A question for parents of teenage lads - if your lad gets plastered do you want him back at home the same night or would you let his pals Mum keep him until sober, and he canexcperience the painful consequences of his folly? I ask as Gothboys mate did exactly this last night and was dragged to my doorstep at 11 pm by my son and another mate. As the lad was excitable and protesting his sobriety, I thought it might be best to keep em all in house for observation. I called his parents to say he was safe and could he stay. They naturally wanted to speak to him and as he was droppin his mobile all over the shop while Gothboy persuaded him to drink water, I explained, daft laddies do daft things - just so she knows I dont think her son and heir is a lush. So then she calls me a liar and gives it " MY SON does not do this, even if yours is a bad influence, and if MY SON is drunk then MY SON will be under MY ROOF tonight" . NOw Gothboy has pulled a similar stunt with his Dads malt whisky collection, and his mates Mum kept him with her until presentable, for which I was very grateful and tried to pass on the gladness. Oh well, I tried. Telling truth I am sick of my kind gentle son getting grief for being a Goth, and was very proud of him and his pal for looking after the lad - no they didnt give him the alchohol, apparently a local Stoner did and Gothboy et al met the youth staggering along a main road on the way home from band practice, and thats another story.. Opinions please.

I am somewhat weary of parents who appear on the radio/tv/newspapers et al saying "my boy would never do such a thing, he just got in with the wrong crowd, his teachers did not help him,....." blah, blah, blah...........................

One look at them normally says it all!

Teenagers are supposed to experiment, make mistakes, screw up, that is how they become sensible adults (I am not talking about violent crimes etc); anyone who says their child has never stolen, lied, done something wrong, etc etc etc is either a liar or spends so little time with them it is a wonder they can recognise them!

Cheer up, it is one of the many crosses of being a parent :D

Hi Lorelei,

Knowing what I was like when I was a teenager, many moons ago, too many to count!!!! It is all part of growing up (as you know) and your son sounds like he is kind and responsible, lets face it, he could have left his friend on the side of the road and just done his own thing. Teenagers are always being accused of selfishness and total lack of regard for anyone else so he has proved that he is on his way to being a responsible member of society :)  Would drunk mate have done the same in his position? As for the mother denying her son was drunk, she was obviously embarassed and was probably thinking "little b******" wait till I get hold of him :rolleyes: You did the right thing in wanting to keep him till he was presentable, but you couldn't do anything else. I wonder who she would have led off at if the Police had brought him to her door? Or god forbid something worse happend :( As you say, you tried, you can do no more than that ;)
From a mother of a 7yr old daughter going on 20, who is dreading the rapidly passing years with her :D

Isn't that just the nature of some parents whose child would never do anything wrong if it wasn't for the influence of somebody else. I have come across this so many times, it's always somebody else's fault. Whatever happened to free will. If my daughter comes home drunk it will be because she chose to drink.

Yes if it was my child I would want them under my roof so I could keep an eye on them after all they are my responsibility whatever state they may be in. And for sadistic reasons I would want to be very noisy and very vocal early the next morning just so they suffer for their actions.

As long as you and your son made sure he was Ok whether at your house or at his own home then that is all you can do. I don't think you did anything wrong and the parents just over reacted whether out of embarrassment or anger.

Bit of a no win situation really!

It was a very kind thing that both you and your son did. If it were my lad in that state I'd have been grateful of someone taking him in and looking after him. And especially that you'd let me know where he was and what had happened save me worrying all night. What a cow!! Some parents can see no wrong in their own kids and they are usually the ones who come a cropper and end up disappointed in their offspring later. Well done to your boy for looking out for him.

It would depend on the parent concerned and my opinion of them - some of my kids friends parents I would trust - others I wouldn't.  However, I hope I would never try and say another youngster was the cause of all the trouble - I hope I'm raising my kids to be capapble of making their own decisions........

