A newly wed couple are in a hotel, and set off for bed after the long days ceremony. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.

Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

:D :D :D  What you doing up so late/early???

lol i wondered if you were still up!!
Hubby is on his way home from work and i said i'd wait up *groan* no school tomorrow so may as well.
Gotta do the wifey duty sometime you know ;)

Here have another joke!

A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mom.

"Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married, so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.

The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you doing?!" he asked.

His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.

The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator sitting next to him, watching the football game.

"For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried. The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching the game with my son-in-law!"

:D :D :D 

  :D  :D  :D

I feel like a bat!!! Up most of the night, then shattered tomorrow, at least  my furbabies let me have a lie-in! :D  :D  It's pretty quiet tonight, looks like it's you and me keeping the CD's flag flying :)

Well he's just phoned and he's home in 20mins and you know what he said "put the kettle on"?? I mean as if! :D

Typical!!!

Hell last one he's here:

A man is trying to impress a woman by making her think he's really intelligent.
Man: I like waking early in the morning.
Woman: Are you sure you haven't missed an "n" out of that sentence?

Nighty night Liberty!! :D

:D  :D :D
Sleep well, night, night :)

wow i must have been bored last night!! Anyone for tonight's shift? ;)

Life with men is like a pack of cards.

You need a HEART to love him,

a DIAMOND to marry  him

a CLUB to smash his fricking head in

and a SPADE to bury the fe cker!