in what situation you are in at the time,if you are out in a public place then you want to stop it pronto,if you are at home then you have more options.
One of the biggest mistakes i see parents make is arguing with their kids,the kid wants something,the parent says no! The kid starts to argue,the parent argues back until the parent loses it and smacks the kid.
Do not argue with kids,if the answer is No,then thats it,no more talk about it!!I never ever let my kids draw me into an argument!

As for canes being used in schools,i think there is a place for it just as there was when we were kids,children have lost all respect for teachers nowadays,just the other day one of my workmates students said "fu** off bitch" because she got told off for hurling a ruler at another kid,the teacher just sent her to the office,BIG DEAL!.

as for comparing kids to dogs,well there is no comparison and it is ludicrous to try and compare the two.
I would never smack my dogs but i have smacked my kids,because my kids knew better!

The problem is that so many people who try the 'no smacking' route forget there are two other things you MUST do as well as ignoring - they are: distract from what you can't ignore, and reward the good behaviour.  In the case of the mother carrying the bags who got bitten, she should have been distracting the child by changing the subject before the child go so frustrated.  This child has probably learnt, as dogs do, that if they keep on long enough they *will* get a response.......

Hi Digger,

I see your point but I think we ought to bear in mind that raising children and raising dogs ain't the same game ;)  Much as I humanise my own dogs (in allowing them to share treats, furniture, constant cuddles ;)) I know they don't sit and deliberately try and work out ways of winding me up - some kids do - and the "biting brat" did not IMO need distracted, more exterminated :D (just kidding LOL)

My daughter probably was slapped on the bum about 3 times as a "terrible two" - more for pressing the point on my part re a safety issue such as electricity, traffic.   It never did her any harm - she doesn't even remember it and at 21 she is the pride and joy of my life and has been all along.  (Please God that continues ) She didn't put us through hell in the teenage years, was never in trouble at school, with police, or now at University or in her part time job.  Has a great attitude towards people and positive view of life in general.

Regards, Teri :)

the awful past treatment of some people on here is really shocking & child abuse & should never have happened,but is not how many parents are when they smack a child. my parents smacked me,but i can only vaguley rember one time & it hasent harmed me in the least,didnt make me hate them & just as what they did wasnt wrong what has happened to chloeh & digger etc WAS wrong & terrible . but its not the same thing.

But where do you draw the line?  Parents who haven't thought about the implications of smacking find it 'works' and doesn't require a lot of thought, so continue to use it, until, as other's have said, it simply doesn't work any more, then they have to up the level of punishment required, which is where whips, belts, saucepans, and in my case garden canes across the hands for poor table manners right up into teenager years, come in........

god that is terrible,im so sorry for you.
alot of parents who do on the occassion give the odd smack would never do that though.

I have to agree digger, where do you draw the line? When I was young, I used to receive 'taps'. It was when I became a teenager that the punishments got worse. I received the belt, to the point I was the only girl wearing a long sleeved blouse in the summer because my arm was so badly bruised and swollen, where I'd raised it to protect myself, the bamboo cane, and punched in my back because I'd backchatted. I received a 'good hiding' because I came in a lot later than I should.

I'm not saying all parents do this sort of thing, but if the option is taken away, those that do might think twice about raising thier hands, with or without anything in it.

As an adult I am able to distinguish between a smack and a beating...when you have MY children, you can bring them up how you see fit ;)

The nanny state already interferes far too much in my life

Well said, Melody :D

Daisy

...and as an adult Mel, so am I.  I choose not to smack MY children. How you or anyone else brings thier kids up, is down to them :)

Ah Wolfie but then *I* am not saying you MUST smack your children but you appear to be saying the State should tell me to not smack mine ;)

Mel, *I* said that if smacking children is banned, then people might think twice. That is *MY* opinion. :) If you choose to use smacking as a punishment for *YOUR* children,  then that's entirely *YOUR* choice. Just because *I* disagree with it, doesn't make *EITHER* of us right :)

As for the State,  there's not a lot I can do about what they say we can, and can't do ;) :)

>As for the State,  there's not a lot I can do about what they say we can, and can't do

Oh yes there is! That's what your vote is for - just like mine, and Mel's, and Chloe's, and Liberty's, and everyone else's!
:)

Not when there's no viable alternative to vote for :( If that grinning idiot Blair gets in again this year I might emigrate.

Think I'll have to join you Chloe!!!

