Hi Ladies!
This sounds like we all ought to enrol a couple of people - men - that we know!

My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and this IS my personality


CLASSES FOR MEN AT OUR LOCAL LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
- SIGN UP BY MARCH 25TH.

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, EACH COURSE WILL ACCEPT A MAXIMUM OF 8 PARTICIPANTS EACH.

Topic 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Topic 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself? -- Round Table Discussion.

Topic 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor/Walls/Nearby Bathtub? -- Group Practice.

Topic 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor. Pictures/Explanatory Graphics.

Topic 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink? -- Examples on Video

Topic 6: Loss of Identity - Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other. -- Help Line Support and Support Groups

Topic 7: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with Looking in the Right Places Instead of Turning the House Upside Down While screaming. Open Forum.

Topic 8: Health Watch - Bringing her Flowers is Not Harmful to Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Topic 9: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost. Real Life Testimonials.

Topic 10: Is it Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly While she Parallel Parks? -- Driving Simulations

Topic 11: Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and Role-playing.

Topic 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Topic 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going to be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Topic 14: The Stove/Oven - What it is and How it is Used. Live demonstration.

** Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.**

WHERE IS IT...WHERE IS IT..PLEEEEASE!!
Archer

Please add no 15.

DOG RETRAINING CLASSES FOR MALES  - HOW TO TRAIN YOUR MAN TO WALK AND COMMAND THE DOG USING THE CORRECT COMMANDS RATHER THAN MAKING UP HIS OWN AND WONDERING WHY THE DOG IS LOOKING AT HIM TOTALLY BEMUSED....

Ie  Mine says  Here Here boy,  rather than the correct "Come"

Ie Mine says  "Down" for the dog to get off furniture rather than the correct "OFF"  even after explaining to hubby that Down is the command for when you want the dog to lie down

Ie  mine says "Dont pull" instead of heel

and lastly

he says "stop" to the dog rather than stay or wait.

GROAN !!!!!!

OMG, I'm married to your husbands twin, but mine doesn't say 'don't pull' he says 'walk beside me'!!!!!!  :rolleyes:

would they  take  my future  mother in law

And once men have compleated the classes they can be sent on the following seminars:

Seminars for men

Once again the female staff will be offering courses to men of all marital status. Class size will be limited to 10 as course material may prove difficult.
q  Combating Stupidity
q  . You Too Can Do Housework
q  . P.M.S.-Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
q  How To Refill An Ice Tray
q  . How to Buy Appropriate Gifts
q  . Understanding The Female Response To Coming In Drunk At 4 a.m.
q  How To Sort Laundry
q  Parenting - No, It Doesn't End With Conception
q  Cooking - There's More To It Than Microwave Burritos
q  How Not To Act Like An Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong
q  Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
q  Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
q  Men - The Weaker Sex
q  Good Reasons To Give Flowers
q  How To Stay Awake After Sex
q  Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself Anywhere But The Bathroom
q  Garbage - Getting It To The Curb
q  Sex 101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try and Sex 201 - The Morning Dilemma -             If It's "Awake", Take A Shower
q  "Weekend" and "Sports" Are Not Synonyms
q  How To Put The Toilet Seat Down
q  How To Go Shopping With Your Mate And Not Get Lost
q  The Remote Control - Overcoming Your Dependency
q  Helpful Postural Hints For Couch Potatoes
q  How To Act Older Than Your Children
q  You, Too, Can Be A Designated Driver
q  No, You Really Don't Look Like Mel Gibson
q  Changing Underwear Made Easy
q  The Attainable Goal - Omitting "%" "#" and "&" From Your Vocabulary
q  Fluffing The Blankets After Farting Is Not Necessary
q  Realizing The Benefits Of Asking For Directions

Give them the vote and they go mad :rolleyes:

I think Joe needs some classes!

Too right, Joe, this emancipation thing has gone far, far too far!  Next thing we hear, they'll be trying to say they're smarter than we are  :D  And there's a good reason there are no training classes for women: they don't listen!

It took me two weeks to give my BC Kali a very good idea of what "Stay!" meant.  Mrs S has never learned it in 20 years - and it's especially ineffective in a supermarket  :D

Snorri
Twilight Zone
(fighting fires with petrol)
:D :D :D :D :D

I think someone else needs to go to the classes aswel!

Rox

Top form tonight I see Snorri :-D

Jean

Snorri, your post made me smile and think of this!!!

Eve called out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."

And God answered, "What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy."

"And why is that, Eve?"

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What is that, Lord?"

"It will be a flawed creature with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be proud. He'll think that he's right all the time. All in all, he'll give you a hard time, but he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things, so you'll eat more than apples. He'll be able to make things and fix things., but you'll have to humour him to get things done because he will be lazy at times too. He won't be too smart, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," said Eve, "but what's the catch, Lord?"

"Well, you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret...you know, woman to woman."

:-D :-D :-D :-D

:D :D :D val thats good!

Hi Ladies,

A man was talking to the Lord about women. "Lord why did you make women so beautiful?"
The answer came, "So you would look at them."
Again the man asked, "Lord why did you make women so lovely?"
The reply came down, "So you would love them."
The man asked one more question. "Lord, why did you make women so dumb?"
The Lord said, "So they would love you."

                                          &

A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
      
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled the women to achieve this reversal of roles? Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines!"

Just though I'd even the score a bit for the boys!

Arnie :-)  :-)

Well you've got no bl**dy chance of that on 'ere mate....

Geoff :)

The top ten things men understand most about women....

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Geoff :)

:D @ Geoff.  Wait til they need a heavy box lifting :)

*sits with eyes popping out like stalks - do I believe what I'm reading ? *

ROTFPML
:D :D :D :D