Hi all,
got the chance to go to Menorca for a week in the summer, first holiday for years, and feel I cannot go as I am phobic about flying...last time I flew was about 6 years ago, and managed it with Valium, and my older daughter holding my hand. Now have 4 year old twins, and my partner who is not sympathetic, and obviously I cannot be drugged up as I'll have to look after the girls...any ideas at all what to do?? Even if I think about getting on a plane , I feel ill....I really want to get over this, but feel it's not really an urealistic phobia, as planes do crash, and people do die on them...so cannot talk myself out of it as I would be able to about spiders, etc....any help would be so good...thanks

Hiya bobo.
All phobias are realistic to the people who suffer from them.
I can sympathise with your situation as my sister is exactly the same. She's off on holiday in a couple of weeks and has had to go get some valium for her flights.
Why not go back to the doctor and see if there's anything milder they can give you, so you won't be 'drugged up' just 'chilled'.
Otherwise go somewhere like Holland & Barratt and see what herbal remedies there are.

Virgin and many other carriers operate a 'fear of flying' programme you can attend prior to your flight (many Virgin planes also carry a hypnosis type programme on the seat back entertainment system to help you relax)

I can understand that people have a real fear of flying and that it must quite a restriction on their lives especially for holidays.

If you try your best to look at this logically and study the facts of how people eventually die (as we all surely will one day) you will see that these are some of the chances we take in life ...

Chance of dying from heart disease: 1 in 3

Chance of a woman developing cancer in her lifetime: 1 in 3

Chance of having a stroke: 1 in 6

Chance of being killed in any sort of transportation accident: 1 in 77

Chance of being killed in any sort of non-transportation accident: 1 in 69

Chance of being murdered: 1 in 18,000

Chance of being killed in an aircraft accident 1 in 8,000,000

So it is with out doubt safer to fly in an aircraft than drive a car, cross the road, get on a bus ,take a bath and many,many  totally normal day to day things you do without even thinking about the consequences.

Hard though it may be, if you can try and concentrate on how safe flying actually is & ignore all the noises & bumps etc which are a perfectly normal part of flying you might be able to overcome your fear & may even come to enjoy flying. :)

Make the airline you want to travel with aware of your fear and you are more likely to get an upgrade!  Sitting at the front of the plane reduces turbulence.  If you undertake a fear of flying course then you often get upgrades too!

thanks everyone, must admit didn't know the odds against plane crashes was that high....I guess it's to do with not being in control that also freaks me out....funnily enough I wasn't this bad until I learnt  to drive, thanks for the advice...I really am determined to beat this....

You and me both Bobo, flew a few times with you OH and was scared to the point of being sick, then flew with my Sister to Turkey and was not so bad and on the way back even managed to look out of the window. So I recon it is all to do with self-esteem, you need someone to understand how you feel and still expect you to be able to cope, and may be rely on you a little. Guess what I am saying is change your OH. Well at least for the journey.

The trouble is, Fablab, that although people know that, logically, their terror is out of all proportion to the risk, it doesn't make it any better! People know that a feather (for example) is harmless and poses no risk at all, but they are still terrified of them.

Yeah, I undserstand that Jean. :)

But if you are going to beat a fear of flying you have to start somewhere having the facts is as good a place as any.

As a wise man once said "every journey starts with a single step"  he obviously never flew either  .. LOL ! :)

I used to be like that aswell. I was petrified of flying. The very first time was 3 years ago and our first family holiday. We were going to Florida, I was so consumed with excitement that I never realised it was a 9hour flight!! I was really scared, when we were at the airport my son just kept pointing out all those BIG planes. I smoked about 20 ciggies in 10 mins. If it weren't for taking the kids on holiday I think I would've turned around and came home. When it was time for boarding I took a deep breath and walked on. Taking off was okay, it was not as bad as I thought. The flight was alright but I pulled the window shutter down so I didn't have to look. Landing felt like, you know that funny feeling in your stomach when your in a lift? well to me it was like that.  Afterwards I was glad to be on the ground but I would certainly do it again and I did last week when I went to Spain. I know what its like to have a fear, and it doesnt help when people keep telling you that there is nothing to be scared of. Deal with it the way you feel is best. I can only tell you that it is not too bad! its safer than driving or crossing the road. If its height your scared of, you dont have to look at anything, you can take magazines/music to take your mind off it. You even get little headphones on the plane so you can watch TV. Taking your mind off it is probably best. Once you've flown you open up more opportunities for yourself. You can visit all those places that you would like to. I hope you overcome it and have a wonderful holiday. All the best.

kat

bobo -My best friend is exactly the same -she went last time under a cocktail of all kinds of drugs  but yesterday she did the fear of flying course at Manchester airport and she said she was fine ;) she didn't say she enjoyed it but it took away alot of the fear  and she is now looking forward to two weeks in Spain at the end of the month :D

