When they get to that horrible " I know everything and I dont have to listen to you" stage , how do you all handle them ?
Kyle is nearly 17 and somethimes thinks HE'S the parent .
Obviously you cant send him to his room , ground him , stop his pocket money etc so WHAT do you do ? Besides beating him with a big stick and locking him in the cupboard that is :D
( and thats a joke for anyone without a sense of humour who may be lurking on the Board) :rolleyes:

I grounded my 17 year-old for a fortnight a few months ago. And he accepted it because he admitted he'd been 'well out of order'. It was the second time in his life he'd been grounded ...

I think it'll have to be the big stick and cupboard next time though ... plus hiding the car keys ... ;) :D

When hes grounded he just "winds" his younger brother up :rolleyes:
o to have liccle cute kiddies again ;)

Oh, for the days when you could tell them to "Go and sit on the stairs" and that was punishment enough ... sigh!

My mother still does that :(

You make a list of things they WANT to do ...and things they LIKE to do ...then gradually stop them doing the things in increments :D

Melody - Mother of a 29 ,27 ,22 ,13 and 10 year old ;)

aah lesley why didn't we just stick to dogs.if i had had dogs first i would never had had kids.lucy is also nearly 17 and thinks she is about 30!!she is very mature in so may ways but extremely cocky and annoying as well.it's hard disciplining her cos she is 4 inches taller than me and can run much quicker.oh well at least we have the staffy babes gus and candy to adore us...!!

I don't know the answer Lesley, but I do sympathise.  I have a 19yr old who is a foot taller than me.  Apparently I am the mother from hell and the ONLY one who thinks like I do, everyone else's mum is fine!  I don't hold out much help after reading the 'Kipper Free Zone' thread the other day!

I tear my hair out at times, then I think "why should I worry?", then I feel like a crap mother, then I tear my hair out ..... round and round and round, etc.

My 10yr old is an angel at the moment, but I dread the day that changes.

Am not a perfect mother by any means :) Have three basics rules - 1) Whatever they may do out of the house, the rule in this house is that you don't do ...... (ie swearing). 2) I am supporting you (18 year old still at school) and so if I decide to ground you because you are not studying, then that is tough. 3) I don't care what other parents allow their children to do - this is the way that I do it  (friend has had brand new car for 18th birthday - why can't I have one ? )

Have never been swayed much by what other kids are allowed to do, I try to do for my children what I believe is good for them, not what fashion dictates. We have our rows, but I know that my kids respect me even if they don't admit it :D

Daisy

When they get to that age it's really difficult because the sanctions used when they were younger are hard to enforce. eg grounding, loss of pocket money etc. So you have to find something else to hit them where it hurts. eg. "no you are not borrowing my car until you stop...." " why should I iron your shirt for you when you speak to me like that" "I only lend money to people who act like adults" etc. you get the picture.

Also on the rare occasions when they are being rational, take the opportunity to build on your "bond" talk through the parts of their behaviour that are inappropriate, not forgetting to tell them about their good points too.

My kids haven't reached that age yet but am dreading it, I work with teenagers and this is what the text book tells us, whether it works or not depends on the kid, it helps if they are reasonably mature and are able to see things from another's view point- not a thing teenagers are renowned for, but they do eventually come through and turn into humans, usually quite nice ones too. Just hang in there.

Hope I didn't sound too preachy.

I really believe that you just have to follow the rules that you have always had. Always try to have a reasoned argument - it's no good just saying 'it's because I say so' :) It's no good expecting them to suddenly follow rules that you haven't had from day one and you must look at yourself as well - you can't tell your children not to get drunk, if you often drink too much yourself :(

Unfortunately, I can't see any alternative to grounding sometimes :( It is often that spending too much time out with their friends  is the main problem - and the only answer is to ground them.

Once they are paying their way at home and as long as they obey house rules - then they can do as they like :)

Daisy

I know arent they so much easier to deal with .

Lel,

He's well on his way to becoming a man and that aint easy.  His hormones will be all over the place and he'll be trying to act the man even though he still feels like the boy.  Give him a bit of responsibility that you wouldn't normally. 

I went off the rails a bit at his age and my mum and me agreed a list TOGETHER of do's and don't's that we agreed to.  One of my don't's was 'Don't wipe my face with spit when my friends are round'.  Mum's were more serious 'Don't go anywhere without telling her'.  Still, I was happy with my list and she was happy with hers.

Didn't stop me setting the bedroom curtains alight though

I can cope with Gothboys know it all stuff, but then he is only 15. Id be grateful for a male perspective on the Old Bull, Young Bull arguments which break out when my husband has to deal with Gothboy. Do I leave them to sort it out or act as the United Nations Peacekeepers? I always back my husband up in front of kids incidentally.