I've had teenage kids friends stay overnight, or at least until they are sober enough to walk home. It's all part of being a caring parent. If you care you look after them, even if they aren't yours. They are friends of your kid(s) so will have to come back into your home and face you ;) If they know you cared enough they'll be back, even if they are embarrassed. The mum was probably very embarrassed herself that someone else saw her 'precious little darling' misbehaving :D

Mmmmmmmm, you want something from the perspective of the drunken teenager???????
Read on.
Me and a mate at the age of 15 drank a bottle of thunderbirds each in some public toilets.
An off duty copper saw us and went to the police station and got the local coppers to keep an eye on us (for which I am foreve grateful!!!!!)
They eventually decided enough was enough as I was unconscious. POut me in the back of the riot van. Clare ran away shouting rape, they eventually got her in the van and took us back to my parents house.(took them ages to find out where I lived as Clare was saying we were sharon and tracey from london!!!!!!!!)
This was at 9pm. Mum walkied in from night school to find a riot van outside her house, and me laying on the hall floor with 2 police over me. Clare sitting on the stairs saying Im sorry!!!!!!!! Mum called dad. Dad arrived with 2 other ambulance men(he was an ambulance man and was at work!!!!!!) Just in case he needed to stay with me!!!!!!!
Mum rang Clares mum and all she could say was Leanne stop messing around, once mum got her to realise it wasnt me, She came and picked Clare up. There was no way mum could have coped with both of us. Clare wasnt as bad as she had been drinking in secret so her system was more used to it!!!!!
Only reason I didnt get taken to hospital to have my stomach pumped is cause my dad was an ambulance man!!!!!!!!!
Clare got taken to the police station the next day, shown the cells and put in front of the head man there and cautioned.
I got a copper on my doorstep who said to me you wont do it agaon will you!!!!!!!! And had a cup of tea and a chat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They realsied it was clare that talked me into it!!!!!!!!
Now,mum did the right thing!!!!
The thing is, if they have drunk alot of alcohol, and got alcohol poisoning then they could die. It is better that their parents are able to make the decision what to do instead of you being put in the position as to know if they can sleep it off or need their stomach pumped. Also, I wouldnt like to clean up anyone elses sick, other than my sons.
My opinion is, unless you know how much they have drunk it is best to get their parents to come and pick them up (different if their parents couldnt care less tho)
Especially seeing this country is getting to the sue anythinmg that moves society, so if anything happens to the lad while in your care, you could be hung drawn and quatered.
Sorry for long post.
Lea :)

Agree with Lea really -IF my totally angelic son (not :D ) where to ever find himself inebriated then I would want to be the one to look after him -messy as it may be .
That said, you did the right thing by ringing the parents and they should have been a little more gratefull to you and courteous about your offer to look after him .
There will always be those with ''Angel'' children , they never do wrong, never have a nasty thought even lol-if you look closely enough you can see the little halo's shining :D  :P
You did right and din't deserve the earbashing -go and have a drink lol ( just a little one :D )

As a mother of two boys,now both in their 20's,I would have been extremely grateful of your offer of a 'bed for the night' if one of my boys had drunk more than his fair share of the amber nectar,although I would have been worried that my son would throw up on your carpet and not mine :D
You have a right to be proud of your son's responsible behaviour in 'rescuing' this drunken pal,I would like to think any good friend would do the same thing. Much better than him being found in a ditch next morning or worse still squashed by the No.59 bus in his drunken state!  :D

Don't worry over it Lorelei,some parents as others have said,think their off spring can do no wrong. Being a friend to our kids,listening when they need to talk and being agony aunt to some of their mates has always proven to be the in-thing in our home and we have made strong bonds over the years,so much so,now that they have both finally left home,they keep coming back to raid my fridge,borrow some cash or simply to say hi Mum give us a hug!
Jacqueline :)

Perhaps, just perhaps this mothers anger was misdirected.  It could have been a knee jerk reaction to the realisation that her little darling isn't quite that perfect, just like ours aren't.

When I get drunken louts in my house I have to remind myself that on the odd occasion, in the dim and distant past, that might just have been me!  I always found it preferable to stay over somewhere else than risk the wrath of my very strict father!  As long as they are polite the next day and clean up their own vomit, I would much rather anyone, my own or someone elses, be safely supervised by someone than lying in the gutter.

None of us are perfect but you can do without mums like that, don't let it get you down, you're doing just fine.