Hi Bobo

My FIL developed a fear of flying and last year was on the point of not going on a booked holiday because of it.  He went to see his GP a couple of months before the holiday and received a lot of help in the run up to it, including medication and relaxation tapes.  This was so successful that he not only went on the holiday, but actually enjoyed the flights :)

Good luck, and don't worry if you do have to take something to calm yourself for it, your OH can make sure the twins are ok ;)  Have a great holiday :D

Lesley

thanks so much you lot ....it really helps to know I'm not a freak...I will try my doc and see if he can offer anything in the way of tapes, etc. My useless other half( oh Jackie, how right you are.....) suffers from sleep apnoea and so will be sparko on the flight, so no help there...I'm hoping looking after the twins will distract me  from my fear, and I'll have to put on an act, but I'm worried I will be so scared I will scare them too!  Thanks for sharing your experiences, it's so horrible having something like this, as it ruins your holiday, which should be something to really look forward to...I spend the holiday then worrying about my return, and sending letters to people I want to inherit my insurance money.....how stupid is that?? they all think I'm mad...which of course I probably am....will ring Gatwick and see about the courses....

I am also afraid of flying - haven't done it for years now, but due to other reasons.  When I was younger I did a few long haul flights and with each one got more afraid (especially after quite alot of turbulence on one flight), on one I had bad dreams for the whole week before we came home (sharks eating me, etc :( ).  Now I find that although I long to go on a lovely holiday (and I will), I am dreading the flight.  I am trying to cope by focussing on the place we will be going and how lovely it will be to be there.

The figures of how safe it is have helped me a bit, and it is interesting to hear about the fear of flying courses.  I think with two four year olds to occupy, the flight will pass quite quickly - just make sure you also have something like a puzzle book (or whatever) to occupy you if they are quiet.  Try to think about the flight as little as you possibly can, and maybe something like an 'over-the-counter' sress reliever/calmer might be worth considering.

Enjoy your holiday.

Fiona

You certainly are not a freak.  I am petrified of flying but due to the nature of my husbands work we have to travel overseas, over the last couple of years we have driven from Inverness to Vienna and back in a little Ford Fiesta, I have taken the sleeper train from Madrid to London.  I wish I had to courage to get on a plane again, hubby keeps asking me what I'll do if we have to go to USA or Australia...................................

again thanks you lot...I will try not to think about it at all until the last minute and then just concentrate on the girls...the more I try to sort it out now, the worse I feel....sorry to hear some of you are as bad as me, it is so crippling with all these lovely cheap holidays about...to be honest, I wouldn't get on a plane ever again if it wasn't for my girls...don't want to restrict them and deny them the experience of travelling.....ooooh....wish I was brave........Jax, would gladly travel double the time to avoid the plane, so know exactly where you are all coming from.....

Don't worry, bobo, you're no freak! I adore the thrill of flying, but I can see that the feeling could equally be one of terror. The adrenalin rush, the pounding heart ... two sides of the same coin.

To do things even though you're afraid - that is true courage! It isn't brave to do things you aren't afraid of doing. You're a star!

oh jg, thanks! I so envy you, I'd love to see things that way...I bet you're a glass half full kinda gal! I think as a kid I felt the same as you do now, but something must have happened to change it into terror...maybe a bad flight that I don't even remember....I will beat this bloody thing even if it kills me( bad choice of phrase maybe.....)

bobo - I spoke to my friend again last night after posting  ,and the course really did work , the thing that surprised her was the amount of people on the course -over  100 !! so you're not alone by any chalk .
Also she said that the fact that you can see people in a lot worse state of panic than yourself sort of helps in a wierd way , she said there were only two people who didn't get on the short flight  but by the time they get round to it she was well up for it .
The doctors they had there recommended  no alchohol ( it enhances whatever mood or emotion you are feeling -therefore would make you worse ) but if you really can't cope ,see the doctor for a light tranquiliser  ( sorry had to laugh then -you and hubby snoring away and the kids running riot round the plane LOL )
anyway -she recommends it whole-heartedly
Good luck :D

thanks Catweazle...yes, I agree....can you imagine what the other passengers would think of my mad family??? They'd think we were alkies and sleeping it off. lol lol......thanks for advice about the courses...am looking into it today....thanks alot. I found on the last flight that seeing the hostesses laughing and chatting on take-off( my very worst moment....) sort of helped a bit, but I suppose it can work seeing other people worse than me, although I am truly pathetic on a plane, and really think I will have a heart attack through the fear and am usually  THE worst on the plane!!

OOooh she also said that they talk you through all the ins and outs of what keeps the plane in the sky -all your worst case scenarios -wings dropping off etc ( they can't )  no landing gear ( it can still land ) and go through all  the bangs and noises that happen during the flight and they also talk you through them whilst you are on your short flight -It sounded really interesting actually ;)