My daughter age 11 hasn't spoken to me all weekend because i refused to let her sleep at her friends.
She has only known this friend since starting the new senior school in September, I have spoken to the mum a few times but to be honest (arghhhh this sounds awful) she has had a few blokes and the one she is with now she has only known a few weeks and he practically lives there.
Am i right in being a bit cautious or am i being overbearing like my daughter thinks?
She hasn't slept out before because the opportunity has never come up, so this ones a new one on me.

Sarah

your right to be a bit cautious (sp) about it all, why dont you suggest to your daughter that her and her friend have a sleep over at yours?
:)

i dont have kids but i think be cautious, dosent sound ideal does it? im 28 now i was going to sleep overs from age of 9, but times have changed now havent they?

I say,  well done for thinking about your daughters safety and putting your foot down . :)  You don't know this bloke (and the Mum can't really know him properly yet) and what he may be capable of.  Your daughter may understand your concerns when she's calmed down a bit.

I know it's a bit different with boys but I've had some dreadful arguements with my younger son (15) as he's always pushing to the limit but usually he sees sense when he knows there's a good reason for caution. He's even come to me on occasion, given me a hug (don't tell him I told you that :D )  said sorry and told me he didn't want to go anyway!! :)

Kath. xx

Edited to say, I think kids usually feel happier in general if they live within boundaries. I'm sure it makes them feel more secure even if they don't always appreciate it :)

I think you have absolutely done the right thing! My daughter is 10 and has been on sleepovers but I have also had to say "no" a few times. Once was in a home where there were no smoke alarms and once was with a child who is allowed much more freedom than I allow my daughter yet. It didn't make me very popular with my daughter or her friends (and I upset 1 parent - oops!) but at least my daughter is safe.

I think you have done the right thing - you've followed your instinct and I don't often think maternal instinct is wrong!

Suggest that the other girl has a sleepover with your daughter - make it such fun & then there won't be any talk of sleepovers at the other house.

I always encouraged my 4 to bring their friends back home - even if I ended up as a glorified taxidriver, ferrying everyone around.  If, like me, you are a "nosy mum" it's surprising what you learn by just listening to what they are discussing without even joining in.

Your daughter may "hate" you for not allowing her to stay with a friend - but you are responsible for her health and wellbeing after all.

Good luck - it gets worse

Margot

If she's into that sort of thing - why not suggest she and her friend join a local Guide company? Or even Scouts - they are co-ed too (although that might be a bit scarey for a 'girly' girl).....

Just picked her up and she's still quite sullen but i've agreed the friend can come over for tea and a video on Friday night then i'll take her home.
I've saw this 'new' bloke and he seems genuine enough but you just don't know do you! Im standing by my decision and she'll just have to lump it but i can forsee troubled times ahead now.
Digger she is one of the top under 13's girls athletes for the north-west so she has training every other night and she's always going off on trips away with them so it's not like she doesn't get the opportunities because she does (at considerable costs too).
Have we hit the tweenage years now? :D

My daughters the same... I dont think they see danger do they? My daughter is 13 and she once wanted to stay at her friends.. I really didnt want her to go as her friends mom is not my cuppa tea and lets her daughter wear and do what she likes! Anyway i gave my daughter the benefit of the doubt and let her sleep over.
To cut a long story short, i was called out at 2am to salvage my daughter from a complete madhouse. The ex-bf of the mother went round drunk and smashed the mothers windows etc... MY DAUGHTER was THERE!! :(
Hence no more sleepovers for chanelle!!!!

Donna and charliex

Don't let her sleepover anywhere until she's at least 30.  It's the only way to be safe.  Even then - it's best to follow her!  :)

Hmmm me thinks joe is an over-protective father ;)

Not me!  Over protective uncle maybe.  Unless anyone out there knows differently :D Just know there are a lot of men about who aren't as gentlemanly as moi :)

If it was up to my husband joe my girls would be chained to the bed posts :D

Then I suggest you listen to your husband young lady.  It is not safe out there.  NOT SAFE. 

Saying that it's better than Austrailia.  Brits only have to step outside there and you're on the news.  At least your shoe is on the side of the road.

Don't let them out of your sight and don't take them to Austrailia. 

Should be pretty safe then.  As long as they don't eat the yellow snow :D

Mind you if I listened to my husband i'd be chained up to the bed posts ;)

Now that's a little TOO MUCH information :D

lol :p sorry!

Ooh, How rude :D :D

I don't know WHAT sort of people I'm mixing with! :D

I would go with your maternal instinct,let her friends sleep over your house where you can keep an eye on them :D
I also have an 11year old daughter,they think they know everything dont they :rolleyes: My daughter is absolutely boy crazy at the moment,which gives me even more cause to watch her every move :p She will thank you when she is older,i know thats not much consolation now tho,stick to your guns.

JOE what on earth are you talking about????I live in Adelaide,Australia and your post has really confused me,can you please explain what you mean??? Oh and by the way it is spelt A-U-S-T-R-A-L-I-A

christine(proud to be an aussie)

Christine,

Apologies for my incorrect spelling of your wonderful Country.  That's why I live in the UK - it's easier to spell!!  There was no offence intended and if you read any of my other postings you'll probably realise I'm a bit of a joker.

My mates and I have a bit of a standing joke that backpackers (of the UK variety) tend to die with worrying frequency whilst travelling in Australia.  Now, this joke has arisen from a myriad of news reports about - surprise, surprise - dead uk backpackers.

It was meant as a joke and I'm sorry if I offended you and your fellow Countrymen.  I have been to Australia and was not killed once.  Mind, I had a near miss in Austrailia!! 

Donna,

I'm 26 now, but I can remember exactly the way I was when I was 13...and you're right....they don't see danger. 
They're teenagers, and all they can think about is their friends, and lads. (Well, I know I did!!)

For the original poster, I think you've done exactly the right thing.
At the end of the day, your daughter is most important, and you're keeping her safe.  She won't understand that now....I didn't when I was her age, but I certainly appreciate now the way my parents looked out for me.
And I'm sure you're daughter will too.

Apparently (well according to Mom) I caused her and Dad a hell of a lot of grief....and yet when they talk to other parents, It turned out I wasn't as bad as their kids were.  Maybe it's because Mum and Dad stuck to their guns, and didn't let me do exactly as I wanted.
I know now, at 26, that they did the right things...and I think you are too.

Don't worry too much if she doesn't talk to you for a day or two, we all go through that anti-parent stage, and we all come through it in the end...We really do realise that our parents have been through it all....and they're right!!

You really are doing the right thing.

Take care,

Lisa

i agree why not say if she wants she can sleep over your house. My daughter had her first sleepover for her 9th birthday but that was at my house aaaahhhhh5 girls in on room wow late night or what then off to the zoo the next day mcdonalds and a walk then back fome all turned out great apart from them being a bit tired.

Cordelia

Lisa/safftash

Indeed friends and boys is all her life revolves around! Its a tricky age and as she keeps telling me '' im not a girl but not yet a woman'  (lol good ole britney :D)
I guess the best is yet to come :O

Donna and charliex

Oh Donna nooo lmao