Yes, JG, you're right, but who wins?? If the vote for allowing children to be smacked wins, then the one's that don't agree with it looses, and vice a versa. :(

Majority rule though Wolfie ..don't forget, that was what happened with the Hunting with Dogs bill ;)

It's already illegal to cause GBH or ABH to anyone, including children. What many of you suffered is already illegal (and rightly so). Nobody is suggesting that it should be made compulsory to smack!

I wasn't implying that raising children and dogs is (are?) the same thing - but they are VERY similar, and humans and dogs both learn in very similar ways.  If the 'biting brat' had been distracted from this sort of behaviour from an early age, before she'd learnt it got her mother's attention, then both of them would have been a lot better off..... If your daughter was smacked 3 times in her entire life, I'm not surprised it hasn't done her any harm, she hasn't had the chance to learn - but would she have needed smacking at all if you'd distracted her with something more interesting, rather than give her the opportunity to 'press the point'???

Hi Digger,

Hadn't appreciated at the time of replying to your specific post that you personally have horrible memories of inappropriate parental response -  (HUGE understatement) so I am sorry :(   Naturally you have a totally different perspective on this issue from someone such as myself.

I would say that if a young child is in the process of doing something not just dangerous but potentially fatal (such as putting fingers into electricity points or pulling away to cross a road) distraction is ill advised - they have to *learn* that such actions are a real no-no, period, and a short sharp shock of a smack on the butt is better than 1000's volts electricity or being hit by a car.

But I agree, that parents have a responsibility to raise their children in a loving, caring and non-violent environment and if distractions, withdrawal of attention, withholding treats etc is workable in the vast majority of situations then that is a far better way to go.

Regards, Teri :)  

i have four children who unfortunately were not born angelic like chloes and did want to touch things and eat things and do things which were not safe or not acceptable. all of my children have been smacked/tapped on the back of the hand but never out of anger or without warning. i dont smack mine now as they are too old and i agree with whoever said that it is counter productive at this age. my oldest son tho hates being shouted at he is very sensitive and he is hard to discipline as is my daughter and we treat them differently to my other boys who are made out of tougher stuff. my point on this subject tho is any ban on smacking etc will not protect the children it is trying to protect as it may not be illegal at the moment but it is not normal to beat a child to within an inch of its life so the sick evil people who do this kind of thing wont not do it just cos its illegal?

Excuse me. You state that my children are "angelic" on the basis of a sarcastic post above because I choose NOT to smack my children?!! Well, thanks very much. I could make assumptions about you from your posts, but I am not so rude.

Chloe - you said " I never hit my children, I have no need to. They are well behaved without it " This did make your children sound rather angelic :) I'm afraid that mine were naughty at times - although quite angelic compared to some children - despite having the odd smack :)

Daisy

I said they were well behaved without being hit, not without discipline. The rest is your imagination :)

I was sitting out of this one but had a little think about it and it does sometimes come down to individual families and individual children.    Even to the point of only children and multiple family children.

I only have one child, and have only smacked her once and that was when I lost it.. lost control of my temper after telling her to get her coat on about 10 times. That was 10 years ago and I have never hit, tapped, smacked her again as I was so so angry at myself.

The expression my daughter wore after I had smacked her cut me to the bone.  I have thoughts on this sometimes and wonder if it was made worse with her being an only child and her thinking as me only as her protector. Maybe she wouldn't have taken it so hard if she had other siblings and it was par for the course trying to keep order.  I dont know but I never hit her again.

I am 1 of 4 children myself and my father to me was and still is the most powerful man I know.  He scared us sh-tless.. and he was used hourly as a threat by my mother.

Some kids Maybe do need it if you cannot get through or reason with them BUT a lot of kids do not , more than I think we know.

I for one since that day 10 years ago do not think smacking  is the best method.

I don't have an angel of a child for sure, in fact she is grounded at this moment and in her room for being too cheeky but my alternative methods I think have worked so far for me.

chloe i did not intend to be rude to you i was merely being sarcastic i apologise for my sense of humour. i feel the need to comment on some of the horrific accounts of peoples personal histories this thread and must say that this is not smacking a child it is abuse which decent well balanced people would never do. i have smacked my children but i have never hit them in a rage or used anything to hit them with. i dont feel the government will control the people who are the type to do that with this law and thats a fact.

I was never smacked as a child.I was no angel.
My parents only needed to tell us off for something we had done.
That hurt more than any smack.
Chow

Sorry all, I had intended to join in this discussion but did not managed to get to Champdogs yesterday and came back this morning to find a long thread.

I think as some of you have said a lot depends on the relationships within the family, and so some extent the number of children and the degree and placement of the smack.

Although children should be allowed to be children I am beginning to feel that parenting skills should be taught in school as so many children do not recieve these via their own parents.