Hi all, i dont post on here much but am an everyday lurker. Just wanted some people to talk to as i feel completely lost. My OH and I split up last night, out of the blue he said to me he was fed up with us, our house and our dog. He said he hadnt been happy for some while but tried to make it work for the house and of course Dre's (dog) benefit. It was awful i feel so down. we moved intogether a year ago and i think that was where we went wrong, we obviously wernt ready for such committment. He moved his stuff into the spare room last night and we now have to discuss what to do with the house, and more importantly Dre. I cant afford the house on my own, he says he wants to keep it and live there with Dre. I love Dre to bits and am so upset because im never going to see him again. I dont know where i stand, most of the stuff in the house is mine but im the one who has to move out, i just dont think i could bear it if he has another woman stay there. ive never felt this bad, at work i keep crying and cant concentrate at all. I just feel completely lost. Sorry but needed to talk to someone.

thanks Sam.

so sorry to hear your situation ..sounds like it's come from nowhere and hit you very hard , break ups are never easy and hopefully you can work things through , just to say a couple we know lived in the same house for 4 years after a break up and are still best of friends ,,,,not much comfort to you now I know . do you have family who can help you out? hope all goes well for you :(

So sorry, not only can I not think of something to say to help but I have no idea how you must be feeling. Out of the blue like that without any sort of pre warning must be so hard to come to terms with let alone work out how to deal with it. Try to deal with things to night calmly, do not be thrown out of your home in a hurry try to take time to talk it through without anger, try to understand his point of view. Perhaps someone for you both to talk to.

Thank you for your words, nothing anyone says to me seems to make me feel even slightly better. Spoke to some friends of his and mine and they say it is a bit of a shock but they could see neither of us was as happy as when we were first together. We sat and talked about it last night and basically he just said if i didnt want the house then he would, knowing full well that i couldnt afford it. He doesnt seem to understand (it may be selfish i know) but i dont want either of us to have, i will have to move back with my parents and our house is just around the corner, it would be so hard. My parents have said i have to stay in the house for the moment till we sort monies out and things, its going to be so hard living there with him knowing that i am no longer part of his life. To make it worse all our friends and us were going down to watch an air show and now i feel i cant go because he is, even though friends have said i am more than welcome, i just feel it would be too awkward.

words don't help but if this was me I would not leave my home cos someone fell out of love with me ....perhaps you can find some strength form within and tell him if he isn't happy then he should go ..take in lodgers to cover the rent perhaps someone in the same situation as you ? In a few weeks time you may feel you can cope with this and get a life back of your own , sorry to sound hard but i have been through this myself a long time ago and I lost so much from it , not just material things!!! but my confidence and self respect all because i let him have his own way to keep the peace ....good luck ...get fighting girl for your own self respect :)

I feel for you x Some friends of mine are going through a break up right now and it has brought back many bad memories of when I split with my long term boyfriend of 8 years, about 4 years ago. It was my decision to end things as I was extremely miserable and unhappy and things had to change. He was devastated and to this day I don't know how I found the courage to leave him as the last thing on earth I wanted to do was hurt him as I cared for him so much, but at the end of the day "caring" wasn't enough and I couldn't see my self going through life with out "loving". Every day I would cry and it would be on my mind, I know it's an old cliche, but time really is a great healer and now I only think about it once in a while. The best thing is I found out he got married about 18 months ago so I really hope he is happy.

Take care, look after yourself and do what is best for you and your dog.

First off I am so sorry thats an awfull thing to happen especially out of the blue but  I would stay put if I where you give yourself time to sort things out and never leave in haste that is your home and you have put time and effort into it work out the best for both of you and make sure you have access to the dog you love him too, and dont feel that you have to leave him behind without checking out all the options. Take a step back from the situation and maybe speak to CAB for advice Hang in there and good luck I hope you work things out

I agree with you Maglaura decisions made in haste can cost you in the long run ...trust me !!!!