Well luckily Kyle hasnt started to drink or smoke but he does think I am a walking purse and thinks he can stay out late to whatever time suits him. :(

Hi Lel

I dont know if you ever watch Dr Phil (phsycologist sp?) on Sky but he is great with teenagers and his son has written a book called 'Closing the Gap' which is supposed to work wonders, both you and the teenager read it (if you can get them to read it). I bet you bought a book on how the raise the perfect puppy, try a book on how to raise a perfect teenager (if there is such a thing). : )

I've got 4 kids, two boys aged 22 and 10, and two girls aged 17 and 20. The youngest 3 are fine but the eldest one was the toddler/child/teenager from hell. He used to drive me round the bend. (other people used to sit their naughty kids on the stairs, but that didn't compute with mine. By my definition a child who will sit on the stairs when he's been naughty is an angel!!)
Now he is absolutely delightful and has improved 1000% with age, so my advice is if all else fails try to keep your cool and wait till it gets better.
Good Luck
Jane

I'm afraid I had one rule. "This is my house and while you live here you live by my rules. If you don't like it there's the door." I know, this led to more rules, but they were easy. Just normal rules like: if you come in late DON'T wake me; if I say tea's ready you can eat it in half an hour if you want - but it will be COLD ;)

Crisis here. Gothboy has just been the most unspeakable little torag, disrespectful, disobedient and has lurched out of  the house with his HORRIBLE girlfriend, who smirked the whole time. Hes been told to put her on the bus home and get back in for the night or be locked out all night. Not clever of me but I lost the plot. Its been my day for it. Also had to go to neighbours door over 13 year old girl shouting abuse at me in the street, knocking on my daughters window at night and threatening her. This is all because the little horror gets regularly brought home in a Police car and got Satans Filly into serious trouble earlier this year, so I reluctantly banned the association. Because SF has seen the light and wont go behind my back were getting grief, Im filling in Harassment Forms and the Housing Officer is unconcerned.So now Im in a rage, OH is out and my son is locked out goodness knows where. Oh well done, hen, really clever!

Melodysk, where are you or Eddie or anybody with bitter experience who can advise?

Sorry Harriet but I had to have a little smile at your reply!  You just wait until your children get older!  I too work with teenagers and don't have any trouble with anyone else's children at all.  When it comes to my own, that's a different matter.  My godchildren and a few others waifs and strays regularly come flocking to sanctuary here and I have no difficulties dealing with their traumas, my sons friend even calls me Mum (it's just easier, he says).

My dearest son has just come home from work, walked the dogs, eaten his tea, washed up ALL the tea things, showered and got ready to go out, ASKED for a beer from the fridge, paid me £30 he owed me, kissed and hugged me goodbye telling me he loves me!  Phew!  Some days it goes perfectly!  I can't be all that bad, can I?

Sorry you're having a rough time Lorelei, all I can suggest is that you come over to mine, they'll soon panic when you aren't there!

Lorelei, best thing you can do is sit down with a glass of wine :)  Take it from one who knows after many nights of being near apopleptic with rage over the Offspring Formerly Known as Kipper antics.  When he does reappear, which he will, sit him down and explain to him just what upset his actions are causing you and go back over the ground rules with him.  He will be apologetic and contrite, until the next time, but you will at least get a decent night's sleep if you have calmed down.  Yes, I've spent many a sleepless night too, tossing and turning and nursing my wrath

Hang in there Lorelei, you can do it :)

Lesley

Hi Jackijat, my 2 kids are 11 & 12 but I do have a son of 24 so I'm not a complete novice, that's why I'm dreading my younger ones turning into satan's spawn, I know what's in store. :-) Your lad sounds lovely! today anyway LOL
That's the thing about teenagers, you never know what mood they are going to in from one day to the next, and they call women for being moody! At least we know what week of the month we're going to be off on one. :P

The best advise I can give is NEVER threaten anything that you will not carry out. Teenagers are like Malamutes ..if you give in to them once you have signed your own death warrent because they KNOW they have got you over a barrel. If you threatened to lock him out then you HAVE to do it :D

Banning them from seeing people is a bad thing as it makes that person even more attractive....the best thing is to come to some sort of agreement with them as to when and where they will meet up :)

BIG bottle of wine and watch Jonathan Creek on the telly later on tonight :D :D :D

I know it's no consolation but me and my dad were like that.  He said black, I said white.  If he then said 'Yes, you're right it is white' I'd change my mind and argue it was black.

Sadly, I lost my dad last year but got the chance to become best mates with him before he went.  I was the worst teenager in the family but had the best relationship with him in the end.  So keep telling yourself - he'll grow up someday and these fights are just his way of finding his place in the world.  Bit like a puppy growing up and wondering if it can head the pack.