Teenagers do stupid things - it's part of the job description! As they mature they learn how to deal with both alcohol and the results of over-indulgence. Good for Gothboy to bring the lad back to a safe place rather than leave him to his fate.

His mother was out of order to rant at you; though I expect shame and embarrassment had a lot to do with it. Proof that your 'perfect' offspring is merely human can be hard to take at first. Is this boy her oldest/only child?

Thanks for the support :) This lad is his mothers eldest, a nice lad, strictly reared. I expect she was really embarrassed and anxious not to be shown up. She also misread me accepting that kids do make mistakes for condoning underage drinking. Lea I totally understand your point - a whole bottle of Thunderbirds in the toilet, good grief! - about alchohol poisoning/getting sued.As a former nurse I was used to looking after kids like you and Clare and  when I said Observation, I really meant from an adult not poor wee Gothboy. Itds interesting the spread of views and very heartening to hear some parents still take responsibility for their kids even down to chucking up on the carpets.

The boy has got home safe, was wakened early and sat down with his Dad for a man to man talk. He has a heid on him, no sympathy the pack just laughed at him apparently. He is grounded for a month.

oooooh grounded for a month;IME this is more a punishment for the parents than the miscreant :D

BTW, I will say, I have never ever got to the point where I dont know what I am doing again. Yes, I still to this day, get drunk, and more drunk than I should. But from that day, I ALWAYS remember what I have done and know I will never do anything I am not 90% sure of.
So at least a very bad experiance has done me good!!!!!!!!!!
Lea :)
(Oh and I was the good one out of the 3 kids, the one that did as she was told!!!!!!, but my mother would certainly never blame anyone else for what I had done!!!!!!!!!!!)

Oh Lorelei - how I sympathise!!  Been there, they've done that, I've got the teeshirt AND the mop that cleaned up after them all!!!

I think the first time it happens to anyone under your roof (or hauled back under your roof, as in your case) you are absolutely horrified - but then you develop strategies to deal with such situations.   And OK, before anyone attacks me, I DO NOT condone teenage drinking/drug taking - but unless you can spare the time to be with your teenager/s 24-7, these things, sadly, can and do happen.    Talking to (not at) your teenagers helps - I've always found that the chauffring/driving teenagers has had the benefit of a captive audience, and as you cannot be expected to make eye-contact when driving, such "lectures" come over as non-confrontational - my now 30+ daughter admits that I "talked more sense" when driving her and her friends than when we had cosy 1-1 chats.

Lorelei - I think your wee Gothboy sounds an absolutely wonderful soul (don't tell him so - he might be upset at setting the wrong image;)  ) - he's looking out for his pals - and once they all start doing this, they themselves realise who are the most vulnerable/who shouldn't be taken home to Mum & Dad for a walloping/lecture until they have sobered up etc etc.   Mine still laugh about the "bad peanuts" that have caused many a kid to be sick!!

I'd forgotten about this bit of teenage years, until your posting - it does pass (eventually)!!

Margot

Ooh Margot, you're so right about the chats-while-driving, and for all the reasons you say! No eye contact, no pressure because your only half-attending to the conversation - that's when I've had the best moral-type chats to the Boy.

AND you have a captive audience :D :D

Margot

Lorelei,

You can congratulate yourself for having a caring, responsible son, and for being a parent he can trust enough to bring a drunken pal home to :)   Don't worry about boy's mum, sounds like she had a wake-up call she wasn't ready for ;)

On a lighter note, I wish Trollgirl would try dressing Goth - At least then she would have some sort of definate style :D at the moment she ranges between Punk ( complete with spikey blue hair (blue today that is!) which I love :) - it actually suits her )  and boys baggy jeans and hoodies (what is that called? )

Regards
Dill

Now if me (or my brother for a boys thing) we're to get drunk mum would make us sleep anywhere but in the house!!!!!!....For simple reasons I ahve never been drunk (16 and never got drunk)...too many of my mates have done this and the storys....well I could do all that without drink and reme,ber it all!!!! :D

You don't want to be drunk :D The first time that my son got drunk, he threw up in the back of my hubby's car, all over his mate's female German exchange partner :D

Cleaning the car out the next morning is a very sobering experience :D

Daisy