I'm sorry to hear of your problems, break ups are always really hard. I agree though, don't move out of the house, it is not his to take (do you jointly pay the mortgage/rent?) if so definitely don't move out, you should get half, or did he live in the house before you moved in?

It sounds like you are both talking and neither has found someone else, so hopefully you need not rush anything.  Could you ask him for a couple of weeks before you come to a decision on the house.  Just explain it has all come as a bit of a shock to you and you need a bit of time to get your head around what to do next.

This would give you some time to explore your options, a lodger could be good idea, someone to share the expenses and to talk to.  You might even find you know someone looking for somewhere to live or someone close to you does.

I would say give yourself some breathing space, keep talking to him and hopefully you find a solution which is acceptable for you both.

Good Luck
Sandra

I agree with the others....do not move out in haste. Unless there is violence (and it sounds unlikely)  bide your time. Tell your OH that you will be taking time to make your plans....even lodgers are entitled to a period of notice, so you are not being unreasonable in any way. You could think of alternative options .....if you got a lodger for example YOU may be able to afford to stay in the house.

i think the least he can do is give you time to take it all in.you need to think about your options and what is best for you.there is hard choices to make and can't be made in 24 hours.you need to sit and talk in a resonable manner to each other and find out what is suitable for you both.regarding the dog: can't you take him/her to your parents if that's the way you go? it is unfair on your boyfriends behalf to expect you to move out YOUR HOME with nothing and him keep everything you have made together.don't be pushed out go if/when your ready not before or you will regret it at some stage.
you need time to adjust to the news 1st,then think about what you want / happy with.
i wish you well with what ever you choose to do,if you want to chat message me i'm in all  day (housewife) please don't think you are all alone.

Thank you all. It has been really hard this weekend, have avoided him as much as poss as couldnt bear to see him as he was acting as though nothing was wrong. However saw him yesterday and had a chat about the house and stuff, he still wants to keep it and live there with the dog and still says he wants me to move out. I have been advised that i shouldnt because if he wanted he could then get awkward, not that i think he would. We had a civilised conversation and he just said that it was definately over and not to get any hopes of getting back together in the future because its not going to happen. I have said that i think it would be fair to sell the house to an independant buyer but like i said he wants it and he said hes not going to budge. He says if he can afford it and i cant whats the probelm. I said how it would make me feel knowing he was only round the corner, not only that he gets a step on the property ladder and i have to move back to square one (am i being unfair - please advise as i am really at a loss here) He says he wants to stay friends and to be as amicable as possible. We have both agreed not to have friends over whilst this is all going on. He says maybe in six months down the line we may decide that we cannot live without each other. He says he is hurting just as much as me but not enough to stay together but he still has feelings for me and he hated to see me upset yesterday. We agreed that we were happy before we moved in together and its been hard, i know we did it too soon as well. i think it could work if we either had a seperation or just didnt live together but couldnt say it to him after he said there was no chance of trying again. I really dont know what to do, i have done nothing but cry all weekend and not sleep, i havent ate since last thursday. I love him so much and feel like i have lost everything. sorry for running on so much.

Sam

Hiya,

I am sorry to hear about your troubles at home........You need time to collect your thoughts....as others have said do not rush into any decisions to move out..or be forced out....i know it is hard, i have been there...

Am i right in beleiving that you both own the house?

If so then he cannot simply expect you to move out and give up your half!....you ARE legally entitled to half the value of the property and if your name is mortgage he cannot simply go down and take you name off!  he can maybe afford it now but can he afford to buy your share of your home at todays CURRENT value! not the price you paid for it!......house prices have gone up hugely (at least where i live they have)in the last year.....

I hope everything works out for you.......pm me if you want to talk or just someone to rable at......:)

Please go and see a solicitor and ask them for some advise......