I have to say, if I'd been mine I'd have drowned me in a bucket!!! :)

Hi Lorelei,

I sympathise as we are STILL going through it with Trollgirl (she was a late starter :rolleyes: )  we found that wherever possible it was better for her to lay her own rules  

eg Q. How late can I stay out??   A. What do you think would be reasonable??    She was lot more reasonable than I expected and  did'nt expect to stay out later than I would have allowed ;)

    Q. Can I stay for an all night party??  A.  Are you POSITIVE that you can trust these people not to do anything dangerous/illegal??
HER answer was no I can't trust these people 100% and she went for only a few hours and then came home earlier than expected as things were getting out of hand :)

These days she can pretty much do as she likes (she now pays board ;) with money from a part time job ) but on the understanding that SHE is responsible for her actions and will take the consequences whether they happen next week or in 9 months time ;) ;)

AND she lets us know if she is going to stay overnight with friends, be late, change plans etc. and she tells us who she's with and where she's going (so we know which hospitals to phone if she's missing :D )

Regards
Dill 

Mel, bring me a Malamute is all I can say! Thanks for all the encouragement folks. The door is now locked with the key in it, SF has been moved upstairs for the night and Silverback ( his Dad) briefed. That means Prodigal Gothboy will have to either arrange to sleep at friends ( highly likely) or beg pardon at the door. Ive found laying ground rules works better with Satan Filly who can be very reasonable, if stubborn and in your face. Boys just seem to blandly assume they can handle whatever or that whatever will not happen to them. Ive walked my little dog who is a gem, got the Archers out and feel a lot better. Hey the worst that can happen is the little toad calls the police to let him in and I tell my dear Community Policeman to lock him up! :D

I feel ill reading this thread....think I need a lie down or a large drink or both :D

I have a 10yr old and a 7yr old.....I can already 'see' flashes of the teenage version of the 10yr old........

No you can't ....NOTHING you can imagine is as bad as the reality :p :p :D :D

*gulp*

Gothboy returned to the house last night and broke in by pushing the key out of the lock with a stick. So being a psychopath myself, I pounced on him at 6am got him up and told him he could either apologise for his apalling behaviour, do his chores and live at home, or be dropped off at the alternative residence of his choice. I was so angry he had no doubt of its being carried out and after much selfpity, tears, blame shifting and sidetracking has knuckled down. It will be some time before he gets into my good books again though. Anyone want a young male, semi housetrained, lovable but stubborn and would best suit an experienced handler?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Good for you for sticking to your guns though :) He may think twice before questioning your authority again ;)

Actually I am double dreading Josh who is now 11 getting to that age as he is really strong willed anyway :(
Help - why didnt I just stick to dogs ??? ;)

Good for you Lorelei :D one day he will thank you ..........but not yet :rolleyes:

And thank you for telling us about it - Its comforting to know that my psychotic episodes are apparently normal :) I feel better now (I was a little worried at times since "everyone elses parents allowed their teens to do as they pleased" )

Regards
Dill

Lmao Dill...you've got it totally right there I think!

I'm 26 and moved out of mum and dads when I was 20.  I now live in Wales, and Mum and Dad are in Birmingham.....I still phone them when I'm going out...just to let them know where I'll be!!  (How sad!!)

Lisa

Joe,

I know exactly what you mean there.  My little brother and my Dad were always arguing over the stupidest things.  Little bro always had to say the opposite of what Dad said.....luckily, my brother has moved out now, and him and Dad have become the best of friends.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad, but it's so nice that you made it up with him.

Take care,

Lisa

    Well I am beginning to think "teenagers" start younger these days, tonight my sister had a disagreement with her youngest daughter...who's 10 and it started over shoes...niece wanted a pair of high heeled, sister refused saying she was too young and they were not suitable...niece told Dad on Friday she could buy them out of her birthday money :) being a soft touch and no idea (he says) the boots weren't suitable he let her. Niece has managed to hide the boots until today when her sister grassed her up because she ate her kiwi fruit ;) sisters eh!
    Well niece is dead stubborn always has been and so is her mom my sister, hey have disagreeded for year now and she is only 10 :D ANYWAY after an hour of arguing sister said "If you can find somewhere better to live go there"
    So she  phoned me, on her mobile!!! and asked me to come and get her (not explaining why!) then sister phoned me and told me to come and get her (explaining why) short tempers all round I think. I got there and niece sitting on the stairs with her bag packed. We got to the car and I explained MY house rules that she MUST abide by at all times..
1. No TV after 4.00pm weekdays 2.No music played after 4.00pm weekdays I only got to rule 2 when she said "Auntie Kal, I think I'll stay with Mom and Dad" got out the car and went back home.
Almost drove away when sister came out and said if those were the rules she'd come :)

Little sisters nothing changes...always  bailing them out ;)

Karen