Hi Sam first off I would hang in there and seek legal advice is the house in both your names or just his either way as you have lived together you will be intitled to get some recompense for the time you where together you really need to speak to the citizens advice people they can tell you where to start. He doesnt want to sell up coz he will problerbly have to give you half of whats made on the house you really need legal advice and do not move out untill you are sure that you have safegarded your investments it sounds harsh but he may fleece you once youve gone dont believe he wont I would say he has already had some legal advice as he is trying to get you to go. Hang in there girl and get some legal advice the CAB are free and if they are not in your area then there are others who offer the same get advice befor you decide anything else
good luck
Maggie

i agree don't move out I also think he's playing with your head by saying it's sooo over and don't get your hopes up then saying in 6 mths time who knows .............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR

Hi, yeah we both own the house, and i am seeing a solicitor tomorrow afternoon. Dont think he has even sorted one out to be honest, i think he thought it would be as easy as going to the bank and taking my name off the mortgage and taking over my payments. I have told him that we need to get the house revalued at todays price and he will have to remortgage for that and give me half. He says he knows this and is quite happy about it and he doesnt want any nastyness about the whole thing as he wants to remain friends and maybe go out for the odd drink (he also said we shouldnt have anything to do with each other in the bedroom department or physical contact??????????? and he didnt want to look in my eyes yesterday or tell me how he was feeling because we would prob end up in said department) which is confusing me even more. I dont know whether to try and talk to him or just let it go. He has said he is happy for me to stay in property until sorted out and understands that i have legal rights and cannot just simply move out. I am so confused. Im at work at the moment and havent done a thing as cant concentrate and the more people ask if im alright (only a few know) the worse it gets. x

I think your doing the right thing by seeking legal advice about the house ! It sounds as though you are so gutted you can't see the woods for the tree's ( been there) and with the mind games too ..Oh lets be mates and still go out ! I do love you but i'm so confused ! it's really hard to give advice to you when your feeling so low amd you just want to go back to how it was !... thing is it never will :(  just think he wants to make this as painless as possible for you ...so perhaps you should be the one to call the shots from now on , I can tell you that when all this is over you will come out of it all with some pride that you were not walked all over ..I PROMISE ..

All i keep thinking is perhaps if i did move out (everything done properly and legally) maybe it would work. Think im being naive and am in denial. Do you think it would be selfish for me not to let him have the house? Sorry to keep going on but never been in this situation before and dont really know whether im coming or going at the moment. Boss just told me off, saying dont know if theres something wrong but if there is then sort it out. :-(

tell your boss to save any falling outs ..he may be more sympathic than you think ???

you need to get legal advice,you are entitled to half of everthing,not just the house all the things in it too.if you have purchased any item together (ie) car you are entitled to half of its value.you are still classed as common law man and wife and have rights.the sooner you get the correct advice regarding the situation your in the better,it will help you to make the right moves for you along the way.
who is the owner of dres on paperwork? ie vets,kc etc.as i would have thought this makes them the legal owner of the dog.you still have feelings for him this is clear but don't let it cloud the facts of the situtation.it is hard but you need to do this for yourself,think of yourself as number 1.avoid him and go out if you have to but don't move out untill it is all sorted in a legal way.
you need to remember that their is people on here that will try and help you and you have some one to talk to when you need it.

There is no such thing as common law marriage in England and Wales and you have limited rights if the relationship breaks down. You do not have the same rights enjoyed by married couples. Common law marriage ceased to exist in 1753

You do not obtain rights by living together for a period of time.

Unmarried parents have the same rights as their married ones to apply for child support. But, unlike spouses, unmarried partners have no rights to claim maintenance from each other when the relationship breaks up, and no automatic right to a share of any property in the other partner's name.

Hi i'm maries husband and have found some usefully sites for you these will give you some idea of what you can do.

http://www.advicenow.org.uk/livingtogether

http://www.handbag.com/family/legaladvice/commonlaw/

Thanks for all your help guys, i feel better knowing you are all here to support me, its a great help. Will check out those sites. Have an appointment with solicitor tomorrow so will see where it goes from there.  Have explained to boss now so he totally understands and has been really nice about it and said if i need any time off just say.
Sam x

how did you go? hope you got a few things cleared up in your own mind.what and where you stand with the law.
things can only get better for you,take care and allow yourself to have a break for this if/when you can,maybe go out with a few work mates?